What happened to my "FRIENDS"...just a rant

JlWhite14 · April 2014

Since I become pregnant my friend have disapeard. I went not to dinner one time in the whole 7months I've been pregnant. I always see pictures of my supposed to be best friend out to lunch, dinner, breakfast, or just hanging out posted to Facebook and I never get an invite or anything. Actually if I don't text or call I would hear from her( and sometimes when I text I still recieve a respond).

So yesterday I posted to Facebook " with pregnancy comes the lost of friends"... Then she text me to ask if I was talking about her. Then had the nerve to blame me for us not speaking saying that I seem like I didn't want to be bothered and I'm only acting this way because I'm pregnant.

It really hurts my feelings and I don't understand why my best friends would abandon me when I need them the most.

ElTrain5 · April 2014

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?

nunzchucks · April 2014

I mean, you can invite people out to do stuff, too, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself.

ETA: Posting passive/aggressive vague messages on Facebook is pretty childish IMO.

JlWhite14 · April 2014

LilNunz1 said:
I mean, you can invite people out to do stuff, too, instead of just feeling sorry for yourself.

I do invites all the time I don't get a respond. It's not about feeling sorry for myself it's more like not having the people Ive talked to on the regular be there for me when I need them.

JlWhite14 · April 2014

ElTrain5 said:
Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?

Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

flerlgirl · April 2014

The thing is that pregnancy and children changes you and sometimes changes your relationships. It can suck but them's the breaks. I also think the vaguebooking is silly because what did it solve? If you are really constantly inviting your friends out and they keep saying no/going out without you, it's either a) you have changed without realizing it or b) your friends suck.

stephpaez · April 2014

Did you post this to ask for advise/help or to get pity because it seems like you are bothered by the responses you have gotten.

Instead of sending messages or invites or whatever, why not pick up the phone and call if you feel you are being singled out. Ask the question head on! It bothered you enough to post about it, so it should be addressed to your friend.

nunzchucks · April 2014

JlWhite14 said:

ElTrain5 said:
Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

Why broadcast an issue with one friend on social media? Be an adult and talk to her face to face.

flerlgirl · April 2014

LilNunz1 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???
Why broadcast an issue with one friend on social media? Be an adult and talk to her face to face.

There are some mods on this board... not all, just one... who don't understand me and I feel like they don't want to be my friend anymore. Not saying who so don't ask me... I guess your the kind of mod who is okay with having pictures of babies in your avatar. Sigh.

ElTrain5 · April 2014

flerlgirl said:

LilNunz1 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???
Why broadcast an issue with one friend on social media? Be an adult and talk to her face to face.
There are some mods on this board... not all, just one... who don't understand me and I feel like they don't want to be my friend anymore. Not saying who so don't ask me... I guess your the kind of mod who is okay with having pictures of babies in your avatar. Sigh.

OMG its totally me isnt' it???? wait...I'm not a mod....but it could still be me right? Ugh, I'll bet it's me....dammit.

There are some ppl who post messages about "mods" even though we know they are really just covering up for saying things about non-mods, because, it's obviously not about a mod, who really make me feel like...feelings and things.

Wait...this is missing something....oh yeah, this:

JlWhite14 · April 2014

lyracelesti said:

JlWhite14 said:

ElTrain5 said:
Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

You didn't really tell the truth, tho. You complained vaguely in a status update. Telling the truth would be saying directly to your friend "Hey, it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Is there something going on? How can we fix this, because I miss you."

If you have said that and not gotten a response, I would shelve the friendship for now. Who knows? Maybe she has her own struggles. I know that when I was going through IVF for 3 years, I withdrew a little bit from my friends who were pregnant and had babies.

But if you _haven't_ said that, and also you post passive aggressive status updates and overuse question marks and say that you're just speaking the truth, maybe the reason the friendship is on the rocks has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Lol really??? My my friendship ends because of my use of questions marks or what I post on Facebook...it is the truth because that's what happened. How many times am I supposed to try to figure out what the problem is or why is it ok for a person that to you're use to talking just stop all communication and it turns out it's my fault? I text hey let go out to eat lets go do this or that and never receive a respond it's my fault for us not talking. I guess people don't understand a situation until you're the one that's actually in it or you're the one being treated like shit... But yeah ok!!!

flerlgirl · April 2014

JlWhite14 said:

JlWhite14 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

You didn't really tell the truth, tho. You complained vaguely in a status update. Telling the truth would be saying directly to your friend "Hey, it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Is there something going on? How can we fix this, because I miss you."

If you have said that and not gotten a response, I would shelve the friendship for now. Who knows? Maybe she has her own struggles. I know that when I was going through IVF for 3 years, I withdrew a little bit from my friends who were pregnant and had babies.

But if you _haven't_ said that, and also you post passive aggressive status updates and overuse question marks and say that you're just speaking the truth, maybe the reason the friendship is on the rocks has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Lol really??? My my friendship ends because of my use of questions marks or what I post on Facebook...it is the truth because that's what happened. How many times am I supposed to try to figure out what the problem is or why is it ok for a person that to you're use to talking just stop all communication and it turns out it's my fault? I text hey let go out to eat lets go do this or that and never receive a respond it's my fault for us not talking. I guess people don't understand a situation until you're the one that's actually in it or you're the one being treated like shit... But yeah ok!!!

Calm thyself

k2k2tog · April 2014

It's already done, so it's not like you can take it back, but really, Facebook is not an appropriate place to complain about your friends. Are you surprised by her response? Assuming you're Facebook friends with her, you knew she would see it, so why not approach her directly?

Call her up and invite her out for dinner or something to talk things over - if she wants to after your FB status. An apology can go a long way, and can open the doors to talking about your frustrations with feeling like you're losing her as a friend. If she is a true friend, she'll open up and talk about her own frustrations with you and that simple act of communication can go a long way toward keeping and mending your friendship.

flerlgirl · April 2014

ElTrain5 said:

flerlgirl said:

LilNunz1 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???
Why broadcast an issue with one friend on social media? Be an adult and talk to her face to face.
There are some mods on this board... not all, just one... who don't understand me and I feel like they don't want to be my friend anymore. Not saying who so don't ask me... I guess your the kind of mod who is okay with having pictures of babies in your avatar. Sigh.

OMG its totally me isnt' it???? wait...I'm not a mod....but it could still be me right? Ugh, I'll bet it's me....dammit.

There are some ppl who post messages about "mods" even though we know they are really just covering up for saying things about non-mods, because, it's obviously not about a mod, who really make me feel like...feelings and things.

Wait...this is missing something....oh yeah, this:

Wait, now are you talking about me? omg. omgomgomg. I guess there are some people who will talk about some people who will talk about mods and not have the guts to say it to their face. lol smh #guessyouarentthetrainithoughtyouwere

ElTrain5 · April 2014

Have you tried posting an inspirational quote about friendship? I hear that is much more effective. try this one:

nunzchucks · April 2014

@flerlgirl

Susanrush13 · April 2014

I agree with the above. Talk to your friends directly, not to a bunch of strangers. It may clear some things up but be prepared that you may not get the responSE that you want.

katiebartton · April 2014

I feel pretty lonely/isolated these days but I say something directly to my friends... Although when I do I feel myself sounding like a whiney little B. So ehh what can you do.

flerlgirl · April 2014

LilNunz1 said:

@flerlgirl

@lilnunz1

MSUMands · April 2014

If you've extended an invitation her way several times and she's said no or ignored you, I think you have your answer. You can't hold a gun to her head and make her be friends. We've all been there. I'm not sure what your ??? is?

AandJ28 · April 2014

I'm thinking that it's not the invite that the friend is ignoring but rather she is completely confused by what you are saying / asking. Perhaps you need to take some time and re-read your texts / posts as it seems language and grammar are not strong points for you.

Mztwilson · April 2014

I'm not a therapist or anything but bitching to a group of strangers probably won't help your cause. That's just common sense.

FutureMrsW9 · April 2014

Unfortunately, I think this is a pretty common occurrence. Did she show support at all when you first announced your pregnancy? If that was lackluster, to me that would be an indication that the friendship isn't what you thought it was. I have a friend who was my attached-at-the-hip best friend in college, and when I announced my pregnancy to her, which she knew was hard for us, she didn't acknowledge it whatsoever and I haven't heard mum from her. All of my other friends, even ones who I'm not (or wasn't) as close with called or texted me with congrats and asking questions. Hence, I think the reaction to the announcement is very telling. That said, I agree with PPs that your way of posting a passive aggressive message on FB probably wasn't the right way to go about getting your message out there. But that aside, if you truly have been reaching out to her and she's either non-responsive or declines your invites, then I think it's time to move on because clearly she has no interest in being there for your during this pivotal time in your life.

erind228 · April 2014

I kind of feel like I am eavesdropping on a conversation that my high school students are having. This seems childish to me. Call your friend and have a conversation with her. Don't Facebook, text or make a billboard. I'm sure you will get a lot more accomplished that way.

rainbowdashh · April 2014

Obviously the answer is you should be encouraging all your friends to get pregnant. Then they will want your advice and they'll want to hang out. Pregnancy pacts are the best.

coffee89 · April 2014

If you can't confront her then it is time to walk away. What part of vague, aggressive internet statements makes you think it is the appropriate way to deal with a relationship problem?

shellbell813 · April 2014

I think our board has gotten too soft. OP... you are ridiculous and thoroughly deserve to be flamed.

Also... proofreading is quite the skill - Click me!

Eta: I found a grammatical error and fixed it.

chickpea912 · April 2014

amoot890 said:

Susanrush13 said:

I agree with the above. Talk to your friends directly, not to a bunch of strangers. It may clear some things up but be prepared that you may not get the responSE that you want.

@susanrush13 Thank you! This would be probably be reason enough for me to avoid someone, along with the half dozen other mistakes in the first post.

Agreed.. thank you, @susanrush13 - I was losing my ever loving mind!

chickpea912 · April 2014

lizardbreath14 said:

You're leaving quite the interesting trail around the Bump, so I can imagine what you're like in real life to your friends. I can see from your March post on the Single Parents board that you have a track record of not knowing how to confront people in real life, like the man that impregnated you. Take it from the previous posters... vague-booking is not going to help you. Also, "just ranting" on the Bump isn't going to help you. (I presume that's what you're doing, since the title of your thread is "What happened to my "FRIENDS"...just a rant".)
The only thing that will help you is talking to people AND also LISTENING to their responses, in return. When I see that someone has started 26 new discussions and only replied 49 times, I don't have a lot of faith that that person knows how to listen in response. I think you just like to hear yourself talk... and my guess is THAT is what went wrong with your friendship... not the baby you're carrying.

JlWhite14
member
March 17 in Single Parents
Do you ladies have any advice about getting the father to sign over his rights on a leagl aspect. I haven't heard from him in 7 months and I'm sick of guessing what to do about the leagal parts. I just don't want to carry this on any longer. Baby will be born soon and I need to figure out a plan.
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izzetoot · April 2014

I'd say quit playing the victim card and do something about your friendship if it means that much to you. Id be pissed if my friend did to me on FB what you did to her, so I am not surprised by her response and you shouldn't be either. If you give bitchiness be prepared to get it back. Did you really think she'd respond with 'OMG, I am so sorry and am a such a horrible friend. What can I do to be your BF again?" Doubtful...

On another note, Im having quite the opposite experience and have actually gained quite a few friends that are also expecting or have kids already. I have more to talk to/relate with them at the moment compared to some of my other friends (who I love dearly) but are more interested in boozing it up at the local bar than whats on sale at Babies R Us. Maybe you should try making new additional friends.

diagonalley · April 2014

JlWhite14 said:

JlWhite14 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

You didn't really tell the truth, tho. You complained vaguely in a status update. Telling the truth would be saying directly to your friend "Hey, it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Is there something going on? How can we fix this, because I miss you."

If you have said that and not gotten a response, I would shelve the friendship for now. Who knows? Maybe she has her own struggles. I know that when I was going through IVF for 3 years, I withdrew a little bit from my friends who were pregnant and had babies.

But if you _haven't_ said that, and also you post passive aggressive status updates and overuse question marks and say that you're just speaking the truth, maybe the reason the friendship is on the rocks has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Lol really??? My my friendship ends because of my use of questions marks or what I post on Facebook...it is the truth because that's what happened. How many times am I supposed to try to figure out what the problem is or why is it ok for a person that to you're use to talking just stop all communication and it turns out it's my fault? I text hey let go out to eat lets go do this or that and never receive a respond it's my fault for us not talking. I guess people don't understand a situation until you're the one that's actually in it or you're the one being treated like shit... But yeah ok!!!

Maybe your friend doesn't like texting or has issues with texting (or interpreting your meaning, as another poster mentioned). How about you CALL her. Then you can tell for sure if she's ignoring you.

celticbiohazard · April 2014

JlWhite14 said:

JlWhite14 said:

Well, posting a passive aggressive comment like that to Facebook probably isn't the best way to bring it up... But have you asked her why she seems to be withdrawing?
Why hide the truth??? I try to talk but don't get a respond...but I'm wrong right???

You didn't really tell the truth, tho. You complained vaguely in a status update. Telling the truth would be saying directly to your friend "Hey, it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Is there something going on? How can we fix this, because I miss you."

If you have said that and not gotten a response, I would shelve the friendship for now. Who knows? Maybe she has her own struggles. I know that when I was going through IVF for 3 years, I withdrew a little bit from my friends who were pregnant and had babies.

But if you _haven't_ said that, and also you post passive aggressive status updates and overuse question marks and say that you're just speaking the truth, maybe the reason the friendship is on the rocks has nothing to do with pregnancy.
Lol really??? My my friendship ends because of my use of questions marks or what I post on Facebook...it is the truth because that's what happened. How many times am I supposed to try to figure out what the problem is or why is it ok for a person that to you're use to talking just stop all communication and it turns out it's my fault? I text hey let go out to eat lets go do this or that and never receive a respond it's my fault for us not talking. I guess people don't understand a situation until you're the one that's actually in it or you're the one being treated like shit... But yeah ok!!!

Wow. If this is the way you treat total strangers who are being kind enough to tell you the truth, compassionate enough to take time out of their day to explain to you where they think things are going wrong, and even open enough to share their own struggles to help you out... can't say it's a total mystery to me why you are struggling with your actual friends. Lol really.

Read247 · April 2014

Welcome to motherhood! Now put on your big girl panties and have an actual conversation with your friend or say goodbye.

flerlgirl · April 2014

I have a friend.

His name is Maurice.

He is a space cowboy.

And he has a mustache.

...

Fine, I made him up.

FINE, I stole him from an episode of Friends. Ironic.

shellbell813 · April 2014

flerlgirl said:
I have a friend.

His name is Maurice.

He is a space cowboy.

And he has a mustache.

...
...
...

Fine, I made him up.

FINE, I stole him from an episode of Friends. Ironic.

I bet he also goes by the Gangster of Love.

ktwils2010 · April 2014

I saw this when she first posted and just shook my head. High five to all you ladies and your responses - excellent advice, appropriate and well deserved snark, and as ever highly entertaining!

Lindsleigh77 · April 2014

some good and real real life advice here OP..... facebook is a real life friendship killer IMO. Just step up and address the issue and then move on. Becoming a parent changes people and changes relationships, it is what it is. I have nothing more to add except some funny gifs so here we go

carry on

katekat8721 · April 2014

I would not want to hang out with you OP. You're rude, passive aggressive, lack personal responsibility and are immature.

I would hang out with Maurice though, if that slore @flerlgirl ever shared him.

flerlgirl · April 2014

@katekat8721 - we can talk terms

katekat8721 · April 2014

flerlgirl said:

@katekat8721 - we can talk terms

Fine. I may or may not have an imaginary friend I could or could not also possibly bring to the negotiations. But I dunno yet. I like to keep it vague. I'll have my people call your people (maybe).

SkyAngelMommy · April 2014

Oh my god, you girls are all so nice with all your helpful advice i dont know why so many people are so unhappy when you answer them with the truth!!! i havent lost any friends at all..theyre all so happy and sweet with me...we still have girls night sometimes and we go for manis and pedis whenever im home from work and around just to keep everything the same! being a friend goes both ways!!!

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