Open your mouth or keep it shut?

LucilleAustero · March 2014

A friend has a child that is approaching 3. The child demonstrates quite a few red flags for ASD, including noticeable speech delay, arm flapping, lack of eye contact, amongst others. Your friend is in some serious denial and refuses to see that there could be an issue here.

Do you say something? If yes, how would you work it.

A little bit more info: I work in the field and I know that I may spot things that other may not, but it is pretty obvious with her son that an evaluation is warranted. My friend is very defensive and anytime milestones are mentioned she says that she believes that most parents lie about their children's abilities. She is not a close friend, just someone I see from time to time, but I do enjoy her company.

I am generally not for opening my mouth about other people's children as long as they are fed, clothed, clean and loved. But, he needs an evaluation.

FalconCrest · March 2014

That's a tough one. I probably wouldn't say anything, but I hate confrontation more than anything. If he is showing the signs that you have noticed and if he is behind on his milestones, I'm sure his ped will catch it.

ASmallWonder · March 2014

Honestly, if you know she has a pediatrician for him, I'd keep your mouth shut because the doctor is probably seeing the same things. She is likely aware and you pointing it out isn't going to make her more open to hearing about it.

myskyegirl · March 2014

Do you have a mutual or are you also friends with any of her family members? Someone that might have a better chance of speaking to her about her son?

LaurelBee · March 2014

I would butt out, but if you feel compelled I would wait for her to mention failed milestones. Then say "Hey, so-and-so is amazing. If you're interested in getting your kid evaluated, she's the best. Here's her #." Beyond that, I wouldn't say anything directly about it.

Dd is behind in gross motor. It makes me ragey when people point it out. Yeah, I know she's behind and we're dealing with it w/o you butting in. Kthanks. Also, it makes me sad for Dd bc I feel like people are so caught up with the fact that she's not walking that they are missing out on what a beautiful baby she is.

MrsT0514 · March 2014

Yeah, if you arent close with her, I definitely wouldn't say anything about it. Chances are her pedi will see what you're seeing and recommend an eval if he/she hadn't already.

Plus as others have mentioned, you just dont know what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe she's already undergone the eval process or is in the midst of doing so. If thats the case, pointing these things out isn't going to be productive, it'll probably just piss her off.

jorkz821 · March 2014

Team MYOB. Especially since it's more of an acquaintance.

LucilleAustero · March 2014

@prncebride, no friends or family in common. She is a friend that I met through a local mommies group.

I hate to make this decision, but you guys are right.

Pips09 · March 2014

I would not say anything.

jesuisfatiguee · March 2014

And another vote for MYOB. While getting an evaluation for her kid might be beneficial, she is not endagering anyone by not having the eval done. And like PP said, if she's in denial, saying something about it is unlikely to help.

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Open your mouth or keep it shut?

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