Nagging

bumpuser5078523 · March 2014

I need some suggestions. H and I got into an argument last night because he doesn't pick up after himself. He isn't a dirty person, but he always leaves stuff on the living room floor that I have to pick up in a hurry in the morning before Logan gets into it. (Empty cans, water glasses, wrappers, etc.) I nicely asked him to pick up the living room before he went to bed and he only picked up part of it. So I had to ask him to pick up the rest and he freaked out. He threw the cans on the floor and stormed off to bed like a five year old.

I am not perfect. I am more messy than him. But I clean up my mess. I know this is a minor issue in marriage and it could be so much worse. I am just so overwhelmed with getting housework and clutter caught up now that I'm feeling better. I clean up after myself and Logan all day. I don't need to clean up after him too. I feel like I'm cleaning the same things over and over again and can never make it to my extra stuff.

Sorry I got rambly. My question is, how can I get him to do something without nagging? Right now my options are 1) Do it myself, 2) Ask him once to do it, wait for days and eventually do it myself, 3) Don't ask at all, eventually do it myself, or 4) Nag him until he does it himself.

I flat out asked him what I'm supposed to do. He said he didn't know. I told him I hate to nag, but I don't feel it's fair I have to do whatever he didn't do, on top of all I'm doing already. And I told him I wished he would just do it on his own without being asked.

Suggestions? Please.

Kate_C · March 2014

Another option: throw the shit at him that he fails to pick up himself?

I'm sorry. That sounds very frustrating; but also pretty typical. My husband even does the throw things tantrum when he's mad. It drives me nuts and we have had several conversations about how he is not a child and therefore should not act like one. I have no good advice for you. - just commiseration.

CanukMam · March 2014

I would get a big bin and throw all his shit in there that he doesn't clean up. He can sort through it himself...not helpful and will probably escalate the situation but it doesn't sound fair to you

MKC12/22/2006 · March 2014

My H was horrible about picking up after himself when we first moved in together. He left a trail of clothes from the door to his closet every day! I tried many things and got very frustrated. The discussion that finally worked was when he understood that when he didn't pick it up, it made me feel like he thought it was my job to pick up after him. He still isn't a neat person, but it's gotten much better since then.

shadysladyWed98470 · March 2014

My guy does the same thing but is slowly getting better. When he leaves his stuff out I put it all in one pile on the dining room table where he keeps his car keys and cell phone. Yes it takes effort for me to pick it up and a few more steps and I could have it in the trash. But when he sees it piled up near his own stuff he realizes how annoying it is. I also got sick of asking and this didn't solve it completely but he has gotten a little better. Good luck I know it's an uphill battle

bumpuser5078523 · March 2014

Thanks for the responses so far.

I'm hoping to see an improvement after our discussion last night. I did the best I could to explain why I was frustrated and upset.

He is frustrated because he feels like I jump all over him when he gets home from a long day and ask him to do a bunch of stuff.

It's not just a glass and some cans. It's the jogging stroller he brought in and left in the kitchen instead of putting it on the back porch. (I left it outside because it's heavy and our back porch is full so I need someone to lift it over stuff to get it into its spot and our house is too small, 900 square feet, for it to sit somewhere inside. He was mad because it got snowed on.) It's the junk mail he left on the living room floor for over a week after saying he would clean it up in a minute. I ended up throwing it all away. Hope nothing was important. It's the random shit I need his help with, but he's too tired and just wants to relax. So it piles up. It's the boxes he doesn't take out on trash day that pile up and other random stuff that needs to go out.

bumpuser5078523 · March 2014

I also decided this morning that I'm only going to clean the kitchen and living room once a day, at night after Logan goes to bed. I'm, literally, in the kitchen for at least two hours a day cooking and cleaning. I might go crazy.

skidderdo · March 2014

That's not nagging... it's just... being a parent?! There should just be an understanding, a "house rule" that certain baby zones are cleaned up each night before bed. Men... honestly... how is this hard?!

tondraluv · March 2014

CanukMam said:

I would get a big bin and throw all his shit in there that he doesn't clean up. He can sort through it himself...not helpful and will probably escalate the situation but it doesn't sound fair to you

I am a huge nagger and I've had to do this to my husbands crap in the room. He doesn't listen when I ask him nicely so he leaves me no choice. Plus it forces him to clean up when he's looking for something he needs.

MsAmeera25 · March 2014

Put it all on his side of the bed every day until he gets it

JSS1002 · March 2014

Clothes on the floor is one thing... Cans and glasses on the living room floor? Wtf?! I can't even imagine how / why that would happen.

I like the idea of putting it all in a bin. But it is ridiculous that you have to even do that.

Our endless issue is dishes in the sink - drives me nuts. Why not just put them in the dishwasher?! However I decided it was one of those "pick your battles" things so I just deal with it.

woohoo02 · March 2014

I was going to say ... the baby's safety is more important than how tired he is after coming home from work. If he'd put it away when he was done, then this would be a non-issue. Sure, we're all guilty of leaving stuff lying around every once in a while, but you don't want LO to get hurt to prove a point, you know?

I'm glad y'all had a talk. Hopefully it helps him to realize it's more a safety issue than a nagging one.

minerswife17 · March 2014

MsAmeera25 said:

Put it all on his side of the bed every day until he gets it

Exactly what I was going to say! But make sure you out all of it under the sheet!

burneyonboard · March 2014

doeie04 said:
I also decided this morning that I'm only going to clean the kitchen and living room once a day, at night after Logan goes to bed. I'm, literally, in the kitchen for at least two hours a day cooking and cleaning. I might go crazy.

I usually straighten up during the day but do one big clean once the kids are in bed. If not I drive myself crazy trying to constantly clean behind three messy ppl.

I see nothing wrong with nagging. It's not your job to clean up after him. If all else fails I agree with throw his stuff at him or away.

bumpuser5078523 · March 2014

So far tonight he's been better.

To make matters worse, I have company coming over and just found out they will be here tomorrow instead of Thursday.

There is no way I can get my stuff done by then. Oh well. I'll just prioritize and hope for the best.

megandscott07 · March 2014

My husband is OCD like PP so I have the opposite problem, I am harassed for the junk drawer being 'too messy' and my dishes are washed before I'm even done eating...ugh. However I do have to nag my husband to help me with things like babyproofing...I start out asking nicely and after 3 months of asking I get a little annoyed...then he whines that I'm 'yelling at him.' Men...they are so annoying!!

Want a personalized experience?

Nagging

Re: Nagging

Choose Another Board

Search Boards