How to Prevent a Particular Person From Holding My Bundle of Joy...

MartinShuck003 · March 2014

At 36 weeks pregnant, through this entire pregnancy, which has been a rough one might I add, a 'friend' of mine has been nothing but petty and spiteful. (I use friend in the loosest term possible). This was the woman whom I had a close friendship with in the past three years. She stood up with her husband at my wedding and watched my now husband and I make our vows to each other and God.

This previous August, I discovered I was pregnant and was flat out stunned by it. (I mean how stunned can a person be using the NFP method, but still, nothing prepares you for when that stick turns into a positive mark!) When my husband and I went to tell her the news, she seemed to instantly know and refused to see us. She then proceded to throw the biggest tantrum in the world and was screaming, angry and throwing things left and right (her husband let that info slip to mine later on).

Since then she has taken every opportunity to take a crack at me being pregnant behind my back to other people.

Recently her husband and mine sat down for drinks and hashed out "our girls" problems and the short of it is that she is no longer angry and me (how kind) and that I should apologize for my stubbornness while she apologizes for her behavior these past nine months - so that she's not the only one apologizing... *blink, blink, blink* Excuse me????

And if that weren't enough, I'm to allow her to hold my baby (once he is born)???? Are you men out of your effing minds?!?!?! You want me to hand my child, my pure and innocent baby, over to a poisonous witch who will leave her dark aura to cling onto my son like a tar??? A child that I had to fight for to keep a alive and starve for 17 weeks and end up in the hospital for three rounds of dehydration and one count of preterm labor???

So my question ladies, is how do I prevent the witch from holding my child without starting a war I personally have no interest in fighting. It might help to know that both of our husbands work together, hence why I am kindly attempting to fix this problem with causing drama.

Mizoo · March 2014

I feel like there is probably more to this story, but going off of what you have written it sounds like it's time to cut ties with her! You don't have to pretend to like her just because your husbands are friends. I get that it's nice to be able to do things as couples, but it's not the end of the world if the hubbies have to hang out just the two of them.

It sounds pretty clear that you don't like her, so just don't invite her to see you. If you're worried about her tagging along with her husband, just make it clear that after how she acted during your pregnancy you have no desire for her to be a part of your life.

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

Um, I really think you are over reacting & being unnecessarily dramatic. So the lady holds your kid for 15 minutes? Take the opportunity to pee, eat & chill for a sec while she holds him. It won't cause your kid any damage. The baby won't even remember it.

Chill.

Jags8 · March 2014

You sound over dramatic. But in any case, just don't hang out with her. And if you have to, wear baby in a wrap so that it's not as easy as just handing him over.

ncbelle · March 2014

And you still have contact with this person because…

Seriously, if she is that toxic to her, just don't be around her. Pretty simple! And I agree that you may want to tone down the drama for your own sanity

owlcup · March 2014

Tell your husband she's a toxic tar witch and you don't want to be friends with her anymore.

The end.

RebeccaY1 · March 2014

I don't really understand why you are still in contact with this person. I think you're being a little overdramatic about it, but if you are having this many problems then why keep in contact?

rainydayluck · March 2014

You're weird. Also, why in the heck are you still "friends" or having any contact with this person? Cut ties! I dumped a toxic friend and don't have any contact with her. DH and her husband still hang out occasionally, but they sure don't spend their time trying to "fix" anything. How weird that the husbands in your situation do that.

MartinShuck003 · March 2014

Sorry - I guess looking at that statement from a bystander's POV, it does seem extremely dramatic.

I mean it in terms of energy and souls. Every person has their own aura and coming in contact with negative ones leaves a residual trace amount that can be equated to something like tar. It clings to purer auras and attempts to feed. Think of Old Country 'bad ju-ju' or 'evil eye'.

MartinShuck003 · March 2014

I married into a small town old family. There's no escaping her unless we quite literally move. At this junction in my immediate family's life we aren't there yet. Believe me, first chance we get we are leaving, but until then, I'd prefer not having a constant high school 'mean girls' encounter.

Disneygeek77 · March 2014

I'm from an small town too and yes you can escape her. Ignore her and if you see her out in the store, ignore her. If you see her at church, ignore her. If you are driving down the street and she pulls up next to you at a red light, ignore her. It is that simple.

Disneygeek77 · March 2014

I'm from an small town too and yes you can escape her. Ignore her and if you see her out in the store, ignore her. If you see her at church, ignore her. If you are driving down the street and she pulls up next to you at a red light, ignore her. It is that simple.

ohwhynot85 · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:

At 36 weeks pregnant, through this entire pregnancy, which has been a rough one might I add, a 'friend' of mine has been nothing but petty and spiteful. (I use friend in the loosest term possible). This was the woman whom I had a close friendship with in the past three years. She stood up with her husband at my wedding and watched my now husband and I make our vows to each other and God. This previous August, I discovered I was pregnant and was flat out stunned by it. (I mean how stunned can a person be using the NFP method, but still, nothing prepares you for when that stick turns into a positive mark!) When my husband and I went to tell her the news, she seemed to instantly know and refused to see us. She then proceded to throw the biggest tantrum in the world and was screaming, angry and throwing things left and right (her husband let that info slip to mine later on). Since then she has taken every opportunity to take a crack at me being pregnant behind my back to other people. Recently her husband and mine sat down for drinks and hashed out "our girls" problems and the short of it is that she is no longer angry and me (how kind) and that I should apologize for my stubbornness while she apologizes for her behavior these past nine months - so that she's not the only one apologizing... *blink, blink, blink* Excuse me???? And if that weren't enough, I'm to allow her to hold my baby (once he is born)???? Are you men out of your effing minds?!?!?! You want me to hand my child, my pure and innocent baby, over to a poisonous witch who will leave her dark aura to cling onto my son like a tar??? A child that I had to fight for to keep a alive and starve for 17 weeks and end up in the hospital for three rounds of dehydration and one count of preterm labor??? So my question ladies, is how do I prevent the witch from holding my child without starting a war I personally have no interest in fighting. It might help to know that both of our husbands work together, hence why I am kindly attempting to fix this problem with causing drama.

a restraining order? what details are you leaving out?

YTLCNURSE · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:

At 36 weeks pregnant, through this entire pregnancy, which has been a rough one might I add, a 'friend' of mine has been nothing but petty and spiteful. (I use friend in the loosest term possible). This was the woman whom I had a close friendship with in the past three years. She stood up with her husband at my wedding and watched my now husband and I make our vows to each other and God. This previous August, I discovered I was pregnant and was flat out stunned by it. (I mean how stunned can a person be using the NFP method, but still, nothing prepares you for when that stick turns into a positive mark!) When my husband and I went to tell her the news, she seemed to instantly know and refused to see us. She then proceded to throw the biggest tantrum in the world and was screaming, angry and throwing things left and right (her husband let that info slip to mine later on). Since then she has taken every opportunity to take a crack at me being pregnant behind my back to other people. Recently her husband and mine sat down for drinks and hashed out "our girls" problems and the short of it is that she is no longer angry and me (how kind) and that I should apologize for my stubbornness while she apologizes for her behavior these past nine months - so that she's not the only one apologizing... *blink, blink, blink* Excuse me???? And if that weren't enough, I'm to allow her to hold my baby (once he is born)???? Are you men out of your effing minds?!?!?! You want me to hand my child, my pure and innocent baby, over to a poisonous witch who will leave her dark aura to cling onto my son like a tar??? A child that I had to fight for to keep a alive and starve for 17 weeks and end up in the hospital for three rounds of dehydration and one count of preterm labor??? So my question ladies, is how do I prevent the witch from holding my child without starting a war I personally have no interest in fighting. It might help to know that both of our husbands work together, hence why I am kindly attempting to fix this problem with causing drama.

Who's making the demands to allow her to hold YOUR BABY? It's you and your husband's baby and if you don't want her holding your baby then don't allow her to. I agree with PPs...there's an easy fix to this...just ignore her and if need be let her know there is no repairing the friendship.

WashingtonQueen · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:
Sorry - I guess looking at that statement from a bystander's POV, it does seem extremely dramatic.

I mean it in terms of energy and souls. Every person has their own aura and coming in contact with negative ones leaves a residual trace amount that can be equated to something like tar. It clings to purer auras and attempts to feed. Think of Old Country 'bad ju-ju' or 'evil eye'.

@-) I think I'm starting to fill in the blanks from the original story....

Justabean3 · March 2014

Maybe she had recently m/c right before you found out. There are some people that go off the deep end with others who get pregnant.

Seems like there is more to this story.

I say either suck it up and let her hold the baby a few minutes or suck it up
And tell her F off

haziedaze · March 2014

JUST.SAY.NO.

Unknown · March 2014

This content has been removed.

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

What's that? The aroma of crazy cakes? Lucky me! Just brewed some coffee! Who wants some? ;;)

yeah. · March 2014

you sound a little unstable. Um...don't invite her around?

softservecity · March 2014

I have a "friend" who sounds similar to yours. She's made my pregnancy miserable quite honestly. I see her every day... Now we are work colleagues and I'm hoping to remedy that problem as well. I agree with others opinions in that the husbands can be friends and y'all don't have to be anything. I've let my situation bring me to tears many times before I finally started to let it go for my own sake. My advice: save your sanity, distance yourself and try to let it go.

awc1986 · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:

Sorry - I guess looking at that statement from a bystander's POV, it does seem extremely dramatic. I mean it in terms of energy and souls. Every person has their own aura and coming in contact with negative ones leaves a residual trace amount that can be equated to something like tar. It clings to purer auras and attempts to feed. Think of Old Country 'bad ju-ju' or 'evil eye'.

Okie dokie then, Marie Laveau!

Seriously though, you clearly don't like this person so just cut ties. Sounds like neither of you will miss one another.

awc1986 · March 2014

softservecity said:

I have a "friend" who sounds similar to yours. She's made my pregnancy miserable quite honestly. I see her every day... Now we are work colleagues and I'm hoping to remedy that problem as well. I agree with others opinions in that the husbands can be friends and y'all don't have to be anything. I've let my situation bring me to tears many times before I finally started to let it go for my own sake. My advice: save your sanity, distance yourself and try to let it go.

Yeeeeaah, not so sure about that one judging by OPs "poetic license".

MaybeKatie10 · March 2014

I'd bet my right pinky finger there is waaaaayyyy more to this story than you're letting on.

Also, OP, you sound like a kook. Keep acting kooky and NO ONE will want to hold your baby. Lest any of that kooky drama aura that you left all over the baby rubs off on them.

Peanutz21 · March 2014

your post makes no sense

are your hormones getting in the way...?

maybe she had personal reasons for being upset. why anyone would get mad AT YOU is beyond me. she probably has deeper issues that you are not aware of

if you don't want her to hold your baby then don't.... it's not that big of a deal.... there are bigger fish to fry in the universe

awc1986 · March 2014

ShellsBells1980 said:
I agree with others about it being YOUR choice who holds your baby, so just say no!

However, I also agree about the possibility of there being more to this than you're letting on, in which case, nobody can really help you, you know, full details and all that jazz??

Also, for those who are belittling the OP about her beliefs.....shame on you!! I'm a heathen, and think let people have their own way in life. I could VERY easily jump on Christianity and Catholicism and put the only 2000 year old religion to shame, but i wouldn't do that because it's a terrible thing to do to someone's strong beliefs, You should aplogise for that at least?

Heathen?

I'm assuming you mean atheist, on account of its not 1645.

And nobody is belittling her beliefs. We are however having a field day with her crazy reasoning and poetic spiels.

And FYI - I frickin love voodoo! I have a voodoo doll over my fireplace. You have been warned.

GermanGirl2007 · March 2014

car seat said:

I'm pretty sure she's Christian, based on her first paragraph.

MartinShuck003 said:

She stood up with her husband at my wedding and watched my now husband and I make our vows to each other and God.

She just sounds fucking crazy and I think there has to be a lot more to this story. 'Dark aura.' LOL

Plenty of people believe in God that aren't Christians.

MartinShuck003 · March 2014

My spiritual beliefs should not have been the main discussion point here. It is sufficient enough to say that I was raised with a odd mix of Roman Catholism and pagan craft. A lot of my elder relatives dabbled more with the dark side of it but I chose to not participate in that and deal with more of the light side - (good energy, protection, prayers, and such). I have a lot of questions and doubts to work through with Catholism - but that is between my priest, God and myself.

The reason I am so passionate about this issue regarding the woman holding my child is because losing my friend was hard on me. She was quite a fantastic person when I met her and we had a very close relationship(which is probably what blinded me to her less than stellar qualities). It was a big slap in the face when she became so negative regarding my pregnancy.

Again, I cannot avoid her. I would prefer a civil relationship when we do see each other, because I'm not going to be a petty bitch and do the silent treatment.

iqwedding3 · March 2014

It seems like it would be difficult to maintain a civil relationship while at the same time denying her, and only her, the right to hold the baby. I suppose you could make up excuses for why noone can hold the baby whenever she's around...

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

ShellsBells1980 said:
I agree with others about it being YOUR choice who holds your baby, so just say no!

However, I also agree about the possibility of there being more to this than you're letting on, in which case, nobody can really help you, you know, full details and all that jazz??

Also, for those who are belittling the OP about her beliefs.....shame on you!! I'm a heathen, and think let people have their own way in life. I could VERY easily jump on Christianity and Catholicism and put the only 2000 year old religion to shame, but i wouldn't do that because it's a terrible thing to do to someone's strong beliefs, You should aplogise for that at least?

Newsflash : it's not her religion that makes her sound insane.

O:-)

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:
My spiritual beliefs should not have been the main discussion point here. It is sufficient enough to say that I was raised with a odd mix of Roman Catholism and pagan craft. A lot of my elder relatives dabbled more with the dark side of it but I chose to not participate in that and deal with more of the light side - (good energy, protection, prayers, and such). I have a lot of questions and doubts to work through with Catholism - but that is between my priest, God and myself.

The reason I am so passionate about this issue regarding the woman holding my child is because losing my friend was hard on me. She was quite a fantastic person when I met her and we had a very close relationship(which is probably what blinded me to her less than stellar qualities). It was a big slap in the face when she became so negative regarding my pregnancy.

Again, I cannot avoid her. I would prefer a civil relationship when we do see each other, because I'm not going to be a petty bitch and do the silent treatment.

1.) re: religion: anything you mention is open for discussion on these boards. Just understand & accept that this is the culture of the bump. Even the stuff that is left out can be brought into it. You post it & it can be picked apart. Don't like it? Don't post sensitive info you don't want to explain or have questioned. I'm not being mean about that. I'm giving you valuable advice.

2.) Have you outright had a frank conversation about any of this? If you can't avoid her then I think it's time to woman-up & clear the air. There could have been a very valid reason for her distance. Ask her, talk it through & get it worked out.

3.) Using your baby as a power ploy to play favorites among friends is petty shit. So if you want to avoid being a petty bitch then don't go that route.

MamaFantastic · March 2014

Tassie06 · March 2014

How about you just stop being friends with her. Life's too short!

solotuyyo0813 · March 2014

she sounds jealous .. she must not have kids of her own .. ow how I wish you would have listed that information .. I wouldn't let her hold my child .. she was only a firend for 3 years tho .. now like shes a sibling or your mother .. so I say just tell her shes not allowed at the hospital or after he is born to see him .. a simple no its your child

solotuyyo0813 · March 2014

MrsSparklebottom said:

solotuyyo0813 said:

she sounds jealous .. she must not have kids of her own .. ow how I wish you would have listed that information .. I wouldn't let her hold my child .. she was only a firend for 3 years tho .. now like shes a sibling or your mother .. so I say just tell her shes not allowed at the hospital or after he is born to see him .. a simple no its your child

Sooo . . . people who don't have kids shouldn't be able to hold my baby because they're too jealous and might steal it or something?

I'm with you on the rest of your thoughts, but her not having kids of her own doesn't have a single thing to do with this.

actually if you think about it her not having kids may be the reason she is jealous not that she shouldn't hold you baby because of it! the reason she acted the way she acted is why she shouldn't have anything to do with her. but my point with that was if she cant have kids or has tried and failed that would explain why she acted the way she did. so you see that has everything to do with it!

MartinShuck003 · March 2014

She has two children already. A nine year old and a five/six year old.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

Take @PrimRoseMama's advice. She is wise.

atmaloney · March 2014

rainydayluck said:

You're weird.

This made me spit coffee on my keyboard. Love it.

allrightmeow · March 2014

MartinShuck003 said:

She has two children already. A nine year old and a five/six year old.

Just say no. No one has the "right" to hold your baby.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

Threads like this are what make the tri boards awesome.

CosMayah · March 2014

If you are consciously aware of the energy of others then you are also aware of the energy you bring into each space. Yes, there are people who feed on negative energy, don't be one of them. Be sovereign. Be grateful, happy and detached. Vampire energy suckers can only feed off the energy you 'allow' to give. There is power in the words "I have no argument with you" and just walk away. Disengage, do not fall for the victim/ victimizer program that runs rampant in the thought process of many individuals. As far as 'holding the baby', without spite "Sorry, but I am not letting anyone hold the baby right now, we are bonding" should suffice, if not, it is her energy she needs to deal with....there is always a choice.

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