PAL Check In

Mrs Nice · March 2014

Welcome to PAL Checkin! This CheckIn is for everyone who is parenting after a loss. If you have an older child or a rainbow baby or both you are welcome to share here.

I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy!

Where are you in your PAL journey?

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

QOTW: Do you think your parenting style would be different if you hadn't had a loss? Why or why not?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

PerkyErky · March 2014

Where are you in your PAL journey?
My rainbow is 19 days old and we also have an older DS who is 5.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?
While we have an older child neither DH or I have ever had a newborn. DH got custody of DS1 when he was 2.5 and my adoption of him was finalized 2 years later. So while we have parented we have never parented a newborn, let alone a newborn and a second child. It is extremely overwhelming right now.

QOTW: Do you think your parenting style would be different if you hadn't had a loss? Why or why not?
No, we were already parenting before our loss so we already knew what our parenting style was.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Alice's 1st angelversary is on Thursday and I am having conflicting feelings about Eli. He obviously wouldn't be here if she hadn't died, but I am so thankful for him and he has helped with the healing so much.

Noethola · March 2014

@perkyerky Congrats on little Eli! Would love to see a picture if you care to share.

Where are you in your PAL journey? Already 1 month down. He grows so much every day.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Just thinking about his sister a lot during night feedings especially.

QOTW: Do you think your parenting style would be different if you hadn't had a loss? Why or why not? I didnt think so. But it is a bit. I was much more willing to share my babies before losing Elsie. Now I just want family time all the time. Just our little family.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Thankful most of the revolving door of visitors has subsided. Still have a few more before we can settle down...and by then i have to go back to work. :-(

PerkyErky · March 2014

@noethola I am always happy to show Eli off

My little munchkin who wasn't so little at birth (9lbs 1oz). He only has a strip of hair down the center of his head. It cracks me up!

OSUWifey09 · March 2014

@perkyerky Congratulations! He's adorable!!

@Noethola I get the family bit. I'm more selfish about sharing the kids with others, too. I wish I could just hole up in the house and keep them with me all the time.

OSUWifey09 · March 2014

Where are you in your PAL journey? Mia is 10 weeks old and growing like a weed. She's giving me smiles and giggles now...I adore her to pieces. Big brother is currently enjoying the last of his spring break with his grandparents; he spent the week with them and loved it.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? I see so much of Devon in Mia that it almost makes my heart hurt. When she's sleeping, she looks JUST like all of the pictures I have of Devon, and it makes me want to cry. I've been struggling mentally the last couple of weeks, but I think a lot of that was anxiety due to going back to work. Now that I'm back at work and feel better about Mia being in daycare, I'm doing better.

QOTW: Do you think your parenting style would be different if you hadn't had a loss? Why or why not? I'm more cautious and apprehensive than I was with DS. I'm afraid that I'm going to be overly protective of Mia, and I have to stop myself from doing that. I had to back off of being overly protective of DS after we lost his little brother, and that took some work.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm really not happy about being back at work, but it's necessary for now. H is days away from deploying, and it's causing a rift in our marriage. I'm a little overwhelmed with all this change and just hope I can hang on until I adjust.

Noethola · March 2014

@osuwifey09 Hang on sweetie. That is really going to take some adjustment.

lrichmond86 · March 2014

Can we all share pictures of our rainbows/sunshine babies? It always makes me so happy to see them! I'll start...First is Aubrey on St. Patrick's day, then playing out in the nice weather this week. Show me those beautiful rainbow/sunshine babies (if you're comfortable of course)!

lrichmond86 · March 2014

PerkyErky said:
@noethola I am always happy to show Eli off

My little munchkin who wasn't so little at birth (9lbs 1oz). He only has a strip of hair down the center of his head. It cracks me up!

I wish I could love this more than once!

PerkyErky · March 2014

Here is one more picture of DS1 and Eli. He is such a good big brother and is always wanting to help.

Noethola · March 2014

@lrichmond86 great idea!

Here he is in his "Little Brother" onesie. I know you all would understand my need for him to wear that.

And here he is passed out after being in the wrap. Love him!

And just cause he is cute. :-)

OSUWifey09 · March 2014

Noethola said:

@osuwifey09 Hang on sweetie. That is really going to take some adjustment.

Well, I also just found out some things that are pretty much about to end my marriage, so the adjustment just got a hundred times worse. I thought I was done with all the bad crap happening in my life. Ugh.

OSUWifey09 · March 2014

And BTW, you guys have ADORABLE babies. I'll post one of my sweet Mia later on.

mingaling2 · March 2014

Where are you in your PAL journey?

My older daughter, Mia, is 4 years old.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

Mia has always spoken openly about losing Coraline, but lately she seems more sad about it when she talks. She comes to me saying she "misses the baby" and looks teary. My heart hurts for her.

QOTW: Do you think your parenting style would be different if you hadn't had a loss? Why or why not?

I feel like I'm more guarded with Mia now. I wasn't so overprotective of her until we lost Coraline. I definitely like keeping to ourselves more and spending a lot of time with just the 3 of us.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Pre-K registration and lotteries.

mingaling2 · March 2014

@PerkyErky Congratulations!

mingaling2 · March 2014

Here's my little sunshine:

PerkyErky · March 2014

@mingaling2 thanks!

mingaling2 · March 2014

@OSUWifey09 I'm sorry to hear that - are you wanting to talk about it? How are you doing today?

OSUWifey09 · March 2014

@mingaling2 - Thanks for checking in. It's hard to actually say out loud what happened because I feel embarrassed and betrayed that this happened to me, but one of these days, I might be able to talk about it without getting mad or sad. I don't know if our marriage can bounce back from this - which makes me mad because we made it through losing a child. I guess I just thought things were better than they were, and they really weren't better. I have six months to dwell on it, because neither of us can start the divorce process while he's deployed. Yay.

Again, thanks for checking in and letting me vent. I don't know where this is going to go, but my birthday's tomorrow [my golden one!], so I'm trying to shove it aside so I can enjoy my day.

Bayberry12 · March 2014

Just sending some positive thoughts to all you very special moms and especially @OSUWifey09 I don't know what you are your husband are going through, but I'm thinking of you.