Kids at baby showers?

MrsRahl · March 2014

So my family brought up a good point to me today that we didn't account for, for my baby shower... people bringing their kids. I'll be honest, I have not been to many baby showers. So what the deal is, I am having a baby shower at a tea house with very fine china. The place seats max 60 people and we invited 65, assuming at least 5 wouldn't come. What we didn't account for was people bringing their kids. Is this typical for a shower to bring all of your little ones with you? Do people expect all their kids are invited as well? I totally am okay with having kids there, I'm just a little nervous now that we won't have enough seating and how fine expensive china and toddlers is going to mix. Also the place is booked and paid for except for food count. And before you ask, we didn't put on the invitation anything about it being a tea party, however most people went to my bridal shower, and it was at the exact same place, so most should know what to expect. Any thoughts on what I should do? Is it rude for my mom to ask people to leave toddlers at home? Which I kind of feel is hypocritical of us to say no kids at a baby shower. Also, a lot of people haven't even bothered to RSVP which has been a nightmare. Ugh, I don't know what to do... thoughts?

rainbowdashh · March 2014

I wouldn't bring my daughter to a shower of any kind. I'm not sure how other people feel, but I also wouldn't be offended if I were asked to keep her at home.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

If your bridal shower was at the same place, like you said many people will know the set up and that it involves expensive china. If their toddler's name wasn't on the invite then no, the toddler shouldn't be coming. But we all know how well that rule gets followed for other events

I don't know if people would assume or not...most showers that I go to are at people's houses and yes, most people bring their kids. Perhaps other people can weigh in on what is expected.

As for the RSVP thing, not your issue to worry about as you are not the hostess.

steprozz · March 2014

I don't expect kids at showers and I wouldn't bring my child to a shower without asking beforehand if I did want to bring him. I wouldn't be offended or upset if I asked and was told no kids.

jacksoha · March 2014

Where I live it is indicated by what you write on the envelope. For my sisters bridal shower we wrote the names of the kids on the invite (next to their moms) who were invited. For my baby shower I decided I didn't want kids there and so we simply put just the woman's name on the invite. I feel like that should get the point across. My mom already had once person comment about how excited they are not to have to bring their kids.

Valie18 · March 2014

Did the invite specify who it was to? If so, it *shouldn't* be a problem. Around here it is not normal, or assumed that you can bring your kids, although an invitation *should* be extended to include the baby if the Mom is still breast feeding IMO.

MrsRahl · March 2014

curlylocks3 said:

If your bridal shower was at the same place, like you said many people will know the set up and that it involves expensive china. If their toddler's name wasn't on the invite then no, the toddler shouldn't be coming. But we all know how well that rule gets followed for other events I don't know if people would assume or not...most showers that I go to are at people's houses and yes, most people bring their kids. Perhaps other people can weigh in on what is expected.
As for the RSVP thing, not your issue to worry about as you are not the hostess.

Well, my issue with RSVP's is everyone keeps calling me instead of calling my MIL who's name and email is on the invite...

temursgirl · March 2014

It's like any other party... those whose names are on the invite are invited, if not they aren't. But as @curlylocks3 says, that will never prevent people from trying to bring an entourage nor is it your problem to deal with.

MrsRahl · March 2014

Valie18 said:

Did the invite specify who it was to? If so, it *shouldn't* be a problem. Around here it is not normal, or assumed that you can bring your kids, although an invitation *should* be extended to include the baby if the Mom is still breast feeding IMO.

Yes, the invites were each addressed to one woman each.

Pepper6 · March 2014

I don't think it's hypocritical to discourage people from bringing kids to a baby shower at a more adult-oriented venue. Yes, the presents are for babies, but the party itself revolves around you and therefore, it's not like there's a lot of kid-friendly activities (and it could be difficult for little kids to sit at a party that's all about other people opening gifts...)

That being said, if you addressed the invites to the mother only, then they should assume that the invite is only for them. If they were planning to bring their kids, they should have mentioned this in their RSVP if they gave one. For people who haven't RSVPd yet, I'd recommend giving them a call to find out if they are coming or not, and if they mention bringing their kids, you can politely discourage them from doing so due to the venue.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

MrsRahl said:

show previous quotes

curlylocks3 said:

If your bridal shower was at the same place, like you said many people will know the set up and that it involves expensive china. If their toddler's name wasn't on the invite then no, the toddler shouldn't be coming. But we all know how well that rule gets followed for other events I don't know if people would assume or not...most showers that I go to are at people's houses and yes, most people bring their kids. Perhaps other people can weigh in on what is expected.
As for the RSVP thing, not your issue to worry about as you are not the hostess.

Well, my issue with RSVP's is everyone keeps calling me instead of calling my MIL who's name and email is on the invite...

In that case I'd pass on any RSVP's you receive to her but let her deal with following up with the people who have not responded yet.

emeraldJ17 · March 2014

I would prefer to go to showers without my kids but with that said, I did bring my daughter to my best friends baby shower. It was an unavoidable situation. I had no one to watch her. She wasn't walking yet so it wasn't really a big deal. I think baby showers are a more common type of place where people will bring their kids. I had some at mine but it was at my parents house. Hopefully people will have good manners and ask instead of just bringing them. If they ask, you can always explain the situation that there is just no place for them at the venue.

rastrau · March 2014

I've always assumed that babies are welcome at baby showers, particularly if mom is still feeding often, but perhaps that's my bad. I'm a FTM, so I haven't had a chance to put it into practice myself. And as a PP mentioned, most of the baby showers I've been to are at someone's home or a room at the park district, etc, so expensive china isn't at risk in those situations.

I did request of my shower hostesses that my friends be allowed to bring their kids if they wanted to, but most of my friends' kids are still pretty little.

In OP's case, I would simply say to folks who ask that the seating at the venue is really limited so it should probably be just adults in attendance, but if they have any other questions, MIL is really the person to ask because you've been kept in the dark about a lot of the details (whether or not that's true, but a little white lie won't hurt).

nunzchucks · March 2014

I wouldn't bring DD unless a) she was a nursing infant and I asked or b) her name was on the invite.

kibean · March 2014

In my family school aged kids (usually only girls) are often at baby showers, but not ever bridal showers. I don't know if I personally would want to bring a child to one if I thought they would be bored or act up, but it depends on the kid.

Even given my family's tolerance for kids at baby showers, I certainly wouldn't assume they were invited to any event. My sister in law and my cousin both asked if their daughters were invited to my shower and my aunt let them know that they are certainly welcome.

MrsRahl · March 2014

krptcmschfmkr128 said:

I feel like it is the responsibility of the parent to check prior to the shower if it's kid friendly or not. As well as common courtesy. People shouldn't assume. Maybe MIL can send out a mass email or something "reminding" people that due to venue it's not kid friendly?

I'd love for her to send out emails to people, but unfortunately my family and friends don't use/check email often. What's probably going to end up happening is I have to sit there with them telling them the phone numbers while they call, which to me kind of defeats me not being involved. Also, our moms asked me to send and address all the invites as well as assemble all the favors, which I gladly did because they are doing so much and paying so much for the shower. I'm just getting sucked into so much that I really didn't want to be involved in and just wanted to show up fancy free and not have to worry about all this stuff on top of other things I'm getting ready for baby. I probably sound like a big whiner...

jshrop · March 2014

I included every little girl with their moms on my shower invite list to MIL. It's pretty family oriented though, and I'm related to most of them.

Pepper6 · March 2014

amoot890 said: I've never been to a shower that didn't have children in attendance. Unless an invite (I've seen this on weddings) says adults only I would think children are welcome.

--------stupid quotes------
Technically this is a big etiquette no-no. You are never supposed to say who isn't invited to an event, only who is invited.

rastrau · March 2014

MrsRahl said:

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What's probably going to end up happening is I have to sit there with them telling them the phone numbers while they call, which to me kind of defeats me not being involved.

Give them a list of the invited guests' phone numbers and step away from the phone. They can certainly make the phone calls themselves without you sitting right there. Don't be guilted into taking that on.

Ashes92813 · March 2014

I'm open to some people bringing their kids. I think if a parent knows their kid is wild or unpredictable, maybe think twice.

However, something missing here is that sometimes the parent is just as bad as the kid... That being said, I had a friend bring her child to another friend's shower and the child was hyper, but sweet, but the mother was a helicopter mom and created several loud scenes trying to manage her and it really took away from the shower. It could have been handled so much better. Sigh.

MrsCase1 · March 2014

I don't like kids at showers. My mom always brought us. I brought Lincoln to one as a newborn and once as a toddler. Both times I kept him away from the actual party, mostly in another room.

kcartwright12 · March 2014

All the showers I have been to, baby or bridal, female kids or infants came. I am totally expecting them at my shower. I've always been told that you bring your daughters with you to events like that so they learn what you do at a shower and when they grow up they understand the etiquette and how to throw one for someone else.

kd&cd · March 2014

I think it all depends on what the invite says. We at having a BaByQ and it says right on the invite that everyone in the family s invited. If your invite was addressed to one person, then I would assume that only that person would come.

dragonfly711 · March 2014

I have about 65 people invited to my shower. I do not know anything about my shower, theme ect except I know date and place. My mom and friend did not put on the invite anything about kids being invited. I know a few of my friends already said they are looking for someone to watch because they want to come alone. Others not sure.

The one I actually would have issues with if I said no kids is my Aunt. She has custody of her two grandkids 4 and 16 and never has anyone to watch them so she cant do anything without them. Waiting to see what happens there.

I actually do not mind if kids go. Kind of hoping in someways that there are no kids but if someone has to or cant come I would rather they just come with the kids. No biggy.

Where mine is going to be is not a place with fine china. Different story where you are having it. Plus there is no room for kids due to the limited number of chairs that you have.

izzetoot · March 2014

Thats tricky especially because of the tea room. Hopefully people will assume that bc its not at someones home or a larger venue they should ask first. We are having mine at our house in the backyard, BBQ themed. But, we included on the invited 'kids and dogs welcome!' Most rsvps people have double checked that they can bring their kids (and husbands!)

lest12 · March 2014

Kids are welcome at all "family" events for us, but I do think it's polite to at least ask or mention that they're coming so the host knows to have the appropriate food.

Like a PP said, though, that doesn't mean I'd assume my kids was welcome at other people's family events and would either leave them at home or ask. It depends on my relationship with the person hosting.

MrsRahl · March 2014

Thanks everyone! Like I said before, to me it really isn't an issue of kids being present, rather just the amount of space mostly, and then there is the china thing, but I would hope people would have enough sense to watch their kids. However, that being said, there are a few people in my family that would rather sit on their phones and everyone else watch their kids, so that's my fear. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it plays out.

MrsRahl · March 2014

Oh, also I want to add, most of these people's kids are not family...

lest12 · March 2014

@mrsrahl - I should have added that if it were at a place like your shower, I would definitely, at the very least, ask first.

I don't blame you for feeling nervous and would just casually ask or have your mom/mil/anyone you trust ask people what their game plan is so at least you know what to expect.

SandraPB1220 · March 2014

I personally have no problem having kids at mine (most of my sisters/friends are bringing their girls, boys will stay home with Daddy or other relatives), and my MIL was actually the one who brought it up. I've just been asking my friends/co-workers/family if they're planning on bringing kids so we make sure we have enough seating/food, etc. I figured that was a nice way to let people know kids are welcome. And maybe it's just me, but I feel like baby showers are usually smaller than bridal showers, and maybe more informal? in a way, so that makes it a little easier to email or facebook message everyone to either say, ps kids are welcome or ps we didn't put it on the invitation but the shower is in a not-very-kid-friendly venue, sorry we can't accomodate them!

katekat8721 · March 2014

We're having a few kids at mine. But people have asked, so that was nice!

JujuB22 · March 2014

Temurlang1 said:

It's like any other party... those whose names are on the invite are invited, if not they aren't. But as @curlylocks3 says, that will never prevent people from trying to bring an entourage nor is it your problem to deal with.

This. I followed the invite etiquette on my wedding invites, yet people brought whoever they felt like. I had one family bring 5 kids and another person to control the kids, for a grand total of 8 people (2 of which were named on the invite). Thankfully we had a lot of no shows so it all worked out in the end, but still, people don't seem to get invite etiquette. Might be good to follow up with those that have not RSVP'd to get an idea of who is coming.

babygabe614 · March 2014

I will tell you from experience that if your shower host were to send a mass email about not bringing kids, it might become an issue. We made a few faux pas with our wedding - one being that the fact that the ceremony and reception were intended to be adults-only was clearly listed on our wedding website (we phrased it something like "childcare is not available at the venue" but it still rubbed some people the wrong way). This became a major issue for a few people on DH's side, and some of his family members didn't come because of it. I've learned my lesson from that experience and would only address it if someone asks (and obviously keep the kids names off the invites). If any email is sent, I think something like "if you have any questions about the shower or the venue please contact the host, blah blah" would be most appropriate.

That being said, you are the guest of honor and really, shouldn't be worrying about this. If people show up with kids, see that it's an adult venue and not kid-friendly, they may even drive home and drop the kid(s) back off with their spouse or someone else for the couple of hours needed for your shower. If they decide to stay with their kids in tow, they may only stay for a short time if there's limited seating so you might not need to worry about it too much anyway. I'm sorry you are getting wrapped up in these details and issues - it really should be on the hostess to figure this stuff out, not you!

Cherylwang · March 2014

I would not bring my toddler but I would bring a newborn. They don't use a seat or eat. Lol At my baby shower years ago there was a couple infants there. I would think most people would use common sense on where the location is.

chloephoebecali · March 2014

I wouldn't send an email or call to remind them that kids are not invited. If the invite did not include my kids name I would assume they were not invited. I'd probably be turned off if I received an email call to make sure I didn't bring her. Same thing goes for kid parties. Dd will get an invite but ds' name is not on the invite. That means he is not invited unless the parent specifically tells me he can come.

sjn00 · March 2014

Well, my issue with RSVP's is everyone keeps calling me instead of calling my MIL who's name and email is on the invite...

Seriously!! I keep getting messages! I just encourage them to email an RSVP to the email provided

I have also put a single girls name on the invitation and she said "me and my boy friend are coming!!" I was like "rsvp to the email please" but its not an encouraged coed shower, but my mother in law flat out said some wives would bring their husbands.. so now I feel like I cant tell her her boyfriend cant come and have her show up and see other guys there... Kids will also be there.... 100+ people. Im not excited lol.

FutureMrsW9 · March 2014

I don't expect kids at traditional-type showers, but if someone asked me if they could bring their kid (my cousin asked to bring her 5-yo daughter to my bridal shower) I said it was fine. I don't think people automatically assume that kids are invited. There was also a baby or two at my SIL's baby shower, but I'm not sure if they were actually invited or if SIL was asked if the kids could attend. I also think it depends on the type of shower, especially these days with so much coed stuff going on. Hopefully people will see that your venue is high-end and figure it out. Also, they should look at who the invite is actually addressed to. If it's just to the woman or the whole family, etc. That's what I use to figure out who is invited where when we get stuff like that.

folding · March 2014

I was invited to a bridal shower for my husband's uncle's fiancee (I'll give you a minute there...) My son was 5 weeks old at the time. I was bf'ing him and the event was over an hour from my house. My son's name was not included on the invitation but I called and asked if it would be ok to bring him. I did spend a lot of time away from the event taking care of him, honestly. He was not thrilled to be there and I walked him around a lot outside trying to calm him down. But if he were not allowed to go with me, I would have just not gone at all.

No one brought babies or toddlers to my baby shower and no one requested to. I'm not sure there would have been anything for them to do had they been there. The room was small enough and basically we were just eating and opening gifts and that was about it.

Ashes92813 · March 2014

@SaraJoy00‌, have the same issue! I think it's rude to a certain extent and this happened with my bridal shower too. I do kindly ask them to reply to my sister and give them her email which is her first name and the domain is her last name... Pretty easy remember!

That being said, my aunt actually had the nerve to FB message me and ask me if she could still RSVP to the wedding (my sisters) and asked me to do it for her... I am annoyed she couldn't ask my sister or my mother. She only emails me when she needs something. I got snarky and responded, "nope, I got married in September!"

cristykaye · March 2014

Mine is at a golf course in the bar area. While kids are more than welcome to attend, we will have plenty of food and space, it is up to the parents for this one. There isn't really a place for them to play and there will be drinking there. I know my sisters kids will be there but my mom has already talked to her about it!
I think it depends on the place and the people!

hlp2709 · March 2014

It sounds like the place you are having your shower at sounds really nice and might not want kids there they could break something. I think it depends on where the shower is going to be. For my first baby we had it at a small place but we had the kids because it was just in a town hall, not a lot of stuff for the kids to break.

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