Working MoMs - need a pep talk or advice

Stephanie2167 · March 2014

At first, returnng to work wasn't that hard. Let's be honest, the first 3 months with twins is rough. And work was a welcome break. But now that I'm almost a month in and the girls are becoming more playful and vocal, I'm having a tough time being away from them for so long. I honestly get about 2 2-1/2 hours with them a day. And that is just them awake while I'm "there". Like in the morning the are usually in there boppy pillows or on they're playmat while I get everything ready for the day. Not to mention, I don't get the one on one time I'd like with my DD1 since I'm ALWAYS stuck to the damn pump. She literally comes in and says "Mom, when your done pumping can you (fill in the blank)?"

I'm sad that this is how life is going to be with them until they start school. I'm really only going to get a few hours a day with them? And I have to split it 3 ways?

Obviously I just returned to work so my vacation and sick time is pretty much tapped, but I've been thinking about taking one day a month as a vacation day and to keep either my oldest home, or the twins home so we can do one on one stuff. Anyone do stuff like this?

ppants · March 2014

I rearranged my work schedule so I could work 4 days/week and stay home with them one day. But yes, I pretty much only had an hour or so with them in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening. It does suck, but they needed their sleep and I needed them to sleep so I could be sane.

My twins are my only children, so I've not had the experience you're having with your older DD. Can someone watch the twins so you and DD can do something together on the weekend for a couple of hours?

BabyCarryingVessel · March 2014

I don't have the older child so I know my situation is very different. How long is your commute? Are you pumping in the evening? If so, I was thinking you could pump in the car during your evening commute. Hear me out before you freak out! I have a crazy one way commute of 1 hour and 45 minutes. I would get "set up" before leaving the parking lot, and wear a "hands free" bra. Not the nicest, but they do their job. I could cover up well enough with my shirt, cardigan, coat, etc. Then when I was done pumping I would just shut the pump off but leave everything as it was until I could home and get situated. I felt safe because I didn't take my eyes off the road.

Anywho, that was just a suggestion for the evening pump situation. I just know that it will get easier and you won't always be pumping. You're doing a great thing!

shaunah816 · March 2014

Oh girl, I completely understand. It does get better, but that doesn't mean it's not still tough at times. As your girls get older they'll interact with you more, and that helps me to know that I'm really getting valuable time with them (not just being present, like you said). Now they're older enough to come running when I pick them up from daycare, and we can snuggle on the couch or color together and I can say "give mommy kisses" and they'll press their cheeks against my mouth. I feel like our bond has increased as they've gotten older, which both helps and hurts the problem. I still have mornings when I tear up leaving them at daycare, because I want to be with them, but ultimately I know that I'm a better mother to them because I have some individual time to myself each day. It's not for everyone, but it is for me.

As they get older you won't be chained to the pump, either. Goodness gracious, that thing is such a fun killer. You're doing an amazing job being a working mama WITH twins AND an older child AND you're pumping. Total rock star, seriously. That part will get better, but for now it blows.

I love your idea of taking days off to get one-on-one (or one-on-two, as it were) time with your kids. I don't do that, but I secretly love when one of my twins has to stay home from daycare because he's sick, because then I get him all to myself. Or I really enjoy holidays when daycare is closed and I get to stay home with them. Cherish those times, and I think scheduling them is also good for your sanity!

Just know that it gets easier to navigate (even if it does still hurt your heart to leave them in the mornings), and that you're doing a great job, truly.

pillowass · March 2014

I work FT and also only get to spend a few hours a day with my twins. One thing that helps me is to keep in mind that my kids and my family are thriving under this arrangement and that my desire to spend more time with them is coming from me alone, and has nothing to do with my kids not getting what they need from me.

I think taking some vacation time on a regular basis is a great idea. I do this a lot.

You probably know this since the twins are not your first, but I will add that as they get older, time spent with them is more interactive and quality. 2 hours spent with an infant is so taxing, but when they start to move and talk you can cram a lot of fun into even 20 minutes.

Lastly, I would stop pumping and switch to formula. Of course that reflects me and my priorities, so it may not be an option you would consider. (I know BF'ing is extremely important to many moms and I respect that. Just saying that switching to FF was a very positive thing for us.)

Hang in there!

pillowass · March 2014

BabyCarryingVessel said:

I don't have the older child so I know my situation is very different. How long is your commute? Are you pumping in the evening? If so, I was thinking you could pump in the car during your evening commute. Hear me out before you freak out! I have a crazy one way commute of 1 hour and 45 minutes. I would get "set up" before leaving the parking lot, and wear a "hands free" bra. Not the nicest, but they do their job. I could cover up well enough with my shirt, cardigan, coat, etc. Then when I was done pumping I would just shut the pump off but leave everything as it was until I could home and get situated. I felt safe because I didn't take my eyes off the road.
Anywho, that was just a suggestion for the evening pump situation. I just know that it will get easier and you won't always be pumping. You're doing a great thing!

Funny story: I have a friend who did this and she had to slam on her breaks, causing something on her roof rack to fly into the intersection. She disconnected from the pump but could not extricate herself from the bra and the attachments quickly enough (it was a home made contraption - aka a regular bra with holes poked in it.) She had to get out of her car with her bra and pump parts still attached to retrieve her stuff from the intersection while traffic was stopped. This was years ago but I still laugh so much when I picture this scene! That is dedication.

Stephanie2167 · March 2014

Thank you ladies so much! My commute to work is super short. Like 10-15 minutes so pumping on my way would probably be more trouble than its worth. DH does watch the twins occasionally so that I can take DD1 out. This coming weekend we're going to a tea party with Cinderella. I can't wait.

As for the switching to formula, it's been on my mind. I was really hoping to make it to 6 months (They'll be 4 months next Friday). I have quite a bit frozen, but I just can't seem to give it up. I know I'll have terrible guilt if I do. It's one of those "is the grass greener on the other side?" Will quiting the breastfeeding actually help me in the long run?

ppants · March 2014

I EBF for 6 w and hated it. I wasn't producing enough milk despite NA beer, oatmeal, tea, etc. It was a HUGE relief to be done pumping. We had to use nutramigen due to milk allergy and reflux so I did have guilt about the cost of formula, but I had mom guilt about a lot of things at that time.

carrotcake06 · March 2014

I think if you can transition to nursing them when you're with them you'll save a lot of time.

I work FT, have a big one and the twins get exclusively BM. It's exhausting no doubt.

I alluded to this in your other post, but you're reaching the point where it's faster to nurse - even one at a time - than it is to go through the pumping ritual. Add in the prep time and bottle and part cleaning and it's a huge time commitment.

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