Sleepless nights

happy_un-bride · March 2014

Ok, so I'm curious how many have LOs that are up in the middle if the night? How do u handle when LO is up in the night?

I'm ticked at my DH this morning, for him giving me grief for giving my ds to him when I've been up with him and it was now time for me to head to work. He's blaming me for his bad sleeping habits. And sure maybe it's partly my fault, but that's because I'm the one who has been up with him anytime for the last 13 months.

I could use any examples of what you do, tips, or advice.

Virgo17 · March 2014

I have 3 LOs. My first two were sleeping great by 3-4 months. This baby has been quite the challenge. She is almost 9 months old and just recently has started sleeping in 8 hour stretches. We did CIO for a couple of nights to get her used to putting herself to sleep. Prior to that, she basically had to be laying on someone to sleep and would wake up as soon as she was laid down in her crib.

I take care of most overnight wake ups. I am a lighter sleeper and by the time I kick DH out of bed I am awake. DH also handles a lot with the older two kids and cleaning baby bottles, etc. so I am fine with this division. However, if she has a rough couple of nights I will put DH on duty so I can get a good chunk of sleep.

I don't think it's fair for you to handle everything and then DH blame you for bad sleeping habits. You need to come up with a plan that you can both stick to and implement it together.

happy_un-bride · March 2014

kdc2007 said:
why is your LO waking up? hungry? restless? teething?

is it a full on screaming/crying? or just wakes up (ie end of a sleep cycle)

do you pick him up right away?

more details please.

I'm not entirely sure of the reason, he doesn't appear to be teething, but he's been fighting something for the majority of the past couple months (ear infections, coughs, colds). I usually let him cry for a few minutes before I get out of bed, when I go to his room he's standing up and reaches for me or gives me the sign for hungry. I usually try to nurse him, then bottle, then diaper change. He usually falls back asleep while nursing or bottle, but I can't get him back in his crib without waking again and he stands back up and wants more. I try to let him cry a little, but he throws his pacifier on the floor and freaks out even more, plus I've never had success with him crying, he's stood in there for hours.

happy_un-bride · March 2014

He had night weaned before and only nursed if he woke after 4am. It's only been the last little while and it's not every night. I'll try anything at this point though. I'll do my best to night wean again.

As for the diaper, that's only as a last resort, and he's usually been awake for over an hour before I try that.

happy_un-bride · March 2014

He's been napping more during the day though too. Daycare has him up to a 2 hour nap, versus I could never get more than a couple 1/2 hour naps before I went back to work (a month ago).

emberlee3 · March 2014

DD is generally a good sleeper, but if she wakes up for some reason it is VERY difficult to get her back to sleep. What seems to work best is rocking for a few minutes, then putting her in the crib while I lie down on the twin bed in her room. I either stay in her room or go back to my bed once she is sleeping. This took some trial and error to figure out.

Are there noises outside waking LO? We have the loudest birds in our yard. They start at 4 am. I have sound machines for both kids to mask the noise.

ss265 · March 2014

When did you try CIO? We had similar issues with DS when he was around a year old. Before then it would be easy to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night but international travel and my husband taking him to bed with him had resulted in it being very difficult to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night.

We started CIO on January 1st when he almost 14 months old (first time CIO) and it took him three days to get it. I also varied his sleep routine for a couple of weeks before CIO - we used to give him a bottle right before bed and I moved the bottle to earlier in his sleep routine so he wouldn't be as dependent on it. Now 99% of the time, I can put him down at the end of his sleep routine and he will go to sleep on his own and putting him back to sleep in the middle of the night is much easier too.

When I did CIO, I continued to give him a bottle in the middle of the night though. DS is very low on the weight charts and we try and feed him every chance we get. If your LO is fine weight wise, I wouldn't give him a bottle when you do CIO. DS still wakes up fairly often (likely because of the bottle we give him) and if he keeps this up, we might have to go through a second phase of CIO when he gets older. We are expecting #2 and we need DS to sleep through the night consistently before #2 gets here.

And I don't understand why your husband is blaming you for your son's sleep habits. You are both parents and equal partners in raising this child. In my household, I am the researcher and usually the one who decides what we do with my son but my husband has never blamed me for anything DS has done (if he did, he would probably get an earful). If your husband is that concerned, maybe he should research sleep training methods and come up with a solution.

It's also really easy to turn on each other when you are sleep deprived - my frustrations with my own husband recently have been due to this. What helped us is to take turns waking up with DS and to discuss ahead of time whose turn it is so that you are not arguing in the middle of the night. On the weekends, whoever woke up with him also gets to sleep in that morning.

Klavanga74 · March 2014

I didn't completely read al of the pp's, but I think a heart to heart with your dh is in order when you aren't tired, an that or several nights only your husband should be the one to go o him. If he's waking or th comfort of mom or of nursing, having DH go will interrupt the cycle. When my on was 9 months or so, he was still waking often. We had a super hippie pediatrician who finally said....he's disrupting your family life and there's really nothing he needs at night. He just thinks he needs something. He advised my husband going in only for awhile and that we not pick him up, but soothe cribside. There were a couple of tough nights where we both ended up downstairs listening to him cry. It was hard, but it didn't last long. He's now a happy and healthy 9-yo who is a great sleeper and has zero recollection of that experience...and he still loves us, too.

dashofreality · March 2014

Read Ferber. Stop feeding him at night - He is over a year old, he can easily go 12 hours without food. Make sure you are laying the groundwork of putting him to bed awake.

When my kids wake up I wait until it is a full cry and go in and check on them. make sure nothing is wrong, rock them for a minute or two and put them back to bed awake. Since I've done CIO and this is what I always do, it works unless there is something really wrong.

My son still gets up 1-2x a night a few times a week when he is teething or sick (he is almost two). If he is up for the second time, and I think it is teeth, I will give him meds. Also agree you need a plan and DH should go in to break the cycle.

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