Rant and hope

shandorfml2 · March 2014

Hi ladies...
I need to rant. It's one of those emotional days. We've made it through a year without our daughter. I actually felt a weight lift after her birthday. Felt good to make it through that. I'm so tired though. Tired of being sad. We've been trying for almost a year for our rainbow. It only took us 4 months, 2 with charting to get pregnant with Ana. I have PCOS. We were desperate for a baby after losing Ana so we tried right away. I never ovulated and after 6 months I agreed to go back on the pill to regulate my cycle (and was sobbing at the doctors office). We're now in our third cycle since coming off BCP. Things are going well, I'm ovulating. I'm just so jealous, and bitter. I've had numerous pregnancy announcements from friends and coworkers. One girl got pregnant in two months after her husband's vasectomy was revered...and they already have three kids.

It can be hard for me. I'm so jealous of those who get pregnant easy and don't really have to try very hard. I deserve my rainbow, but I've come to learn through this journey we do not get what we deserve. I am confident I will get pregnant, and have many more children, I'm just so damn tired of waiting. Just needed some support as I know you ladies get it. I hope I soon will be pregnant and will laugh at myself for being so cranky.

Thank you for being so supportive and there for me this past year. You ladies are amazing. For those new Moms, it does get easier with time. I miss my daughter every day, and yes there are days I cry and am angry and in disbelief. But, I am functioning and have hope for the future. You will make it.

End of my ramblings. Thanks for listening.

Jellybean71514 · March 2014

I'm new to this board and continuously admire the strength and perseverance of so many women here like you .. it helps rekindle my faith after going through such a loss and struggling through the grief. You really do help inspire me so thank you ...... *hugs* for the bad days. xo

Noethola · March 2014

I am sorry its such a hard day. It is so hard to not have our babies, and it seems so easy for others. Big hugs today!

cdale86 · March 2014

***Ticker***

I'm so sorry you guys are having difficulty. Those pregnancy announcements really sting! Although you are beyond frustrated, I love that I can see your positivity and hope through it all. You are an amazing mama and I hope you conceive that rainbow baby soon!

stefuge · March 2014

I'm sorry that it has been such a tough day. Hang in there - your positivity and hope are very apparent!

milb11 · March 2014

Big hugs and prayers for your rainbow!

Bgirma · March 2014

I'm so sorry that you've been having such a difficult time. Yesterday was 3 months for us and it was really challenging for me so I can only imagine how emotional and draining 1 year might be.

Your positivity and hope for the future is so clear, even on an emotional and difficult day and I'm so inspired by that. I'm sending big hugs and positive energy on your TTC journey!

VyD81 · March 2014

I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday. Many hugs.

I get how you feel, I too have PCOS and tried for a couple of years and took Clomid for many months before going to the RE. After several tests, many tubes of blood drawn, Famara, shots, etc, we were lucky to get pregnant with Raynor on the 2nd IUI. It's definitely not fun when your body refuse to ovulate and the waiting is agonizing. It's even worse when AF comes, and with me, that could be 6-10 weeks cycle. I've been back with the RE and working out this crazy cycle to try for IUI again.

Have you thought about going to the RE? Mayby talk to your OB to see if she can put you on Famara or Clomid? Clomid have more side effects and I was very emotional when I was on it, so I don't recommend it, but it's up to you. I'm glad you are so positive and know that you will have more children. I do understand that the waiting month after month and seeing pregnancy announcements are punches to the gut. Again, many hugs as I totally get how you feel.

bunnybun4 · March 2014

shand...I am so sorry you are having a rough day and that trying for a rainbow has been so hard for you. It just doesn't seem fair that we should have to go through the pain of losing a child and then have so much trouble having a rainbow. I struggle with this all of the time.

I'm glad you are feeling stronger a year out and I agree it does get a lot easier but the hurt is still there and you are not alone in feeling the way you do. ((hugs))

schulme2 · March 2014

@shandorfml2‌ I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this right now. I know it doesn't make things better but I can definitely relate to all you've said. It seems like every day I'm hearing of someone else getting pregnant. All I want is to have a healthy baby growing in my belly right now and it seems like everyone else is getting that. I pray we don't have to wait much longer for our miracles.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

I echo @Jellybean71514‌ thoughts and send hugs your way. It does seem so unfair and hope that it's not much longer for you (and @schulme2). Thank you for being a support to others amidst the challenging times.

shandorfml2 · March 2014

thanks ladies, you are all awesome. I haven't considered an RE yet because after coming off the BCP I am ovulating (which is wonderful) and that is how we concieved Ana. If I either stop ovulating, or it doesn't happen soon we'll see what our OB recommends.

kz's_girlygirl · March 2014

Big hugs for getting through such a milestone- I'm not there yet, but I know the up and down is crazy.

Getting pg for us is nearly impossible without intervention so I completely relate to your feelings on that front. It always seems like someone else is announcing a pregnancy or giving me advice. Unfortunately, that never gets easier to hear. Even when we were pregnant with Jesse, those types of announcements still struck a nerve because I never felt like anyone really understood how lucky we felt and then how devastated after he was gone.

I hope your rainbow comes to you soon. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs in the meantime

angelsnight · March 2014

ticker warning

Big hugs!!

erinel · March 2014

You most certainly deserve your rainbow, and I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It took us a year to get pregnant with Q, so I can totally understand the frustration.

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