Parenting Check-In

ATXmommas · March 2014

How are everyone's littles? This space is to share any news, updates, questions, successes, and struggles.

QOTW: do you and your spouse have distinctly different roles in some aspects of your parenting? What are the benefits/drawbacks?

Mystjava · March 2014

Morning my friends... Just have a few minutes before I have to sign off and focus. Like MommyMonster, majority of the parenting falls on me (which I love), but my partner's style/role is very lacking. Sometimes it's super frustrating because she doesn't always know the whole story behind my LO's behavior/action.
Both LO and I have caught a bad case of allergies/cold this weekend. Right now, we're taking my partner to the hospital to have her second back surgery which I hope goes smoothly. My biggest challenge is party planning for my LO's 4th birthday.

trisholio · March 2014

We have had a pretty good week. After the fiasco last weekend with the toddler M, each night this week at bedtime has been great! No crying, fussing or anything! My wife does their regular nightly routine and then comes downstairs and M puts herself to sleep and is sleeping thru the night! Every night we wait for the crying and it hasn't happened in a week, we are ecstatic! Also on a sleeping note, the baby K is sleeping thru the night almost each night this week. I slept 6 solid hours one night last week and woke up running to the bathroom, then went in their room to check on them :-) I am not used to one of them waking up often, so it worried me when I realized it has been 6 hours. They were both sound asleep and slept all night. I hope this routine continues and I can get some restful sleep in the coming days/weeks.

Also a big deal around here, baby K is sitting on her own. It lasts a minute or so and then she falls over, but it seems to have happened over night. We also went out to eat on Friday night and she sat in a regular booster seat without leaning out of it. She just turned 7 months old and we just love watching her do new things and learn each day!

I have had multiple "moments" of feeling like a mother to these girls and I wonder how I am going to love our child any more than I love these girls already. They are becoming such a wonderful part of our extended family too and I couldn't be happier that everyone is welcoming and loving them just as we do.

There was also a court hearing for their family and it isn't looking good for them to get custody back. We obviously have mixed emotions about this, but we would adopt these girls in a heartbeat. Though that isn't an option for at least 1-2 years, maybe even longer if the family drags it out.

But for now, they are our girls and we love them more than anything!

newmompeanut · March 2014

B and I took N to Minneapolis, MN this past weekend for our first family "trip" that wasn't at my family's house or anything. We went to the Mall of America and IKEA. N did great! On the other hand I was terrified of N running off with a random person so we had to watch her very very closely. She's to the point that she wants to walk everywhere and will wave to EVERYONE. She's overly friendly with strangers and doesn't have stranger danger. She went swimming at the hotel a couple times and just loved it!

I don't typically share N's full name, and I'm not sure why not, but to be able to tell this milestone you need to know N's full name is Nora. N now knows who she is! You can ask "Where's Nora?" and she will put both hands against her chest and say "RA!".

QOTW: B, R, and I all have very different approaches and therefore different roles. R is very methodical and almost treats N like she's not a little child. He doesn't baby talk her, or anything like that. B is terrible at discipline and is the one that N will run to given the choice out of the three of us. I seem to be the crazy one. N and I play a lot together, whereas B will cuddle her. But B can't ever seem to get N to go to bed, so that's typically my duty... which I LOVE.

2brides · March 2014

C got into the new school this morning - so it is official - they are changing schools next year. It is going to be a big adjustment for everyone. But I think in the long run it will be good for all of us and the kids will thrive. Of course I have spent the morning stress eating like crazy.

Generally we are on the same page and our parenting is fairly evenly divided - though there are more times it skews with me doing more than the other way. For 2.5y, while L was doing her dissertation, I was by and far the primary parent (L would go to a hotel Friday after work to write and come home Monday afternoon 2-3x/month and then need to work late Tues or Wed nights) and while it was really hard in the beginning and I felt like I got no downtime, it got exponentially easier as the kids got older and I actually enjoyed being the primary parent and being the sole decision maker. But philosophically, we are agree on most things and it is rarely a source of conflict.

ATXmommas · March 2014

@themommymonster‌ & @Mystjava‌ - so sorry your littles one aren't feeling well. Hope that turns around very soon.

@trisholio‌ - I love hearing you talk about the girls. While it is always a good thing when children can be reunited with their family of origin, it's not always possible and it's great that you are leaving a door open in your family.

@newmompeanut‌ - adorable story!

@jrtmom - I swear I wrote about the fun/serious dichotomy in my post before I read yours. I will respond to your specific scenario later.

@twobrides - good news about school! It's great when things fall into place.

As for us, Ash turned 4 months this past Friday! Although his 4-month well check is not until this Thursday, we ended up taking him to the dr last Thursday due to his lingering congestion and mild cough. The morning news on Thursday covered a story about a local infant who died from whooping cough, so we decided to be cautious. He doesn't have whooping cough, but turns out he had mild infection in both ears! I never would have guessed it because he never ran a temp or seemed fussy. We started antibiotics, and the congestion seems to be getting better (and his poop is no longer green!). We will follow up on his ears at his well check visit.

I am very happy and excited to report that he weighed in at 13.3, which means that since he started day care he has been gaining about 8oz/wk (up from about 5oz/wk before then). His thighs, cheeks, and chin all look a good bit fuller. I am a very happy and proud momma since we had slow weight gain issues during the first few weeks.

His weight gain also confirms to me that I am sending an appropriate amount of milk with him to day care - 10oz/day for 10 hours of separation. Unfortunately, after a few weeks of everything going ok, one of the teachers (who I normally don't see in the mornings, but Z sees when she picks up) asked Z whether we were planning on sending more milk soon. Sigh. Then, on Friday, I found out she added an ounce of frozen milk to his second bottle of the day. I was so irritated. We have left several one ounce frozen milk bags there for instances when he needed a "snack" bottle during a growth spurt or whatnot. I am very frustrated that this teacher took it upon herself to up his bottle by an ounce when I have every indication that he receiving enough nutrition with what I'm sending. I spoke with the director who is very supportive, so hopefully we can resolve this issue for good.

QOTW: Z and I had some idea of our parenting roles before we ever had a baby because of Bama (our Labrador). Not that it applies right now, but I will most certainly be more of the disciplinarian. Bama listens to me much better than she listens to Z - mostly because I follow through more and Bama knows I mean business. I think our kids will pick up on that too. The way it plays out right now is that Z doesn't like doing the things that Ash doesn't like - such as using the saline drops or giving him his medicine. It's not that I'm not tender to his distress, it's just I know it's necessary and good for him... And somebody has to do it.

I worry that Z is always going to be the "fun" parent and I'm always going to be the serious one. We've talked about it and she knows my concerns. She also isn't fond of kids who are out of control due to lack of guidance/boundaries, so she is committed to parenting in a way that instills a sense of respect, boundaries, manners, etc. in our children, but it's probably going to require some reminders and encouragement on my part. To start, she did give him his meds this morning.

newmompeanut · March 2014

jrtmom said:

We have had a pretty good week. My partner is off school for Spring break, so we were able to have a family weekend. We went to the park, beach (cold), swimming lessons, and visited with some family members.

QOTW: Because my partner is so busy with school, she doesn't play as much of a role in the daily day to day duties. I feel like she is kind of the "fun" mom and I am the more "serious" mom. I don't really want to be the "serious" mom but I guess someone has to be. Hopefully I will get to be more "fun" once she is done with school.

I have a question that I would really appreciate some feedback with. Most of you probably know this, but in case you don't, here is a little background. My partner is in school full time and has a really hard time managing life and school at the same time, so I just handle everything I can (I work full time, take care of Henry about 99% of the time, take care of the house, the dogs, finances, meals, etc...). She takes the bus to school. It is an hour commute each way. I have a car which I purchased and use to commute to and from work. I let her borrow my car when she needs, which is about twice a month. Because she does not have an income, I pay for all gas and everything she needs. She has never been comfortable driving it very far, so it hasn't been much of an issue. She also has never been very comfortable getting Henry secure in his seat belt correctly (I am a huge advocate for correct usage of car seat so am a little neurotic with this). When she tries to do it, she does it correctly, but if he fusses she immediately says "I can't do this" and asks me to. I think she could if she tried. Anyway, yesterday, out of the blue, she asked me if she could take Henry for the day to school since she is off for spring break, to meet some of her teachers and visit with some friends. At first I thought she meant on the bus so said I didn't feel comfortable with him going on the bus. Then she said she meant in my car. I asked how I was supposed to get to work? She said she could drop me off. I think she saw the look on my face so immediately got really upset and said "nevermind." I said we could talk about it some more, but I didn't know if it was the best decision. She was very defensive and upset and said there was nothing to talk about. Am I being too harsh? In my mind I have several concerns. It is an hour drive on the freeway each way. She isn't used to driving my car (or any car) that long and definitely not on a freeway. She is nervous about getting him secured in the car seat. In the past, the few times she has watched him by herself she has had some issues and definitely been frustrated. He needs to nap every two hours which he is able to do at daycare, and I am not sure this would be a possibility while at school. Plus she would need to deal with bringing bottles/frozen breast milk and dealing with diapers. I am open to considering it, but the idea freaks me out. Am I being controlling and too harsh? Thanks ladies!

@jtrmom,
Just my two cents, but I would talk to your partner about this. Just sit down and lay your concerns out to her. My guess is that she would have some of the same concerns... carseat, driving, etc., but if she never gets a chance to try then how will she ever feel more comfortable with it?

Jazibel · March 2014

Morning Everyone.

I started writing my post earlier and am jumping back in. I've since read everyone's check in so far I'm glad to read so many happy updates (I love Mondays :-) Hope the sick kiddos feel better soon though

Kaden is doing great. I'm just loving this stage of his development (OK I've loved every stage so far - lol!!). Anyway he is so communicative, and is constantly interacting with us and learning how to be a "participating family member". Help put dishes and groceries away, play interactively, etc. So fun :-)

He had his first overnight at my brother & sister-in-laws on Friday night. He did great, we dropped him off around 7pm (after going stroller shopping). And he had a bath and went down for bed easily. The next day they took him to the Discovery Bay Museum and they had a blast (we picked him up around 4:30pm). Meanwhile EV and I had a wonderful date night/day.

@jrtmom - I have a similar situation in that my wife is in school (and works) and I do most of the childcare, housework, etc. It is nerve wracking to hand over that much trust and responsibility (not that she can't and won't do a wonderful job). I've always struggle with worry about the "what ifs". I agree with NMP that talking it over is key. But, I'd also echo in that in my experience, the only way for me to get the help and freedom I wanted was to hand over control. Of course if there are real dangers I would talk about them and figure them out. But assuming your wife loves the heck outta Henry (and who wouldn't!!!) she will most likely be so careful and thoughtful. Also the independence will give her an opportunity to be the "primary parent" and will likely build their bond and her confidence.

I'm sharing this from experience with leaving on longer trips (2x in 2013 for 4-5days each) out of the country. Thinking to myself that neither EV or Kaden would survive. LOL They did, and since they've been closer than ever. Even before those trips, smaller day trips made me squeamish - but EV's an amazing parent, and Kaden has adapted to our different styles, etc.

I hope it all works out :-)

QOTD: We definitely have different parenting styles and roles. Because I'm the stay at home mom, I handle the majority of childcare, cooking, cleaning, finances, etc. EV is in grad school, so often her weekends and evenings are filled with homework. Any free time we have together I prefer to do fun things, and let EV and Kaden spend time together. I work most weekends now and EV watches Kaden. I come home to dishes, dirty floors, and toys everywhere but both Kaden and EV are in heaven. I sometimes strive to let go of my OCD self and be more carefree with him during the week since EV is definitely the "fun parent" now. But I'm the one Kaden runs to when he hurts himself. It's a good balance. We share our ideas rg. raising him and are often on the same page or can arrive there which is great. I love it that EV is spending more 1 on 1 time with Kaden because now she is bringing up new things he's doing, and struggles she has, etc. It's actually brought even more harmony to our family dynamic.

mwagner25 · March 2014

Hey all!

I have been missing out on the check ins mostly due to pure exhaustion. Oliver's reflux meds have not been working. So we have had a rough couple of weeks with him screaming in pain with big elephant tears and not wanting to be put down. We changed him from Pepcid to Prevacid but since he is growing so quickly they under-dosed him on the Prevacid. Once we finally got them to let us come in an weigh him (he is now 16 lbs 13 oz) they had to double the dose. We are so thankful that for the past few days since getting him on the right dose we have our happy baby back. He still isn't sleeping (read: still up every 2 hours all night)... But heck I will take it over the sad babe we have had.

QOTD: Lauren are very different in how we do things but we are very good about communicating what our goals, ect are. We have different ways of getting there but have the same end point. We are very ying and yang so as I expected our parenting styles are as well. We are both equally as involved and share household and baby duties. In going back to work I just have to remind myself that things don't have to be done "the way I would do it" as long as they get done.

ATXmommas · March 2014

@mwagner25‌ - missed you! Poor baby - and poor exhausted momma! Glad Oliver is feeling happier these days. How's work been? I feel like we are finally in a groove.

@jrtmom‌ - Sounds like you were just caught by surprise. If it's something that seems important to your partner, I definitely think it's something she should try. Beforehand, you can practice with the car seat to make sure she feels confident with the buckles and discuss a plan for feeding and napping (e.g. Prepping bottles ahead of time and taking in a small cooler, seeing if the school has a quiet room for him to nap). Personally, I wouldn't worry too much for his routine to be off for a day (then again I don't live with your babe and don't know what a non-routine-day does to one's sleep!). I think this experience could give your partner a greater since of confidence and give you a break by knowing not all the hard parenting stuff has to rest with you. Hope I'm making sense - just woke up for our first feeding of the night!

EllieTheGiraffe · March 2014

Check-In: My LOs are 16 and 7, so not so little anymore. DD #1 is currently cramming for her end of year exams, so is stressed up to the eyeballs, plus I'm going to have to get court ordered Child Support from XH for her, so that;s stressing me out. DD #2 is loving school, still, and is just generally great. She has the lead part in an Easter play they are doing at school so she's very excited.

QOTW: I'm the 'difficult' parent, according to DD#1. But that may be because I don't let DW do any of the disciplining, since she's not DW's child. Even so, DW is much more laid back than I am, so I do more of the disciplining with DD #2 too,but I also spend more time with her, since I work less, so that kind of evens out any drawbacks.

newmompeanut · March 2014

EllieTheGiraffe, I'm so happy that you joined in right away with our Parenting Check-in! Welcome to the board!

mwagner25 · March 2014

@ATXmommas‌ work is going okay.... The physical routine of leaving in the mornings, pumping, washing bottles, making bottles has gotten much easier. I am just having a difficult time functioning for 12 hours on such little sleep. It's my birthday and I told Lauren that the only thing I want is to take my pump and ear plugs down to the guest bedroom tonight and for the first time since he was born sleep for more than 4 consecutive hours. I can't wait to just sleep until I need to pump, then go right back to sleep. I haven't ever been "off duty" for a whole night.

mwagner25 · March 2014

Thanks!

ATXmommas · March 2014

Yes, happy birthday! You deserve several hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Jazibel · March 2014

@mwagner25- I hope you are fast asleep this very minute and that you enjoy a great nights sleep.

Happy Birthday!!

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