Rude comments rant

JmeJoLee83 · March 2014

Ugh why can't people keep their rude opinions to themselves! I am so sick of people saying " you're so small for 30 weeks!" I've never been called small before (pre-pregnancy), and now it's getting to me. It's like they are insinuating something is wrong! What comments are irking you?

colllydon · March 2014

I have a very visible bump but it is still cold where I live and I wear a winter coat when I leave the house almost always. It was pretty warm the other day (50) so I was in a sweater and ran into my neighbor. She said "oh now your showing. I was beginning to doubt if you were even pregnant!" Um what? Who says that?

Mindyvl · March 2014

What @Miss Renne said. So annoying.

allrightmeow · March 2014

Im due June 24th. On Friday I got, "OMG HOW MUCH BIGGER CAN YOU GET"! I know that feel girl.

SA1112 · March 2014

This is exactly how I feel. I was even asked by a co-worker if the baby was measuring small. No...but thanks for giving me one more thing to stress about. Seriously though if one more person tells me how I barely look pregnant I think I might lose it.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

I get the "you're so tiny" a lot too. I would have considered myself average, not small, pre-pregnancy and I am definitely not small in comparison now (measuring 35 weeks!). Its just annoying, people should not be commenting on my size or shape.

eta: And I feel like they think I'm too small. I always respond that my babies are growing right on target and that my doctors are very happy with everything. Someone recently asked me how big the twins were and I proudly shared how big they had been at 26 weeks (1#14oz and 2#, so exactly where they should be). I was feeling really good about how things were going, especially because I've had so much trouble eating and gaining weight, and the person immediately told me "OMG thats so tiny!". It just made me feel like they thought I was a crappy mama already.

ricecakes1216 · March 2014

Apparently I am huge (I am measuring right on track so whatever). The other day I was at the grocery store. The cashier said "Any day now, huh?", "Nope. Not until June". She found that disgusting, her facial expression made me so mad. Then she told me that there must be more than one. No, just one. She went on to tell me that I could not be due in June. I let her know that I am not stupid and know when my child will be here. She then went on to tell me how tiny her daughter in law was and she never got as big as me. I told her I was just fat. Why must people make comments? And the next time a coworker tells me I look like I am going to pop I will punch them in their face.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

Oh my other personal favorite: "What are they?"

WTF do you mean, what are they? They're babies. Or mini humans. Or kittens. I always say I'm going to be snarky when someone asks me that but in the moment I am too caught off guard to do anything but politely say "we're going to be surprised". I wish, even just once, that I had it in me to be a bitch about it and teach at least one person that this is an inappropriate thing to say. I also hate when people act like its a personal affront to them that we don't know if we're having boys or girls or one of each. I can totally understand when people say "oh I needed to know" or whatever, but really, the sex of my babies doesn't affect you.

MrsRahl · March 2014

I never thought being team green I'd get so much crap from people. So I feel you there. I really don't get shy it bothers people so much. I thought it would be more exciting to my family yet they just all are annoyed. My mom makes comments not about my belly but my butt all the time too. Then she wonders why I have a complex. So yeah.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

Following up on the too big/too small thing my ILs are constantly asking for bump pictures. This wouldn't be a huge deal, except they are obsessed with people's size. If they were normal people excited for us I'd send them no problem, but they aren't. Seriously, my MIL gave me a pair of XL maternity pants for Christmas. I wear a small pre-pregnancy but she happily told me I'd be "fat enough to need the XL". I know inevitably any pictures I send will spark comments that I am too tiny or "too fat". Yes fat, not pregnant. Not good for my psyche. And so to prevent the inevitable drama I just refuse to share any pictures of myself. I wish I had it in me to ask what the fascination is and point out that they didn't ask for ab shots prepregnancy so they don't need them now but again, I just don't have it in me.

MissBHaven1024 · March 2014

It baffles me how people find it appropriate to comment on anyone's weight or appearance with such disregard. It's offensive to hear you're small for gestational age, and offensive for the implication of being "too big". When I replied to someone last week who asked when I was due, I got a shocked look and instantly felt the need to defend myself by saying, "well this is my 3rd baby, and I've only gained 14lbs!" As if she was entitled to an explanation. I just want to throat punch people when that happens. Ugh!

wtfisup · March 2014

I feel bad thinking that I may have said some of these things in the past (commenting on smallness) when I was not pregnant and not aware. I totally get it NOW. I think pregnancy is just a weirdly public experience and something people generally want to engage you on but have no sense of what so say. I mean, it's not a super normal social exchange. I.e. Most of your life, most people you know won't be pregnant.

No one has made any comments to me at all. And I would probably just break down. As much as we're supposed to buy into the goddessy vibes, I feel awkward and self-conscious, and I'm usually. Airily confident. Pregnancy is a lot of physical change pretty fast and you can't control it or hide it.

LKHoffa · March 2014

MrsRahl said:

My mom makes comments not about my belly but my butt all the time too. Then she wonders why I have a complex. So yeah.

My grandma told me I was "getting big in the rear!" I'm team Green, too, and I think it's her way of saying "I hope you have a girl" which is also insulting!

I also had a co-worker say "Oh I finally see a bump! It looks like a chicken under there!" Right after she said it, she paused, and it was obvious that she felt awkward about saying it. I gave her a polite laugh, but also wasn't sure what she meant.

Weird. What happened to "You look fabulous"- whether true or not!!!

kibean · March 2014

I got this gem the other day "oh wow, you are pregnant! from behind you just looked like you put on a few pounds!" gee--thanks.

k318 · March 2014

I love the "girls really do steal your beauty" comments. Seriously??! I get it, I'm not at my best. My skin is dry and full of blemishes (normally just normal and clear), my hair is a dry mess and I barely sleep. Also, all of my weight is in my belly and hips this time rather than all over.

I try not to get worked up over them as people are generally well meaning. One comment that stuck out to me was from a patient about a month ago. She really was sweet and well meaning, I wasn't offended at all but the poor woman's daughter looked hurt or mortified I couldn't tell. The daughter had recently had a baby and the mom had the need to bring the daughter to meet me and gush about how great I stayed in shape and how small I was for being six months pregnant.
People have no filter sometimes.

mam62787 · March 2014

I get "your so tiny" all the time. It drives me crazy bc I'm pregnant with twins and people never believe me. I wish it didn't bother me so bad, but I feel like instantly people look at me like I'm a liar. My babies are growing nice and even right in the 50 percentile. Luckily my husband knows it drives me nuts, so now everyday he looks at me and tells me how pregnant I look and rubs my belly!

JESNYC · March 2014

I get a lot of "your belly is so big. The baby is going to be huge." Thanks. We are team green and people seem to think that means it is ok to openly discuss my weight gain in the context of guessing the sex. My doctor is perfectly happy with my weight gain so I try to ignore it, but it is annoying. My favorite so far was when my secretary came into my office to inform me that I'm starting to looking swollen. She ended it with saying she could only tell because I was so thin before - like that makes it a nice thing to say.

PressLove · March 2014

This is why I love TB! Yes, I get this all the time. Last week, told me that my baby would probably be small. Really?!? You got all that just looking at my bump? This week, some larger ladies in my office told me that I wasn't big enough b/c I my bump looks like their regular stomachs. First, I tried to explain that my regular shirts/sweaters don't really accentuate my bump. Then, I realized that I'm only dealing with everyone else's insecurities.

I'm not sure which smile is faker, the one when people say stupid things or when I stop them from feeling up my bump.

babygabe614 · March 2014

I can't add much that hasn't already been said, except that after being on vacation in Florida this past week I had uploaded a bunch of pictures from our trip to Facebook. When DH & I went to a friend's house for a party on Saturday, one of the girls there that I know (not a close friend, but a friend's younger sibling) came right up to me in front of a bunch of people and asked me whether there were "milk in my boobs yet because they look huge in the pictures". Um, okay... I am admittedly a little on the modest side when it comes to talking about body parts but really? In the middle of a party, THAT is what you think is an appropriate conversation starter? Ugh.

MrsRahl · March 2014

Is it strange my doctor hadn't told me anything about measurement for the baby?

MrsRahl · March 2014

I was just surprised to hear everyone talking about percentiles and my office visits have nothing like that involved.

maggiexxx · March 2014

When I was at my 80 yr old grandmas house the other day I told my son to sit on my lap. My grandma said "what lap"? Then went on to say "what have u been into other than getting fat" my little old sweet grandma called me fat!!

mjdavies · March 2014

I definitely don't get the "you're so small" comments. Maybe those people think they are being nice not realizing that it implies you aren't healthy? I don't know, people are lame. Just stop commenting on our bodies all together. Last week at work, I had two separate people tell me they didn't realize I was pregnant until that week because I had really popped. I don't really work with those people and I don't see them often so I kind of took it to mean, "wow I haven't seen you for a while and now you're huge." I try not to let it bother me because people just don't get it but still, gaining all this weight is just hard.

And I know this is a stupid thing to get annoyed about but I get asked how I'm feeling about 50 times a day. Once again, work people are trying to make conversation but I'm good just like yesterday and the day before and the day before that when you asked me.

Also, it's fine if you want to ask me if we have a name picked out but don't ask me what it is. I won't tell you. If I say we don't know, I open the door for suggestions which is always some version of their name. Why does it have to be so awkward all the time?

katekat8721 · March 2014

People are crazy. I've seen the bumps on HBDB and no one makes me go "WOW she's huge, she looks like she's due any day!" I think all of our bumps (well, except maybe the twin moms who are special snowflakes lol) look as big as they're supposed to so people can go suck it trebek.

Here's the fun ones I've heard in just the past WEEK:

"Wow, you look...*incomprehensible sound*"
"You know you can't even tell you're pregnant from the back, only when you turn around!"
"You look great for having a twins!"
"You don't even look like you're having twins!"
"I was as big as you the day I delivered!"
"Eh, you're not that big, I was as big as you when I was four months pregnant"
"Are you sure there's two in there? You don't look that big"
"Are you sure there's not three in there? I bet there's a third."
"Dang, it's like your bump just... popped..."
"You looked so much bigger last week"
"How big are you measuring now?!"
"Your boobs are huge!"
"You are just glowing!"
"Are you doing ok? You look so tired!"

So apparently my bump is equally too small, too big and I'm going back and forth between glowing and looking like shit.

The comments don't hurt my feelings. They speak more about the people saying them than they do about myself. They are rather annoying when you're in the breakroom and all you want is to grab something and go and you get stopped to tell people (again) your due date and (again) how big the girls are measuring and (again) why you're still pretty sure you'll make it to the end thankyouverymuch.

gregsgurl81304 · March 2014

I got 2 rude comments yesturday in the same sentence. Along the lines of "You have a pretty big bump for having such a long time left to go"

Um really, I must be a cow considering my baby is measuring right on her dates, and no I don't have a long time to go. To me a long time to go would be before 20 weeks.

11 weeks and it feels like crunch time.

wtfisup · March 2014

Yeah, I feel like most folks don't get tremendously more pregnant in the last two months. I mean, the bump grows vertically and a little bit outward from here, right?

ElTrain5 · March 2014

My go to whenever asked a size or due date related question is "Who's pregnant? .....no, seriously...WHO is pregnant?!" Love.

lest12 · March 2014

Person at work, in a meeting, in front of 8 other people including 3 tenants: I didn't know you were pregnant! When are you due?

Me: June 20th

Person: Oh my god, I would have thought tomorrow!

Me: *smiling and trying not to kill someone*

ElTrain5 · March 2014

In the same vein I had a woman at the mcdonalds drive through tell me that she just found out she was pregnant but "didn't want to be". Um, thanks for sharing?? Apparently she is 41 years old. I just gave her the Wanda Sykes "....but they worth it?" And drove away. Awkward.

lest12 · March 2014

@eltrain5 - that's weird.

Not necessarily related to baby weight, but here's another rude comment I got about my hair, of all things. It's always on the longer side but with the horomones/vitamins, it's been growing like a weed and I've been enjoying this one pregnancy perk and wearing it blown out more often. (I feel like at this point I sound like I'm humble bragging, sorry if it's annoying).

So an (already super annoying) coworker told me that a few of them were going to start a pool on when I was going to cut my hair.

I kind of just stared at her because I didn't get it and then she said "Well, when you're carrying your baby around all the time, he's going to be grabbing and pulling at your hair since it's so long. Plus you won't have time to blow it dry and have it look nice anymore, so we figured you would cut it."

Uh, what the fuck? Go away now, thanks.

dmahanWed170597 · March 2014

I actually have somewhat of the opposite problem. I wear maternity cloths everyday and you can clearly see my bump. No one ever comments they just stare at it like I am this weird new species! I would rather they said something so I could have a snarky comment. My mom has commented a bunch on "you are definitely bigger than last time". Last time I lived 2000 miles away from you and you saw me two days before I gave birth. I don't really think you are an expert on the matter.

curlylocks3 · March 2014

@katekat8721 oh yes the twin bumps are special snowflakes all right! At work I held off on telling patients I was pregnant until it was so abundantly obvious that it could not longer be hidden. I still don't tell them I'm having twins (figure its none of their business).
I work in OB so whenever a patient asks how far along I am and I tell them they will tell me I am "so much bigger" than they were at that point. I always just laugh but secretly imagine how they'd feel/respond if I said it were twins. I think its worse since they themselves are pregnant too and should know exactly how bad those comments make you feel.

Additionally, occasionally I think someone else on our staff lets it slip sometimes that I'm having twins. Its like those moms that find out try to engage me on every level about my pregnancy- how did I conceive, how do I feel, do I have stretch marks. Dude, I'm not here to talk about me or compare. Lets talk about you. Its gotten so awkward that I no longer enjoy taking care of another twin mom.

So if people know its twins I'm too small, but if they don't I'm too big. Got it. I just can't win.

wtfisup · March 2014

dmahanWed170597 said:
I actually have somewhat of the opposite problem. I wear maternity cloths everyday and you can clearly see my bump. No one ever comments they just stare at it like I am this weird new species! I would rather they said something so I could have a snarky comment.
My mom has commented a bunch on "you are definitely bigger than last time". Last time I lived 2000 miles away from you and you saw me two days before I gave birth. I don't really think you are an expert on the matter.

Same. I work primarily with guys in thatch field. All stares; no words.

lest12 · March 2014

@cdk211 - I was told early on by the office cleaning lady that it would be a boy because I was gaining a lot of weight in my butt.

I told her that was rude and now she doesn't talk to me anymore. I kind of feel bad (she's really usually very sweet!) but I wasn't in the mood to be told I had a big ass that day.

@wtfisup - Guys never ever comment. The ones in my office are really kind of amusing. They will avoid any conversation about anything pregnant with me at all costs, although they are sure to ask "How I'm doing" in the most polite manner, and will occasionally offer to get me a donut when they go for their afternoon coffee, lol. That I don't mind.

wtfisup · March 2014

lest12 said:

@wtfisup - Guys never ever comment. The ones in my office are really kind of amusing. They will avoid any conversation about anything pregnant with me at all costs, although they are sure to ask "How I'm doing" in the most polite manner, and will occasionally offer to get me a donut when they go for their afternoon coffee, lol. That I don't mind.

Yeah, they're pretty great. The women I do work with are awesome: smart, feminsty folks who don't make dumb comments. One of my male coworkers was super funny the other day. He was scheduling a meeting for us both to be in and saw "dr appt" on my calendar. He suddenly turned to me and said, "Is everything okay? With the baby? I mean, I'm not trying to pry. What kind of doctor's appointment do you have?" He was super concerned. I said, "A routine one. You just have to go in all the time and get things checked." It was hilarious.

wtfisup · March 2014

@Rachel5130, yeah, I think it's just kind of an elephant in the room ordeal for folks. We live with being pregnant every day. For others it's THE MOST GLARING feature about us because it's not a feature that most people have for most of their lives. The options are ignore or comment. It can feel awkward to never mention it. We're just really culturally weird about it, too. It wasn't that long ago that pregnant women were essentially HIDDEN from public view once they started showing. As a society with puritanical origins, we have some weird hangups about bodies and fertility and reproduction.

Brittnic531 · March 2014

I went in for another scan last Thursday because they couldn't get all the pics of baby girl's heart back in January. As I was leaving and talking to the ultrasound doctor (not tech), he made a comment about how he'd be interested in seeing if I had GD. I wish I had the balls to say, 'why? Cause I'm fat?' But I didn't... There wasn't any reason for him to make that comment. Which I don't have it, thank you very much. Baby girl is measuring in the 57th percentile, which both he and my ob said was a little big but still in the normal range. My mom had big babies, so I'm not concerned.

I also HATE when people just stare at my belly. I'm already a bigger girl, which makes it so uncomfortable. I almost wish they would say something instead. A few times my boss has asked me to turn to the side and said, 'yup, definitely looking pregnant now that the belly is bigger than your boobs!' Rude. I really hope that I never made comments like these to other pregnant women.

ashquack · March 2014

My neighbor (who I had never met before) saw me and immediately asked when my twins were due- to which I replied "nope not twins just one baby boy" she then said "ohhhhh must be a REALLY big boy then!!!"
Seriously lady we aren't gonna be friends lol

jshrop · March 2014

I went to dinner with a bunch of ladies from my husbands unit. They asked me how far along I was and when I said 7 months one girl (who is teeny tiny skinny girl) said to me "there's no freaking way! You look so small!" Honestly it made me feel awesome since I felt huge from the beginning. I try to keep my wits about me though, especially when I get on the scale and I'm weighing right at my heaviest (before I lost all the weight years ago).

fsumom · March 2014

I haven't gotten too many yet. I did have a co-worker tell me around 16 weeks or so that she wasn't used to seeing me so round...lol. A neighbor of mine also said that I'm getting wider and made the determination that DS is going to be a 'big one' based on that????

With DD, I was asked repeatedly if I was having twins. I did gain over 50lbs with her and she was 8lbs15oz but still.

**I just ran into a co-worker in the ladies room who said how beautiful I look and just gave me nice compliments. Why can't everyone be like that

???

rainbowdashh · March 2014

So far this pregnancy I've gotten "you don't even look that big" and "wow you're huge". To me that just says people are dumb and have no filters.

The comments don't stop after you have the baby either. Then it's "wow your baby is so tiny!" or "wow you're baby is so chubby!" You can never win with people.

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