WWYD: Gendered Stuff

temursgirl · March 2014

Since gendered stuff has come up in a couple of threads, I thought you all might be able to help me out:

We're having a girl. I'm not that into pink and I kind of hate ruffles and bows. My family also doesn't go in for pink princess stuff (which is a great thing about them!). Their idea of gendered clothing is that girls wear dresses for dressy occasions, which is a concept I'm fine with. They are pretty strict about what boys can wear or play with, but luckily we don't have to deal with that (at least right now).

I don't really care if strangers mistake LO for a boy. HOWEVER, a lot of people have already randomly asked me if DH is "okay with having a girl." He desperately wanted a girl, so he's ecstatic. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I kind of think they might be asking because DH is Indian and that's a stereotype. I'm concerned that if I put LO in ambiguous clothing etc. people will think we wanted her to be a boy and that would really bother me.

WWYD? Am I being overly sensitive about this? Would it bother you, especially as LO gets a little older and may pick up on it? Should I just expect this sort of "input" no matter what?

supgabs · March 2014

Dress your child in whatever you want until they're old enough to decide otherwise lol

abastian00 · March 2014

That is so interesting! Ae you getting those questions from Caucasian people or other SE-Asian folks?

I'm also not into the "gender appropriate" colors and whatnot. That said, I do squee like crazy when I see some cute summer dresses that are out right now, but in general don't need a daughter in sparkles and bows or a boy decked out in trucks and cars.

Sounds to me like it could be a little projection on both sides (yours and theirs). I say put your kid in whatever you want because regardless people will judge! You can't please everyone, so please yourself and DH first

kimmyberly26 · March 2014

Dress your child in what you're comfortable with. There are plenty of girl options out there that aren't pink and ruffly. Let people think what they want to think. It's your baby.

sparklenshine_89 · March 2014

I agree with @supgabs people used to mistake my boy for a girl because he has big eyes and beautiful lashes regardless of the clothing he was in.

chickpea912 · March 2014

kimmyberly26 said:

Dress your child in what you're comfortable with. There are plenty of girl options out there that aren't pink and ruffly. Let people think what they want to think. It's your baby.

Agreeing with @kimmyberly26 - I'm also not into princess and frills and tutus and all of that, but that doesn't mean I only buy M's clothes from the boy's section (as you can see in the pictures in my siggy, she clearly is in a pink phase right now, and I've relaxed my anti-pink stance). I DO buy clothes from the boy's section (especially at Old Navy, where some of the boy pop culture stuff TOTALLY out-awesome's the girl section), but I mostly bought stuff from the girl section. Does that mean people would sometimes ask how old my son was? Yes, because I didn't put a ginormous flower headband on her head, I guess. But there are many ways to be girly and feminine.

temursgirl · March 2014

Thanks everyone!

@abastian00 I hear this largely from white people and the occasional SA stranger AKA the grocer, etc. It is such a super-sensitive topic for Indians that I don't think anyone in our social circle would say anything.

@amoot890 lol no I don't go in for the ruffly stuff for myself either, although I think I'm quite girly in a way! And yes, it was helpful, especially the last paragraph

ncbelle · March 2014

Dress your child how you want. I dislike "princess" and super frill but I still love dresses (for myself too)! Eleanor wears mostly dresses (by her own choice at this point) but we have little pink really. When she was a newborn, she did wear mostly clothes from the "girl" section but again not much pink. I dislike dresses on non-mobile babies anyway (just not practical) so she didn't wear them!

shellbell813 · March 2014

I could totally see how this would be a concern. BUT I think it's one of those things that you are overthinking. I think if you dress your LO in clothes that you think are appropriate and make it clear how much you love her, no one will say/think anything to the contrary. I tend to be the person that gets a little paranoid about how my actions might be perceived in the wrong way, but 99% of the time, it's just me being a worry-wart.

I think also that before the baby is born, people tend to be much less sensitive about things like "Are you unhappy you are having a girl?" and whatnot. I think because the baby isn't yet born, they think it is an appropriate question (obviously it is not). So hopefully once LO gets here and ya'll are able to love on her, people will chill with the rudeness. (Or maybe that's just hopeful thinking on my part.)

Unknown · March 2014

This content has been removed.

allrightmeow · March 2014

Since when is "princess stuff" the only option for a little girl? DD wears cute outfits that aren't covered in glitter and Disney characters all the time. You are over thinking this. When she gets older she may be a girly girly no matter what you put her in right now.

"They are pretty strict about what boys can wear or play with, but luckily we don't have to deal with that (at least right now)."

This made me shudder so hard I can't even begin to tell you....

babygabe614 · March 2014

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. For a different take on the whole "is he disappointed" thing, is it possible that the people asking you this are simply asking because he's a man (i.e. not race related)? I ask because almost everyone who I have told we're having a girl has asked me whether my (Caucasian) DH is "okay with it". He, too, was praying for a girl so I find these comments especially ignorant and sexist... as if he'd be upset that his offspring's genitalia didn't match his or something. Anyway, point being, they may just be generally ignorant, not just culture ignorant.

mattanda2011 · March 2014

I say dress your kid in whatever you want and feel most comfortable in.

My theory is that for some reason a certain percentage of the general population just gets stupid when they see a pregnant lady or a baby and they feel like they have to say something and most of the time it ends up being ignorant or dumb.

We had my daughter in pink pants and a purple shirt and still had more than one person ask how old our son was.

Long story short, don't worry about the dumb people

chloephoebecali · March 2014

How ingrained are you in his Indian culture? I think your bigger concern is that people may pass on the sense of the stereotype that men are more valued in his culture (clearly not so much a stereotype for some of these people since they are asking if your Dh is disappointed). You will probably have to decide if you want to go along with their cultural norms/expectations of sex or do what you or your kid wants regardless of what they say/think.

Personally, I would never let a cultural norm challenge the way I want to raise my kids. I understand tradition and picking battles, but I would avoid people that would make me or my child feel like they are less wanted because of their sex. It's convenient this time around that you you are in line with some of their rules, but it seems like there are other issues there and you are worried too much about what crazy people may think (that what you dress your kid in represents how you may have preferred your kid to be -boy/girl).

kmwiegand · March 2014

I dressed dd in various different types of clothes. Even the occasional "boy" shirt because they were cool (like the one with Kermit on it). I am not pink and frilly and princessy, but did occasionally buy those types of things too. Anyways, dd didn't have much hair till she was well over two, and people would mistake her for a boy sometimes. Sometimes even if she was in pink. I just chose what I liked (and now she gets some day). It doesn't bother me what others think.

abastian00 · March 2014

babygabe614!

PressLove · March 2014

babygabe614. Many people assume that men want boys. Dress your child as you see fit. People will make up things in their minds no matter what you do.

temursgirl · March 2014

Thanks everyone for such thoughtful responses! Also glad I'm not the only one to get this question. Well, I'm not glad it gets asked so often, but it makes me think it probably has nothing to do with me or DH personally!

@babygabe614 I have definitely thought about that, too, but I haven't come across the idea of men preferring boys before (thought it was kind of old fashioned). Clearly based on the experiences of everyone here a lot of people do think that, so maybe that's why they're asking.

@shellbell813 That's a very good point... I only have a theoretical baby right now! I do think people react very differently to actual babies regarding things like sex, names, etc. than they do when they give free opinions to pregnant women! Also, I think I sometimes feel like I need to be extra careful because of cultural or perceived cultural differences.

@chloephoebecali Actually, you've stated my exact concern. I don't want LO picking up negative ideas about herself (and her culture) due to random people's stereotyping. Gender inequality is a very real and serious problem in India and not something she can grow up without noticing. But at the same time, plenty of Indians, like DH and most of his friends, don't think that way at all.

@Natalie78W Yes, gender stereotyping (is that what you would call it?) goes both ways. I blame this attitude for totally screwing up my brother.

b48kate · March 2014

Some of our Asian friends have commented on how great it is that we are having a first born son (which does rub me the wrong way). In Korean culture, it is slightly understandable since traditionally the first born son is charged with taking care of the parents in their old age. Dauhters, traditionally, become the more of less property of the family that they eventually marry into. My understanding is that this is less the case now in modern Korea, but those feelings run pretty deep. My son though, will be an American boy of mixed heritage with parents who plan to fully fund their own retirement...so it is just not relevant anymore.

FutureMrsW9 · March 2014

Personally, I'm more into "girly" things. Not so much bows and sparkles, but obviously girly clothing - I do like ruffles, not gonna lie. But that's me. I wouldn't judge anyone else who had a girl and didn't dress her like I would dress my daughter....I say do what you want and who cares what people think! If they do mistake her for a boy, just correct them and they'll most likely feel embarrassed *mwahahaha* (ok, yeah, that's a little evil but whatever!)

Want a personalized experience?

WWYD: Gendered Stuff

Re: WWYD: Gendered Stuff

Choose Another Board

Search Boards