Team green or not?

takmjs · March 2014

For our first baby, we were team green even with biweekly appts (or more often) and 5 weeks of hospital bed rest. I kinda want to find out the gender this time around (I'm only 4+ weeks, so I know it's really premature to ask this) to feel bonded quicker than I felt last time, but there were also a lot of other circumstances that didn't help with the bonding and my emotional state--having a 30 weeker with a 7 week NICU stay, failing at pumping, etc.

Does anyone have any experience being team green with one baby, then finding out the gender the next time around? If so, did it change how much you felt bonded with your baby to know the gender?

MinaE01 · March 2014

I was Team Green with DS, and I'm still Team Green with this one. After such a sudden and frightening delivery, the reward of finally finding out if our baby was a boy or girl was incredible! I didn't regret it for one second, and that's why we decided to be surprised again. Not knowing our babies' genders has not at all hampered my bonding. It's really giving us something to look forward to, especially if we go down the preemie road again.

You still have some time to decide! I know people who've done the Team Green thing with one kid and found out with their second child and said both were equally exciting, just different.

punky917 · March 2014

I totally understand what you are talking about, @takmjs. We were also team green with DS, but when my I had pPROM at 24 weeks and had to have an US every other day to monitor fluid levels we decided to find out. I was praying a lot and I wanted to use my baby's name when I did that. With the 2nd pregnancy, I felt like I had enough unknowns and really wanted to find out gender so I could plan to either get rid of most of DS's things or start shopping. I was also 35 when I was pg with DD so I had MaterniT21 test and when the nurse asked if I wanted to know what I was having, I couldn't resist! The bonding thing wasn't an issue for me, I am just totally a type A personality too and had to know.

With that said, I agree with pp that even if you don't find out at 20 weeks, you will have later scans if you decide to change your mind.

Bluebird2318 · March 2014

I was not Team Green with my first and was torn about whether or not to be Team Green with this baby. What I ultimately decided was that I wanted to find out, because I had no idea if i would develop pre-e/HELLP again and I did not want the "discovery" to happen under those circumstances. This is my last baby and to have a second pregnancy where I felt like my body just let me and my baby down would have been crushing to me. I didn't want to risk the joy of finding out what we were having getting lost in the stress of having another preemie if that were to happen. I know that sounds incredibly negative, but I was so nervous for the first two trimesters that I was guarding my heart. As for DH, he just plain wanted to find out!

To be fair, I do think that if we were to have a third I would insist on Team Green because we already have a girl and a boy and I would have liked the "tiebreaker" to be a big surprise! However, DH is getting the snip when this one is born so that's not in the cards.

KTZ17 · March 2014

Congrats on your pregnancy!! I was team green with DD and when we have another we'll be team green again. DH really looked forward to that moment coming out to tell our families it's a boy! Or it's a girl! I also think it helped people butt out about our names and prevented people from buying us tons of pink clothes! I felt very connected to DD even though I didn't know her sex. So I think it's just a matter of preference. If you think it'll help you feel more connected, go for it! Either way it's exciting!

takmjs · March 2014

Bluebird2318 said:

I did not want the "discovery" to happen under those circumstances. This is my last baby and to have a second pregnancy where I felt like my body just let me and my baby down would have been crushing to me. I didn't want to risk the joy of finding out what we were having getting lost in the stress of having another preemie if that were to happen.!

This is exactly what I mean. We hadn't picked a girl's name until they were prepping me for my emergency c-section, and then they almost forgot to tell us when she came out....assuming we already knew. It was a very stressful night/morning, and although it was exciting to find out when she came out, there were so many things going on that it kinda got lost among everything else. What makes it harder is that DH does not want to know; he's the one who pushed me to be team green last time. I don't know... Thanks for everyone's thoughts. I'm leaning toward going team green, just bc my DH will be, and if someone slips up during one of my many ultrasounds, I'll be perfectly fine with that.

rascus15 · March 2014

We were team green with our son. He was born via c-section under emergency circumstances. He will be our one and only but if we could have another we would be team green again. Having said that, I must admit that I wasn't sold on being team green in the beginning. DH didn't want to know and I knew I couldn't know and him not. At our 20 wk u/s I wasn't ready to relinquish the control of knowing so I asked the tech to print a pic showing/stating what the baby was. She taped it well and we had the envelope should I decide I wanted to know. We never opened the envelope and I am glad we didn't, but it was nice knowing we could at any time. All along I felt I was having a boy and at one point I think a med student slipped up saying my file said I was having a boy but I still didn't know for certain. My OB knew we didn't know but he was too busy trying to stop my bleeding to tell us. We were so focused on hearing LO cry, that we didn't even think about it until the anesthesiologist asked if we wanted to know. My son spent 2w 6d in the NICU and we had a couple days where we couldn't hold him, only touch him. I have had pumping issues but I don't think any of it affected our bonding. Once you know, you can't un-know. If you are uncertain you can always have them put it in an envelope until you are sure you want to know. Whatever you decide, it is your baby and there is no wrong choice I wish you luck!

direy25 · March 2014

If we do have another one we'll find out, but only because I'll have to have be put under general anesthesia for my csection - I can't get a spinal due to major scar tissue from back surgery when I was young. I want to be able to share the joy of finding out with my husband instead of finding out while all drugged up & in pain... If I could be awake, we'd be team green again.

deebs620 · March 2014

With my son we were team green and I ended up having an emergency c-section. I felt similarly to previous posters in that I felt that the excitement of finding out was lost in the stress of the situation. I think next time we will find out.

gault530 · March 2014

I found out with my DD1 (who was born at 39w5d) under an less stressful situation than the twins. I was team green with the twins and had MANY opportunities to find out. I had an u/s right before they were born to check their positions and almost asked to find out, but I liked having the surprise ahead of me.

I was terrified when they were born (26w4d), but not knowing their genders gave me something to look forward to in a scary situation. I wouldn't find out if I had to do it over again because I liked the surprise so much. I also didn't feel that I wasn't as connected with them as I was with DD1.

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