should i just cancel?

nolo0514 · March 2014

So my god mother is supposed to be throwing my baby shower which is scheduled for April 26. She calls me today and tells me she broke her foot and 3 toes and will not be mobile enough to host my shower anymore. My mother is busy planning her wedding which is in June and time is running out. I'm a ftm so I'm not sure if I should cancel or not. I keep hearing how tacky it is to throw your own. I really wanted to have a shower and celebrate and enjoy that day. What would be the best thing to do?

Miles2Go · March 2014

If there is no one to throw it for you, there is no one to throw it for you. A shower is a gift. And not one that you give yourself. Don't throw your own shower. You can have a "meet the baby" party after LO is born.

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

AE? :-?

talkthewholetime · March 2014

If your aunt is throwing it... She would cancel it, not you.

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

Miles2Go said:
If there is no one to throw it for you, there is no one to throw it for you. A shower is a gift. And not one that you give yourself. Don't throw your own shower. You can have a "meet the baby" party after LO is born.

But but, how will I get all the stuff I need for my baby then? At a "meet the party" people will just bring diapers and nipple cream. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Marcella05 · March 2014

If aunt or mom can't do it, maybe a friend would be able to help? Maybe your significant other's family can do it?

gypsymystic · March 2014

At least ask your mom and see if she would be willing to have a baby shower brunch or assist you by hosting a small get together. IDK why folks get so up in arms about baby shower etiquette on TB. It is seriously petty. Everyone has their own conceptions about what baby showers should be. I am a STM and for my DS1 we had a co-ed shower/BBQ and my DH and I hosted it ourselves, with gifts being optional. Big deal. This time, my co-workers offered to throw me one, and my bff is hosting a BBQ/Diaper party for me. OMG lets get stabby about STMs having a baby shower. How 'gift grabby' and 'tacky' of me. Can't a pregnant chick just enjoy a good soiree even if it isn't within the parameters of acceptable babyshower etiquette (per the internet)?

Christinaruth74 · March 2014

Azlebella said:
At least ask your mom and see if she would be willing to have a baby shower brunch or assist you by hosting a small get together. IDK why folks get so up in arms about baby shower etiquette on TB. It is seriously petty. Everyone has their own conceptions about what baby showers should be. I am a STM and for my DS1 we had a co-ed shower/BBQ and my DH and I hosted it ourselves, with gifts being optional. Big deal. This time, my co-workers offered to throw me one, and my bff is hosting a BBQ/Diaper party for me. OMG lets get stabby about STMs having a baby shower. How 'gift grabby' and 'tacky' of me. Can't a pregnant chick just enjoy a good soiree even if it isn't within the parameters of acceptable babyshower etiquette (per the internet)?

It's amazing how effortlessly you turned your response around into being about you and not the OP. Oh, you threw your own shower? SHOCKER.

Christinaruth74 · March 2014

And OP- your god mother will cancel if she feels she can't do it, but either way talk through the situation with your mom. I'm sure you can all come to a solution that's manageable for everyone.

Miles2Go · March 2014

nolo0514 said:
So my god mother is supposed to be throwing my baby shower which is scheduled for April 26. She calls me today and tells me she broke her foot and 3 toes and will not be mobile enough to host my shower anymore. My mother is busy planning her wedding which is in June and time is running out. I'm a ftm so I'm not sure if I should cancel or not. I keep hearing how tacky it is to throw your own. I really wanted to have a shower and celebrate and enjoy that day. What would be the best thing to do?

Qfp

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

smittysmiles said:

Azlebella said:

At least ask your mom and see if she would be willing to have a baby shower brunch or assist you by hosting a small get together. IDK why folks get so up in arms about baby shower etiquette on TB. It is seriously petty. Everyone has their own conceptions about what baby showers should be. I am a STM and for my DS1 we had a co-ed shower/BBQ and my DH and I hosted it ourselves, with gifts being optional. Big deal. This time, my co-workers offered to throw me one, and my bff is hosting a BBQ/Diaper party for me. OMG lets get stabby about STMs having a baby shower. How 'gift grabby' and 'tacky' of me. Can't a pregnant chick just enjoy a good soiree even if it isn't within the parameters of acceptable babyshower etiquette (per the internet)?

f Well it's clear why you don't see this as an issue. PS- etiquette isn't some new-fangled Internet/TB-specific notion. It has existed universally for ages with the primary concept that it's not about you- it's about the consideration of others.

Word. Second showers have been no-nos for a long time. Even my mom knows that. And it is gift grabby to throw a party for yourself that typically involves gifts. Saying they are optional just makes it awkward.

MissLadyTay · March 2014

It's your aunts job to cancel. She's the hostess. Suggest she speak to your mom first. And hopefully your mom will step up. Or find someone who will. Good luck!

spacepotatoes · March 2014

Christinaruth74 said:

At least ask your mom and see if she would be willing to have a baby shower brunch or assist you by hosting a small get together. IDK why folks get so up in arms about baby shower etiquette on TB. It is seriously petty. Everyone has their own conceptions about what baby showers should be. I am a STM and for my DS1 we had a co-ed shower/BBQ and my DH and I hosted it ourselves, with gifts being optional. Big deal. This time, my co-workers offered to throw me one, and my bff is hosting a BBQ/Diaper party for me. OMG lets get stabby about STMs having a baby shower. How 'gift grabby' and 'tacky' of me. Can't a pregnant chick just enjoy a good soiree even if it isn't within the parameters of acceptable babyshower etiquette (per the internet)?
It's amazing how effortlessly you turned your response around into being about you and not the OP. Oh, you threw your own shower? SHOCKER.

Christinaruth74 · March 2014

spacepotatoes said:

Christinaruth74 said:

Azlebella said:
At least ask your mom and see if she would be willing to have a baby shower brunch or assist you by hosting a small get together. IDK why folks get so up in arms about baby shower etiquette on TB. It is seriously petty. Everyone has their own conceptions about what baby showers should be. I am a STM and for my DS1 we had a co-ed shower/BBQ and my DH and I hosted it ourselves, with gifts being optional. Big deal. This time, my co-workers offered to throw me one, and my bff is hosting a BBQ/Diaper party for me. OMG lets get stabby about STMs having a baby shower. How 'gift grabby' and 'tacky' of me. Can't a pregnant chick just enjoy a good soiree even if it isn't within the parameters of acceptable babyshower etiquette (per the internet)?
It's amazing how effortlessly you turned your response around into being about you and not the OP. Oh, you threw your own shower? SHOCKER.

laurblum · March 2014

OP, firstly if you've ever read anything on this board you know that no one is going to be in favor of the option to throw your own shower. Whatever the circumstances are it's not going to fly. It comes off as greedy and oh so tacky.

But, in an effort to be helpful, here is what I would do in your situation ONLY IF the invites have already been sent in which case people have already started buying gifts. I would talk to your godmother about still being the "host" of the shower and keep all of the original plans made as far as venue, etc. I would talk to your mother about helping since your godmother is no longer able to put the work in. If you absolutely MUST help in order to keep from putting your mom and godmother in a bind, I don't see anything wrong with you doing a few light things like making a dish or helping decorate. But in no way would I throw my own or do all of the work to make it happen because it just doesn't go over well. Also, honestly I think that if the shower does have to be cancelled someone else will step up especially once they learn the circumstances. I'm sure you have close girlfriends or someone that won't want you to miss out on your first (probably only) baby shower. Good luck and hope it works out.

sarahjanisse · March 2014

As a ftm I know how helpful it has been to me getting things for the baby. It is really quite overwhelming howmany things they need! I can't imagine having nothing to start and no shower. I agree with the PP maybe your godmother will still "host" it....but your other family members could make it more doable for her. I see nothing wrong with you helping in this situation....maybe ask her what she had had in mind and have her give you some small tasks to get it rolling (if your mom won't step in for this). You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

kat8805 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

As a ftm I know how helpful it has been to me getting things for the baby. It is really quite overwhelming howmany things they need! I can't imagine having nothing to start and no shower. I agree with the PP maybe your godmother will still "host" it....but your other family members could make it more doable for her. I see nothing wrong with you helping in this situation....maybe ask her what she had had in mind and have her give you some small tasks to get it rolling (if your mom won't step in for this). You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

Who wants to take this one? I know there has to be someone with something good on this one. I await a good laugh.

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:
You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

Oh, it's you again. What in the actual fuck? You don't NEED a shower as a first time mom, it's a privilege. In the words of my favorite person ever (pikapikachick) "it reeks of entitlement up in here!"

MrsT2008 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

As a ftm I know how helpful it has been to me getting things for the baby. It is really quite overwhelming how many things they need! I can't imagine having nothing to start and no shower. I agree with the PP maybe your godmother will still "host" it....but your other family members could make it more doable for her. I see nothing wrong with you helping in this situation....maybe ask her what she had had in mind and have her give you some small tasks to get it rolling (if your mom won't step in for this). You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

You don't "have nothing", you buy what you need yourself. If you can't afford much, you buy the bare necessesities. There is actually very little you NEED to bring a baby home.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

As a ftm I know how helpful it has been to me getting things for the baby. It is really quite overwhelming howmany things they need! I can't imagine having nothing to start and no shower. I agree with the PP maybe your godmother will still "host" it....but your other family members could make it more doable for her. I see nothing wrong with you helping in this situation....maybe ask her what she had had in mind and have her give you some small tasks to get it rolling (if your mom won't step in for this). You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

The first bolded, true. The second? Nope.

There are plenty of resources out there to help sift out what's truly necessary from what isn't and to help choose the best options. Several of them have been mentioned on this board repeatedly. It just requires some initiative to seek out the information.

Not every woman out there gets a shower and yet, somehow, they manage. It's not rocket science.

sarahjanisse · March 2014

I said if it's possible, meaning it's not a necessity. But it sure helps. Do you really disagree?

Christinaruth74 · March 2014

*insert PREACH gif*

kat8805 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

I said if it's possible, meaning it's not a necessity. But it sure helps. Do you really disagree?

Need = necessity. Your sentence started with NEED, the "if it's possible" was an after thought.

mileswithmyles · March 2014

There are very few things babies actually NEED. Is it nice to have some of the other stuff? Sure, but not if it means throwing yourself a party just so people bring you gifts.

Eta- spelling when you first wake up is hard.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

kat8805 said:

sarahjanisse said:

I said if it's possible, meaning it's not a necessity. But it sure helps. Do you really disagree?

Need = necessity. Your sentence started with NEED, the "if it's possible" was an after thought.

Exactly. The wording you used implied that it IS a necessity so yes, I do disagree.

sarahjanisse · March 2014

You be reading minds this morning? I like to form my thoughts in complete sentences...I was going to say it all along actually.

kat8805 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

You be reading minds this morning? I like to form my thoughts in complete sentences...I was going to say it all along actually.

How about you finish forming those thoughts now, might help with the English.

sarahjanisse · March 2014

And I'm done with this thread now. I was just giving my opinion to the OP. I have to get ready for my own shower that I don't NEED but am lucky and fortunate to have. I mean that. Have a nice rest of your day ladies.

kat8805 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

And I'm done with this thread now. I was just giving my opinion to the OP. I have to get ready for my own shower that I don't NEED but am lucky and fortunate to have. I mean that. Have a nice rest of your day ladies.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

You be reading minds this morning? I like to form my thoughts in complete sentences...I was going to say it all along actually.

This makes zero sense but no, we're not reading minds. We're reading the words that you wrote. If they were not what you meant, perhaps you should have used different ones?

CamrynnsMommy · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

You be reading minds this morning? I like to form my thoughts in complete sentences...I was going to say it all along actually.

mmmmkay...

ohwhynot85 · March 2014

sarahjanisse said:

As a ftm I know how helpful it has been to me getting things for the baby. It is really quite overwhelming howmany things they need! I can't imagine having nothing to start and no shower. I agree with the PP maybe your godmother will still "host" it....but your other family members could make it more doable for her. I see nothing wrong with you helping in this situation....maybe ask her what she had had in mind and have her give you some small tasks to get it rolling (if your mom won't step in for this). You need a shower as a FTM if it is at all possible.

For fucks sake. No NO NO you don't! It's not a prerequisite when you get knocked up! You spread your legs, you open your wallet. Simple as that.

Luckyu317 · March 2014

@CamrynnsMommy‌ wins for the Colin Mochery gif. Anything else I could add has already been said.

sheriot · March 2014

ErBear1010 said:
Babies NEED a place to sleep, a way to eat, clothes, and diapers. The end. As we have learned for our friend over the pond...FTM's in England don't get showers. It's not a thing over there. So no..not a necessity.

Exactly. I'm a FTM and when it comes to what I NEED to have for my baby my thought is: Tits and a blanket.

pandadair · March 2014

sheriot said:

Babies NEED a place to sleep, a way to eat, clothes, and diapers. The end. As we have learned for our friend over the pond...FTM's in England don't get showers. It's not a thing over there. So no..not a necessity.
Exactly. I'm a FTM and when it comes to what I NEED to have for my baby my thought is: Tits and a blanket.

Don't forget something for them to shit in!

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

pandadair said:

sheriot said:

ErBear1010 said:
Babies NEED a place to sleep, a way to eat, clothes, and diapers. The end. As we have learned for our friend over the pond...FTM's in England don't get showers. It's not a thing over there. So no..not a necessity.
Exactly. I'm a FTM and when it comes to what I NEED to have for my baby my thought is: Tits and a blanket.

Don't forget something for them to shit in!

Unless she's going to do that whole read the baby and take them to the toilet every 5 seconds thing.

laurblum · March 2014

OP is never coming back to read or reply??? Rude!!! Now you're just an askhole!! Don't ask advice, even if your question is answered on this board like once a week at least, and then when people offer opinions that you don't like you just don't answer them. Etiquette is not an issue, clearly. So yeah, go throw your own tacky shower.

kat8805 · March 2014

nolo0514 come back and play!!!!!

nolo0514 · March 2014

Thanks. & to the pp that asked, yes the invites were sent out Thursday. I was just a little iffy on etiquette on it because the only thing she asked me to do was collect the addresses and mail the invites. So I guess I'll have her send out a cancellation notice.

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

nolo0514 said:
Thanks. & to the pp that asked, yes the invites were sent out Thursday. I was just a little iffy on etiquette on it because the only thing she asked me to do was collect the addresses and mail the invites. So I guess I'll have her send out a cancellation notice.

If invites were sent out then at least talk to your mom before assuming she can't or won't. It sounds like it's all pretty well been planned out but now the host needs to bow out last minute.

nolo0514 · March 2014

@smittysmiles‌ Actually I was reading all of the responses. And yes this is is my first post here. I don't have a issue with any of the answers I received. Why would I? I solicited them. Is it a problem with you that I'm new here?

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