Constantly repeating yourself to toddlers

jlaOK · March 2014

DS is almost 4-years-old and I feel like I have to constantly repeat requests of tasks for him to do in the morning. I can't tell you how many times I ask him to get dressed, brush his teeth, and put his socks and shoes on before he actually does it. I know he hears me he just chooses to ignore it. It delays us leaving on time because I'm busy getting myself and DD ready and don't have time to "hold his hand" on every single thing. Any one have any tips on things I can do to help this? Is it just the age?

QueSrah · March 2014

I don't have any tips, but DD was especially bad with the morning routine around age 3.5-4, and now at almost 4.5 the not listening to what we say has expanded to most of the day. I don't have any great tips so far, but I'm right there with you.

capinjen152 · March 2014

My oldest is almost 3 and we have this, too. One thing that helps us is to list out all the things to do right away. Good morning! Let's get up and go potty, then get breakfast. Next you take off you pjs and get your clothes. Etc, etc. He isn't quite ready to do it all himself, but he brings his clothes, coat, etc into the baby's room so I can help with his shirt, zippers, etc.

I don't know if yours is distracted by toys, etc but removing those items, or placing them in the car, etc has helped us. DS gets to take one small toy in the car each day so that helps get him out the door without fighting.

aglenn · March 2014

Ugh, this drives me crazy, too. Sometimes it helps to stop talking about it and just take DD by the hand and lead her to her closet, or to the bathroom sink and hand her a toothbrush, etc. She definitely knows the routine and knows what she needs to do but sometimes it seems like if I say it out loud her first instinct is to resist. For some reason "telling" her nonverbally works better sometimes.

Virgo17 · March 2014

What about some sort of chart with pictures of each task he has to do in the morning? He can be in charge of moving each picture from a "To Do" column to a "Done" column each day. Maybe he could earn a reward if he does this all week, for example getting to stay up 30 minutes later on Friday night.

I feel you though, my almost 4 year old is like talking to a brick wall some days. I truly think they have a hard time staying on task sometimes because their minds are going a mile a minute. The constant reminders make me tired of hearing my own voice.

Avion22 · March 2014

Any way you can make it into a song or a game?

jlaOK · March 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

We had this issue and implemented a chart like @Virgo17 mentioned - it helped immensely.
DD is also super competitive, so in addition to the chart I run a stop watch on my phone when she starts. She likes to try and beat her best time ever.
We also give points. She gets 1 point for every category (Hygiene, dressing, breakfast) she successfully completes on her own - on our chart the categories are different colors. She can turn them in for things like an extra story at bedtime (5 points), a toy from the dollar store (10 points) or staying up late to watch a movie (20 points).

Good ideas. He has a general chore chart so I was afraid of adding something else but maybe I can incorporate a visual chart and also time him.

fitmom82 · March 2014

Well now I feel like I'm enabling/ babying my daughter. She refuses to wear pants, so she only wears dresses and skirts, so in weather like this she wears stockings everyday. Maybe I'm underestimating her, but I feel like stockings are really difficult to get on. We also leave super early, they're up around 6:10 and out the door at 6:30, so of course no one wants to do anything at that time, especially an almost 4 year old.

What we used to do was I would get DD dressed (I put on and take off her clothes) while DH would get DS dressed. She gave me alot of trouble about what she would wear so DH actually gets both kids dressed for me now. So to answer your questions, we dress her and I don't expect her to get herself dressed or do anything else for herself in the morning. Neither one of us are morning people so it's best just to do what needs to be done to keep everyone calm and out on time.

jlaOK · March 2014

@PrivacyWanted I timed DS getting dressed this morning. He seemed to be into it. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully it'll work.

MammaBear81 · March 2014

The kids pick out their clothes the night before so they are all in one place which helps a ton. I also do my best to only say something ONCE when I know they hear me. After that I count to three, and they go to time out if they don't get their butt in gear (the older kids will lose a privilege). They learned very quickly to do things the first time they are asked. Honestly I do it more for me than them, when I constantly repeat myself I get angry and start yelling, and then nobody wins.

emberlee3 · March 2014

PrivacyWanted said:
I'm glad it worked! I loathe the day DD grows tired of the stopwatch

I was going to suggest a stopwatch, too. We had this issue with DS for a while. Now, he picks his clothes the night before. I set a limit on how long he has to eat breakfast. Otherwise, he takes care of getting himself ready. Of course, now DD has hit the terrible twos so we have trouble with her.

rodiesmum · March 2014

i try to device a game for DD every morning re: her morning routine. Like, ill tell her to dress up in 3 minutes etc and set a stopwatch etc.

groovygrl · March 2014

No help here, I am a broken record as well. I've tried timers, rewards, charts, etc and my DS in particular doesn't respond to any kind of incentives (he will actually say to me- I don't want a star. I don't care if I get a star). He frequently starts the day by immediately crying about how he doesn't want to go to school so the conflict is generally from waking up(today he informed me he already knows "everything" and therefore doesn't need to go to school anymore)... he regularly ignores us when we talk (or tunes us out or doesnt hear b/c he is doing something else, whatever it is, it is all hte time) and the other day I got a dirty look from DC teachers b/c I was leaving the class and he was about 4 ft from me and I said his name so I could ask him to share something w/ his sister, and he didn't look at me & kept playing, I said it again, 2 more times & on time 4 I said it louder & a bit sharply. He finally looked at me but so did they & I I could feel the judgment on their expressions. Oh well. It gets tiring saying his name 8000 times to get him to respond or god forbid do anything w/ ask him

. The only thing that seems to work around here is to get right in front of him & look him in the eyes to talk, but that is more to get him to listen, not to actually do the things we ask him to do.
So just commiserating

GL!

Soon2BMrsN · March 2014

QueSrah said:

I don't have any tips, but DD was especially bad with the morning routine around age 3.5-4, and now at almost 4.5 the not listening to what we say has expanded to most of the day. I don't have any great tips so far, but I'm right there with you.

This is exactly what I needed to read...this whole post, really. ODS has had us at our wits end lately, and it helps soooo much to know that it's at least somewhat typical for his age. His listening skills are terrible right now!!!!

Brettx3Ashley · March 2014

My fiance and I had issues with this with his four year DD last summer. She refused to wear pants and only wanted to wear leggings. After a couple incidents with her father taking the rein on disicpline, she now can finally get up, pick out a shirt and jeans and put them on herself. She's becoming a very independent little girl. I'm proud of her. We still have to tell her, okay it's time to get dressed or its time to make the bed, but once she hears that she goes off and does it. I'm hoping my next one learns as quickly.

Constantly repeating yourself to toddlers

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