UO

kelbel527 · March 2014

I don't love that my older son is coming across as spoiled lately when my mom comes over. (Grammy, did you bring me something!?) When he asks, I tell him it's rude.

That said... in the grand scheme of things, I think parents spoiling children non-stop is different than grandparents. My grandparents spoiled me (my grandpa used to take us out for ice cream for breakfast for our birthdays), but my parents weren't able to give us much growing up. I understood that even though we were totally spoiled by our grandparents, that I should appreciate it and that I wasn't entitled to it.

Bottom line...it's all about how you teach your kids.

AlinnJo · March 2014

kelbel527 said:

I don't love that my older son is coming across as spoiled lately when my mom comes over. (Grammy, did you bring me something!?) When he asks, I tell him it's rude.

That said... in the grand scheme of things, I think parents spoiling children non-stop is different than grandparents. My grandparents spoiled me (my grandpa used to take us out for ice cream for breakfast for our birthdays), but my parents weren't able to give us much growing up. I understood that even though we were totally spoiled by our grandparents, that I should appreciate it and that I wasn't entitled to it.

Bottom line...it's all about how you teach your kids.

Exactly. It's teaching your kids to appreciate what they have while also telling them no. I'm worried about how we will achieve. It won't be easy!!

juliane2004 · March 2014

UO: I like the peanut free rules in schools.

watercolor5 · March 2014

I get irrationally annoyed by single friends who post parenting articles on FB... I had a friend post an article about how children under age 2 shouldn't have any screen time at all or you'll stunt their development. I realize she's entitled to her opinion, but it just came off as judgey from someone who hasn't ever had to deal with a toddler 24/7.

melody921 · March 2014

BunkinMama said:

I wish my MIL spoiled the girsl more! I have two nieces and she buys them a lot! Takes them many places, goes to more school events. It has really gotten to me recently because V is starting to notice. "Why did grandma buy L & L new coats and shoes? Can I get a new coat too?" "L & L got to go to Chuck E Cheese with grandma! Can we go too?"

That would piss me off. It should be as even as possible. How do you even explain that to a kid?

Cheenomae · March 2014

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

This was my UO once and I still agree. It's the most annoying thing ever. This is coming from someone who doesn't even mind the lovey dovey messages between SO's. It's the comments to people who will NEVER see them. I have an idea...maybe just go tell them. Yeah?

RE: Grandparents and gift giving. My parents (dad and step mom) don't spend very much money on their grand kids at all. They do have it to give, but their priorities just aren't on spending their money that way. They say a lot of "I love you's...". DH's parents spend all kinds of money on the grand kids. DH says that's how they show their love. They don't say "I love you" very much and don't show a lot or any affection so I'd personally hate to take that away from them.

Like someone said above, it's just about how they go about it and making sure they aren't competing with the actual child's parents. I will let anyone who wants to buy my kids something buy them something, but I will get to dictate when/if they get to partake in said gifts. I know it was a huge deal last week about putting toys up that someone else bought for the child, but I have no problem doing it for a more appropriate time to be used. Also, if it's candy or something my child really doesn't need then I'll just casually throw it away... or duh, eat it.

MarisaKathleen · March 2014

melody921 said:

BunkinMama said:

I wish my MIL spoiled the girsl more! I have two nieces and she buys them a lot! Takes them many places, goes to more school events. It has really gotten to me recently because V is starting to notice. "Why did grandma buy L & L new coats and shoes? Can I get a new coat too?" "L & L got to go to Chuck E Cheese with grandma! Can we go too?"

That would piss me off. It should be as even as possible. How do you even explain that to a kid?

My FIL was home from Feb. 18-March 17 and came over to see Nancy last week Saturday. He practically lives at my SIL's house and spends a ton of time with her kids. It really bothers my DH. In a few years when Nancy starts noticing, I have no idea at all how we will handle that.

Pokedot · March 2014

BunkinMama said:

I wish my MIL spoiled the girsl more! I have two nieces and she buys them a lot! Takes them many places, goes to more school events. It has really gotten to me recently because V is starting to notice. "Why did grandma buy L & L new coats and shoes? Can I get a new coat too?" "L & L got to go to Chuck E Cheese with grandma! Can we go too?"

And that is not right. If you have children/grandchildren you treat them equally. My grandparents were like this. I realize there is a huge age difference with my cousins and I. The oldest is 12, I'm 29 so when I was little my grandparents were still very active and had their own thing going on. When my cousins were born it shifted and everything was about them. While they didn't miss any of my events, they spent WAY more time with them and gave them more things. I could care less about the things, it was the time spent. Now both of my grandparents are gone and it still weighs on me becuase my grandma never saw anything wrong with it. My dad was always there for anything at the drop of a hat, but my uncle was the favorite. He could do no wrong, same with his kids. It's sad really. I hope to never do this to my children/grandchildren. My parents have been wonderful so far with 3.

Cheenomae · March 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

melody921 said:

BunkinMama said:

I wish my MIL spoiled the girsl more! I have two nieces and she buys them a lot! Takes them many places, goes to more school events. It has really gotten to me recently because V is starting to notice. "Why did grandma buy L & L new coats and shoes? Can I get a new coat too?" "L & L got to go to Chuck E Cheese with grandma! Can we go too?"

That would piss me off. It should be as even as possible. How do you even explain that to a kid?

My FIL was home from Feb. 18-March 17 and came over to see Nancy last week Saturday. He practically lives at my SIL's house and spends a ton of time with her kids. It really bothers my DH. In a few years when Nancy starts noticing, I have no idea at all how we will handle that.

Yeah, none of this seems really fair to me. Having two kids I can't imagine picking a favorite, even though I have favorites at different times, in general I feel the same for them, so I'd think that's the same for grandparents. Does it not occur to them what their doing and the detriment that can have on the kids? So sad.

Also, comma splices? I'm not sure.

Bookelly · March 2014

UO: Pharrell's song 'Happy' sucks. The lyrics make no sense and, tbh, the melody isn't very good either. I'd rather listen to commercials (see also, almost all of Rihanna's music).

BillyMollyEmmy · March 2014

Cops who don't follow the rules of the road piss me the eff off.

Brought to you by me following a cop through town this morning who didn't signal on any of his turns and was tailgating some poor driver the entire time he was behind him.

MRoxy0628 · March 2014

Cheenomae said:

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

This was my UO once and I still agree. It's the most annoying thing ever. This is coming from someone who doesn't even mind the lovey dovey messages between SO's. It's the comments to people who will NEVER see them. I have an idea...maybe just go tell them. Yeah?

RE: Grandparents and gift giving. My parents (dad and step mom) don't spend very much money on their grand kids at all. They do have it to give, but their priorities just aren't on spending their money that way. They say a lot of "I love you's...". DH's parents spend all kinds of money on the grand kids. DH says that's how they show their love. They don't say "I love you" very much and don't show a lot or any affection so I'd personally hate to take that away from them.

STUCK:

That is something I have an issue with (for my own family). Mostly because I don't want my daughter to equate gifts with love or being a big part of showing someone you love them. I think my issue is more with her (eventually) comparing my parents to my in-laws and thinking my mom loves her less because she buys her less.

watercolor5 · March 2014

BillyMollyEmmy said:

Cops who don't follow the rules of the road piss me the eff off.

Brought to you by me following a cop through town this morning who didn't signal on any of his turns and was tailgating some poor driver the entire time he was behind him.

Ugh, especially if they're handling the cop car recklessly. I saw a cop spin his squad car around in a tight turn and run it up over the curb for no reason. I felt bad for my tax dollars.

melody921 · March 2014

BillyMollyEmmy said:

Cops who don't follow the rules of the road piss me the eff off.

Brought to you by me following a cop through town this morning who didn't signal on any of his turns and was tailgating some poor driver the entire time he was behind him.

OMG, I think I posted about this a couple of weeks ago. There was a cop who tailgated a bunch of people, was in an exit lane and then cut back across the road at the last minute, cutting off multiple drivers. But he'd probably be the first one to pull over someone going 5 mph over the limit and have a lot of swagger to go along with it. When I was younger (and more stupid), I briefly dated a guy in law enforcement who actually said that he could do whatever he wanted (including drinking and driving) bc a fellow officer would just let him go.

Pokedot · March 2014

@BunkinMama & @MarisaKathleen a question for you guys. Have you ever talked to the GP's about it? Or is that a no no? I only ask because as I got older I noticed with my grandparents I actually ended up talking to them about it. It didn't go over as well as I liked but I found that by me expressin g my feelings as their grandchild it opened a bit more communication between us and I saw more of an effort on their part.

My MIL never sees B. She acts like we keep him from her yet we call, invite her over, go to her house but she reall alienates herself from others. I don't take it personal but I know when B is older it's going to be hard explaining why Grandma S isn't around nearly as often as Nana and Pop Pop are.

Cheenomae · March 2014

MRoxy0628 said:

Cheenomae said:

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

This was my UO once and I still agree. It's the most annoying thing ever. This is coming from someone who doesn't even mind the lovey dovey messages between SO's. It's the comments to people who will NEVER see them. I have an idea...maybe just go tell them. Yeah?

RE: Grandparents and gift giving. My parents (dad and step mom) don't spend very much money on their grand kids at all. They do have it to give, but their priorities just aren't on spending their money that way. They say a lot of "I love you's...". DH's parents spend all kinds of money on the grand kids. DH says that's how they show their love. They don't say "I love you" very much and don't show a lot or any affection so I'd personally hate to take that away from them.

STUCK:

That is something I have an issue with (for my own family). Mostly because I don't want my daughter to equate gifts with love or being a big part of showing someone you love them. I think my issue is more with her (eventually) comparing my parents to my in-laws and thinking my mom loves her less because she buys her less.

@MRoxy0628, this I totally understand. This is going to be a huge issue for us as my kids get older and start wondering different things. I'll have to explain to them somehow the difference. I never really thought about my kids feeling like one set loves them more than the other because of the gift giving, I just fear they'll think this because of the distance and lack of presence in their lives (my parents are in GA and we're in UT). I honestly don't mind DH's parents buying my kids so many things, but I also knew it was going to happen from the beginning. Right when I met DH he would tell me all the time how his parents showed their love with gifts. He's not a spoiled brat and he definitely knew boundaries, but he definitely didn't go without. He knew they loved him otherwise, but they think without the gifts their kids wouldn't feel loved. It's a very strange dynamic, but it worked for them.

MRoxy0628 · March 2014

Cheenomae said:

STUCK:

That is something I have an issue with (for my own family). Mostly because I don't want my daughter to equate gifts with love or being a big part of showing someone you love them. I think my issue is more with her (eventually) comparing my parents to my in-laws and thinking my mom loves her less because she buys her less.

@MRoxy0628, this I totally understand. This is going to be a huge issue for us as my kids get older and start wondering different things. I'll have to explain to them somehow the difference. I never really thought about my kids feeling like one set loves them more than the other because of the gift giving, I just fear they'll think this because of the distance and lack of presence in their lives (my parents are in GA and we're in UT). I honestly don't mind DH's parents buying my kids so many things, but I also knew it was going to happen from the beginning. Right when I met DH he would tell me all the time how his parents showed their love with gifts. He's not a spoiled brat and he definitely knew boundaries, but he definitely didn't go without. He knew they loved him otherwise, but they think without the gifts their kids wouldn't feel loved. It's a very strange dynamic, but it worked for them.

STUCK AGAIN:

It sounds like our husbands grew up very similarly. I am lucky though that both sets of grandparents are close by. I agree that I'll just have to have those conversations with our children as they get older.

Cheenomae · March 2014

@MRoxy0628, it was a dynamic for me that took some getting used to. DH's parents and my parents could not be more different. That's so great that both sets of parents are close. That's been my dream for many years. My parents just built their dream home on their dream land in GA...they are never coming home now, so I think my dream will always remain a dream!

thebanich · March 2014

My mom and dad buy the kids ALL THE THINGS. Lilly's birthday is coming and I'm terrified. My mom is here so she shops for them regularly. My dad is in CO so when he sends things they generally come in a ginormous box and the UPS guy gets grumpy.

I don't mind them buying them things. I'll probably want to spoil my grand kids too.

Apparently this is a UO where I live: If you can't find a place to park...it is not ok to just park your car behind someone elses (completely blocking them in) and just walk away.

BillyMollyEmmy · March 2014

I don't mind when my parents or ILs buy things for LO because it helps me out - especially when it's an outfit or a new pair of shoes or a spring jacket. I appreciate that because it's one less expense for me. (not that I mind buying these things for LO either.) When it's chocolate or candy or things she can't have, I just thank them and put the goodies in the cupboard.

melody921 · March 2014

IndigoVader said:

@MeatballEsq and @melody921 well said, ladies.

LOL, not even sure what I said, but thanks!

MRoxy0628 · March 2014

TheAnne said:

my related UO: I think most gripes about ILs buying things the parents want to be the one to buy almost 100% boils down to a power struggle and control issues totally unrelated to the child. I grew up totally believing in Santa and the Easter Bunny as a kid and got stockings and baskets from my grandparents as well as the ones from my parents. I never had confusion about this and think if my parents had made a big stink about it, it wouldn't have made me appreciate what I got from them any more. Gift giving is a way of creating a bond with someone. Whether it is a handmade valentine from art class, an old family heirloom, an easter basket or an expensive watch... people usually* give gifts to make someone happy and to increase the bond between them.

I will own up to having control issues, but that's not 100 % of the reason why I feel the way I do, which I explained a bit more in subsequent posts.

willy_gert · March 2014

I have a problem with people who use "big" words in the wrong context. It makes me feel like they are trying to hard and the "english teacher's daughter" in my mind wants to explain to them that they didn't mean to choose that word, but a different one.

Ex - I just got an email that was sent to our entire organization about a deadline that was vastly approaching.... Um no, you can't vastly approach something, sorry.

Pokedot · March 2014

BunkinMama said:

Pokedot said:

@BunkinMama & @MarisaKathleen a question for you guys. Have you ever talked to the GP's about it? Or is that a no no? I only ask because as I got older I noticed with my grandparents I actually ended up talking to them about it. It didn't go over as well as I liked but I found that by me expressin g my feelings as their grandchild it opened a bit more communication between us and I saw more of an effort on their part.
My MIL never sees B. She acts like we keep him from her yet we call, invite her over, go to her house but she reall alienates herself from others. I don't take it personal but I know when B is older it's going to be hard explaining why Grandma S isn't around nearly as often as Nana and Pop Pop are.

DH has talked to his mom about the gift giving several times before. He has been so pissed and has gotten nowhere with it, which pisses him off more.

After they talk everything would be hush, hush for a while. It would still be noticed, Oh look L has a new doll, obvious new bookbag sitting at her house with the tags still on, bags of random toys still sitting in shopping bags at her house. Then MIL would try to make up for it and bring one new item over for V or M now too. The one that I found most insulting is when she brings over a bag of clothes she bought at a garage sale. Then after a few weeks everything returns to the way it was before. The time frame of hush hush has been shortening as my nieces talked more.

I'm sorry Bunkin. Some people just have their ways they feel are right and can't see another POV. It's never an easy situation to be in and it sounds like you guys are trying your hardest to not let it interfere. Kudos to you!

melody921 · March 2014

willy_gert said:

I have a problem with people who use "big" words in the wrong context. It makes me feel like they are trying to hard and the "english teacher's daughter" in my mind wants to explain to them that they didn't mean to choose that word, but a different one.

Ex - I just got an email that was sent to our entire organization about a deadline that was vastly approaching.... Um no, you can't vastly approach something, sorry.

LOL, I pick apart emails all the time. My favorite though is still when people use the wrong word like roll vs role.

melody921 · March 2014

IndigoVader said:

melody921 said:
LOL, not even sure what I said, but thanks!

OOPS, I was talking about the comments about those who need help. I can't even find a non offensive way to say it, sorry. My mind isn't fully functioning yet.
Also, right now I need all the help I can get. On top of my thyroid issue, I have been diagnosed with anemia, and it's pretty bad. I can barely function and it sucks, so I understand when others get overwhelmed sometimes. At the same time, I couldn't possible care less if someone on the internet thinks they are better at lyfe than I. Good all over you.

Hang in there! That sounds absolutely exhausting to be dealing with anemia and thyroid issues at the same time.

hmp1 · March 2014

MeatballEsq said:

I also wouldn't have a problem with grandparents buying C a bike. I'm not saying there's something wrong with you feeling that way! I don't think the child will necessarily remember who it came from, but the fun they had learning to ride it with you

We were pretty picky about James' first bike. We had a certain style and brand that we wanted. I would have been bummed if a grandparent dropped off a TRU character bike before we bought the bike we wanted.

I don't really care about the kids being spoiled by the grandparents, mostly I guess because they aren't

But DH and I were a little annoyed at Christmas when the Grandparents loaded up the boys' stocking leaving no room for the stuff I had bought. We would never say anything to them about it but DH bitched about it to me. But that is what family holidays are all about, right.

Flamingemu · March 2014

melody921 said:

willy_gert said:

I have a problem with people who use "big" words in the wrong context. It makes me feel like they are trying to hard and the "english teacher's daughter" in my mind wants to explain to them that they didn't mean to choose that word, but a different one.

Ex - I just got an email that was sent to our entire organization about a deadline that was vastly approaching.... Um no, you can't vastly approach something, sorry.

LOL, I pick apart emails all the time. My favorite though is still when people use the wrong word like roll vs role.

Kind of the same - at work yesterday, a woman WHO WORKS IN FINANCE, change the document number on something because the correct number didn't work. Umm, lady, you have been doing this longer than I have. You should know better. Seriously? I sent that one to her supervisor.

MarisaKathleen · March 2014

@Pokedot, Honestly, it doesn't bother me at all that FIL doesn't see Nancy. Knowing the abuse that my DH suffered from his Dad, I think he's a piece of shit. DH doesn't know that I know any of that and since he's never told me himself, I just keep it to myself.

I've told DH that if it bothers him he should talk to his Dad about it, but that's just not their relationship. I also told him (on Saturday) that if he's not willing to put the effort in and call his Dad when he knows he's here, then it's equally his fault. Hence why we were fighting most of the weekend. :-)

hmp1 · March 2014

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

Is it ok to acknowledge the event, just not wish them directly a happy birthday? I'm about to do an 18 month post for Leo today

Flamingemu · March 2014

UO - all the people that celebrated snow days all winter long that are now facing consequences and bitching. When I can't work, I have to make up the hours. When you can't work, go to school, you should have to make them up as well. Adding 3 days to the end of the school year is not going to kill anyone.

melody921 · March 2014

More grammar/spelling nazi stuff here: I hate when a word is intentionally spelled wrong to make it cute, such as local business Kat's Krafts.

Pokedot · March 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

@Pokedot, Honestly, it doesn't bother me at all that FIL doesn't see Nancy. Knowing the abuse that my DH suffered from his Dad, I think he's a piece of shit. DH doesn't know that I know any of that and since he's never told me himself, I just keep it to myself.

I've told DH that if it bothers him he should talk to his Dad about it, but that's just not their relationship. I also told him (on Saturday) that if he's not willing to put the effort in and call his Dad when he knows he's here, then it's equally his fault. Hence why we were fighting most of the weekend. :-)

That makes complete sense. I kind of feel that way about MIL. Not that there was abuse but she puts in no effort but DH doesn't as much either. I blame her more in the sense that she makes NO effort at all. DH calls her on occassion to check in, invite her over etc. Dealing with IL's isn't a picnic and I'm forever jealous of those who have IL's that put forth an effort. Sorry you have to deal with this!

Pokedot · March 2014

hmp1 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

Is it ok to acknowledge the event, just not wish them directly a happy birthday? I'm about to do an 18 month post for Leo today

I did it on Saturday. I didn't wish him a "Happy 18th Month Birthday" just acknowledged the fact that he was in fact 18 months<-how is that possible?

(

Flamingemu · March 2014

I was one of the complainers at Christmas. I have never actually told my MIL that L can't have a stocking, I just silently stew and go about my day.

For us, it is a power struggle. Hell, the woman moved closer to us when L was born to get more time. I am thankful that she is so loved and spoiled by her grandparents, but there has been a long standing power struggle with my MIL. I just make sure to show appreciation in front of MIL and do whatever needs to be done - get rid of candy, put up inappropraite toys - after she leaves. She can keep giving all the stockings and baskets she wants and I will continue to silently stew.

Holly_1007 · March 2014

I acknowledge my kids birthdays on Facebook. Someday they may go back and read what I wrote. My fb is pretty dedicated to my kids anyway, so most of my friends that don't like it have Unfriended me by now.

thebanich · March 2014

I'm dying at 'vastly approaching'

WTAF?

MRoxy0628 · March 2014

hmp1 said:

MRoxy0628 said:

I think it's odd when people post Happy Birthday messages on Facebook when their children a) don't have a Facebook and b) are too young to read the message. Yes, I realize this is nit-picky.

Is it ok to acknowledge the event, just not wish them directly a happy birthday? I'm about to do an 18 month post for Leo today

IMO, yes.

I don't think it's odd to say, "Celebrating Lily's Birthday today!" or if someone made their child a Facebook page that they plan to show them someday and they post on there.

Holly_1007 · March 2014

It (irrationally) bugs me when I see commercials, or tv shows where kids aren't buckled into their car seats properly. (Is anyone else seeing the Volvo add on the side right now?)

hmp1 · March 2014

And re my bike post. I wouldn't care at all if my parents bought James a bike for their house. They can buy whatever toys they want for their house.

Want a personalized experience?

UO

Re: UO

Choose Another Board

Search Boards