No shower - But still want gifts!

SylY79 · March 2014

So my boyfriend and I have both done a lot of moving in the last 10 years. We have friends and family scattered all down the east coast. We are moving to an area where we won't know anyone in a month (I'll be about 5 months pregnant). Most of our friends and family are up north and we are down in FL so having a shower doesn't really make sense. However, I have registered and of course would love presents!! How do we let close friends and family know about the registry without sending out shower invites?? I don't want to be tacky but...

Unknown · March 2014

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Raclla · March 2014

Wait until they ask what they can get you. Then mention that you have a registry with items picked out.

chase16 · March 2014

Ehhhh I'm not going to lie- I feel like this is tacky. FI and I have friends and family all over the US from moving around so much, but I would never create a registry and ask people for presents. We wont have a shower either because the people here are just coworker friends, my family lives across the country, and his lives several hours away and doesn't travel. I would love gifts, since babies are expensive, but I don't think there's tactful way to say "hey, here's my registry, buy me stuff.

To be honest, a woman I used to be close with did something similar to me, although she did actually have a shower. She and I hadn't spoken in about a month (she was four months pregnant and I mentioned that FI and I were thinking of trying- apparently she thought that I was "stealing her thunder"). Anyways, she sent me a shower invitation (which she knew I couldn't come to, because I live across the country). Of course I bought her a few nice gifts. Except for the generic thank you card, I haven't heard from her since. She has no idea that I'm pregnant.

In a nutshell, I understand that you want presents.. but I don't think there is a good way to go about this, so I wouldn't.

borstad · March 2014

I'm in the same boat. Our family is all in South Dakota and we are in tx. We don't know many ppl here, def not enough for a shower (even if my friend believed in them). We were just home for Xmas and parents are coming here for the birth so we won't make it home again any time soon. I think I'll just let it be but I wish there was some way to have a virtual shower

I have been to so many in the last 4 years and now I don't get one

MamaBovs · March 2014

chase16 said:

Ehhhh I'm not going to lie- I feel like this is tacky. FI and I have friends and family all over the US from moving around so much, but I would never create a registry and ask people for presents. We wont have a shower either because the people here are just coworker friends, my family lives across the country, and his lives several hours away and doesn't travel. I would love gifts, since babies are expensive, but I don't think there's tactful way to say "hey, here's my registry, buy me stuff.

To be honest, a woman I used to be close with did something similar to me, although she did actually have a shower. She and I hadn't spoken in about a month (she was four months pregnant and I mentioned that FI and I were thinking of trying- apparently she thought that I was "stealing her thunder"). Anyways, she sent me a shower invitation (which she knew I couldn't come to, because I live across the country). Of course I bought her a few nice gifts. Except for the generic thank you card, I haven't heard from her since. She has no idea that I'm pregnant.

In a nutshell, I understand that you want presents.. but I don't think there is a good way to go about this, so I wouldn't.

This. I would find it very tacky to receive unsolicited registry information from someone. If people want to buy you a gift, they will ask and THEN you can let them know where you are registered. Or people will just find it online as a PP mentioned - if I want to get someone a gift I'll just search their name at the typical sites and can usually find their registry without needing to ask for it.

mikescutie7 · March 2014

I think it's tacky, it's not right to ask for gifts. However if someone wants to throw you a shower, you can do an online one. A friend of mine did this, someone hosted an online facebook event for her, had games like baby trivia and posted videos of the mom-to-be opening gifts from the "guests"

If that doesn't work out for you tough luck, it is really rude to just send your registry to people because you want them to buy you stuff

mikrinikki · March 2014

my sil and her husband were stationed in az and their families are in tx and ny.her husband ended up messagong us all and said if you would like to get us anything, we have made a registry so we could get discounts/coupons on the big items. It seemed innocent enough

missmiss307 · March 2014

If someone in your family wants to throw you a shower but you can't be there, maybe suggest a virtual shower. They could do a Facebook event where friends and family could offer well wishes and provide info about your registry.

Beedeck · March 2014

DH's cousin was stationed in North Carolina and all our family is in Michigan, his Aunt planned a shower for the family, we all sent our gifts to them in North Carolina and had a monitor set up and skyped, we had the party and we got to watch them open all of their presents. It was really fun and very clever. DH's aunt is head of the IT department for a school so she had access to a lot of equipment to make it happen but i'm sure it could be done on a much less grander scale if say your mom hosted it at her house and had a laptop in the living room.

andreamarnold · March 2014

All of our family is from Michigan, and I lived in Florida while I was pregnant with my DS. I also felt like I didn't have enough non-coworker friends to have a baby shower in Florida. About 8 weeks before my due date, we visited Michigan and my mom and sister threw me a shower. All of the big stuff we returned while we were visiting and got gift cards and re-bought the stuff when we got back to Florida... but most people gave little items or gift cards anyway. Would be it possible for you to visit home? I was glad to have the shower experience even though we had moved away.

mae3014 · March 2014

I'm not involved in the planning, but I think my shopaholic MIL is planning to do a virtual shower for DH's family and her friends in MI who she thinks will want to get something.

We're going back to MI in June, but that my niece's birthday party so we don't want to steal her thunder. I'm hoping we can do some kind of 'meet the baby' party in early October when we go back for our next quarterly visit. I think that will be more fun for everyone involved since they don't know me very well.

If you have enough people in the same place, maybe consider having some kind of event the next time you are back? That way you can still send out a save the date for something and include the registry info, even if the event is a long time away yet.

Krisands · March 2014

If people want to send you gifts they will and if they want to know if you are registered they will ask. You still want gifts though? What is this Christmas and you are seven? Honestly it is not your friends and family's job to provide for your baby. ETA: The title of your post makes you sound selfish and entitled.

kshare18 · March 2014

So going off this thread, I am genuinely curious if what I am doing seems selfish. I recently moved back to Atlanta from Colorado and made some really great friends while I was there. My oldest sister is throwing me a shower in Atlanta and I wanted to invite the girls from Colorado. Not so they would come necessarily or even send presents, but just because I wanted them to know I was thinking about them and wish they could be here. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as though I am just wanting their gifts/money??

cashews29 · March 2014

kshare18 said:

So going off this thread, I am genuinely curious if what I am doing seems selfish. I recently moved back to Atlanta from Colorado and made some really great friends while I was there. My oldest sister is throwing me a shower in Atlanta and I wanted to invite the girls from Colorado. Not so they would come necessarily or even send presents, but just because I wanted them to know I was thinking about them and wish they could be here. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as though I am just wanting their gifts/money??

A little bit, maybe. I only invited locals to my wedding shower, or those within driving distance. I guess it would depend on how close you guys are. If you're really close, I think it would be okay.

Regarding the OP, that's SUPER tacky. "I'm not having a shower, but buy me things anyway!" Uh, no. If someone ASKS about getting you a gift, you can send them a link. But don't send it unsolicited.

I think these virtual showers sound kinda wierd.

dogperson11 · March 2014

zoegirlTX said:

kshare18 said:

So going off this thread, I am genuinely curious if what I am doing seems selfish. I recently moved back to Atlanta from Colorado and made some really great friends while I was there. My oldest sister is throwing me a shower in Atlanta and I wanted to invite the girls from Colorado. Not so they would come necessarily or even send presents, but just because I wanted them to know I was thinking about them and wish they could be here. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as though I am just wanting their gifts/money??

Ehh...I guess you'd know your friends better & how they would receive it? Did you tell themyou are having a shower in Atl? Can you speak to the on you are closest too & sort of "float the idea" or ask if they'd just like to do a small little brunch GTG or lunch or something that's a mini-party but not a shower?\

TBH- I"m sending lots of invites to out of town friends & family that I know won't come to town for my shower, but I know they'd like to be included or wouldn't be offended or we were invited to their baby showers.

-------------

I think this is a good idea. Maybe chat with them first and let them know you wish they could be a part of your special day and wanted to include them. I'd probably also add "please don't feel obligated to send a gift" or so getting like that to the conversation.

kshare18 · March 2014

Sorry OP for hijacking and thank you girls for the advice. I checked with my closest friend out there and she thought it was really sweet, but I will make sure they are aware that they don't need to send anything and that I was just thinking of them.

chase16 · March 2014

kshare18 said:

Sorry OP for hijacking and thank you girls for the advice. I checked with my closest friend out there and she thought it was really sweet, but I will make sure they are aware that they don't need to send anything and that I was just thinking of them.

Yes, do this. As I said in my post above, I had a friend that did this, and it was VERY obviously just a way to get a gift, as 1, she knew i wouldn't be able to come, and 2, she and I weren't on good terms at the time, and 3, I haven't heard from her since. (I know the last two don't apply in your situation, but I'm still a little upset about the whole situation.)

SylY79 · March 2014

wow.. there are some mean people on this site. I know we have pregnant hormones going on, but no need. I did not mean for this to sound selfish, so i'm sorry this came out wrong. everyone is excited to throw a shower and imagines doing so for their first born. I've been pretty bummed that I don't know enough people in the area to have one and since we are buying a house I don't really have the funds to travel to where my friends and family are for the shower. anyone that claims they don't want gifts is lying! there is a lot of stuff that you need to buy and it is overwhelming. I was trying to be funny in the title, I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. anyway, that'll be the last time I post for help. I see too many judgemental answers on these boards and it is so discouraging. this is supposed to be helpful not make people feel bad.

For those of you that gave constructive answers, thank you for that. some people had some good ideas although I think the safest thing is to just have the registry done and let people know if they ask. even if I get nothing i'll get the discounts later when I purchase myself.

salsy2012 · March 2014

SylY79 said:

wow.. there are some mean people on this site. I know we have pregnant hormones going on, but no need. I did not mean for this to sound selfish, so i'm sorry this came out wrong. everyone is excited to throw a shower and imagines doing so for their first born. I've been pretty bummed that I don't know enough people in the area to have one and since we are buying a house I don't really have the funds to travel to where my friends and family are for the shower. anyone that claims they don't want gifts is lying! there is a lot of stuff that you need to buy and it is overwhelming. I was trying to be funny in the title, I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. anyway, that'll be the last time I post for help. I see too many judgemental answers on these boards and it is so discouraging. this is supposed to be helpful not make people feel bad.

For those of you that gave constructive answers, thank you for that. some people had some good ideas although I think the safest thing is to just have the registry done and let people know if they ask. even if I get nothing i'll get the discounts later when I purchase myself.

Oy.

Rannndi · March 2014

SylY79 said:

wow.. there are some mean people on this site. I know we have pregnant hormones going on, but no need. I did not mean for this to sound selfish, so i'm sorry this came out wrong. everyone is excited to throw a shower and imagines doing so for their first born. I've been pretty bummed that I don't know enough people in the area to have one and since we are buying a house I don't really have the funds to travel to where my friends and family are for the shower. anyone that claims they don't want gifts is lying! there is a lot of stuff that you need to buy and it is overwhelming. I was trying to be funny in the title, I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. anyway, that'll be the last time I post for help. I see too many judgemental answers on these boards and it is so discouraging. this is supposed to be helpful not make people feel bad.

For those of you that gave constructive answers, thank you for that. some people had some good ideas although I think the safest thing is to just have the registry done and let people know if they ask. even if I get nothing i'll get the discounts later when I purchase myself.

So it was just a joke?

chase16 · March 2014

Why do people always think we're mean when we don't give them the answer they're looking for? You asked a question, we gave you honest feedback. No, we don't think you should email a registry out, because it's bad form. Any questions?

salsy2012 · March 2014

Guys, I think I just found what I think should be @cruelsound's official motto.

Every time I see it, I imagine an emphasis on "cruel" so it becomes a play on her name.

I may or may not have too much time on my hands...

Hilee18 · March 2014

Soliciting gifts is really tacky IMO. I don't care if that's "mean" it's also my opinion. Wait, people who want to get you something will ask, or get you what they want to, which is what makes it a gift not a demand.

dogperson11 · March 2014

MorseBrooks said:

SylY79 said:

wow.. there are some mean people on this site. I know we have pregnant hormones going on, but no need. I did not mean for this to sound selfish, so i'm sorry this came out wrong. everyone is excited to throw a shower and imagines doing so for their first born. I've been pretty bummed that I don't know enough people in the area to have one and since we are buying a house I don't really have the funds to travel to where my friends and family are for the shower. anyone that claims they don't want gifts is lying! there is a lot of stuff that you need to buy and it is overwhelming. I was trying to be funny in the title, I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. anyway, that'll be the last time I post for help. I see too many judgemental answers on these boards and it is so discouraging. this is supposed to be helpful not make people feel bad.

For those of you that gave constructive answers, thank you for that. some people had some good ideas although I think the safest thing is to just have the registry done and let people know if they ask. even if I get nothing i'll get the discounts later when I purchase myself.

Not telling you what you want to hear =/= mean........ Emailing out your registry prior to being asked is TACKY.

Do I appreciate the gifts that my family will inevitably buy? Of course. Do EXPECT them to buy said gifts? Hells no. Nor am I throwing myself a baby shower in order to procure said gifts

Even though you already said you were done here - next time put on your big girl pants because this is by far one of the tamest threads.

FYI - humor and sarcasm are VERY hard to have come across in text because of the reliance on tone. Regardless of the intent - your title came off as grabby and tacky.

FYI #2 - not everyone who posts here is pregnant so.....

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Do we have non-pregnant lurkers on A14?

mikescutie7 · March 2014

SylY79 said:

wow.. there are some mean people on this site.

Seriously? I don't think anyone was mean to you, we gave honest thoughts and suggestions. What exactly did you find mean?

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