Behavioral Therapy for 25-month-old?

ferris0906 · March 2014

So, my son's daycare is requiring him to get tested/observed for potential behavioral therapy. This is because he bites when he gets angry, he has a hard time sitting still for very long, and because he tends to get "stuck" on topics (like if he wants to play with a certain toy, he is pretty persistent that he wants it).

I'm having a bit of a hard time with this. On one hand I know they are trying to help him, but on the other hand I do not necessarily believe any of these "issues" are very severe or that unusual for his age. I am also worried because if this does not work, they could kick him out.

Does anyone have experience or perspective on this? I'm think I'm also a bit sad about about it because it's hard to hear your child is not perfect.

NotSharknado · March 2014

Um, I don't know any 2 year old that can sit still. A lot of kids this age bite too. If this isn't normal than I have a little Jeffery Dahmer on my hands....

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

Don't be sad-- lots of kids need some extra help.

DD has been in behavioral therapy since 21m (she's 26m now). It was reccomended to us when we had her evaluated for EI (speech). The evaluators mentioned the behavioral therapy due to similar issues that you mention in your OP.

The therapy seems to be working, but she has a bit of a ways to go. Just recently at two different events, I recieved some compliments on how "well behaved" DD is/ was. Honestly, it was really nice to hear. There's no shame in getting services for your kid. It can't hurt to look into it. GL.

BluepointToasted · March 2014

Think about it this way. They are around lots of children your son's age, so they are more likely to see behavior as not being just typical toddler behavior. Your frame of reference is much smaller. Also, behavior therapy is more education than anything. A behavior therapist would help you and his teachers with strategies, but it shouldn't be anything too invasive to your son . Hope this helps

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

BluepointToasted said:

Think about it this way. They are around lots of children your son's age, so they are more likely to see behavior as not being just typical toddler behavior. Your frame of reference is much smaller. Also, behavior therapy is more education than anything. A behavior therapist would help you and his teachers with strategies, but it shouldn't be anything too invasive to your son . Hope this helps

This exactly.

I have sat in on a few sessions (MH usually is home when the therapist comes) and your LO will just see it as playing. It's not unpleasant in the least. Sure, DD sometimes has fits if she wants to keep playing with a toy the therapist has put away, but learning to move on to the next thing is part of the therapy.

ferris0906 · March 2014

Thanks everyone. I'm happy to hear it is as "normal" as it seems.

They did say behavioral therapy. They work with a therapist who will come to daycare to observe him and evaluate. I think I'm less concerned about the biting because I know exactly when he does it--when he's mad and wants something he does not have (like a toy). I am a little worried about his inability to sit and his fixation issues.

I know this will help, but it is just hard to hear and definitely makes me feel like I'm making mistakes (which rationale-me knows is not true, but it's hard to not think that).

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

Sounds like a daycare that lacks patience. Nothing you described is abnormal for a 2 year old. Unless YOU have concerns about your child I would say thanks but no thanks. Could just be immaturity, active kid, personality, etc.

I disagree with this.

BluepointToasted said:

Think about it this way. They are around lots of children your son's age, so they are more likely to see behavior as not being just typical toddler behavior. Your frame of reference is much smaller. Also, behavior therapy is more education than anything. A behavior therapist would help you and his teachers with strategies, but it shouldn't be anything too invasive to your son . Hope this helps

This!

Edit: Don't be hard on yourself OP. Some kids just need a little tiny bit more than others in some areas. You sound like a great mom.

ferris0906 · March 2014

Thanks again all.

He will definitely get evaluated (both because I know it's the right thing and because daycare is basically requiring it), and then we'll go from there.

I actually work in a school and have these conversations from the other side all the time. I know the arguments (I see your child for eight hours a day, I know what the typical child at this age does/is/produces, I only want to make sure we're giving a child everything they need to make sure they feel successful, etc.) It's just super hard to be on the other side.

BluepointToasted · March 2014

ferris0906 said:
It's just super hard to be on the other side.

Yup. Sorry you have to deal with this, hopefully it goes smoothly and is helpful for your little guy

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

lisajay09 said:

However, the behaviors that are being mentioned are NOT indicative of a behavior/developmental issue.

I don't agree. Just because they were explained to the parent in a semi-rational manner does not mean that they are not above and beyond the norm.

"fixates on doing something" could describe a kid that gets annoyed when he doesn't get to play with the toy and then moves on within 5 or so minutes (plus or minus a meltdown).

OR

"fixates on doing something" could describe a kid that will absolutely melt down to the point os hysteria every.single.time. things don't pan out the way he imagined. He will NOT move on, etc.

I don't think the semantics of what they are describing should be the issue. Obviously there are ways to describe things in a more diplomatic manner and not immediately get someone on the defensive, but it doesn't change that there might be an underlying issue.
Yes, but, unnecessary evaluations can also impact the services of other children who might actually need them and also be a waste of resources. If the child were going into hysterics and fixating obsessively then I would assume the teacher would tell the parent just that. As a parent I would need far more motivation then the behaviors described to have my child evaluated. My son was evaluated because he couldn't speak. I his mother noticed the delay in his speech. Is this child having similar behaviors at home or is it only in school? If she is not seeing behaviors that are concerning in her home with her own child then I would question what's going on at daycare. I feel so many people jumped to evaluating young children unnecessarily. These young children need time to mature and develop. Of course, significantly out of norm behavior and developmental delay needs to be addressed. I do not see this as being severe. But again, I cannot see the child or their behaviors so I am only speculating.

So the daycare gets the blame when they voice concerns?

This is the reason teachers try to be very very diplomatic when they talk to parents about their children, like HilarityEnsued said. Some parents go right to "well what the fuck are you guys doing wrong that's making my darling little angel act this way because my sweet baby never does that at home".

::Googles @MrsBadkat's demon seed. Marks him persona non grata for all future sleepovers and birthday parties::

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

Maybe I'm just giving parents more credit than I should for being observant of their children.

Well now the under handed insults begin. Children can and do display behaviors outside of the home that they don't inside of the home. If the teachers are contacting a parent because they feel something needs a little more attention it's not because they have too much free time on their hands. It's because they are doing their jobs, CARING for the children in their care.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

Well. This escalated.

M-F I spend a total of maybe 1.5-2 hours with DD per day. The time in the morning is spent getting ready for work/ getting DD ready for the day. The evening (I get home at 7) is spent trying to feed/ bathe/ wrangle DD until bedtime.

My only real QT is spent with her on weekends. We don't have a lot of friends with kids. Her daycare was the first person to mention to me that she seemed to have a bit of a speech delay (DD was 18 months and maybe saying 3 words). I am totally thankful it was pointed out, because we did the eval and DD is getting the extra help. (Speech and behavioral)

I am sure I would have picked up on it eventually, but I am glad we intervened early. If she had tested out, I would have been also happy that I was doing something proactive. I have not once thought about the eval and how or if it affected other children. That's just silly.

missyishere · March 2014

It is NOT fresh hell Friday, right?!

missyishere · March 2014

LexiLupin said:
But seriously, didn't the teacher in LJ once rail against homeschooling for exactly the opposite reason, that parents weren't professionally trained to recognize potential issues? Was that someone else? Apologies if my bump memory fails.

Yes in our BMB.

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

This has nothing to do with homeschooling. And, I forgot, teachers can't possibly be experts in anything. We just dumasses who like the summers off. And no respectable educator wears the same hat as a mommy and an educator.

Say what......

This childs teacher felt they needed an expert to come in and observe him to offer assistance on how to better assist him in class. A child they are with for several hours several days a week. You literally told the mother to tell them "thanks but no thanks"

RondackHiker · March 2014

I was wondering why this thread blew up.

missyishere · March 2014

My expertise lies within pubic wigs.

RondackHiker · March 2014

So, LJ, you used all your expertise to evaluate a child you've never seen based off of a short post and decided that you completely disagreed with the people who see this child daily and that those care givers must just be lazy? That sounds like a GREAT evaluation.

allrightmeow · March 2014

LoisLayn23 said:

I love anecdote time.

I've been waiting for 1.5 years to see if my kid's demeanor is due to" immaturity, active kid, personality, etc."

Is that long eonugh for you? Can I call now?

Be more observant!

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

lisajay09 said:

lisajay09 said:

And, I forgot, teachers can't possibly be experts in anything. We just dumasses who like the summers off.

OMG yes this was totally what everyone is saying. That teachers are dumbasses.
You said I'm not an expert in child development. I disagree.

I'm curious. What qualifies you as an expert in child development?

ETA: That sounds a lot snarkier than I intended. I really am curious, though, because I used to be an education major and I don't recall more than one course in actual childhood development being required.
I have 3 different degrees: early childhood development, pre k through 6th grade and reading. Does that mean I'm writing a freaking textbook about it, no. But I do have some Experience and insight that I THOUGHT could be useful. Clearly not. And that's fine.

"Thanks but no thanks" That's some cracker jack insight girlfriend!

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

There is fresh hell in here, huh?

missyishere · March 2014

Don't even pull out the bully card, LJ. You know better than that.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

MrsBadKat said:

I don't understand how someone netbattles for four pages, realizes they have zero allies and twenty opponents in said netbattle, yet it never occurs to them that they might be wrong.

BMK, meet LJ.
It's really just

MrsBadKat said:

I don't understand how someone netbattles for four pages, realizes they have zero allies and twenty opponents in said netbattle, yet it never occurs to them that they might be wrong.

BMK, meet LJ.
This is just the standard bullying and bandwagoning that goes on here in TB. Apparently this is how some people make themselves feel better...by ganging up. It's all good. I can, with confidence, say I am an Expert in this.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

It's been a pleasure. But i have to go get a stress test for all of the chest pains I've been having the last month. Wish me luck...oh, wait, you wouldn't. Talk freely amongst yourselves about what a horrible person I am. It's cool.

Maybe you should kick your husband out of the house.

That could be a cause of stress in your life.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

Francis is not amused.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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[Deleted User] · March 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

RondackHiker · March 2014

lisajay09 said:
It's been a pleasure. But i have to go get a stress test for all of the chest pains I've been having the last month. Wish me luck...oh, wait, you wouldn't.

Talk freely amongst yourselves about what a horrible person I am. It's cool.

Oh for fuck's sake.

People gave you good advice about your marriage and if you asked for support you'd get it.

No one said you were a horrible person. They said it was terrible advice to say that this child shouldn't be evaluated and blame the daycare for lack of patience.

You gave bad advice. People called you on it. Get over the freaking butthurt.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

lisajay09 said:

It's been a pleasure. But i have to go get a stress test for all of the chest pains I've been having the last month. Wish me luck...oh, wait, you wouldn't. Talk freely amongst yourselves about what a horrible person I am. It's cool.

Maybe you should kick your husband out of the house.

That could be a cause of stress in your life.
Line crossed.

Your opinion.

Rach7170 · March 2014

I was wondering what happened in here. I see it the same LJ stuff, complete with a "feel sorry for me" ending.

allrightmeow · March 2014

lisajay09 said:

It's been a pleasure. But i have to go get a stress test for all of the chest pains I've been having the last month. Wish me luck...oh, wait, you wouldn't. Talk freely amongst yourselves about what a horrible person I am. It's cool.

ZOMG! This is like when my friends grandmother starts talking about her weak heart when she says something terribly offensive and people point that out to her! LMAO!

The most poorly played sympathy card in the history of the worlds!

allrightmeow · March 2014

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

You can feel your advice was right all you want. It doesn't mean it was a) good advice; or b) not dumb as hell.

I can tell people all day, every day, that wearing leaves as clothes is a good alternative to actual clothes. That doesn't mean I'm right.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

MrsBadKat said:

Please, guys, don't ever let me be this fucking dense in a netbattle. Please.

I got your back. I will bitchslap you if you are dense like this in a netbattle.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

FOR THE RECORD.

Disagreeing with someone DOES NOT EQUAL BULLYING.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:

CinemaGoddess said:

FOR THE RECORD.

Disagreeing with someone DOES NOT EQUAL BULLYING.

Sure it does. Just ask 1st tri.

1st Tri is full of hormonal idiots.

It is known.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

I am the authority on all things kid related.

missyishere · March 2014

Like sand through the hour glass.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

HilarityEnsued said:

I went to Space Camp.

Let me know if you guys need to know how to pilot space ships.

DID YOU GO WITH JOAQUIN PHOENIX WHEN HE WAS STILL KNOWN AS LEAF PHOENIX? DID YOU TAKE A ROBOT?

missyishere · March 2014

@WasNotWas‌ is Lance Bass.

CinemaGoddess · March 2014

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