Am I doing the right thing? 2 yr old napping.

nonoemily · March 2014

My son has been a great sleeper and a cooperative napper until four or five months ago. He started refusing to sleep in his bed during the day and out of exhaustion I foolishly started taking him on a "nap drive" and then letting him sleep in the car. He has never transferred well, so moving him to his bed wasn't an option. He will sleep at least one, if not two hours this way. It usually takes less than ten minutes of driving to get him to sleep.

Obviously, this plan is not sustainable. Summer is coming, and I can't let him sleep in a hot car. I also can't drive around with the AC on for two hours a day. Kiddo needs to sleep in his own bed.

So heres my plan...
We come home from play date, errands, etc at 12:30, eat and read, then I take him upstairs for naptime at 1. Naptime is from 1-3. He doesn't have to sleep, but he needs to be in his room.

Well, he's been up there alternately whining, knocking on the door, playing and singing for the last ninety minutes. I've gone up there twice to sing to him and run his back. This settles him for a few minutes, but then he gets that naughty twinkle in his eye and starts rolling around again. When he gets out of bed I leave the room.

Ugh. Any thoughts or opinions on this action plan? I feel kind of hopeless right now.

Sorry so long. Thanks for reading.

blu-eyedwife · March 2014

Here's my initial thought - which you can dismiss if you don't like, since you know your kid better than I do.

Is there a chance 1pm is too late for a nap? I know my 2.5 year old goes down for a nap around then at school, but even his teachers realize that's really pushing it for him (but he's one of the younger in his class). On the weekends, when he's home with us, he goes down between 12 and 12:30. A lot of what you're describing sounds like "overtired" to me. Which makes it difficult for them to lay down and go to sleep.

We also have a no-nonsense nap policy in my house, but it works for us and we've enforced it since day 1. So we do whatever it takes to get him to sleep. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but we're not quite ready for the "if you don't nap you have to have quiet time in your room" stage yet. I do plan on that in the future, but right now my kid really needs that nap. Most of the time we cuddle with him/sing to him until he falls asleep. Because this is pattern for us, it usually takes less than 5 minutes, but I know that's not how everyone wants to do it.

nonoemily · March 2014

@blu-eyedwife‌ that's a possibility. I guess if I can't make any progress after a few weeks I could move the timing up an hour or two and see of that makes a difference.

Thanks for that suggestion. Sometimes obvious stuff is right under my nose.

TiffanyBerry · March 2014

Or move the timing back. It was around 2years old that DD moved her nap back from 1-2:30pm to 2:30pm-4pm. We didn't change bedtime (8:30pm at the time). It made no sense to me, but it worked out well for a year.

sunnyday016 · March 2014

TiffanyBerry said:

Or move the timing back. It was around 2years old that DD moved her nap back from 1-2:30pm to 2:30pm-4pm. We didn't change bedtime (8:30pm at the time). It made no sense to me, but it worked out well for a year.

This is pretty much where we are at with DS right now, even though we aim to get him down around 1. It will take him until 2:30 or so to actually fall asleep. He is NOT happy and calm in his room though, he alternates between tantruming (kicking his bed, the door, the wall) and periods of quiet. I go in to calm him, and as soon as I leave he rages again. If I stay until he is asleep, it is very likely he won't sleep because he just stares at me and messes around the whole time. It is incredibly frustrating but I have found that he falls asleep sooner (and I remain calmer) if I just put him down and do not go back in, as harsh as that sounds.

TiffanyBerry · March 2014

sunnyday016 said:

TiffanyBerry said:

Or move the timing back. It was around 2years old that DD moved her nap back from 1-2:30pm to 2:30pm-4pm. We didn't change bedtime (8:30pm at the time). It made no sense to me, but it worked out well for a year.

This is pretty much where we are at with DS right now, even though we aim to get him down around 1. It will take him until 2:30 or so to actually fall asleep. He is NOT happy and calm in his room though, he alternates between tantruming (kicking his bed, the door, the wall) and periods of quiet. I go in to calm him, and as soon as I leave he rages again. If I stay until he is asleep, it is very likely he won't sleep because he just stares at me and messes around the whole time. It is incredibly frustrating but I have found that he falls asleep sooner (and I remain calmer) if I just put him down and do not go back in, as harsh as that sounds.

That's what was happening with DD. I made her stay in bed through naptime, and she would more often than not fall asleep right at the end. So I stopped trying to put her down earlier, and went with the later time. And all was "well" (very relative for her sleep) for a year.

sunnyday016 · March 2014

TiffanyBerry said:

sunnyday016 said:

TiffanyBerry said:

Or move the timing back. It was around 2years old that DD moved her nap back from 1-2:30pm to 2:30pm-4pm. We didn't change bedtime (8:30pm at the time). It made no sense to me, but it worked out well for a year.

This is pretty much where we are at with DS right now, even though we aim to get him down around 1. It will take him until 2:30 or so to actually fall asleep. He is NOT happy and calm in his room though, he alternates between tantruming (kicking his bed, the door, the wall) and periods of quiet. I go in to calm him, and as soon as I leave he rages again. If I stay until he is asleep, it is very likely he won't sleep because he just stares at me and messes around the whole time. It is incredibly frustrating but I have found that he falls asleep sooner (and I remain calmer) if I just put him down and do not go back in, as harsh as that sounds.

That's what was happening with DD. I made her stay in bed through naptime, and she would more often than not fall asleep right at the end. So I stopped trying to put her down earlier, and went with the later time. And all was "well" (very relative for her sleep) for a year.

How did you make her stay in bed? DS is out of bed and kicking the wall before I even am able to leave the room

laurakaz13 · March 2014

Nicb13 said:

If he's not crying while he's up there when not just leave him? You can't force him to sleep so all you can do is put him down when he's tired, make the room conducive to sleep and hope for the best. This is what I do at night and sometimes DS will mess around for over an hour in his bed but he's not crying, so I shut my brain off and don't stress it.
Maybe after a couple days, he'll start realizing it's nap time and go to sleep? You never know. If you are consistent and keep things the same day after day, he will catch on.

This is exactly true for us too. DD doesn't always fall asleep right away, but she rests no matter what up in her bed. Stop the driving thing. That's not good for anyone involved.

Tink112011 · March 2014

My DS somehow goes down for a nap at about 12:30pm at daycare, but that will never happen on the weekends. If I try to have him nap at 12:30, we have over an hour of nonsense.

If I put him down for a nap later, like 1:30pm or 2pm, he goes down without a fight. It doesn't affect his bedtime at all, so I obviously just go for what is easier.

Trying starting his nap at 2pm one day and see what happens.

TiffanyBerry · March 2014

Well, if you are leaving the room, the rule "stay in bed" is not enforceable. So, you can't make him stay in bed if you are not staying in the room. (This is why deciding what the rule should be also requires determining what is enforceable.) Kicking the walls... I'm not entirely sure how I would choose to handle that one. If he wasn't in danger of kicking a hole *in* the wall, I'd probably ignore it (as he's likely using it for attention) and see if it died out in a week. Or I'd give him something else he *could* kick (a bean bag chair?).

nonoemily · March 2014

Well, it took a week of being really consistent, but he's sleeping in his bed everyday from 1-3 now! It was actually easier than I expected. It's still more work than bedtime, but I've been giving him lunch at noon everyday and then putting on jams and reading books, then I take him upstairs and sing to him (with my eyes closed, so he isn't trying to show off or play with me) until he falls asleep or at least gets really sleepy.

Thanks everyone!

8411mommy · March 2014

I lay down beside my dd to get her to sleep.

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Am I doing the right thing? 2 yr old napping.

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