Circumcision?

daisy.ramirez · March 2014

I asked my doctor and she said to research it...not very helpful. I did some research online and there's nothing conclusive to help us decide. Husband's family is pro and mine is neutral. How do we decide?

I know this could be a tricky question but I am curious about what others think about circumcision and how onr would make their decision.

Thanks!

LoveIsAll25 · March 2014

I think everyone on this board will tell you its a personal decision and to do your research. My DH is circumcised but we chose NOT to circumcise our 3 year old son and we won't circumcise this LO either.

dogsombrero · March 2014

I agree with @ErBear1010‌ as with all heated choices: cloth vs disposables, pacifiers vs no pacifiers, breastfeeding vs formula it's a very personal decision. I hope you and YH are able to decide what you'd like to do without any pressure to make a choice.

Glitterlicious · March 2014

Wow-I didn't know that people born in the US were not circumcised, let alone it being a hot button topic. I haven't heard of anyone I know not having it done.

daisy.ramirez · March 2014

It's so hard especially because he will be so little when this decision has to be made and he has no say in it. Thank you, I appreciate the honest feedback.

Hallil · March 2014

I'm not sure why your families opinions are included at all, as PPs have said it's up to you and DH.

Personally, any future (as we don't have any yet) boys won't be done. DH is, but after doing research while expecting lo#1 and seeing no benefits certainly some risks we wouldn't/won't do it.

You have to come to your own conclusion based on your own research.

Miles2Go · March 2014

If you search TB, you will probably find lots of posts on the topic. I think very bmb goes through it at least once! We are having a boy and we see no reason to circumcise him, so we're going to skip it. It is also my understanding that many insurance providers no longer cover it as it is considered and "optional" and "cosmetic" procedure. There are a few cases where it is medically indicated, and if that were the case, I might make a different choice. But as it stands. I don't see the alteration of my son's body as my choice. It's his. So if he ever decides he wants to do it, then fine.

eemiers · March 2014

We are not having it done. We do not have religious convictions around it. I read that it is more popular in the US amongst white Caucasians. There are some concerns over cleanliness. DH is not and has never had any issues. I read to be prepared if you choose differently from DH as baby boy will compare and have questions early on. Good luck with the decision making

Empireceo · March 2014

We did it and will again if this LO is a boy. It's a personal decision and you could find strong arguments for either one. I'm not sure why it's anyone's choice but you and your husband's though.

pandadair · March 2014

Miles2Go said:

If you search TB, you will probably find lots of posts on the topic. I think very bmb goes through it at least once! We are having a boy and we see no reason to circumcise him, so we're going to skip it. It is also my understanding that many insurance providers no longer cover it as it is considered and "optional" and "cosmetic" procedure. There are a few cases where it is medically indicated, and if that were the case, I might make a different choice. But as it stands. I don't see the alteration of my son's body as my choice. It's his. So if he ever decides he wants to do it, then fine.

All of this.

KatieP71312 · March 2014

eemiers said:

We are not having it done. We do not have religious convictions around it. I read that it is more popular in the US amongst white Caucasians. There are some concerns over cleanliness. DH is not and has never had any issues. I read to be prepared if you choose differently from DH as baby boy will compare and have questions early on. Good luck with the decision making

Just wanted to say this won't happen in all cases. Hubby and oldest are circ'd, we got older and decided against it for our youngest son. My oldest is 6 and has never once made a comment about the appearance of himself, his dad, or his brother - all of whom he's seen naked on a frequent basis.

hfooter · March 2014

We're doing it. But DH is sort of Jewish. Otherwise I'm pretty much neutral on the subject. Seems like there are pros and cons to both. Just gotta decide which choice works for your family (you, your husband and your soon to be son).

momthatlifts · March 2014

I agree with everyone else that this is a very personal decision amongst you and your husband. No one else's opinion should matter at all. Do your research and I'm sure you and your husband will male the right choice for your son and your selves

Kate070 · March 2014

Glitterlicious said:

Wow-I didn't know that people born in the US were not circumcised, let alone it being a hot button topic. I haven't heard of anyone I know not having it done.

Lol... of course there are American men who are uncircumcised! It'd be pretty freaky if every. single. person decided to go through the same cosmetic procedure. Certain things may be fashionable; for example, I don't know many women without pierced ears, but of course there will always be some who opt out.

I'm having a boy, and he will not be circumcised. Neither DH nor I see the point, and I don't want to make unnecessary alterations to his body, especially when he's too young to have a say. If he gets older and wants it done, it's up to him then. That said, that's our take on it. For many, it's a preference, or there are religious reasons for it. You need to decide what you think is best for your son.

Bootsie327 · March 2014

hfooter said:
We're doing it. But DH is sort of Jewish. Otherwise I'm pretty much neutral on the subject. Seems like there are pros and cons to both. Just gotta decide which choice works for your family (you, your husband and your soon to be son).

Same here.

Lild09 · March 2014

Glitterlicious said:
Wow-I didn't know that people born in the US were not circumcised, let alone it being a hot button topic. I haven't heard of anyone I know not having it done.

That's really interesting. Maybe because I'm Canadian and it's different here but really?

I think the stats are sonething like 60%
Are not circumcised. Also there are so many cultures and backgrounds and religions that do not use circumcision. The only religion I know that does it for it's purposes is Judaism.

Regardless, OP you decide with your DH. Look up stuff like infection rates in males circumcised vs not, sexual pleasure in both, statistics of complications, etc and make an informed choice from there.

We will not be curcumsising our son but it's our choice and we haven't even told family. I'm sure they'll figure it out when they go to change a diaper

Edited bc my thumb hit the stupid button before I was done lol

Christinaruth74 · March 2014

We are expecting a girl, but I browsed the boards around here on this topic just in case we are surprised with a boy (I've heard way too many stories of this happening to not prepare myself for that!). Anyway, the biggest deciding factor for me came after I YouTube'd the procedure. As PPs have already said, it's strictly a cosmetic thing now... DH and I attend church, but it's such an old school practice that it's completely irrelevant to our religion today, so that wouldn't be a factor. Anyway, I agree with every one else, make it a personal decision based on your own research. I think your dr gave you the best advise possible.

sammy.k · March 2014

I gave the decision to my husband. He wanted our son circ'd because he is too. I was fine with that. It's really a personal preference and something you and your husband need to agree on.

deanna1313 · March 2014

We are doing it and have already gave the dr the okay.
I worked in a daycare and changed many diapers and I don't think the cleaning that you hear about is an issue either. I've heard this before, but I don't think it's true. We only had a couple kids where the dr did a bad job with the circumsicion and they had to go back in for minor surgery to fix it. This was only two or three kids in 12 years.
I really think it is a personal decision, too. Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice.

ksyknelvr73 · March 2014

Like other PP's have said, it's a personal decision. For us, I let DH make the choice. He chose to have it done for DS1 and this LO will have it done as well.

Peaceb0ne · March 2014

It's a personal decision that you need to make with your husband. Originally, my husband wanted our son to be circumcised (because he is), and I did not. My reasons for not wanting it done are:

1) it's cosmetic

2) cutting off a piece of my son's penis for cosmetic reasons isn't ok.

If we need to have it done for medical reasons, or if he decides he wants it done later on in life, cool, but it will be his decision. Fortunately, my husband came around and we decided that we will not circumcise our son.

haylo33 · March 2014

There was a lot of info in the baby book I bought. We decided to have it done on our little boy. The title of the book is "the baby book" by Dr. Sears if you need a resource. It has the pros and cons to both.

julesf817 · March 2014

We aren't doing it. I've yet to read anything that would cause me to think it has any real benefits and we aren't religious. My husband's parents are Irish so he isn't.

seems it's becoming way less common for people to do it now, so when our LOs are in the locker room years from now they aren't going to have to worry that they stand out. as for the cleanliness thing, i'm pretty sure that's only an issue if you are gross and don't wash properly, and then you'll be gross, foreskin or not. my DH never has an issue with hygeine.

Hooper88 · March 2014

We are not circumsising our son we just don't find it to be necessary. But just as every single other poster said it's a personal choice!

motoLyn · March 2014

My DH is from Denmark and isn't Circ, MIL is very adamant against it, I am neutral. Because really I don't have a penis so who am I to make that decision. DH has grown up and never had issues. So it was our personal choice not to have LO circumcised. One of the pediatricians I interviewed told me he saw it as a cosmetic procedure. So it was up to the parents to decide. So do your due diligence and make the decision that's best for you, your DH and LO.

spinsoffresonance · March 2014

I think there is no compelling medical reason to do it. I'm from Europe so I may be biased but there it is considered primarily a religious thing. Most countries do not routinely circumcise boys other than for religious purposes. In fact it is now illegal in several places. So I see no reason to do it. That being said, I'm Jewish and will be circumsising if we have a boy. DH isn't even though he was born in the US and he doesn't mind LO's penis being different than his. In the end this is your decision and you have to do what makes sense for your family.

julesf817 · March 2014

jennish11 said:

I'm in a similar situation.
My MIL is all "a boy should look like his father".

I so don't understand this logic.

i mean, i know grooming habits have changed and many women go totally bare down below, but for the most part i don't think a grown woman's genitals look like a little girls. by this logic we should all go for full brazilians so we don't freak out our daughters by looking different.

yvanehtnioj · March 2014

Like everyone else said, the biggest thing is that you & h agree. Everyone else can go eff themselves. FWIW, I know two people who had it done later in life and both of them were pissed that their parents hadn't just gotten it done when they were infants, because the recovery for an older man/teen is way worse.

Lild09 · March 2014

yvanehtnioj said:
Like everyone else said, the biggest thing is that you & h agree. Everyone else can go eff themselves. FWIW, I know two people who had it done later in life and both of them were pissed that their parents hadn't just gotten it done when they were infants, because the recovery for an older man/teen is way worse.

Is it way worse? Or is it that your little baby can't explain to you that it hurts? I don't get this logic. Babies have the same pain responses as older children, teens, adults but they just can't explain the pain.

That+One+Girl · March 2014

I have very strong options on this. DH is not, when we found out I was pregnant we decided not to have it done if we ever have a boy.

However each family makes their own decision and will choose what is best for them. I understand people who choose to based on religious beliefs thinking that this is something they must do for their faith, and I of course understand when it is done out of medical need.

usernewname · March 2014

Personal choice.

My DH is making the decision, he has one.

sisterjanet · March 2014

jennish11 said:

I'm in a similar situation.
My MIL is all "a boy should look like his father".
My mom doesn't think it matters either way.

I left it up to DH - he did research and we discussed it with our chosen pediatrician (super helpful) and made our decision based on that.

Do your research and, if you have a pediatrician, talk to them about it.
Don't let either of your families make the decision for you.

It's really no one's business but yours what happens to your son's genitalia.

I always find this line of thinking hilarious and slightly creepy. Family resemblance doesn't necessarily have to go that far.

My first son wasn't circumcised, nor will this one be, partly because DH didn't want it to happen and partly because I'm lazy, and adding whatever care the healing incision requires to diaper changes for the first little while = no. (and the integrity of a boy's body!, and personal autonomy!, and think of the children!!!, and on like that, but seriously, lazy.)

sisterjanet · March 2014

Lild09 said:

Like everyone else said, the biggest thing is that you & h agree. Everyone else can go eff themselves. FWIW, I know two people who had it done later in life and both of them were pissed that their parents hadn't just gotten it done when they were infants, because the recovery for an older man/teen is way worse.
Is it way worse? Or is it that your little baby can't explain to you that it hurts? I don't get this logic. Babies have the same pain responses as older children, teens, adults but they just can't explain the pain.

DH had to have it done at some point in his late teens but apparently it wasn't a bad enough experience for him to think our boys should be circumcised. Yay for personal anecdotes I guess?

mileswithmyles · March 2014

I don't have strong feelings on it one way or the other. I told DH he could decide because his family is Jewish and it may be more important to him than it is to me.

We are atill undecided. DH doesn't find it medically necessary(he's a paramedic), but he feels like there is a sense of religious tradition and the wanting to "match". The matching thing doesn't really make sense to me, but maybe that's a man thing?

He was leaving toward pro circ last time we talked about it. He saw and adult circ on his paramedic rotation in the hospital and he said it was the worst and most painful procedure for an adult he was witnessed in his 5 years in the field. He was concerned that if we leave it up to our son and he decided he wanted to get circ'd, that it would be worse for him.

daisy.ramirez · March 2014

thank you for the personal feedback. Our research hasn't given us any conclusive data going either way. As of now it seems that if it is not medically necessary it should be a choice he gets to make later in life not us. I just can't get over putting him through an optional surgery at such a young age -I thought I was being irrational.

pandadair · March 2014

kitchencolors said:

I just don't understand the whole argument that the mom should have no input because she doesn't have a penis. If my daughter had a reproductive health issue that needed addressing, I would not expect my husband to solely defer to me because I have the same anatomy. Similarly, I expect to be included in health decisions for my son (if applicable).

Word. Pretty sure if I told my husband "Honey, I want to have our infant daughter's clitoral hood excised for what amounts to cosmetic reasons and no strong scientific indications.", his response would not be "Well, you have the labia, so no argument from me!".

yvanehtnioj · March 2014

i don't know anyone who was mad their parents chose to circumcise them, two that wished they had enough to get it done later in life, and unknown amounts of people who aren't/are circumcised but choose not to discuss it with me

I'm not sure if recovery is worse or not. i was told it's awful for adults but i don't know how it is for babies cause I've never dealt with it.

eta: forgot to use quotes. @lild09 & @kitchencolors

naflmj · March 2014

We circ'd my first son, I let my husband make the decision. However, after talking to the Peri-natologist after our twins were born, we decided it wasn't necessary medically. I had done some research but it was nice to hear the facts from a professional and that helped get DH on board. I feel like the circ intefered with my nursing relationship with my first.

ShannonSky · March 2014

Agree with everyone else saying you need to research this one on your own, but also wanted to suggest some sources - Google Scholar is a good place to search different topics and will provide you with actual research (as opposed to trusting news articles, blog posts, etc to be factually accurate). A good place to start is with the AAP's Circumcision Policy Statement, and if you scroll down, you can also see the responses to the policy statement update as well.

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

Not necessarily saying this is one of them but there are certain procedures that really are worse recovery wise for an adult than a child. It's not that they can't tell you how much it hurts just that it really is worse. One example is a tonsilectomy. D My cousin was 7 when he had his and was only out of school for a few days and was back to his normal self. I had mine done at 23 and was out of work for 3 weeks. At 2 weeks I was finally able to eat more than Popsicles and jello. I can believe that a circumcision is an easier recover for an infant than an adult. DS was gone for 5 minutes and came back sleeping. He never flinched during diaper changes to indicate any pain. There would also be studies/stories of say children (who can talk) and adults that have had it done that they could be basing it off of as well.

pandadair · March 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

Not necessarily saying this is one of them but there are certain procedures that really are worse recovery wise for an adult than a child. It's not that they can't tell you how much it hurts just that it really is worse. One example is a tonsilectomy. D My cousin was 7 when he had his and was only out of school for a few days and was back to his normal self. I had mine done at 23 and was out of work for 3 weeks. At 2 weeks I was finally able to eat more than Popsicles and jello. I can believe that a circumcision is an easier recover for an infant than an adult. DS was gone for 5 minutes and came back sleeping. He never flinched during diaper changes to indicate any pain. There would also be studies/stories of say children (who can talk) and adults that have had it done that they could be basing it off of as well.

But by that logic, wouldn't it make sense to just do tonsillectomies on all children at a young age, just in case they would have ended up needing them out when they got older? Why wouldn't you do that to save them the pain if they happen to require the procedure later? Most boys who are not circumcised as babies are not going to require a circumcision later. Some may develop medical reasons that call for it, sure, but that is a pretty small percentage.

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