Picked out a name,cousin used it, we can't come up with new name, thinking of using it anyways?WWYD

JujuB22 · March 2014

Name question: We had a name picked out for a boy way back when we were just dating. Well shortly after the BFP a cousin of DH's had a boy and named him that name. We have since been at a loss for names and kind of sad about losing THE name. WWYD, would you go ahead and use the name that still seems like the perfect name even though baby will have a cousin with the same name?

BTW there is a big divide/family feud in DH's family, and they don't really have much to do with said cousin. So chances of baby seeing the other namesake are slim. We are starting to lean towards using THE name anyways, and deal with any grief family might give us.

shannm · March 2014

I think having the same name as a cousin is not the end of the world but I probably would try to stay open to other names. For me, I would just prefer to have my son have a name that is truly "his" in the family.

I know getting over a name that you have had in your heart forever is hard but you still have some time. I would try to take a look at a baby name book with fresh eyes and see if anything jumps out at you.

We had "THE" name for a girl chosen back when we were expecting our first. Three years later when expecting our second, there was no way I would ever consider it. So mindsets can change.

ready-or-not · March 2014

We had sort of the same situation. There's no feud or divide, we just don't ever see this cousin (like maybe once a year, once every 2-3 years, very random). So we used the name. It had always been my choice boy name & I really didn't give it a second thought!

NerdyLucy · March 2014

If there's a big divide and the two sides of the family have little contact, I wouldn't worry about it much. If this name is truly IT, I say use it anyway.

sharksfan · March 2014

What's the name? If it's something really unusual, I wouldn't use it. If it's something more common, I'd use it without a second thought.

Harveys11 · March 2014

Use it! Don't find out how it would feel to pass it up.

LimaD · March 2014

Use it!
I can probably count on one hand how many times I remember being around my parents' cousin's kids. If you love the name (and especially if you are sad to "lose" it), I'd say name your son what you want to name him.

blu-eyedwife · March 2014

First of all, I don't believe in THE name, so you lost me right there. There are millions of fantastic names out there, and I think that by insisting there's a single perfect name out there you close yourself off to the possibilities of others

Second, if there's some kind of feud in your family, I would think naming your child the same name as their cousin isn't going to help anything - especially since you're intimating there's going to be fallout from the family over using the name.

And third, just because you don't see this cousin now, doesn't mean you won't in the future unless you plan on your child having a very short life. My mom's sister kind of alienated herself from the family for 25 years. Her children never met any of their cousins....until 2 years ago. And now her son lives 20 minutes away from his cousin who has the same name. And they see each other all the time.

bim38106 · March 2014

In this case, I'd consider using the name (assuming you've really really tried other names but keep going back to this one and just love it *that* much).

ETA: also, for me, I would be less likely to use the name if you had the same last name too...

We have a few names we love but DH's cousins have used (he has a huge family so names are getting hard at this point!). We see them a few times a year and they all live in the area, so those names are out for us.
However, we love a girl name that my cousin used. They live in Belgium. We have been out there 2xs in the past 6 years and once my grandparents pass, we probably won't ever see them again. I don't ever talk to this particular cousin anyway. So....those names are fair game for us

olenkapdx · March 2014

Go for it. My sister and I both have cousins who share names with us. We didn't grow up with them, but both of us felt like we had a bond to that cousin. It was kind of cool.

DanandVan · March 2014

I would let it go, and choose a different name. Cousins, feuding or not, are still too close to have the same name. And it sounds like you already know they would be upset with you if you copied them. I know that you can explain that you've had the name picked out since forever, but to them it will always be like you copied them. Give your child his own name!

LimaD · March 2014

This isn't 2 cousins having the same name though. That would be if their nephew had the name they want to use for their son. It's her husband's cousin's son. Way different scenario IMO.

ETA: I think that would make the two boys second cousins? idk i've always been confused on that lingo...

JujuB22 · March 2014

LimaD said:

This isn't 2 cousins having the same name though. That would be if their nephew had the name they want to use for their son. It's her husband's cousin's son. Way different scenario IMO.

ETA: I think that would make the two boys second cousins? idk i've always been confused on that lingo...

I think they are second cousins, maybe more distant. DH has never really even spoken to this cousin, only reason we know about their child's name is through a family member he does know liking their announcement on facebook. If it wasn't for that, we would not know.

We have tried and tried to come up with another name but we can't agree on anything. The cousins would have different last names.

When it comes to family drama, there will probably be some no matter what we name our child. Seems like every name we come up with someone had a pet or friend or distant family member or some other issue/opinion. Its been really annoying. Plus that side of his family tends to stir stuff up. Recently they tried to basically keep his grandmother (against her will) from coming to our wedding. So yea don't really care if I upset them. (Grandma came btw, she is awesome!)

JujuB22 · March 2014

AND now come to realize that my coworker's son that died from an overdose was also named Connor. I guess we should come up with something else after all. I would hate to hurt his feelings every time I would talk about my son.

Ladymouse · March 2014

If you still consider it, run the idea past the wonderful grandma. My husband's cousin has a Lily, my 2nd cousin plans to use Lillian if she has a girl, and so do I.

Dr.Loretta · March 2014

Connor is common enough I don't see a problem. If you're close with the boss I might run it past him. I'm sure your son won't be the only person to share his late son's name. It's not like the name is Maximus or Oberon

plus12012 · March 2014

We have some names in our family that are used over and over again and noone makes a big deal out of it. Seriously, I have four cousins named Mary.

jf198400 · March 2014

Since it would be a 2nd cousin not a 1st cousin, I would use it. There is a chance we may be in that situation someday b/c DH's family is huge. We may name a future DS after his grandfather, and it is highly likely another cousin may do the same.

Skeemer · March 2014

Everything about this is ridiculous to me. I'm sorry for your supervisor's loss but that person may not always be your boss. You may not always work there. Meanwhile, you've skipped using the name you both love. If you speak to him/her in a kind manner letting them know how much you've always loved the name Connor then surely they understand seeing as how they love the name also.

As for the cousin...eh...use the name.

kayjay10 · March 2014

I would still use the name if you don't find another name you both love as much. Distant cousins (family feud or not) would not deter me and I would talk it over with my boss.

ConversationFear · March 2014

If it were me, I would pick something else. I would always feel like people would think I couldn't come up with anything on my own, so I copied off of that cousin.

Plus, like PP stated, if there is already a rift, this might make it worse - almost like "You stay over there with your version of (babyname) and we'll have our own version of (babyname)."

cafecreme · March 2014

If you dont see them frequently (like less than 2x a year) than I would use it. Me and DH are thinking of boy and girl names for our next one, and we really like Emily. Thing is, my cousin just married an Emily. We decided to keep the name and use it, because they live in another state, and we probably will only see them, 1-2x a year.

I think the question you have to ask yourself is: Will this name remind me of my cousins baby? and, Do you care if they have the same name?

To us, the answer is no for both. We really love the name, and want to use it. It's not fair to pick another that we love less because some cousins wife has the same name.

LimaD · March 2014

ConversationFear said:

If it were me, I would pick something else. I would always feel like people would think I couldn't come up with anything on my own, so I copied off of that cousin.

Plus, like PP stated, if there is already a rift, this might make it worse - almost like "You stay over there with your version of (babyname) and we'll have our own version of (babyname)."

Both of those examples would be such immature behavior though. If that's how they're thinking, then they sound like drama queens who think everyone else's world revolves around them. I mean, hey, maybe they'd be offended if you didn't use the same name. like "what, our name isn't good enough for you?" lol

apc1929 · March 2014

I don't see any issue here really. First there are many cousins in my family with same names and no has ever been offended by it-- if anything I would take it as a compliment that someone else loved my childs name as much as I did. And we all grew up together and are close to this day. I think its incredibly immature and also self-centered for people to think they were "copied" or had their baby name "stolen" Its just a name!

As for your boss I think that is very sad but Connor is a pretty common name I definitely disagree though about running it by him first. I think that only puts him on the spot and may even make him uncomfortable knowing its a deal breaker. I would use it. Good luck!

Pepper6 · March 2014

The only dealbreaker for me would be if any of my or DH's siblings used a name, so our kids would be first cousins sharing a name. But your DH's cousin's kid would make them second cousins, and that's not that close of a relationship that it's weird to share a name.

Then again, I come from a pretty large family, where I don't even see most of my first cousins, and I don't even know their kids' names. There's no feud or anything, we just aren't that close (both geographically and relationship-wise), so I'd have zero issues using a name they already used.

RoastyToasty · March 2014

Nonissue. This exact issue happened with DH's sister and their cousin. Two boys, same name, NBD. It is a fairly common name, so I'm sure they will run into several other boys with the same name too.

absolutelymaybe · March 2014

Depends on the name. Is it more like Aiden? Or is it more like Rainwater Mufasa?

If it's super trendy, then I wouldn't worry about naming your DS the same thing. If it's obscure, not so much.

Also, I'm with PP. I don't believe in THE NAME. There are lots of good names out there. You don't have to despair over one.

Meery82 · March 2014

Use it. My cousin and I both have boys named Jack (well, cousin's son is Jackson but goes by Jack). No one in the family cares.

CTbride79 · March 2014

Connor is actually our frontrunner name right now...my inlaws informed us though that there are already 2 cousins with that name...one with the same last name and one with MIL's maiden name. They live in Canada, however, and even during the times we've been up to visit family there, I've never met them so it doesn't bother me that there could now be 3 second cousins with the same name.

As for your boss, like PP said, your boss may not always be your boss, so I wouldn't let that effect your choice.

If you still love the name and have your heart set on it, I say use it!

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