In second trimester and just not "feeling it".

LunaApricot · March 2014

I am at 17 weeks and I can admit I'm not in love with pregnancy. People are starting to realize I'm showing and I get all these comments. Many of them often start with "You must be so excited!" or something along those lines. I am not really happy at all. My husband and I have talked about children before of course. We had planned on two or three later. There was so much to do including some medical tests I had wanted to get done before we had children We had been using condoms so it was not like we were trying or anything.

The further along I'm getting the more unhappy I seem to find myself. He's excited. He can't wait to find out the gender. He can't wait to feel it move. I just want everything to go back to how it was. I just need to vent and no one cares.

Unknown · March 2014

This content has been removed.

LunaApricot · March 2014

Bliss+Berry said:

You are not the first person to feel this way. Not everyone here is having a planned pregnancy or enjoys being pregnant. Have you considered counseling? It might help you to find a way to accept the changes that are coming your way. I'm sure your husband cares about how you are feeling, so don't think that no one cares. And you can always share your feelings here. Just talking about it might help. Have you tried talking to your H? He may not understand how overwhelmed you are.

I hope things start looking up for you soon. Good luck!

I can't seem to find anyone else who feels this way. It's definitely lonely. I've brought it up with my husband time and again. He does listen to me but I think or at least I feel like his excitement overshadows everything. At least I don't get comments from him along the lines of "Once you feel it move" or "Once you know the gender" I'll be fine.

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

(((hugs))) Not everyone feels all OMG-SQUEEE-I'M-PREGNANT! but no one wants to talk about it (I found it was like this with my PPD ... a lot of women have it but it's taboo to discuss)

I second counseling/ therapy. Maybe (and I don't know) you are depressed (unrelated and/ or related to the baby) and medication would be a big help. I see a psychiatrist and it's a big help to my mental health.

Hang in there

ajhamb · March 2014

Luna, I am with you 100%. I actually had a conversation with my husband last night trying to explain to him how I feel like a prisoner in my own body right now. I'm 20 wks, and starting to show enough that folks at work are also all "Aren't you SO excited?" and "It must be so hard to wait to meet him!" and I kind of just want to punch them in the face and respond in the sourest way possible to make them just go away, and stop making references at all to my pregnancy so I can at least try to forget about it during work hours.

Some snarky, completely inappropriate responses I have crafted in my head include:

- No, I hate babies

- I eat babies, so I can't wait to find out how tasty he will be

- If I had to pick an Indian god, it would be Kali, with dead babies for earrings

- No, I am a prisoner in my own body and cannot wait for this torture to end

- Worst parasite EVER

It is impossible for me to plaster on a fake smile and show fake enthusiasm for something I dread.

My mother, my sister, other girlfriends who are pregnant or have children, NO one seems understand how being pregnant has made me more depressed than I've ever been in my life.

So listen, if you ever need to vent about general unhappiness and depression, I hear you. Feel free to private message me if you need a virtual hug and reassurance that you are NOT alone.

LunaApricot · March 2014

TrishieTerp said:

(((hugs))) Not everyone feels all OMG-SQUEEE-I'M-PREGNANT! but no one wants to talk about it (I found it was like this with my PPD ... a lot of women have it but it's taboo to discuss)

I second counseling/ therapy. Maybe (and I don't know) you are depressed (unrelated and/ or related to the baby) and medication would be a big help. I see a psychiatrist and it's a big help to my mental health.

Hang in there

Thank you. I think you summed it up better than I could. I never even though of it as "taboo" but that definitely seems to fit! I'm not 100% on counseling just yet. I've seriously started to think about it but I do hesitate to try.

LunaApricot · March 2014

ajhamb said:

Luna, I am with you 100%. I actually had a conversation with my husband last night trying to explain to him how I feel like a prisoner in my own body right now. I'm 20 wks, and starting to show enough that folks at work are also all "Aren't you SO excited?" and "It must be so hard to wait to meet him!" and I kind of just want to punch them in the face and respond in the sourest way possible to make them just go away, and stop making references at all to my pregnancy so I can at least try to forget about it during work hours.

Some snarky, completely inappropriate responses I have crafted in my head include:
- No, I hate babies
- I eat babies, so I can't wait to find out how tasty he will be
- If I had to pick an Indian god, it would be Kali, with dead babies for earrings
- No, I am a prisoner in my own body and cannot wait for this torture to end
- Worst parasite EVER

It is impossible for me to plaster on a fake smile and show fake enthusiasm for something I dread.

My mother, my sister, other girlfriends who are pregnant or have children, NO one seems understand how being pregnant has made me more depressed than I've ever been in my life.

So listen, if you ever need to vent about general unhappiness and depression, I hear you. Feel free to private message me if you need a virtual hug and reassurance that you are NOT alone.

You really cheered me up with that. I usually just leave it at a "No" when I get asked if I'm excited and I get all sorts of looks like that. You feel kind of just like a carrier? Because that's how I feel. It's really nice to know I'm not the only one. I've started to feel flutters and now it's really feeling like I can't get away from it at all.

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

LunaApricot · March 2014

TrishieTerp said:

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

I know someone in the mental health field and it seems like there's a lot of throwing medication around.

Ear1201 · March 2014

This is my third and I have never been more depressed in my life. In fact, when I go to the OB tomorrow I am going to ask him about during-pregnancy depression (kind of like PPD except you are still pregnant). I don't even know if this is a real thing, but it is the only thing I can come up with.

I should be happy because everything in my life is good. However I am so sad. All the time.

ajhamb · March 2014

Prenatal depression apparently affects somewhere between 15-30% of all women during pregnancy, so it is much more "normal" than most people let on. [I researched this a little when I first started feeling depressed about it-- ie, as soon as I found out I was pregnant]

Unfortunately, there is so much stigma about it because we are all expected, by our spouses, family, in-laws, to be grateful and perfect moms-to-be, that no one really talks about.

Here is one article of a woman talking about her experience: https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/08/prenatal-depression-what-i-didnt-expect-when-i-was-expecting/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

I wish the support groups, like this one, were more active: https://www.cafemom.com/group/102519

I'm with you-- everything is great on paper, but why do I feel this angry and annoyed with the very fact of my pregnancy?

Friskypuppys · March 2014

Big Hugs. I've been feeling the same.

Everyone says, oh you must be so excited. Well no, I'm scared and annoyed at these changes to my body and the sudden list of don't do's. I get excited when i see him in the ultrasounds and am starting to move towards oh cool I have a baby, but it's a long path. I also was planning children later and wanted tests done and to start the folic acid at least a month before getting pregnant. But the IUD failed (still in place) and at 15 weeks (no idea it was happening, hindsight is 20/20, woops you are pregnant)

I am at 19 weeks now, so for you, I would say hang in there, acknowledge your feelings and start working on how you can accept the changes, I do utilize therapy, I went through meditation training which helped me a big deal and remember, new babies and puppies are always exciting to others, where the mommies are all going yikes. So I finally was able to accept that others are going to be excited, especially since they aren't the ones getting up at 2 am to a hungry cry or an exploding diaper. As you work though the why's, you will identify what's making you nuts about it and how to come to terms with it. I actually had to disconnect from everyone for a day and just spend the day by myself and work through whatever thoughts came into my brain and cry whenever I wanted to. Which really helped me.

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

LunaApricot said:

TrishieTerp said:

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

I know someone in the mental health field and it seems like there's a lot of throwing medication around.

Then see a psychologist/ therapist who can't prescribe meds (as opposed to a psychiatrist).

I understand there is "a lot of throwing medication around" but, IMHO, many times that medication is needed. It wasn't until relatively recently that we started really understanding mental illness. I, personally, couldn't function without my Lexapro.

If you truly feel that medication will never be the answer for you, find a therapist, not a psychiatrist.

Friskypuppys · March 2014

LOL I told my fiance that an alien took over my body and it's no longer mine.

OutdoorGirl10 · March 2014

LunaApricot said:

TrishieTerp said:

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

I know someone in the mental health field and it seems like there's a lot of throwing medication around.

I would look for a therapist, possibly one that focuses on pregnancy if such a thing exists. It can be weird going to the sessions the first few times, I've gone to them at various points in my life and found it incredibly helpful. It's just a person who listens and might ask questions or suggest ways to approach things in a way you hadn't thought of. And if you do end up with one who prescribes meds, remember you can refuse and or just not ever fill the prescription. Hugs.

YTLCNURSE · March 2014

I can totally relate. I have my days where I'm excited and I have my days when I'm depressed and sad. I don't feel that I can tell my family, friends, or the father of my baby because they just don't understand. I have started talking to a therapist and found it helpful. Just know that you are not alone and it is reassuring to know that there are other women in the same boat as you.

lovesazzie · March 2014

Depression during pregnancy is a real thing, these hormones are crazy, and with the added variable of it being unexpected, what you are feeling is not unheard of. I experienced exactly what you are feeling during my second pregnancy - it was unexpected and I am predisposed to anxiety and depression in general. I found that medication was what I needed and it helped me. It didn't totally change how I felt but it made it manageable and I was able to come to terms with the fact that a baby was coming.

I will say that I had symptoms of depression during my first pregnancy (even though it was planned) and it went untreated. After birth, it spiraled into a very bad situation - postpartum anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I'll spare the details, but I really think that pushing aside my feelings during pregnancy lead to things getting worse later.

All this to say, don't be afraid of medication or therapy. Don't brush this off. Seek support.

ajhamb · March 2014

I've been looking into finding a group to talk with about how crappy I feel, and will probably hit up the local weekly support group.

You can find one in your local area here: https://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help.aspx

You're not alone in feeling this way. A quick google search of the terms "pregnancy" "depression" and "blog" finds a bunch of women writing about feeling just like this.

@lovesazzie, thanks for sharing your experience!

yvanehtnioj · March 2014

LunaApricot said:

TrishieTerp said:

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

I know someone in the mental health field and it seems like there's a lot of throwing medication around.

Everyone I know who won't go to therapy (and should) uses this as their reason why. But please know you do not have to take medications if you don't want to. Maybe there's a lot of "throwing medication around" because a lot of folks are more than happy to take a pill. But there's still a lot of people who would rather use behavioral modification and talking techniques. You can get the therapy you desire!

monkeysip · March 2014

I'm not feeling quite as bad as you, both I really don't like pregnancy so far (24 weeks here)

I am somewhat excited to have a baby (although also really scared and stressed!), but I want to punch in the face all the women who talk about how great they felt during pregnancy, how they glowed, how they were happy, or how they had lots of sex. None of that has been true for me. I feel like I've gotten all the crap of pregnancy and none of the good stuff.

I just keep trying to remind myself of how much I'll love my little girl, but you definitely need to just VENT this stuff out sometimes! And don't compare yourself to others because every woman feels differently about this stuff. It's OK to feel the way you do!

LunaApricot · March 2014

I just want to thank you guys. I am so glad knowing it's not just me. This week has been very rough on me. We've got the twenty week scan coming up and my husband is really looking forward to it. It seems like everyone wants to talk baby with me and it's hard to brush them off. I'm not sleeping well and my breasts are killing me. But as monkeysip said I'm supposed to be happy and glowy not miserable.

ItsAshley7 · March 2014

I have good days and bad days. Some days I just cry. We tried for this baby and for some reason I feel more depressed than happy about being pregnant. It's frustrating because I wanted this... And still do... I just can't help but feel the "doom and gloom". I'm 16 weeks tomorrow. My best friend is also pregnant and had similar feelings until about 27 weeks. This is my second child and I don't feel as connected with this baby as I did with my daughter. That bring those guilty feelings. I've read on here that is totally normal. All this is totally normal. It sucks but I do know that once the baby is here everything will change. Emotionally as well. I hope anyway.

Hang in there. I've found that hobbies help distract me from myself. I've been reading more than ever before... Good luck! ((Hugs))

UKBlondieGirl · March 2014

I didn't have a happy pregnancy or delivery. It just took me awhile to feel bonded to my baby. It gets better and I fell in love with him very quickly and can't even describe the bond I have with him now. Hang in there, hormones are tough and it will get better.

Stormcat78 · March 2014

OMG I am so happy that I'm not the only one that feels this way! I'm 35 and I'm 22 weeks pregnant and this is my first one. It wasn't planned, my pill failed me and I have been so upset! I have a good man in my life, my bf of 5 years but it bothers me that we aren't married. On top of that we have to move to a bigger place because we don't have room for a baby where we are now and 80% of my stuff is in storage. I also have a 2 door Pontiac grand am and the backseat will be a nightmare for a carseat so now I need a new car. And my boss who has hated me for the last 6 years just tried to fire me when I let me pregnancy hormones get the best of me for one minute!!!! My doctor was so mad because my BP became elevated for the first time ever in my life and I told her it was because I was worried about losing my job because I'm pregnant. They did the same thing to another girl at my work a few years ago, they made her haul around heavy boxes in the hopes she would miscarry! And on top of all that, everyone around me asks me how happy I am to be expecting! And they give me strange looks when I don't respond the way they think I should! As for the pregnancy itself I have been so lucky to not have hardly any morning sickness, my breasts hurt in the beginning but that has stopped. If I could relax enough from the stress at work to get a good night sleep I know I might be happier that I am bringing another life into the world. But for now I am just plain terrified and have to act like I am happy! I hate that the most! The few people I have told this to think I would hurt my baby and I would NEVER do that!!! So now I just clam up and talk to no one and fake it all day for people at work, it is so depressing. I am trying to find a therapist in my area because I do know that I need to talk this out without being judged. Thanks for letting me vent, I feel a little better already!

camieanna · March 2014

I've had very similar feelings and really identified with your post, so first off thanks for sharing. You are not alone in feeling this way -- I do too!

When I found out I was pregnant (the whole pee on a stick and hope that I was just crazy thinking I was pregnant...) I walked out of the bathroom with tears in my eyes, and my husband jumped up from his seat and gave me the biggest smile and high five (literally) ever.

We had actually planned not to have kids, but had agreed that if it happened we would stick with it. I'm struggling with the family enthusiasm and excitement, while I feel sick and tired constantly, am working through frustrations at work caused by my "condition" being public, and basically really miss everything about not being pregnant. Especially the foods I could eat that I now cannot.

I can share with you the best moment I have had so far, that made it ok (but just for a moment) was at the prenatal muchal screening (I really don't know what it was called), but I got to see the baby, by myself with just the ultrasound tech (my husband couldn't make the apt) and it was so cool.

The few people I have shared my feelings with have told me that these feelings of indifference, and annoyance will pass as soon as the baby arrives. I really hope so!!

Just know that you are not alone. Maybe this is normal? Maybe it is normal to be scared and doubtful, and just fake it until you make it?

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

I'd like to again encourage you to try therapy. You don't have to take medication if you are against that. Maybe what you are feeling will go away next week, or next month, or when the baby is born, but maybe you'll suffer from PPD... and let me tell you, that freaking SUCKS. Do what you can to get a handle on it now. Sometimes just talking to someone trained to listen (and not say but OMG PREGNANCY IS BEAUTIFUL!) can be very beneficial. (((hugs)))

LunaApricot · March 2014

TrishieTerp said:

I'd like to again encourage you to try therapy. You don't have to take medication if you are against that. Maybe what you are feeling will go away next week, or next month, or when the baby is born, but maybe you'll suffer from PPD... and let me tell you, that freaking SUCKS. Do what you can to get a handle on it now. Sometimes just talking to someone trained to listen (and not say but OMG PREGNANCY IS BEAUTIFUL!) can be very beneficial. (((hugs)))

I'm still very unhappy with the idea of medication. I do think it's stupid of me to hope it will go away but I don't know what else to do. I've got the 20 week scan next week and I'm dreading it so I can't say it would just switch off.

KayCee85 · March 2014

I wanted this pregnancy and we were trying, but I have absolutely hated pregnancy. I was completely miserable. I also felt like a stranger in my own body and I've felt terrible the entire time. Many people get "relief" in the second trimester, but that never happened for me. As I got larger and started to show, I hated the attention I got from strangers, and unlike everyone else around me that was pregnant, I found nothing cute about my "bump" and if anything have tried to hide it in large, baggy clothes. I literally have not bought one piece of maternity clothing. I want my body back!!!!!!!!! I will say, now that the end is near (I'm 39 weeks for those that are mobile) and we're preparing for the arrival of our daughter, I am extremely excited. It's easy to ignore the way I'm feeling when I know I only have one-two weeks left. Two of my closest friends were pregnant along with me, and they loved every moment. It was hard being around them, because I felt so differently. I also felt extremely guilty for feeling that way. I definitely didn't realize how tough pregnancy was going to be on me. You're definitely not alone!

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

LunaApricot said: TrishieTerp said: I'd like to again encourage you to try therapy. You don't have to take medication if you are against that. Maybe what you are feeling will go away next week, or next month, or when the baby is born, but maybe you'll suffer from PPD... and let me tell you, that freaking SUCKS. Do what you can to get a handle on it now. Sometimes just talking to someone trained to listen (and not say but OMG PREGNANCY IS BEAUTIFUL!) can be very beneficial. (((hugs))) I'm still very unhappy with the idea of medication. I do think it's stupid of me to hope it will go away but I don't know what else to do. I've got the 20 week scan next week and I'm dreading it so I can't say it would just switch off.
Then don't see a pyschiatrist --- see someone who can't/ doesn't prescribe meds.

You can do therapy WITHOUT medication.

LittIePenguin · March 2014

Hang in there. Things will get better.

In the first trimester I was very depressed and I felt like I was in this alone (which I wasn't), but the hormones got the best of me. I would cry everyday for no reason, I just wanted to stop feeling that way. Now that I'm 19 weeks pregnant and people are finally starting to notice my bump, I always get those awkward belly rubs and cliche questions, which I cant stand. One thing I can honestly say I hate about being pregnant is all the shit I cant do. And sometimes I feel selfish complaining about the things I cant do because there woman out there who would do anything to be pregnant. Lately, I've just been feeling like my list of restrictions is irritating me and the happy pregnancy feeling doesn't overrule it. Spring is practically here, summer is around the corner, and I just feel like I am going to be miserable for the months to come. Might as well just lock myself in a room because its not like I can do anything anyway!

Brettx3Ashley · March 2014

I felt that way too. This is my first so initally, I felt like, MY LIFE IS OVER. I'M ONLY 24 AND NOW I CAN'T GO AND DRINK OR DO ANYTHING IRRESPONSIBLE AGAIN IN MY LIFE. SO NOT FAIR.

But after getting my ultrasound and seeing her in there and moving and the heart beating, it's kinda crazy how this thing is going to love me, for like 13 years then hate me until she's 21 then love me again.

Some days I still feel like, ugh, what if i can't do this.. but stay positive.

sakundi · March 2014

LunaApricot said:

TrishieTerp said:

Can I ask why you are hesitating to try therapy?

I know someone in the mental health field and it seems like there's a lot of throwing medication around.

I can totally understand the hesitation of seeking therapy and the possibility of medication being prescribed. I am a psychologist so I do not have any type of prescriptive authority. If you do decide to seek counseling and medication is talked about you do not have to actually fill the script. Most counselors/psychologists/therapists recommend medication only as the very last resort. But having an object third party to vent to or cry to can be just the thing you need to cope with all the changes!

chloephoebecali · March 2014

I felt that way with my (surprise) son until I finally went on Zoloft. Even then I just kind of went through the motion of pregnant life and dd kept me very busy/mind off it. Ppd hit me hard nearly immediately so I upped my meds. My feelings eventually changed and I no longer resented the situation. I loved the product of it all and I would not have changed a thing. It isn't the same this time. Although I definitely ache and complain more with this pregnancy (my body is done with this business), I can actually embrace the pregnancy and experience. So, not every pregnancy is the same. Please look into therapy and seriously consider medication (if they recommend). It may just get worse postpartum, like pp mentioned.

espirit77 · March 2014

im struggling with depression in pregnancy. i am susceptible to it anyway, and i hate feeling ill and out of control. well given i had incurable extreme morning sickness for 8 weeks non stop, this didn't help my mental state at all. i seriously considered terminating, like on a daily basis, but i knew i'd hate myself after and if i could just get through the sickness i'd be OK. well the sickness has faded, but i'm still feeling low and anxious - anxious about having to move to get more space, anxious about the lack of sleep, anxious about all the things we need to buy, anxious about those middle of the night trips to the hospital.... like op, i sometimes wish i hadn't embarked on this pregnancy, and things could just go back to how they were.... i've never felt i needed a baby to 'complete' me or my life, but i also felt if i didn't have one, i would regret it later in life. maybe that wasn't a good enough reason to have a baby, but it's too late now - i'm going through with it for sure, but yes, i do wish my doctor/midwife were more approachable about depression. i'm in UK where a lot of that stuff gets dismissed as a temporary non serious condition, but as another poster said, it can be very dangerous if left to spiral out of control, especially if you are resenting the baby once it is born, which i really hope i will not do. i think counseling is a good idea, it helps to talk for sure.

LucilleAustero · March 2014

I think that this is way more common than most women realize. I felt very little towards my DD when I was pregnant. Truth me told, it took several weeks after she was born to feel bonded to her. I went through the motions, but I was overwhelmed, ill-equipped, scared. But, the love will grow and become something you never thought possible.

But, I agree with others about speaking with a therapist. A therapist will listen, a therapist does not mean drugs.

LunaApricot · March 2014

I went in for my 20 week appointment today and it did come up. She definitely wants me on pills. Just wanted to let you all know since you've all been so open after I posted this.

marathonmommy82 · March 2014

LunaApricot said:

I went in for my 20 week appointment today and it did come up. She definitely wants me on pills. Just wanted to let you all know since you've all been so open after I posted this.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this any other way:

SEE A THERAPIST THAT DOES NOT PRESCRIBE MEDS.

I personally think it's a mistake to have a blanket "no meds" policy without evaluating the risks and benefits, but if that's your deal and you really want help, talk to a therapist. A THERAPIST. A THERAPIST WHO DOES NOT PRESCRIBE MEDS.

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