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Evangeline and Josephine's Birth story (trigger warning)

xnbridexnbride member
edited March 2014 in June 2014 Moms

Josephine and Evangeline’s Birth Story

March 9, 2014

Evangeline Elaine; 1lb 8oz; 11 ¾in born alive at 1:25pm

Josephine Christine; 1lb 3oz; 11 ¾in born still at 1:27pm

 

I have been somewhat dreading writing this because it is not the typical birth story and the bittersweet nature of my daughters’ births will stay with me always.

At 21w6d we went in for a routine appt with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist at Children’s Hospital.  The girls looked beautiful. They were measuring 15oz and 14oz and had the same amount of fluid around them 5cm and their hearts looked perfect.  The doctor said that because everything looked so amazing we could come back in 4 weeks.  This bothered me because everything I had read and researched indicated that mono/di twins should be seen at least every 2 weeks. I shared my concerns but they were dismissed.  

A couple weeks later, at 23w I noticed that I was becoming VERY uncomfortable and that my growth rate seemed really rapid. I was in tremendous pain but I had also never had twins before so everyone assured me that it was just because I was carrying twins and that my belly looked normal. Even some people said that I looked small, but deep down I just knew something wasn’t right.  Meanwhile, my husband was having his own health crisis and we were both doubled over in pain.  He had a really rare condition called Epiploic appendagiti  in which there is tissue dying inside.  Coincidentally, his pain centered in the right side of his body; the same side that Josephine was situated in my body.  After an excruciating weekend, I called the MFM and rescheduled my appt.  I assumed that perhaps it was the start of twin to twin transfusion syndrome, so I wanted to be seen soon. 

On Friday, March 7 we went to our appt. As soon as the scan began, I knew it wasn’t right. I could see that their fluid levels were discrepant. Evangeline was moving all over the place and Josephine was stuck in the corner.  I did not realize that Josephine was already gone until the tech checked for a heartbeat.  I asked the tech about it, and she said that she would have the doctor talk to us about Baby A and then scurried out of the room.  This was not the first time that we saw a lifeless baby on the screen. My mind instantly reverted to our first pregnancy (our first of eight miscarriages) in which we also learned that the baby had died.  The images haunt me.  

 We waited for what seemed like an eternity. The doctor came in, scanned my belly and confirmed that Josephine was in fact gone.  My husband sobbed next me as I laid stoic and in shock. “But the bad news doesn’t end there” the doctor added, “the baby that is still living-while it looks healthy and moving--probably suffered a stroke when her sister passed and will likely be in a wheel chair, need a feeding tube and have profound disabilities.” I told her that we were up for the challenge and that when she was born--if she was born alive at all-- that we want the NICU to do all that they can for her.

The doctor told us that we could go to the hospital where they would monitor us and could give us steroid shots and magnesium to help develop and protect her lungs and brain but emphasized AGAIN that it is probably pointless. She more encouraged me to go get a stiff drink and to take my time.  Needless to say, we went straight to the hospital.  

Ultimately it was quit fortuitous that we went when we did because my body was turning septic and we got in just the right doses of medicine and antibiotics.  The plan was to stay pregnant as long as possible, but I knew that my body was telling me otherwise.  I started going into labor. Contractions were literally coming every minute and I was starting to have bloody show. Evangeline needed out.  Things eventually did slow down; however my pulse was very rapid, my white blood count was high and I had a fever. The doctors decided that it was time. 

As I was being prepped for surgery, I worried that it was too late and Evangeline had already passed away. I pushed on my belly to see if I could still feel her. Finally, she gave me a reassuring kick and I prayed that she would continue to fight.  The c-section was much more painful than I thought it would be. Perhaps the stress and the sorrow magnified my physical pain.  The only thing that helped keep me calm was to pretend that I was getting a spa body wrap.  As they laid me bare and prepped my body, I closed my eyes and traveled to more peaceful times.  One thing that did stand out was with what care the anesthesiologist showed for me as well as the nurse who had become acquainted with our entire story through her nurse friend who had attended us in the antepartum unit. I will remember their tenderness and genuine concern all the days of my life. 

I didn’t realize that surgery had already been started until I could feel my insides being violently moved.  The doctor, who I had never met before, retained a joyful and upbeat attitude (which I deeply appreciated) and said that she had never seen a birth quite like that of Miss Evangeline. The doctor didn’t actually deliver Evangeline because Evangeline forced herself out in a big crashing wave. It was an earth shattering entrance into the world! And even though she was only barely over a pound and a foot-long, she announced her presence with a shrill little cry.  The NICU team whisked her off, but not before they let her Papa snap a quick picture. She scored a 7/7 on her Apgar’s.

Josephine’s entrance was different. She came out in silence. The doctor told us that it looked like cord entanglement was the likely cause of death.  There would come to be a great deal of debate about the cause of Josephine’s death and the autopsy report is still not back yet. Originally the thought was that it was twin to twin transfusion syndrome, but the doctors are not convinced because other than the fluid discrepancy (which can occur after one fetus dies in the womb) there were no other indicators of TTTS.  The implications are good for Evangeline if this is true, but time will tell.

We got to hold Josephine for as long as we wanted. We studied her body, her hands and feet and her sweet face. She lay cradled in my arms as Noah went to see Evangeline for the first time. An hour later, the CHOCC NICU staff brought Evangeline into see me before she transferred.  I put my finger through the porthole on her isolate and she grabbed my finger and squeezed it over and over and over again. My mind reverted back to the first time I held her father’s hand all those years ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday.  It was magic the moment our hands touched. Oh look what our love created, I thought to myself, as our precious daughter squeezed my finger with reassuring strength. I knew that like our love, she was strong and that this was the beginning of our journey together. 

As of today, as of this moment, she is doing well. We have a long road ahead of us, but I have reassurance that God is in control.  As I laid my hands across her small body I was reminded that God is the God of miracles, and as “He stretches out His hand to heal…signs and wonders may be done through the name of Jesus” Acts 4:30.

May Evangeline be everyone’s miracle; it is a tall order for such a tiny girl, but she is mighty. God has great things planned for her and we are thankful for each day we have.

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Evangeline on day 2 and the first time I got to touch her. So far all of her tests have come back great and she is doing better then expected. Please pray for her!

 

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9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU                                                                                                                                    
Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w

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