Unpopular Opinion Thursday

Ecomom17 · March 2014

Here's my UO: Since someone mentioned birthdays, I think it's dumb to celebrate half birthdays. Including your kid's. IMO it's one of those little things that is making kids feel entitled to do whatever they want and get whatever they want without working for it. I also think it's ridiculous to have huge birthday parties for babies. 1 and 2 year olds do not care and will not remember (and probably won't like it) if a zillion people are there to make a fuss over them. I think people have these huge parties to show off their party-planning skills and craftiness, not to do what their kids would want (and I'm not saying that out of jealousy; I'm very crafty and made most of the decorations for DS's 2nd birthday; I just didn't invite 30 people).

Just to add to the conversation about diets and people being superior or trying to recruit everyone: I hate that, too. I'm a vegetarian and I never judge someone for what they eat. I find that when people find out they ask why and then when I explain they get defensive and act like I must think I'm better than they because it's something I feel strongly enough about to be committed to it. Which is their problem, not mine. I know people do what they can and if something matters to them that's what they'll commit to. Actually, I'm more likely to side-eye someone for eating crap food, not meat!

PS Aren't you all impressed that for once I actually posted ON Thurs? No work today or tomorrow, ha!

Jbosarge85 · March 2014

Ecomom17 said:

Here's my UO: Since someone mentioned birthdays, I think it's dumb to celebrate half birthdays. Including your kid's. IMO it's one of those little things that is making kids feel entitled to do whatever they want and get whatever they want without working for it. I also think it's ridiculous to have huge birthday parties for babies. 1 and 2 year olds do not care and will not remember (and probably won't like it) if a zillion people are there to make a fuss over them. I think people have these huge parties to show off their party-planning skills and craftiness, not to do what their kids would want (and I'm not saying that out of jealousy; I'm very crafty and made most of the decorations for DS's 2nd birthday; I just didn't invite 30 people).

Stuck in the box

This is a thing? I've never heard of that

marsalisails · March 2014

SarahVol131 said:

See this is my whole problem with Sandberg's banbossy. Bossy doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'm bossy. I don't think bossy is a bad thing and I wonder when it became associated with being rude instead of being assertive. I teach my little girl to be respectful, kind and polite, but if sticking up for herself and being strong willed gets her called bossy then so be it.

I think we are both in agreement. I just don't see "bossy" and "constructively assertive" (which includes standing up for yourself) as being the same thing.

ghostof5letters · March 2014

jensavicci said:

@jnnfrrose6 Whaaaaat? Ok, that's crazy. I haven't heard of most of these. Why aren't they being talked about? And some of the ones I have heard of have been shortened to just a day of celebration/remembrance. ETA: thank you for that btw. It's very helpful.

It's all about money and who's willing to spend it.

AutumnBonfire · March 2014

Luckynumbers81 said:

For some reason it irks me when people claim an entire week or month to celebrate their birthday. Sorry, it is in the name, birthDAY, not birthmonth or birthyear. If you feel the need for people to fawn all over the fact that you survived another year for more than a day then...

Brought on by an acquaintance who claims she wants gifts everyday next month for her birthday.

Some people really overestimate the importance of their birthdays. Just in the last few weeks at work, I needed to work with a student one day, but he wasn't there because it was his birthday and his parents let him stay home. We also tried to schedule a meeting with another parent about her kid, but she couldn't make it because it was her birthday. WTF?

eortman · March 2014

Ecomom17 said:
Here's my UO: Since someone mentioned birthdays, I think it's dumb to celebrate half birthdays. Including your kid's. IMO it's one of those little things that is making kids feel entitled to do whatever they want and get whatever they want without working for it. I also think it's ridiculous to have huge birthday parties for babies. 1 and 2 year olds do not care and will not remember (and probably won't like it) if a zillion people are there to make a fuss over them. I think people have these huge parties to show off their party-planning skills and craftiness, not to do what their kids would want (and I'm not saying that out of jealousy; I'm very crafty and made most of the decorations for DS's 2nd birthday; I just didn't invite 30 people).

Just to add to the conversation about diets and people being superior or trying to recruit everyone: I hate that, too. I'm a vegetarian and I never judge someone for what they eat. I find that when people find out they ask why and then when I explain they get defensive and act like I must think I'm better than they because it's something I feel strongly enough about to be committed to it. Which is their problem, not mine. I know people do what they can and if something matters to them that's what they'll commit to. Actually, I'm more likely to side-eye someone for eating crap food, not meat!
PS Aren't you all impressed that for once I actually posted ON Thurs? No work today or tomorrow, ha!

I am totally guilty of this. My kids get 1/2 a cake for their 1/2 birthday. I think it's fun, but we don't do gifts or parties and they are supposed to give to someone else on their 1/2 birthday (Toys to Goodwill or dog food to Humane Society, etc.)

eortman · March 2014

We don't do parties for babies, though, so maybe I can be forgiven?

cbpj2012 · March 2014

I hate leggings when worn with a short shirt. If you aren't running, they aren't pants. And I definitely don't need to see that much of your lady clam. Thanks.

drunkenhandstand · March 2014

I guess this depends on how you were raised / culture. My UO is I do not understand the taboo America places on kissing kids on the lips. I still kiss my mother on the lips to this day. And I always kiss my children on the lips. That's just how I grew up. That's normal to me.

The reason I thought of this today was my son was playing outside (he's 5) with his friends who live across the street and I was leaving (DH was still home BTW, I didn't just leave my 5 year old

) so I kissed him on the lips, as I always do, and the kids both went "ewww". I mean really? Your parent have taught you that it is "eww" to kiss on the lips? And of course my son was immediately embarrassed. I was so pissed after that and it really got me thinking. I get so tired of American culture warping our young generation sometimes. Something as simple as a kiss. We place a sexual connotation on.

Anyway, my point is I will always kiss my children on the lips without hesitation. Even my grown up, gone through puberty boys. Even my grown up married men. They had better always kiss their mama on the lips - without being embarrassed!

sxymamakat · March 2014

jojobean86 said:

I guess this depends on how you were raised / culture. My UO is I do not understand the taboo America places on kissing kids on the lips. I still kiss my mother on the lips to this day. And I always kiss my children on the lips. That's just how I grew up. That's normal to me.

The reason I thought of this today was my son was playing outside (he's 5) with his friends who live across the street and I was leaving (DH was still home BTW, I didn't just leave my 5 year old ) so I kissed him on the lips, as I always do, and the kids both went "ewww". I mean really? Your parent have taught you that it is "eww" to kiss on the lips? And of course my son was immediately embarrassed. I was so pissed after that and it really got me thinking. I get so tired of American culture warping our young generation sometimes. Something as simple as a kiss. We place a sexual connotation on.

Anyway, my point is I will always kiss my children on the lips without hesitation. Even my grown up, gone through puberty boys. Even my grown up married men. They had better always kiss their mama on the lips - without being embarrassed!

It's interesting that you mention this- when I was growing up, we always did cheek kisses. No one ever made a big deal about it, but it's just what we did. Then when I got married, my dad went for the lip peck, and I was totally taken aback just because it was foreign. He's done it ever since and I'm slowly getting used to it, but it was after decades of it being done differently. I still don't know why he switched- guess I should ask!

Jbosarge85 · March 2014

jojobean86 said:

I guess this depends on how you were raised / culture. My UO is I do not understand the taboo America places on kissing kids on the lips. I still kiss my mother on the lips to this day. And I always kiss my children on the lips. That's just how I grew up. That's normal to me.

The reason I thought of this today was my son was playing outside (he's 5) with his friends who live across the street and I was leaving (DH was still home BTW, I didn't just leave my 5 year old ) so I kissed him on the lips, as I always do, and the kids both went "ewww". I mean really? Your parent have taught you that it is "eww" to kiss on the lips? And of course my son was immediately embarrassed. I was so pissed after that and it really got me thinking. I get so tired of American culture warping our young generation sometimes. Something as simple as a kiss. We place a sexual connotation on.

Anyway, my point is I will always kiss my children on the lips without hesitation. Even my grown up, gone through puberty boys. Even my grown up married men. They had better always kiss their mama on the lips - without being embarrassed!

We kiss our daughter on the lips all the time. I agree not sexual at all. And we'll do as long as she likes but I'm not going to force her when she gets older. I don't kiss my parents on the lips

Ecomom17 · March 2014

eortman said:

Here's my UO: Since someone mentioned birthdays, I think it's dumb to celebrate half birthdays. Including your kid's. IMO it's one of those little things that is making kids feel entitled to do whatever they want and get whatever they want without working for it. I also think it's ridiculous to have huge birthday parties for babies. 1 and 2 year olds do not care and will not remember (and probably won't like it) if a zillion people are there to make a fuss over them. I think people have these huge parties to show off their party-planning skills and craftiness, not to do what their kids would want (and I'm not saying that out of jealousy; I'm very crafty and made most of the decorations for DS's 2nd birthday; I just didn't invite 30 people).

Just to add to the conversation about diets and people being superior or trying to recruit everyone: I hate that, too. I'm a vegetarian and I never judge someone for what they eat. I find that when people find out they ask why and then when I explain they get defensive and act like I must think I'm better than they because it's something I feel strongly enough about to be committed to it. Which is their problem, not mine. I know people do what they can and if something matters to them that's what they'll commit to. Actually, I'm more likely to side-eye someone for eating crap food, not meat!
PS Aren't you all impressed that for once I actually posted ON Thurs? No work today or tomorrow, ha!
I am totally guilty of this. My kids get 1/2 a cake for their 1/2 birthday. I think it's fun, but we don't do gifts or parties and they are supposed to give to someone else on their 1/2 birthday (Toys to Goodwill or dog food to Humane Society, etc.)

Now see, that I like. I'm talking more about people who actually have parties and give them presents and stuff. Like, seriously...WTF? I think it's awesome that you use that opportunity for them to give to someone else!

MstoMrstoMom851214 · March 2014

Linzlu214 said:

I guess this depends on how you were raised / culture. My UO is I do not understand the taboo America places on kissing kids on the lips. I still kiss my mother on the lips to this day. And I always kiss my children on the lips. That's just how I grew up. That's normal to me.

The reason I thought of this today was my son was playing outside (he's 5) with his friends who live across the street and I was leaving (DH was still home BTW, I didn't just leave my 5 year old ) so I kissed him on the lips, as I always do, and the kids both went "ewww". I mean really? Your parent have taught you that it is "eww" to kiss on the lips? And of course my son was immediately embarrassed. I was so pissed after that and it really got me thinking. I get so tired of American culture warping our young generation sometimes. Something as simple as a kiss. We place a sexual connotation on.

Anyway, my point is I will always kiss my children on the lips without hesitation. Even my grown up, gone through puberty boys. Even my grown up married men. They had better always kiss their mama on the lips - without being embarrassed!
I totally get it. But my MIL tries to do this to my toddler and I hate it. It's a good way for him to get a cold plus I don't know if she has cold sores, etc. I didn't grow up with it and I would rather she kiss him on the cheek. ETA: for me it isn't the sexual connotation of anything. It's the germ issue.

I don't have a problem with people in general doing this (my BF and her family do it, and while it's not my cup of tea, I don't judge), but we do hugs and cheek kisses in my family, so that's just what I am used to. We're a very warm, "touchy feely" family in general, but lip kisses are reserved for significant others.

However, I am afraid that my MIL (and other in-laws) will try to do this with LO. I am just not comfortable with it, plus my MIL makes my blood boil. I've never seen her kiss my husband on the mouth in person. But in our pre-ceremony wedding pictures, there is a picture where she is kissing him on the lips (or trying to) and also one of his grandmother doing the same thing. He looks uncomfortable in the pictures (he is not close with his family) and honestly, they made me nauseous. Needless to say, no one ever saw those picture besides us. If my MIL attempts to do that with LO, we will tell her not to, which is just awkward. Hopefully she'll see the cheek kisses from us and follow suit!

cbpj2012 · March 2014

symphony4586 said:
I seriously disagree with ever making a child feel like they have to show any adult, regardless of their relationship, any sort of physical affection they don't feel like showing. I just think it sets a really bad precedent to make a child feel like they aren't allowed to say "No" to any physical contact they don't want just because of their relationship to the other person.

As a child therapist, I have to agree with this. A child shouldn't be forced to hug/kiss someone, just because they are a relative. It sends a message that as long as they are family, you have to show them a sign of affection even if you don't want to.

What I always say is that if they don't want to, ask them to give a high five or some other non-threatening gesture. It still asks them to make an attempt at being friendly and respectful to your wishes but in a non-threatening way.

BW1088 · March 2014

abundancenow said:

Forgive my tangent thought here, but...

This is reminding me of my MIL who asked me if I got they gave me a pic of baby's genitals from the AS scan I just had done. She still doesn't believe it is really a girl even after I had the Harmony/blood cell testing done weeks ago and got the results saying it's a girl. She keeps saying the results are only 99% accurate and that there's still a chance it's a boy? I told her that the tech ID it as a girl, but did not give me a pic to take of her genitals, so she still thinking it could be a boy. I guess she's disappointed, because she already has 4 grand daughters and just one grandson, but I did "give" her the one grandson!

I'm sorry your MIL is giving you a tough time about LO being a girl.

I'm a little sensitive to the "significance" some people put on a particular sex, so this would totally rub me wrong. To me, it's not fair to either the LO or the parents. I'm sure she'll come around once that darling baby girl is cooing at her! :x

drunkenhandstand · March 2014

Ok I guess I should have clarified. I don't expect my kids to kiss every relative on the lips. The only other relative they kiss on the lips (sometimes) is grandma. And if a child is uncomfortable I would never make them. What I'm trying to say is my children ARE comfortable but they're also young and very impressionable. All it takes is some peers telling them it's "Ewwww" to make them feel uncomfortable. So I guess it just irritates me that these peers are being taught that kissing a parent on the lips is gross or sexual. I would NEVER force a child to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Ever. But I'd also never teach a child that they should beware of a peck on the lips from their mom.

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