October 2014 Moms

The Birth Process … kind of long sorry.

So I know that people have posted about their preferences for hospital versus home or birthing center births, and obs versus midwives, but I want your opinions about what you're thinking about in terms of your laboring environment.

I have decided (not sure why, maybe cause I am a nurse?), that I will give birth in a hospital. I went with an OB because I wanted to labor at the hospital I work in (Massachusetts General Hospital), and they only had OB's at the satellite MGH ob office near my house. So … so far I have made all my decisions based on convenience for me, nothing to do with the birth of my child. 

Anyway I've been watching/reading a lot about the labor, and the birthing process (FTM here), and I'm getting more worried about the hospital setting being too "controlling". I have read some stories where the doctors and nurses say … "If you don't progress by 5pm, we will induce you", this after 5 or 6 hours of labor! I guess my issue is that I want the most natural labor at the hospital that I can have. I want everything to try and progress as naturally as possible. I understand that things happen and I am prepared for this, but I just don't want the process to be moved along just because others are impatient. Also, I want the atmosphere to be as calming, quiet as possible. I realize with music and my own meditation etc, I can help make this happen, but I am worried about doctors coming in and out, and people talking around me who I don't want to be talking while I am trying to push a baby out my vag.

I feel like I am the type of person who may prefer a birthing center/midwife, or even a home birth, but given this is my first time, I definitely want the option of the medical advances the hospital can provide. I guess I need to discuss this all with my OB and I'm sure I'll have a better idea about how this could all go down, but I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts/advice - from experienced moms, or FTM's who maybe have given this some thought!

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Re: The Birth Process … kind of long sorry.

  • I would ask your OB what the hospital practices are. I was really concerned about my labor/delivery being "too controlled" and I expressed my worries to my OB who really reassured me and made me feel so much better about a hospital birth. :)
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  • Talk to the hospital about what they typically do. I think some hospitals are very pro what mom wants as long as it is safe and some are very baby out time hospitals to make room.
  • I just booked with a midwife and will be delivering in a hospital. The group of midwives at this centre have hospital rights. Most do around my area, but not sure if Canada is different? As I understand it the midwives believe in natural methods, but if can still choose to have an epidural etc. I have a consultation in two weeks so I can ask questions sand find out more.
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  • I always feel like a big weirdo because I don't have strong opinions about a birth plan yet. I figure many things are going to be beyond my control, and I want to be at the best possible hospital for all contingencies. Or maybe I just worry too much.
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  • RedBirdFlyRedBirdFly member
    edited March 2014
    For me, I am going with a home birth because it seems more personal and I feel like it will make for a more relaxed labor. My midwife is a woman I have known for over half my life and was my doula for DS's labor and delivery and got me through it.

    My hospital experience wasn't the best but I have a healthy baby and other than pitocin and not being able to walk around, there wasn't much control and staff was pretty scarce. Also when you're focusing on getting baby down that canal that's all you're really focusing on, not all the other people around.

    Really, its a personal choice! I think talking to your OB and a midwife would be really good in making the decision.

    ETA: Apostrophes are complicated.



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  • Just let them know your concerns. I'm a labor nurse and we are very open to what mom wants. It helps to have an OB practice that is on the same page. Since you work there, look into some of the nursing policies they have. I knew I wanted to be in a hospital for that just in case scenario.
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  • I'm fairly sure you should be able to find a midwife who delivers in the hospital. They definitely tend to be more patient and want to intervene less.
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  • So I know that people have posted about their preferences for hospital versus home or birthing center births, and obs versus midwives, but I want your opinions about what you're thinking about in terms of your laboring environment.

    I have decided (not sure why, maybe cause I am a nurse?), that I will give birth in a hospital. I went with an OB because I wanted to labor at the hospital I work in (Massachusetts General Hospital), and they only had OB's at the satellite MGH ob office near my house. So … so far I have made all my decisions based on convenience for me, nothing to do with the birth of my child. 

    Anyway I've been watching/reading a lot about the labor, and the birthing process (FTM here), and I'm getting more worried about the hospital setting being too "controlling". I have read some stories where the doctors and nurses say … "If you don't progress by 5pm, we will induce you", this after 5 or 6 hours of labor! I guess my issue is that I want the most natural labor at the hospital that I can have. I want everything to try and progress as naturally as possible. I understand that things happen and I am prepared for this, but I just don't want the process to be moved along just because others are impatient. Also, I want the atmosphere to be as calming, quiet as possible. I realize with music and my own meditation etc, I can help make this happen, but I am worried about doctors coming in and out, and people talking around me who I don't want to be talking while I am trying to push a baby out my vag.

    I feel like I am the type of person who may prefer a birthing center/midwife, or even a home birth, but given this is my first time, I definitely want the option of the medical advances the hospital can provide. I guess I need to discuss this all with my OB and I'm sure I'll have a better idea about how this could all go down, but I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts/advice - from experienced moms, or FTM's who maybe have given this some thought!
    I am in the EXACT same boat.  I'm not sure what I am going to do yet.  I really like my OB but she doesn't deliver at the birth center where I live, which means I would have to switch to someone brand new which I am iffy about.  
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  • Just let them know your concerns. I'm a labor nurse and we are very open to what mom wants. It helps to have an OB practice that is on the same page. Since you work there, look into some of the nursing policies they have. I knew I wanted to be in a hospital for that just in case scenario.
    Thank you for this! Tell me the truth … Do you side-eye mother's who ask for those kind specifics? I know it shouldn't matter, and it should be all about me and the baby, but I just worry that they will say "well, then give birth at home if you expect all this" and I just want it to go as smooth as possible. I'm not even type A, I can't believe I feel so strongly about all this!

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  • I'm fairly sure you should be able to find a midwife who delivers in the hospital. They definitely tend to be more patient and want to intervene less.
    Maggie6424 As I mentioned in my original post, I live far from the hospital and the satellite office near my house where I can attend regular OB appt's ONLY has OB's. 

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  • JessAnnJJessAnnJ member
    edited March 2014
    I think the biggest thing is being clear on what you want and confident enough to say no if you want something to happen a certain way. I gave birth in a very busy hospital and too many people in the room was definitely not an issue. I was left alone most of the time. The biggest challenge for me was that they insisted on me constantly wearing a fetal heart monitor which made it difficult to move around. I wish that I had thought more about that in advance because I don't think that was necessary. Anyway, my water broke and I wasn't progressing. I was having long frequent contractions that were showing up on the monitor but I couldn't feel them and I wasn't dilating so I ended up getting pitocin and an epidural. Kudos to anyone that can make it through pitocin induced contractions without an epidural.

    Edited for typos

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  • ScootsMcGScootsMcG member
    edited March 2014
    With my first child, I was able to accomplish an unmedicated birth in a hospital with an OB and had a pretty good experience. I think it was most helpful to discuss it with my OB beforehand and to have my mom along with me at my sons birth. She was on the same page as me and was willing to communicate my wishes for me while I was in labor. I think that was key, as it was really hard for me to keep focused on my plan as labor got longer and more painful. My labor was 27 hours and I was sent home once, so we met a couple different shifts of OBs and nurses with very different opinions on my unmedicated birth plan. Having an advocate was key when I encountered hospital staff that did had negative opinions about my plan. I think it could be a relative, your partner, or a doula, just someone you trust to remind you and the hospital staff of your plan when you can't think straight:)
  • I'm choosing a birthing center because a hospital that the birth center has deep connections with is just across the street from the place. This birthing center has been delivering babies since 1985 and less than 2% of all the moms needed to be transfered to the hospital and in all cases both the mom and baby were perfectly fine.
    Also, there are birthing centers that are in hospitals.
    After all the research I've done I've found that birthing with a midwife is just as safe as with a doc or OB (if it's a healthy pregnancy with no red flags and stuff). It's your personal choice though and what you are more comfortable with. It just sounds to me that you want the atmosphere and everything of a birthing center with the safety of a hospital and like I said, it's just as safe if you have a healthy pregnancy. You should talk to your OB and I definitely think you should talk to at least one midwife.
    othing at all against people who decide to birth in hospitals. I know that when I start talking about why I want to birth in a birth center it can make people thing I'm judging their decision to birth in a hospital. Not at all.

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  • I think if you are very confident in your preferences you will be able to have the delivery you want. That was the case for me in a large hospital and a traditional OB. This time around I'm even more opinionated (lol), and I'm seeing a Certified Nurse Midwife and will be delivering at the hospital I work at with staff who know me and will hopefully be truly supportive! I didn't like having to fight so hard for everything I wanted-I did get my way, but it was tiring! Good luck to you!
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  • My OB's office gave me a sample Birth Plan.  They were very encouraging that I should have all the say I wanted in what would happen.  The only thing on my Birth Plan is to have DH cut the cord.  I'll take everything else in stride.

    I will be delivering at our university hospital, so there will be a lot of medical students coming and going, but I really don't think it matters much to me.  I had med students coming in a lot before, but mostly it was to look at charts or monitors- I barely noticed, and it certainly didn't bother me.

  • I would just recommend not going to the hospital too early. I try to get through early labour at home where I can be comfortable and not have doctors watching the clock and wanting to rush things along.

    Talk to your OB about your birth plan but go with an open mind that things won't go as planned and that it's OK. Just let go and go with the flow ;)

    Your music and meditation is a great tool to have. Then you can tune out whoever or whatever is annoying you and messing with your vibe.

     

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  • I would just recommend not going to the hospital too early. I try to get through early labour at home where I can be comfortable and not have doctors watching the clock and wanting to rush things along. Talk to your OB about your birth plan but go with an open mind that things won't go as planned and that it's OK. Just let go and go with the flow ;) Your music and meditation is a great tool to have. Then you can tune out whoever or whatever is annoying you and messing with your vibe.
    megsandjohn I loved all of this. Great advice. Thank you.

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  • mer313131mer313131 member
    edited March 2014
    I think all of your concerns are totally valid. All I can share is my experience. I gave birth in a hospital with an OB. The first time I arrived, my contractions were 2-3 min apart but I wasn't dilating, so they gave me the option to be induced and stay or go home and labor until my contractions strengthened more. While this was being determined, I sat in triage while a couple med students, nurses and residents were asking me questions and checking me out. Definitely weird but I was having contractions so I didn't care much.

    I opted to go home. I returned 12 hours later and was admitted as I was 4cm dilated. I told them I wanted an epidural ASAP and that I didn't want them to break my water until I had the epi. They listened to both. Now, I was pretty surprised when I was told my OB wasn't coming until I was 10cm dilated and ready to push. So basically, I was at the mercy of a labor nurse I had never met before and a slew of students and residents to get me through labor. Luckily, my labor nurse was amazing so I had a good experience, but it is scary to be in the hands of people you don't know.

    My OB, once she came, was awesome and let me push for 5 hours! (The nurse kept saying I would be going for a c-section if I didn't push harder and I broke down crying, but it worked!) everything ended well and I felt safe being in the hospital. If I wanted a natural and med-free birth, I would probably hire a doula because I really need a good coach. I'm hoping DH can be more of a help this to me this time.

    I think the most important thing is to be educated about the labor process and what could happen. I knew a lot about induction and knew I didn't want it if possible. I knew about the epidural, the IV, the catheter, the possible other drugs they could give me if I wanted/needed them. It really helped me stay as calm as possible knowing about it. Of course there are always curveballs (my epi didn't take the first time and had to be redone, I pushed for FIVE hours), but overall knowledge was so helpful.

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  • My first was born in a hospital and I went painmed free. It was more "controlled" than I would have liked though. @JessAnnJ‌ I had pitocin and no epidural, it was actually easier than my next baby when I didn't have pitocin. :) My second was delivered in a birth center that was inside a hospital, it was really the perfect set up for me. Unfortunately, we have moved since then and hospital is my only option here. There are definitely added obstacles when trying to go med free in hospital but it can be done. Most important thing is the support of your OB, next is getting a good nurse which is mostly luck of the draw though you can request a "natural friendly" one. Also, know all your options going in, being fully informed of risks and benefits to common procedures and your rights ahead of time will help tremendously if you are being pressured to make a decision on something. Also think about a doula. And the ladies on the natural birth board here are very supportive and can give you tons more tips.
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  • I just want to thank everyone so much! I feel honored to be able to hear all your opinions. I think for sure I should have a conversation with my OB as soon as possible. One of my friends works on the PP floor, I wish she worked in L&D so she could hook it up!

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  • hecklethecklet member
    edited March 2014
    I'm pretty much going the same route as you, a hospital birth, but hopefully as naturally as possible. 

    If the decision was up to me alone, I would have wanted a home birth with a midwife. My DH is totally against this as he thinks it's gross and unsanitary ( 8-| eyeroll )

    The hospital that is closest to us (and I mean close- 2.5 miles away) does not allow midwives to deliver babies, which totally bums me out. So unfortunately, if we wanted to have a midwife we would either have to drive 60 miles to the next nearest hospital (which I'm not comfortable with) or do a homebirth (which as stated above DH is not okay with).

    Our compromise was to hire a doula in hopes that if we have both my DH and the doula as an extra advocate, we can have the birth we desire. I also plan on doing hypobabies classes/or home study. We shall see how it goes. Good luck to you!


  • I has similar concerns about a hospital birth with my first so I hired a doula. I was so glad I did. We talked beforehand about what I wanted. And she's been to like a thousand births. So she was a really good advocate for me and could help me discern whether things were really really necessary or more like standard hospital stuff but I could get away without. When we arrived she set up the bath for me automatically and it was just nice dh and I didn't have to figure it out or even think to ask for it. And when I had to have a vacuum delivery (after 24 hrs labor and 4 hrs pushing) she helped me feel like it was my choice and a good choice. And she took pics for us of the birth! Bonus! It costs more $$ but if you can find a good doula i highly recommend it.
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited March 2014
    @LaDyBostonRN‌ I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, so please forgive me if this is completely redundant. ;)

    A few things come to mind that are advantageous to creating a positive birth environment and experience:

    1. Surround yourself with a stellar labor support team (DH, doula, friend, sister, mom...whoever will be the most supportive and will have the most "tools" for helping you manage your labor)

    2. Labor at home as long as possible (your support team can help you feel safe and confident in doing this well

    3. Choose a hospital that is accredited "baby friendly" or that has baby friendly policies (like kangaroo care, rooming in, no separation of mom and baby, reputable LCs on staff, etc.)

    Link to baby friendly accreditation site so you can see if your hospital is on the list:

    https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org

    ETA: natural birth technique classes and preparing a birth plan can help you too!
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  • LaDyBostonRNLaDyBostonRN member
    edited March 2014
    meagpt22 said: I always feel like a big weirdo because I don't have strong opinions about a birth plan yet. I figure many things are going to be beyond my control, and I want to be at the best possible hospital for all contingencies. Or maybe I just worry too much. I feel the sameway. I don't have a string opinion about things one way or the other. Maybe I'll feel differently with more children or later in process but right now no opinion.


    I didn't either, but then my SIL suggested I read Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth". This started the whole thing, totally made me
    want an opinion.

    ETA: Spacing

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  • meagpt22 said:


    MrsL2B said:

    I always feel like a big weirdo because I don't have strong opinions about a birth plan yet. I figure many things are going to be beyond my control, and I want to be at the best possible hospital for all contingencies. Or maybe I just worry too much.

    I feel the sameway. I don't have a string opinion about things one way or the other. Maybe I'll feel differently with more children or later in process but right now no opinion.






    I didn't either, but then my SIL suggested I read Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth". This started the whole thing, totally made me want an opinion.

    ETA: Spacing


    This is so true! And there are so many things you might think are outside your control but they really aren't...like not having baby taken off your abdomen for 1-2 hours after birth. Unless baby's health requires them to be elsewhere, a healthy baby doesn't need to be weighed and measured immediately. All examinations can be done right there on mama's chest, and bonding can begin without being set on a cold scale or being wiped off.

    It's simple things like allowing the vernix to be rubbed in to baby's skin instead of rubbed off with a towel, and being able to keep baby against your skin every moment, that are actually quite significant and important to lots of mothers planning their births. :)
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  • Emerald27 said:
    @LaDyBostonRN‌ I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, so please forgive me if this is completely redundant. ;) A few things come to mind that are advantageous to creating a positive birth environment and experience: 1. Surround yourself with a stellar labor support team (DH, doula, friend, sister, mom...whoever will be the most supportive and will have the most "tools" for helping you manage your labor) 2. Labor at home as long as possible (your support team can help you feel safe and confident in doing this well 3. Choose a hospital that is accredited "baby friendly" or that has baby friendly policies (like kangaroo care, rooming in, no separation of mom and baby, reputable LCs on staff, etc.) Link to baby friendly accreditation site so you can see if your hospital is on the list: https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org ETA: natural birth technique classes and preparing a birth plan can help you too!


    These are excellent, thank you!

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  • Just let them know your concerns. I'm a labor nurse and we are very open to what mom wants. It helps to have an OB practice that is on the same page. Since you work there, look into some of the nursing policies they have. I knew I wanted to be in a hospital for that just in case scenario.

    Thank you for this! Tell me the truth … Do you side-eye mother's who ask for those kind specifics? I know it shouldn't matter, and it should be all about me and the baby, but I just worry that they will say "well, then give birth at home if you expect all this" and I just want it to go as smooth as possible. I'm not even type A, I can't believe I feel so strongly about all this!

    I've had all kinds of patients. From limited fetal monitoring, walking, jacuzzi to patients who just want an epidural and pitocin and to be done! The most important thing to remember (in my opinion) is to be flexible. We want you to be happy with your birth experience, but we also want to be safe and aware. Personally, the only thing I get antsy about is people who refuse the NSL. I really want it in, even if there aren't any fluids running, just in case! In the end we all want the same thing......Healthy mom, healthy baby, happy dad! FWIW, my second was completely natural with no fluids or pitocin with an early discharge from the hospital. It was great but I was more comfortable knowing that if there was some crazy unforeseen complications, I had a great team ready to respond. Good luck with whatever you decide!


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  • As other have said, you need to have a sense of how Mass General handles things.

    I delivered at Beverly, they are very "non-controlling" about the birth process. I felt comfortable I had both doctors that supported me in the kind of delivery/experience I wanted, but that the power of great medical care was right there as well. (Beverly actually has a birth center right on the property of the hospital as well as an option for people).

    I'm not sure how Mass General functions, but I never once felt controlled or pressured in my hospital setting.

    Good luck!
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  • I would highly suggest you look into hiring a Doula, she can help you to navigate and express your preferences before and during labor. Because you will be super busy and I know I didn't want people speaking to me or to have to speak to them.
    Mom to 3 wonderful Free Birthed kiddos
  • mghnmouse said:
    I would highly suggest you look into hiring a Doula, she can help you to navigate and express your preferences before and during labor. Because you will be super busy and I know I didn't want people speaking to me or to have to speak to them.
    I agree, especially as more people have suggested it. Only thing is, we really don't have a lot of $ and they are expensive! Maybe I can send my sister to a class lol.

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  • Another thing would be to know, no matter what, it is your birth and you do get a say about who gets to be there, that includes doctors and nurses. So if someone gives you crap, give them the boot.
    Mom to 3 wonderful Free Birthed kiddos

  • mghnmouse said:

    I would highly suggest you look into hiring a Doula, she can help you to navigate and express your preferences before and during labor. Because you will be super busy and I know I didn't want people speaking to me or to have to speak to them.

    I agree, especially as more people have suggested it. Only thing is, we really don't have a lot of $ and they are expensive! Maybe I can send my sister to a class lol.

    Look around, student Doulas can be hired for a steep discount. ;)
    Mom to 3 wonderful Free Birthed kiddos
  • I am also a nurse and want a hospital birth and have the same concerns as you.  I know at my hospital, however, the OB unit has a birthing plan that they go through with the mothers before.  Is it possible that you could just call the unit and talk to them about your desires and see what kind of birthing plans they may offer or what they suggest you bring in?

    You should work with your OB to develop your birth plan before hand, though.  If your OB is on board with your birth plan then you should be able to labor how you want. And it's probably already been said but I didn't read through all the PP, you could always check your hospital's policies. :)
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  • archi35archi35 member
    edited March 2014

    I completely understand where you're coming from, OP.  I would feel the same way in general back home, and would probably end up at a birthing center that is affiliated with a hospital.  I would do as PP suggested: talk with the OB, get a dula, and kick a wretched nurse to the curb if she's squashing your joy the day of.  Maybe even tell your OB that you intend to ask for replacements if the nurse isn't vibing with you?  I would do whatever you feel you need to do without regard for what anyone else thinks - this is your time and your experience! 

     GL!

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  • I had a hospital birth with #1 in Milford.  They asked before doing anything.  The only thing I don't remember giving consent to was the vac assist, but at that point I just wanted the baby out so I probably agreed to it.  They wanted to break my water at 7cm but I made them wait and they agreed.  Hospitals aren't all that bad, but as others mentioned it depends on the hospital.

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  • My first was born in a hospital and I went painmed free. It was more "controlled" than I would have liked though. @JessAnnJ‌ I had pitocin and no epidural, it was actually easier than my next baby when I didn't have pitocin. :) My second was delivered in a birth center that was inside a hospital, it was really the perfect set up for me. Unfortunately, we have moved since then and hospital is my only option here. There are definitely added obstacles when trying to go med free in hospital but it can be done. Most important thing is the support of your OB, next is getting a good nurse which is mostly luck of the draw though you can request a "natural friendly" one. Also, know all your options going in, being fully informed of risks and benefits to common procedures and your rights ahead of time will help tremendously if you are being pressured to make a decision on something. Also think about a doula. And the ladies on the natural birth board here are very supportive and can give you tons more tips.

    Kudos to you. Once the pitocin kicked in I went from feeling nothing to excruciating contractions with only about a 30 second break in between and I was only dilated to 2cm. It's hard to imagine it being worse than that without pitocin, but if it is I certainly will never be having an in medicated birth.

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  • I gave birth at Newton-Wellesly in July of 2012. I ended up being induced, but it was because my water broked and I was GBS positive. 32 hours later, I was not progressing past 7 cm and ended up having a C- Section. At no point did I feel like the nurses/midwives/doctors were not listening to me or making me do anything. At the point of my C-Section, it was totally because I was starting to swell and it was not a good environment for my son. Also, a lot of hospitals in the Boston area are very concerned with keeping C-Section rates down and will not induce you, especially with the first. I would just talk with your doctor about your birth plan (they will ask you about it a lot at end), but know that there is a strong possibility that your dr will not deliver your child. In the end all that matters is a healthy baby, but all in all my experience (and experience of friends who delivered in the area) is not that health practitioners are particularly forceful with their recommendations during labor and delivery unless otherwise is unsafe to you/the baby.
  • I'm fairly sure you should be able to find a midwife who delivers in the hospital. They definitely tend to be more patient and want to intervene less.

    I'm in MA as well, and I thought (FTM here, my research might be wrong) Midwives have to be CNMs and have to have hospital affiliations, if they don't they are technically "illegal" in MA.  I went with a practice that has midwives and doctors, I chose midwives, and am giving birth at a hospital. Luckily, our hospital is very what mom wants centric, and with the midwife even more so. I would do some research on your hospital and ask other people who have given birth there what their experiences were. good luck!

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  • Its a tough choice. I had two of my children at Beth Isreal in Boston and had a good experience. Given it is a teaching hospital, the second time around I put my foot down with the number of students, residents etc coming in and out and my choice was respected. I also had fairly short labors so I wasnt there very long. I was comforted that there were all the medical interventions I could ever need there if necessary and a great NICU team.

    This is my fourth time around and I plan on laboring as long as possible before going in and then having the baby at the hospital. I am comfortable with that decision because I have been through the process a few times and I know how labor will most likely go for me.
     

  • I gave birth to all of my kids in a hospital and had a great experience each time. My labors all "stalled" at 3cm and each time they suggested that I get an epidural but let me labor as long as I wanted without it. And every time, as soon as I got the epidural, I went from 3 to 10cm in less than 2 hours. My body is weird.

    The nurses were amazing for me. During the birth of DD1, her dad's crazy stepmom kept coming in and taking pictures of me like some insane paparazzo. The nurse told me that if I wanted someone to stay out that she would be the bad guy and make up a reason to keep them out. Which was awesome.The stepmom wouldn't listen to me, but she did listen to the nurse.


      Emma Rose - 9.14.05    Beckett - 5.26.07    Sawyer - 9.22.12    Lennon Mae - 9.26.14
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