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Talking Death...

eg214eg214 member
in Single Parents
So I had a long convo with my mom tonight about a lot but one thing that came up was what would happen to LO in the event something happened to me. I'm curious what you all have been told and what arrangements you have made.

If baby daddies are in the picture and active, it's obvious they would go to them. What about if BD's have never been around? Do they still get auto rights to custody since they are the next in line? What if BD signs over rights? I think I've heard of A TON of various cases where the outcomes have all been different. Obviously I would want her to go to my parents regardless, since he isn't around and I'm guessing won't be. Really curious on this and what I can do. I will ask my attorney but won't see her for a while.

PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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Re: Talking Death...

  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    This is a great question. I know my attorney said that we would both have to make up our own will. But that's with both of us involved. I feel like a judge would not give a child to a man the child doesn't know over grandparents who have always been there to love them but there could be a battle if nothing is in writing. But what do I know? Curious to see responses
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  • YTLCNURSEYTLCNURSE member
    Great question because I have been thinking about this as well.
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  • eg214eg214 member
    @MRSLYNNYD - This was my thinking as well. I said to my mom, if I died and she was 5 years old and BD had never been around, I cannot imagine a judge would hand her over to a basic stranger (cuz thats what he would be to her) over her grandparents who have been around from day one. BUT I know the legal world can be really crazy when it comes to this so...yeah. I'm very curious on this one. Another motivating factor to have BD sign over his rights...next topic coming...

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Another thought...if the child comes with life insurance policy I could see a BD now trying to slowly start with visitation then trying to get full custody if it wasn't granted by a crazy judge. Because of the money.
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    My will states that DD will go to either my brother and his wife, my mom, or my aunt. I can't remember, are you divorced or still in the process? I believe still in the process but I have a nagging feeling that's wrong.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • eg214eg214 member
    @Roxalot - Not sure who you are asking but I am divorced. I just don't know if a will matters if there is a bio dad around. I was in a wills course this semester but dropped it. I still have the textbook. Maybe I will look it up tomorrow.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • tig594tig594 member
    BD is around and will probably get custody of DD.  I know he loves her and is dying to see her when he gets out.  He calls about once a week and loves hearing her babble.  

    I do have a notarized request that I gave to my aunt that states should anything happen to me I would want her to have custody of DD and why.  I am sure she will fight him hard for her.  Does that mean she'll get it?  Probably not.  Courts tend to side with the birth parents if they are around and interested in raising their kids.  

    All my life insurance/401k beneficiaries list my aunt as primary and her daughter as secondary.  If you put a minor child on there as primary whoever has legal custody/guardianship will probably have control of that money unless you have a trust set up.  Then I think you have to list the trust as primary.  I'm am not taking the chance of BD getting control of that money.  I know my aunt will use it for DD and make sure part of it goes towards college for her.  
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    edited March 2014
    Derp-a-derp, yeah, I was talking to you @eg214.  It was getting late and I was trying to stay up to talk to my BF when he got off work and it just wasn't feasible. LOL. I passed out shortly after posting that.

    I believe that if Manchild does not take interest in the child, in your will you can have other people take over instead of him.  I mean, I know that the law usually favors birth parents, but I can't imagine they would favor a father who hasn't been in the picture willingly. Also, I would keep written records of all the bullshit and keep that in a safe with your will so that whoever you designate to take care of your LO, they can use that against him if he decides to fight for her.  Of course, instruct them to keep a record where you left off.
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    Same here, my brother just turned 33.  My mom is in her late 50's and my aunt is in her mid-40's (my mom is the oldest of a big family).
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    bd has first go at having custody of ds. if he doesnt take ds then either my sister and bil or my cousin will get custody
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