Would this upset you?

ToastieSimons · March 2014

I am so sorry!!!! I would not be super forgiving. Then again I'm picturing her like my MIL. Next time she offered to take her somewhere I'd be saying "I'm sorry, I don't think I want to risk what you'll trim off this time".

And I call BS on "As soon as it was over I knew I shouldn't have"...She knew before hand. If it wasn't a big deal why would she have called for permission!!!!

And I'm not an emotional person but I got super teared up at the boys first haircuts. And everyone I've talked to says the same thing. So even if you said "oh i should just trim her hair" it doesn't matter.

Disneygeek77 · March 2014

Well this is my opinion and I know some will think I am over reacting, but considering she copped out and blamed her friend, I just don't think she gets it.

I would have your husband talk to her and tell her that she needs to understand that she isn't to be making these kind of decisions.

I know she is upset and cried, but I still don't think she gets it. She is probably upset that you are upset and not because what she did was wrong.

HBirdie · March 2014

Aw

I'm sorry. At least she isn't acting like it's no big deal. I'd probably cry, too.

joyfullyfound · March 2014

Thanks for all the sympathy, ladies. I really, really appreciate it. DH doesn't work in the kind of place that I can just call him anytime, so thus far you guys are the only ones I've been able to vent to. I know he'll be angry when he finds out though, so I'll let him call his mom and express that freely, haha. And then I think I'll move on... I mean, as far as she knows, though I think this is going to bother me for a while. *sigh*

Cherryblossoms07 · March 2014

joyfullyfound said:
Yeah... she gave me an envelope with "Eliza's first hair cut" written on it.

Initially it would have upset me, but not as much as most of these women. I would have taken the stance that bangs don't count; I didn't count them for DD. However, the envelope makes it so much worse IMO. Sorry! I agree with a pp, take her out today for another haircut to make it look good and take pictures.

Hollylb3 · March 2014

The fact that she put it in an envelope means that she knows it was a big deal. She knew better. Ugh. Sorry

penguingrrl · March 2014

LalaMama81 said:

amy052006 said:

Um, I had both of my boys get their first haircut at the Harmony Barber Shop on main Street in Disney World. I would be fucking apocalyptic.

Oh, and @amy052006, I was going to do this w/ DD2 this year, but I didn't realize they had to be under 1 for it to be the official first hair cut. She's never had it cut b/c she hasn't needed to. I still might get them both haircuts anyway b/c it will be fun, but I wanted the certificate!!

Why do they have to be under 1 for it to count? None of my kids had had a haircut by their 1st birthday because they were all bald! Emma had her first at 3, Julia had her first (and only) at 6 and Drew was a few weeks past his birthday!

LatteLady5 · March 2014

Hav=Fath said:

KateB1984 said:

I'm so sorry!

Phone and get her an appointment somewhere, post nap. Take her for an all around trim and see if they can make her new bangs more your taste. Take pics after YOUR outing with her. Maybe go out for a treat afterwards.

Today is her first haircut. Make it YOUR special haircut day with her.

I'm sorry. That really sucks. Hair is so personal - I don't know if you even wanted her to have bangs at all? But it'll grow quickly. HUGS.

I will say that my MIL ripped off DS1's umbilical cord stump when he was 5 days old because I didn't want to put him in the tight onesie she bought him until it fell off. It got infected for WEEKS and was horrible. But now, looking back, it was a sacrifice that was well made because it stood as a reminder of boundaries, and MIL's lack of them. His poor belly button took one for the team.

This is a good idea! As long as it's in the same day it's like it's only one cut, today is her first haircut!

Yes! You can do this joyfully!

barnwife · March 2014

I haven't read more than the first page, but if it's an important milestone to you, you have the right to be upset. When J. turned one, my family sang to him and gave him cake without me. I was beyond upset.

Many people told me I shouldn't be, but it was a milestone I had been looking forward to enjoying. (It didn't help that I was early in pregnancy with A. But we hadn't announced that yet.)

Anyway, I hope it didn't actually happen.

zbeesma86 · March 2014

So sorry Joyfully!!

Arnegard · March 2014

(Hugs!)

MIL cut DD1's hair herself (she did do hair once upon a time). It wasn't a first and I was still mad.

I am camp no bangs as well. I hated the pain of growing them!!

spring_time · March 2014

I would be hysterical. Logically I know it wouldn't be a big deal, but I would be so incredibly upset. That being said, I don't count bangs as a first haircut. My mom has cut DDs bangs a few time, with my knowledge and pemission, but I am not counting it u til there is a hair salon and the rest of the hair is cut.

mandymack · March 2014

I just read through all of this - I honestly can't believe she went through with it KNOWING how special first haircuts are.

I'm so sorry, that's just not okay.

nesenotes · March 2014

OMG I normally lurk, but my MIL did this to me a little less than a month ago. I took one look and said did you get a hair cut?! She also cut her bangs only but I am still so angry and distraught about it. The worst part is the bitch bag had the balls to say she didn't think I would notice!!

Anyway I'm sorry. So very sorry. At least she felt bad about it.

@ToastieSimons just made me ugly cry. I'm mad all over again.

bumpuser8448316 · March 2014

Yea, I'd be pretty upset

meglew · March 2014

@joyfullyfound : I am so sorry she went through with it. You handled it much better than I would have and your MIL is lucky to have a DIL like you!

@KateB1984 : I felt rage inside for you, reading about your MIL ripping off an umbilical stump over a freaking onesie. I would have been completely ballistic. Seriously, what is wrong with people?!?!

lyingliarlies · March 2014

Kimbus22 said:

lyingliarlies said:

wow i'd try not to lose my shit like some posters, but being pregnant, all bets are off.

even with boundary issues, whether as a MIL or a grandparent, yelling & letting her see how emotional you are would rarely be the most effective approach. you can express your disappointment and get your point across rationally.

silent fuming for a minute might make her pee her pants.

You have obviously never met my MIL. The ONLY way to make a point to her is to become livid and enraged. Otherwise she doesn't take you seriously at all.

that's why i said *rarely*, of course there are extreme cases.

babywisher · March 2014

amy052006 said:

LalaMama81 said:

amy052006 said:

Um, I had both of my boys get their first haircut at the Harmony Barber Shop on main Street in Disney World. I would be fucking apocalyptic.

Oh, and @amy052006, I was going to do this w/ DD2 this year, but I didn't realize they had to be under 1 for it to be the official first hair cut. She's never had it cut b/c she hasn't needed to. I still might get them both haircuts anyway b/c it will be fun, but I wanted the certificate!!

Pshaw! Both of my boys were over one. Dear god, DS2 was 16 months but looks like a two year old!

Yeah when I brought ds to have his first haircut at the HBS he was 18 months. He got the certificate and mouse ears too.

babywisher · March 2014

Also, I would have totally flipped out. I won't let my in-laws do any firsts with my kids thought. Not being mean or anything, but that is what parents are for. They had their chance.

alake · March 2014

When younger, yes.
Now, my girl's make their own hair choices. My mom and grandma have taken them for hair cuts/ trims.
My mom cuts their bangs if they ask.

bumpuser924057 · March 2014

I gasped out loud when I read this. You are a saint to not go absolutely apeshit on her. My parents went with us to get DS1's first haircut because my dad insisted we have his barber do it (that's where my little brother had HIS first haircut, it's tradition, blah blah, whatever), and I was mad because the barber had my mom sit and hold him in her lap in the chair, not me, so she's in all of the pictures. If they'd just gone ahead and done it without me, there would have been hell to pay.

And I just don't get how moms get this crazy when they become grandmas. You were a mom! Don't you remember how you felt about this stuff?!?

raraavis28 · March 2014

Late to this but OMG SO NOT COOL!!! Joyfully, I would be devastated if my MIL (or even my mom) did that to me! I am so so sorry she did that and I think you handled it very well. Big hugs!

jlpev · March 2014

I think you handled it well. I would have been the same way. I agree that you should go get it fixed, go have a treat etc...
Hopefully she learned her lesson!

Louiej · March 2014

I'm glad I was late to this, I chewed my nails down to nubs and I only had to click to the next page! I'm so sorry....I'd get her drunk and lob off some of her locks to be fair.