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Tomboys vs Girly Girls

skylilyskylily member
in Parenting
A friend of mine and I found ourselves in a very heated discussion about whether or not I was going to be able to raise a girly girl.
I am absolutely against girly girls - young women who feel that they are princesses and act like spoiled brats. I have a niece that I kind of despise because her parents treat her like a princess, giving in to her every demand. (IMO) They have said that "she is the way she is because she had strong colic as a baby and they did what they could to soothe her and that has led to... that." My SIL has stated numerous times she fears the teen years (and yet she's doing NOTHING now).   - - I digress.

I am a tomboy. Growing up, I chased my older brother - wanted to play football, basketball, baseball with him and his friends. Whatever B was doing I wanted to do it too. I played in the dirt, climbed trees, and refused to wear dresses because I couldn't play in them. 

I am not against having a little girl (preg. with #2 don't know who it will be). But I am against raising a girly girl who feels she's a princess. This friend of mine was saying that there is no way to stop her from being a girly girl because I can't control what's on TV or who her friends are. (I'll give him the friend thing to a point).

Is it possible to raise a tomboy? A girl who wants to play baseball with the rest of us outside - a girl who wants to go camping with us and has no problem fishing or digging for worms? Can a little girl be born a girly girl and my nurturing not win over nature?
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Re: Tomboys vs Girly Girls

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  • SCSmith2011SCSmith2011 member
    SD is totally into princesses and has a ton of princess costumes that she loves to wear. But she doesn't demand to be treated like a princess. She's just into princesses. She's also into "boy stuff" like Skylanders and T-ball and playing in the dirt. I'm pretty sure that boys can act like spoiled brats too.

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  • robyn2201robyn2201 member
    Oh boy.

    Having a girly-girly does not automatically = a spoiled brat. DD1 loves to dress up like a princess and loves to run around the yard and dig in the dirt. You can't make your child like anything, they are their own person.
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  • skylilyskylily member
    Yes, despise is too strong of a word. I am cautious around her.
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  • Ardmhs83Ardmhs83 member
    edited March 2014
    FWIW: my dad tried to force me into softball at age 5 or 6 and I HATED it.  Cried and just picked grass in the outfield.  Begged to be put into gymnastics and quit softball after the first practice.  He couldn't force me to do it...bottom line.  I wanted to put on a cute girly leotard and flip around a gym.  My parents fully supported me and didn't fight my decision though.  Thank God!  

    Oh...and my son will sometimes put on a princess dress at daycare and "spin like a princess," his words.  He sees the other little girls and boys do it...why can't he?! 
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  • phunkyphishphunkyphish member
    I think these are all separate issues, girly girl does not equal spoiled brat and tomboy does not equal perfect angel. They are separate traits, that your child may or may not have. You can help raise her to not be "spoiled" but you can't control who she decides to be. 
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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Maybe she's a baby lipstick lesbian. 

    Y U HATE THE GEIGHS, OP?
    This made me laugh way harder than I am sure it was intended too.  Thanks for the laugh!

     

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  • wiggyslilsiswiggyslilsis member
    Really?

    You can choose not to raise a "spoiled brat" but you cannot choose what your child will like.

    Also, there is so much more than just a girly girl or a tom boy. My kid loves getting her hair done, painting her nails, and shopping for shoes BUT she also Lovies making mud pies, playing with trucks, and building stuff. I just support her in whatever she likes :)
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  • skylilyskylily member
    Not sure how I came off telling you all that I wouldn't love my daughter for who she was or would be if I have one. I was asking a question about a conversation I had with a friend and wanted more opinions. I was using myself as an example bc baby #2 will have a big brother unlike my niece.

    I understand that being spoiled is different than being a girly girl now. I see how my correlation there was actually not connected. I'll admit it will be difficult to accept that my daughter may want to play house, tea parties, and with baby dolls. I don't see myself doing those things but maybe I'll enjoy it after all. I've never really tried or had a reason to.  

    I know deleting threads is forbidden voodoo here so I won't delete but I will walk out at this point. I feel my words were either twisted or my original post did not read the way I meant it to. For those that offered honest opinions toward the conversation thanks.
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  • Tmgs2013Tmgs2013 member
    Oh shit guys... My son has "strong colic". I'm just going to have to give up now cause my sister is going to despise him and he is going to be a spoiled brat! Ugh I'm sorry but this just grates on my nerves. My son will be whatever he wants to be in life and I will stand by him. Even if he wants to play with princesses and work in the effing kitchen! End rant!
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  • ElTrain5ElTrain5 member
    jdoud77 said:


    skylily said:

    A friend of mine and I found ourselves in a very heated discussion about whether or not I was going to be able to raise a girly girl.
    I am absolutely against girly girls - young women who feel that they are princesses and act like spoiled brats. I have a niece that I kind of despise because her parents treat her like a princess, giving in to her every demand. (IMO) They have said that "she is the way she is because she had strong colic as a baby and they did what they could to soothe her and that has led to... that." My SIL has stated numerous times she fears the teen years (and yet she's doing NOTHING now).   - - I digress.

    I am a tomboy. Growing up, I chased my older brother - wanted to play football, basketball, baseball with him and his friends. Whatever B was doing I wanted to do it too. I played in the dirt, climbed trees, and refused to wear dresses because I couldn't play in them. 

    I am not against having a little girl (preg. with #2 don't know who it will be). But I am against raising a girly girl who feels she's a princess. This friend of mine was saying that there is no way to stop her from being a girly girl because I can't control what's on TV or who her friends are. (I'll give him the friend thing to a point).

    Is it possible to raise a tomboy? A girl who wants to play baseball with the rest of us outside - a girl who wants to go camping with us and has no problem fishing or digging for worms? Can a little girl be born a girly girl and my nurturing not win over nature?


    QFP

    FWIW I wouldn't call how you plan to try and influence your child's predispositions "nurturing". Not even a little.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • RayRay007RayRay007 member
    Ditto to PPs who are all WTF? 

    But, I will admit, I tend towards non-stereotypical-girl stuff for DD. She has no barbies, she has never seen the barbie show that I know of, I have never shown her barbies in the store, yet somehow she knows wtf barbie is, and likes it. So good luck. 

    Now that I've written barbie out so many times I realize what a weird word it is. 

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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    The Barbie show on Netflix is actually super cute.  

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  • fancynewbeeslyfancynewbeesly member
    My daughter hates getting dirty. Seriously panics at it. Gets upset about her clothes being dirty. However her favorite thing to be is a dinosaur ballerina. She wears her tutus and ballerina shoes and runs around the house roaring like a dinosaur.
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  • angelashlyangelashly member
    MotherOfPearl85 said:

    I can't wait to have tea parties with DD!!

    Tea parties are awesome.


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  • plus12012plus12012 member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    I'm pretty sure you will have no say in whether or not your child is a girly-girl or a tomboy.   


    I totally agree with this. I think every child at some point decides what type of things they like or don't like and should be exposed to a realm of different things when they are young. Playing dress-up doesn't mean you can't also go out and play soccer. If you push a certain lifestyle at them chances are they will try and do the complete opposite.

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  • vandelayvandelay member
    My DD decided that she wanted to be a pirate for last Halloween, then at the last minute decided she wanted to be a princess pirate.  Because we started spoiling her, of course.
                                  

      
                                   
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  • missyisheremissyishere member
    CinemaGoddess said:
    Maybe she's a baby lipstick lesbian. 

    Y U HATE THE GEIGHS, OP?
    Or maybe even a halfgeigh?


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  • missyisheremissyishere member
    In a sense, I see what you're getting at, but you have it all wrong.  I was very much a tomboy growing up with a small amount of girliness, so I was concerned how I could relate with my SD when she showed signs of being a very girly-girl.  Then I realized, despite my lack of super feminine qualities growing up, I enjoyed whatever she was happy with as she grows.  Okay, I'm not necessarily down with her Craylor love, but we're working on that.  


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