Today I'm being brave (Updated in comments)

Poppy715 · March 2014

Today I shared my story on the Promise Walk Facebook page. I'm volunteering and coordnating the walk this year and each week we are sharing what brought us to the walk. As I posted Addison's birth story and my expierence my hands were shaking. I've been very open about what happened but this seemed so big to me. I shared on the walk page and then shared on my personal page. I'm hoping to bring awareness about PreE and shed some light on the taboo topic of stillbrith and baby loss. I share this with you not to be an AW (you know I'm always good for that when the time is right) but to hopefully encourage someof you to be brave. Talk about your babies and your pain. You do not have to be silent because they are not here with you. People will listen. Even when you think they don't, some will hear you.

Here is my story-My name is Shelly and I’m another volunteer helping with this year’s Promise Walk. Here is my story: I was 26 weeks pregnant and went to sleep with a bad headache on Wednesday, January 2nd. I started vomiting and thought I had caught the flu from my nephews. Everyone I knew was sick with it, so I wasn't worried. Pregnant people get the flu too. I don't remember anything after that night until they woke me in the ICU, Friday morning. I had Eclampsia and started having seizures in my sleep early Thursday morning. I was unresponsive. At only 25 years-old, I had four seizures and a stroke. They did a quick ultrasound and could not find our babies heartbeat. My husband said they were only confirming what he already knew, our daughter Addison was gone. They told him they had to shift their focus to saving me.
My blood pressure was 256/70 and doctors couldn't get it lowered. The doctors decided to put me into a medically induced coma to help stop the swelling of my brain and to try and lower my blood pressure. They didn't successfully wake me until Friday morning when I was in labor and it was time to push. They had tried several times to wake me up but I'm told I wasn't peacefully waking up. I would thrash and struggle and try to pull the intubation tubes from my throat. When they finally woke me I was tied to the bed, unable to move my arms and having contractions. The first thing I heard when I woke was that I was in the hospital and my baby had died. I was so sedated and drugged all I could say was, "that's sad”. It was like I had heard it was going to rain all day. I didn't comprehend at all. My doctor was speaking to me like a child. "It hurts because you are in labor." "If you push the pain will stop." Looking back I realize I had no idea what was actually happening. Addison Rose was delivered almost immediately after I was woken. She was only 1lbs 2oz 11 3/4 inches long born January 4th, at 9:48 in the morning. She wasn't due until April 9th. She has blonde hair like her daddy as a baby and big feet like me. The doctor said she was perfect. He cried as he told my family I was ok and she had been delivered.
My husband Matt made the decision not to have an autopsy done to see when Addison had passed. If he chose that route I would have had no memory of my little girl at all. No photos or treasured mementos. She would have been taken away from us immediately. She was able to stay with us in our room until I was released from the hospital. Because of this we do not know exactly when she died.
My whole family was camped out at the hospital and came in to see me after Addie was weighed and dressed. They all kept telling me how happy they were I was alive. At that point I was no longer medically in danger. My blood pressure was high but under control. I had no idea what they, and I had been through. I was in a fog. I remember thinking how dramatic everyone was being. They would say things like, “it's so good to hear you laugh” and “we're so happy to see your eyes”. I was in and out of consciousness for two days after being taken out of the coma. I have photos of me dressing Addison and wrapping her in a tiny blanket and gown provided by a group called Minutes of Gold. I only remember small pieces from the day she was delivered. Less than 2 minute clips from that day. I don't even remember holding her until my 3rd or 4th day in the hospital.
After Addie was delivered I was moved up to Labor and Delivery. A small wreath with a little white dove was placed on my door signifying I had lost my baby. A warning to those who entered my room.
I wasn’t immediately released from the hospital because I was having terrible headaches. Once I was able to get around, an MRI was done on my brain. They wanted to see the damage the seizures and stroke had done. Major swelling of my brain, a failed epidural and several lumbar punctures all resulted in crippling headaches. While recovering I was unable to sit up for long periods of time. The amount of fluid taken from my brain was also a culprit of the horrible headaches. I had to stay flat for most of my remaining time in the hospital. I laid there with my daughter at my feet in her infant bed unable to even understand what was happening. It hadn’t sunk in and wouldn’t for several days. I had a rough road to recovery once I was home.
We buried Addison in a local cemetery and had a small service for her. She is in the infant section next to Matt's cousin who died of SIDS 17 years ago. As of now everything is physically back to normal. My MRI I had to compare with the one I had while in the hospital showed the swelling is completely gone. Miraculously, I have made a full recovery. My doctors are all stumped at how I made it out with so little physical damage. They chalk it up to being young, strong, and in good health. When I was first in the ICU they were telling Matt they may have to cut into my skull to allow room for my brain to help ease the swelling, I could have been paralyzed from the stroke, lost parts of my memory, or much worse.
Now that some time has passed I am able to reflect on what happened and how very lucky I am. I have to remind myself that I have been blessed and things could have been even worse. Although I am physically back to normal, and no longer at risk for seizures, my husband has trouble sleeping at night. I feel him reach and check for my heartbeat, and to see that I am breathing normally. His experience varies so much from mine. I was unconscious for the scary parts of all this. Matt, although surrounded by family, had to endure this alone and without his partner in life. He knew our baby was gone and that he would have to tell me what happened to her. He spent days wondering if I was going to have long term damage. At that time I was unable to share in his pain or help him to make important decisions regarding my health and safety. Or what would happen with our daughter.
The symptoms of preeclampsia are often missed because they are so common in pregnancy. Things like swelling, high blood pressure and sometimes headaches. Women usually develop Preeclampsia much later in pregnancy and can be quickly treated with a C-Section. It’s in extreme cases where the mother and/or baby do not survive. I did not have any of the traditional warning signs. The minimal symptoms I did have were only there a few hours before I had my first seizure. One of my nurses told me Eclampsia means "to strike like lightning". That perfectly describes what happened. We had almost no warning and no reason to suspect this would happen. I was drawn to the Promise Walk the month Addison was originally due. I found it in April and was excited to raise money for such a great cause. I am so hopeful with the right research I’ll never have to worry about Eclampsia interfering with another pregnancy of mine or anyone else’s again.

((hugs)) and love. Be brave!

LizBlue · March 2014

Huge ((hugs)) Poppy. Thank you for sharing your story and being brave. How incredibly terrifying and traumatic for you and your husband. I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Addison, and so very happy that you made it through and that you are here and healthy today. More ((hugs))

peggels24 · March 2014

That's absolutely beautiful Poppy! And heart-wrenching and emotion filled - my heart ached for you and your poor husband. I just want to wrap the two of you in big ole hugs.

That is very brave putting your story out there and I commend you for it.

I'm so sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing your story with the world.

squeakyfrog15 · March 2014

What an amazing group. I'm so sorry for your loss and for all that you have been through. I am also grateful that you are willing to share your story. I have told many people that by keeping our stories quiet we are allowing women to continue to suffer in silence, and feel like they failed. A women should never feel like this is their fault, but I sure did. Thank you for sharing and raising awareness! Great big ((((HUGS)))) to you!

rmpar29 · March 2014

I'm in tears Poppy. I knew some of that story, but not all of the details. I'm so grateful that you are 100% recovered and I can't imagine the nightmare that your husband went through. He is a very special person to be able to take care of the details and you at the same time.

Thank you for sharing your story. You are doing a wonderful thing, helping with the Promise Walk and educating others on Eclampsia.

rubysi · March 2014

Thank you for your story. I am sorry you and your dh went through so much. Thank you for being here.

Waliany2015 · March 2014

I know the point if this post was about the walk, and I'm glad you are volunteering. Your story brought me to tears. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You are so strong. (Hugs)

buggirl72 · March 2014

Thank you Poppy for sharing your's, Matt's, and Addie's story. Many (((hugs))) and much love.

katib77 · March 2014

You have brought tears streaming down my face, not only for the loss of your sweet Addison, but for describing how your husband had to live through this and checked on you afterward. You are incredibly brave for sharing.

Thank you for being an advocate for awareness and helping to raise money for research. (((hugs)))

ToriGirl2014 · March 2014

Thank you so much for sharing. (((HUGS))) to you for your bravery and candidness.

uneek1323 · March 2014

(((((hugs)))))) and love to you sweetheart! I'm proud of you for sharing your story and sharing your sweet Addie. xoxoxox

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

bunnybun4 · March 2014

thanks for sharing this. I commend you for sharing this with the world and your friends and family....I still have a hard time bringing my own experience up because I don't want to make people uncomfortable but I think it is so important for people to see the other side of having babies. You've prob. touched a lot of lives who read your story and could relate in some way.

luciddreamer106 · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story, you are so brave. >:D< I'm sure that Matt and little Addie are so proud of you.

megrae12 · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story. It brought me to tears. You are incredibly brave for sharing this. ((Hugs)) love.

libby+nate · March 2014

Oh Poppy, you are so brave. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm grateful you are alive. You are such a beautiful, wonderful lady. I am sitting here in the Olive Garden parking lot trying to fix my tear streaked face. My heart physically hurts for you, your DH and your family. Your story could literally save at least one life. Thinking of you, Matt and Addie as April approaches. (((hugs)))

taberbtb · March 2014

Many, many ((((hugs)))) Poppy. You are so brave to share your story. I am sure Matt and Addie are both so very proud of you. I can't even begin to imagine what YH went through during all of this. He is a strong man.

MoreThanSparrows08 · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story. So many ((hugs)) for you and your hubby.

TVLily · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story of your sweet Addison with so many and fighting to raise money for pre-Eclampsia. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad that you've 100% physically recovered from this.

Best of luck with your walk and fundraising goals. Sending you so many ((hugs)).

HeyMrsPotter · March 2014

I don't know what to say except that I'm in tears. Thank you for sharing your story with such bravery.

LaRomana09 · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story, Poppy. So many (((((HUGS))))).

dajhughes · March 2014

(((POPPY))) thank you for sharing your story. You write so beautifully about a terrifying experience. You are brave. And you have a wonderful husband.

KristinDMiller · March 2014

Poppy that is quite a story about your beautiful girl. I lost my daughter Claire on 2/17/14 due to Chorioamnionitis. She was due in June. It was a very traumatic experience and I was induced too because they wanted to focus on saving my life. Claire weighed nearly a pound. She was beautiful and we gave her a small funeral as well. This year I am leading a team for the March of Dimes in honor of my little girl. It is making me feel like she is proud of me. That may be something for you to consider in the future too. You are a strong woman and a blessing on Earth. Remember that.

MsAmandaPants · March 2014

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(((Poppy)))). So much love to you, Matt, and your precious Addison. Thank you for sharing your story and for being an important advocate for women everywhere. I'm so proud of you.

BookishMomma · March 2014

Yes, you are brave. I am sure that was not easy to write, but you are doing so much to help raise awareness. ((hugs))

MyFirstRaspberry · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story Poppy. You are an amazing woman and mom to Addie.

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LuvMyYorkieCarney · March 2014

Thank you for sharing your story & being so brave! I'm so sorry you had to suffer through all this and the loss of Addison.

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cdubs85 · March 2014

I have tears in my eyes after reading this. Thank you for sharing and for being so utterly brave throughout this. Life is so fragile, precious and unpredictable.

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bumpuser9524622 · March 2014

Thank you for being brave and telling your story. I'm glad that you've made a full recovery and think it's great that you're volunteering with the walk. What a great tribute to your daughter! (((hugs)))

KC1212 · March 2014

First of all, I applaud you for coming out on FB and here and sharing your history and the memory of your beautiful Addison.

I struggle to be open about our history of infertility, our current battle of secondary infertility, and our two losses. Anyway, you're right, none of these topics should be taboo and they DO need more awareness.

(Huge Hugs) and thank you for being such a wonderful and compassionate support on this board

Rocks526 · March 2014

Poppy you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story. (((Hugs))) to you and your husband.

Rachaeleigh · March 2014

This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

NoeliaV · March 2014

So many (((hugs))) for you, you dear, brave, strong woman. More (((hugs))) for sweet Addie and YH, too.

lindsebert · March 2014

So much love and so many big (((((HUGS))))) to you, love.

RustyGirl3 · March 2014

Many ((((((HUGS))))))) for you Poppy.

alleycat39 · March 2014

I am in awe of your strength to share such a private, yet huge, part of your life. I hope that your story is able to encourage others to show such strength.

masterofallcheese · March 2014

I am so moved by your story. Tears everywhere and holding my doggie tight! You are honoring Addison's memory in such a wonderful way. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, and also for being inspirational on how to eke some positivity out of such a heartbreaking situation.

anitaflora · March 2014

Poppy.... thank you for sharing your story. I am absolutely awestruck by your story and strength. Thank you for all that you do on this board to support so many ... and thank you for all that you do with the Promise Walk and to try to raise awareness. Just sending so much love and hugs to you.

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