Involving our moms...unobtrusively!

schultzie2106 · March 2014

My mom and MIL are amazing and I'm excited to have them involved... In some ways! What are meaningful ways that you're involving your moms, without them being physically present in intimate moments? I'm thinking things like meal preparation and walking our dog while we're in the hospital. Thanks for your ideas!

MaybeKatie10 · March 2014

Is "involving your Moms" code for putting them to work? Because, if that is the case, I have no plans at all for this. It is up to me and my hubby to walk our dogs and prepare our meals. A Mother is not instant access to slave labor in my book.

My MIL will of course get to spend plenty of time cuddling with an enjoying her grandchild. If I'm lucky, maybe she'll bless me with her wisdom and advice. I expect nothing more from her than that.

mcgeeva · March 2014

MrsMuq said:

schultzie2106 said:

My mom and MIL are amazing and I'm excited to have them involved... In some ways! What are meaningful ways that you're involving your moms, without them being physically present in intimate moments? I'm thinking things like meal preparation and walking our dog while we're in the hospital. Thanks for your ideas!

No way in hell are your mom/MIL going to look back 10 years, 20 years from now and say "I'm sooooo glad I got to walk Fifi while Jane was laboring with LO! I mean, I wasn't there, but I just felt so involved while scooping up Fifi's dog shit."

Requesting family take care of your pet and cook you food while you lay
in a hospital bed is not you somehow graciously "involving" them in the
birth of your LO. It's you asking them for a favor. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

Hillarious!

MJC1116 · March 2014

Have you asked them how they want to be involved? They may not want to walk the dog or make meals, but maybe they'll come by to hold the baby so you can take a shower or something. If you want them involved and are excited to do so, I'd have them do something involving their grandchild.

RebeccaY1 · March 2014

I'm not sure how to involve my parents or in-laws. I know that they will probably want to help. My parents will probably like going shopping and getting things that we still need. My in-laws will probably make frozen meals and help with groceries. I don't expect anything, but based upon what they've already said I can guess that this is how they will like to help.

I would try to expect nothing and hope for something. That way you're not disappointed and are happy with anything that you receive.

Valie18 · March 2014

I'm going to agree with PPs and say that encouraging them to do chores is not meaningful. So far we've been sharing recordings of LOs HB and pictures from ultrasounds. When he is really active I'll take a few seconds of video and send it to my Mom. We keep them updated on how far along we are and LOs milestones (e.g. Your grandson is getting so big - he kicked me in the ribs for the first time today! He is strong too!) And I'll make a fuss when LO gets active when we're video chatting.

I kind of like to do things my own way, but I'll ask them for help with LO when I can't figure things out myself. I'm hoping that my Mom and MIL will help me get LO used to occasionally feeding from a bottle (and it will give them time to snuggle and bond with LO too.) I'm also hoping that they will take him for an hour or two every so often when I run errands or DH and I go out. At least with my parents, bonding time with LO is what they want. I think they'll appreciate some time alone with him too.

Avion22 · March 2014

Well, my parents and ILs live on a different continent...so I'm not sure how "involved" they're going to be in the actual birth. Hopefully we'll have a chance to call/email to let them know we're on the way to the hospital, and again to let them know when the baby is born. There's no wifi in the hospital, so probably we'll wait to FaceTime until we've been home for a day or so.

My parents are coming out for a visit about 2 weeks after my due date to help with the baby. I'm hoping that they can help out around the house, be an extra set of hands to hold/watch the baby while we shower, maybe they'll cook a few meals. But there is no way to involve them in the actual birth part. My ILs aren't in a good position to travel internationally, so we've just decided that the next time we're in the states we're making it a priority to visit with them or pay to have them come visit us.

Mittens14 · March 2014

MrsMuq said:

schultzie2106 said:

My mom and MIL are amazing and I'm excited to have them involved... In some ways! What are meaningful ways that you're involving your moms, without them being physically present in intimate moments? I'm thinking things like meal preparation and walking our dog while we're in the hospital. Thanks for your ideas!

No way in hell are your mom/MIL going to look back 10 years, 20 years from now and say "I'm sooooo glad I got to walk Fifi while Jane was laboring with LO! I mean, I wasn't there, but I just felt so involved while scooping up Fifi's dog shit."

Requesting family take care of your pet and cook you food while you lay in a hospital bed is not you somehow graciously "involving" them in the birth of your LO. It's you asking them for a favor. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

This made me LOL!!!

Mittens14 · March 2014

My Mom was "involved" by being there throughout my labor and then visiting DS and I in the hospital. After that, she, DS and I spent a great deal of time together while I was on maternity leave. I'm hoping she wants to hang around with me and the kiddos as much this time around, we had lots of fun. My MIL lives an hour or so away and works long hours (my mom is retired) so she wasn't able to be around as much. it was just nice having some adult interaction instead of feeling like I was in solitude while DH was at work. I never asked my mom to lift a finger and don't plan to this time. She raised 4 children of her own.

nstecklein · March 2014

Idk about previous posters, but household chores seem ok to me. I think that for the most part, and as parents we know, that we want to help our kids. My parents and in laws are always trying to help. My hubby got hurt once and I was working twelve plus hour long days. My mil showed up and did dishes and laundry (was a little over the top.....she touched my underwear! Lol) but I don't think its out of line to think they may want to do chores. It's nice to feel helpful and useful! Especially if they are coming from out of town and may not have a lot to do. It may not be the way to have them feel involved, however, but you are the one doing the labor and the parenting...it's a newborn, there isn't much involved in taking care of them. Not like your mom can breast feed FOR you. I'd say do all the regular hospital visit stuff, and if they seem like they want to be helpful, absolutely enroll them in chores. Having someone feel useful can sometimes be a gift.

Maqueripe · March 2014

I didn't put any requests out to my mother, but being who she is, she does things to help me without being asked so it's been really great that she will bring food over, do our laundry and help tidy up our apartment. Since she works she can only see the baby in the morning and when she comes over she gives the baby her bath so that's become their bonding time and it helps me out because I can go grab breakfast. I guess it just depends on your mother or MIL, you have to decide what you can or can't ask of them.

nicolemcm · March 2014

I'm on the fence about this one. We did ask my Dad (my Mom's passed away) to come stay at our house/walk the dog/get groceries etc while I'm still in the hospital, but he will go home once we come home. We don't expect him to do chores, but we figured it would be nice for DH to not have to worry about the house/dog situation for a few days. He will be back and forth from the hospital as well for visits, etc. We also don't drive, so it's a nice back-up to have someone who can take DH back and forth to the hospital and get anything we've forgotten.

MIL is a little more complicated because she lives 2 hours away and she wants to be there for delivery (no-go) and stay for a few days afterwards, and hasn't really been clear on her intentions while she's here. I'm not sure I would want her to clean my house...just feels weird just thinking about it.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking one of your parents to help out. Just don't pretend like it's some sort of gift you're giving them. They're helping you.

momthatlifts · March 2014

To answer your question, no I have no one helping me out after baby is born. I plan on doing everything myself. No way will I burden my mother's to clean or cook or walk my dog. I'm capable of that. Plus me and my husband would really like to enjoy our private time with the baby. They will do special visiting in the hospital like everyone else.

hfooter · March 2014

Hahah omg this is so funny. . . This is a joke right?

We will ask my husbands brother and wife to watch the dog while we are in the hospital and will pay them for it. I would never consider that as something I'm doing for them to involve them.

My mom offered to clean our house and I said no it's ok. So she bought us three house cleanings. Super nice, but I would have never asked her for that.

A friend of mine is putting together a meal drop off list for us for our friends and family if they'd like to participate. I did not ask for this nor would I ever think of asking for it.

What I will ask my mil and mom for help with is actually helping me with my newborn as I am going to be a FTM and they are experienced and will love that I am asking them for help in actually caring for the baby. Asking them to walk our dog or clean our house would just be ridiculous.

TamiFaith · March 2014

I agree with those who have said that you Mom and MIL will likely want to be involved in helping you care for baby. That may be in the form of bathing, burping, feeding (if you choose to bottle feed), or even just giving your arms a break- because yes, your arms will get tired and you can actually get "touched out". Any time someone else is caring for Baby can be time for you to sleep, shower, run a quick errand, etc. If you Mom/ MIL is staying with you for a few days or weeks, they will very likely pitch in around the house anyway, as they remember all too well how exhausting caring for a newborn can be. Don't think I would ask them to myself, but I certainly won't say no if they offer!

Amberjewel80 · March 2014

Well I don't know about how everyone else's families are, but my mother and MIL and sister... hell everyone have asked us REPEATEDLY what they could do to help... Of course I'm supposed to be on bed rest... and my DH wrks a lot. But if they ask what they can do...tell them. IF they ask... then they prolly mean it. And yes it makes them not only feel involved to help out, but it makes them feel needed... you are talking about moms here...once a mom always a mom...its what they know best. My mom and sister have cleaned... my mom and MIL have brought food... hell my dad has even cleaned up vomit! in the next room while I lay on the bathroom floor... They have driven us to Dr. appointments (didn't want my DH driving because we have had a rough pregnancy and its been some high stress visits) taken me to the hospital in the middle of the night... and have every intention of taking care of our dog, mail, package deliveries while we are in the hospital. Of course I don't know how meaningful these things are...other than meaningful to my DH and I for all the wonderful help... Meaningful to THEM I suppose would be them going in to see a few ultrasounds with us... us sharing everything with them each step of the way... and getting to hold the new baby after she is born... But every person and family dynamic is different I suppose....

Want a personalized experience?

Involving our moms...unobtrusively!

Re: Involving our moms...unobtrusively!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards