advice!!!! Who will be in delivery room

abumgardner711 · March 2014

This will be my 3rd birth. Every time my mother has been with me. My husband wasn't at our daughter's he was deployed.Long story short I recently moved back to my hometown after my husband expressed he didn't want to be together anymore and having me and the kids are too much for him. Hes been used to living alone and partying anytime he wants. Plus has a gf on the side who's Also military. My question is he wants to be at the birth but I don't want him there. Hasn't been around for entire pregnancy and dont want the extra stress of him at the birth. Am I wrong?

mcvgal · March 2014

Sorry you are going through this. I don't think you are wrong. If his being there can cause more stress, I don't think he needs to be there.

I know this is the hopeless romantic in me, but if being there were to make him realize that he really wants to be wiht his family it might be worth it. But as long as there is a gf on the side, you should be able to have the say on who is in the room wiht you.

cuntasaurusrex · March 2014

I'd tell him to fuck off and allow him in the room after the birth.

katnipeverclean · March 2014

Hell no I wouldn't allow him in the room. He made his bed, now he gets to lie in it. You are the patient you get control over who is in the room.

Also, I am sorry that you are going through this!

seells · March 2014

Hell no! No way would I let him in the room. Stress can stall out labor. I would tell him he could wait.

TallMomma29 · March 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through that

I think it's totally fine to tell him you don't want him in the room. I definitely would not want an ex/estranged SO in the room when I was giving birth, regardless of whether he was the father of the baby. You know this more than I do since you've already had babies (FTM here), but you definitely don't need that added stress and awkwardness in the room when you are in labor! I think it's completely ok (and doesn't in any way make you a jerk) to tell him no.

(And just a little tip.. You might want to add something like "(Need Advice)" in the subject line to help skimmers know you're looking for advice. At first I thought this was just a post asking everyone to say who is going to be in the delivery room with them and I almost skipped over it)

INmommy871278 · March 2014

DH pointed out that this pregnancy has made all my empathy disappear. I read this and thought fuck him, if it were me he wouldn't even know I was heading to the hospital until after the baby was delivered. I'm sorry you are going through this. Like PPs said it is 100% up to you who you want in there. The nurses are like your personal body guards, if you don't want him in there then they will keep him out.

drunkenhandstand · March 2014

I think it comes down to what you're comfortable with. Me, personally, would not allow him. Especially with a gf on the side. And all you need to do is let the hospital know when you're admitted. Hope it works out for you

My mother and DH have been at both my boys' births. However, in the last couple of years my mom has been diagnosed with advanced frontotemperal dementia and can no longer be in situations like that. It breaks my heart too. Up until this disease began taking over, my mom was my best friend - my rock. I shared everything with her. And I needed her by my side during birth. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since then, a lot of growing up and learning to let go of my mama. But, yeah thinking about her not being there makes me sad.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

netsirk2013 · March 2014

I wouldn't. He would be lucky if I even called him after delivery. He sounds like a major POS.

argonne · March 2014

No, you're not wrong. Your husband is an asshole. If he can't deal with having a wife and kids, then he doesn't get to participate in the birth of the baby. I am so sorry you're going through this.

SuperKim13 · March 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. (((HUGS)))

Let me get this straight, your husband has been cheating on you, has a girlfriend, has chosen to leave his family so that he can party at will, and now wants to be in the room to see his estranged wife give birth to his child?

You are not wrong. There is 0 chance I would even call him to let him know I was in labor. If he shows up at the hospital somehow, as PPs said, the nurses will make sure he doesn't come to the room.

What a douche....

RJHarmon · March 2014

I don't think I would bother calling him until after the delivery. Even then, I would say that he absolutely can not bring the GF to the hospital and I would make sure that the hospital staff was aware of my wishes.

Stacigirl413 · March 2014

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Bottom line is you need to feel most comfortable that day. Who you want in there is who you want and you should sacrafice to have what you want.

BW1088 · March 2014

First, ((hugs)). I'm sorry you're going through this.

Second, you get the final say on who is in that room. Period. Even if you need to wait until the next day or something to allow you some time to recover, do it! This is definitely not a classic situation, so whatever is best for you and the LO is the right decision.

PregsMcSnoozalot · March 2014

@jojobean86 I'm really sorry to hear about your mom...that sounds like a really really hard and sad situation

OP, I am impressed with how cool, calm, and collected you are about this whole situation. I am confident you will make the right decision for you and your children, regardless of what we have to say about it

Skeemer · March 2014

There's no way in Hades I'd let the jerk in the delivery room. He doesn't get a choice, you call the shots. He should have thought through the long term consequences of leaving his family & having a girlfriend. He's the one who chose weekends with his kids, not you.

TwizzyG · March 2014

You most definitely get to say who you do and do not want in the room at delivery. So sorry you have this stress added on right now!

Also, I want to add, if you decide not to let him come, it would be a good idea to also not let him know when you go into labor and/or what hospital you are at. The hospital and nurses do whatever they can to keep unwanted visitors out, but you have to help them out too and keep your delivery private. Especially if he's military and could become dangerous to staff for not letting him in.

JayBzo · March 2014

Not a chance. I don't care who you are - you want out, you are more than welcome to not be present. Sorry you made the choice and don't get to decide when to be around anymore!

Sorry you are going through this, blows me away. I hope you have great support with you and don't worry about his feelings!

abumgardner711 · March 2014

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. I definitely feel better about my decision of not having him there. I want this to be a special stress free as possible as this will be my last baby. Again thank you to all! >:D<

abumgardner711 · March 2014

Im sorry to hear about your mom thoughts and prayers and hugs @jojobean86

abumgardner711 · March 2014

JayBzo said:
Not a chance. I don't care who you are - you want out, you are more than welcome to not be present. Sorry you made the choice and don't get to decide when to be around anymore!

Sorry you are going through this, blows me away. I hope you have great support with you and don't worry about his feelings!

Yes I have tremendous support from my family. Very thankful for that.

tourqeyes · March 2014

I'm sorry you are going through this. Do whatever YOU want.

Personally I wouldn't want to have him anywhere nearby during the birth.

July15Mama · March 2014

Haven't given birth ever but everyone always tells me the same thing you need to be as relaxed as possible and you said it would be extra stress yourself so I agree with you and everyone else!

I just wanted to give some support and say I am so sorry he did that to you. I don't know what the hell is wrong with a man that can't figure this out before he gets you pregnant. HUGS!

mrs.amma · March 2014

RJHarmon said:

I don't think I would bother calling him until after the delivery. Even then, I would say that he absolutely can not bring the GF to the hospital and I would make sure that the hospital staff was aware of my wishes.

THIS! If you think his presence is going to stress you out then he doesn't need to be there. Like others have said, make sure you let the hospital staff know he is not a wanted visitor.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with his childishness and this situation. Hope everything works out for you and your kids

hope1017 · March 2014

Sorry you are dealing with this. Just tell him like he told you, he is too much to handle in the delivery room and don't want him there. You have the right to do what you please.

hcsmiley417 · March 2014

Talk to admissions about having a no visitor status. This way if he ends up finding out that you are in labor from someone and knows the hospital, when he calls or gets there all staff will know to deny that your there as it will have flagged your no visitors next to your name. Also you are allowed to give staff and admissions a limited visitors list of who you want there. So then if he starts to flip out and lose his cool he will be escorted out etc(I work in a hospital so I know)....you have so much going on and with this being your last you need to have as ideal of a L&D as you can. You deserve it. He made a choice and he need to stay with it. He took it even further when he added a gf. You are already being so civil to him which is more than alot of us would be able to do. He can't have his cake and eat it too. He wanted out and he got out. He can't live a double life even though it seems that's what he wants. Keep setting a great example for your children! You have e support friendships and your family, we are here for you!

AKB090609 · March 2014

If it were me, he would not know that I was in labor or that the baby had been born until I was settled back at home with my other kids.

He has chosen his path and priorities, and mine would be my new baby and my older children, not a man who chose to get leave. I hope that you have as streets free of an experience as possible.

Nichole8787 · March 2014

INmommy871278 said:

DH pointed out that this pregnancy has made all my empathy disappear. I read this and thought fuck him, if it were me he wouldn't even know I was heading to the hospital until after the baby was delivered. I'm sorry you are going through this. Like PPs said it is 100% up to you who you want in there. The nurses are like your personal body guards, if you don't want him in there then they will keep him out.

I agree with this. Don't even tell him until after the baby is born. He is the king of douchebags. Ihate him for you.

Nichole8787 · March 2014

jojobean86 said:

I think it comes down to what you're comfortable with. Me, personally, would not allow him. Especially with a gf on the side. And all you need to do is let the hospital know when you're admitted. Hope it works out for you

My mother and DH have been at both my boys' births. However, in the last couple of years my mom has been diagnosed with advanced frontotemperal dementia and can no longer be in situations like that. It breaks my heart too. Up until this disease began taking over, my mom was my best friend - my rock. I shared everything with her. And I needed her by my side during birth. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since then, a lot of growing up and learning to let go of my mama. But, yeah thinking about her not being there makes me sad.

Jojo I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is heart breaking. Hugs**

marathonmom823 · March 2014

I'm so sorry that you are going trough this. I'm glad you have a great support system from your family.

There is absolutely no way I'd even let him know I was going into labor. The earliest I'd let him see the baby would be after I was back home and settled in. And definitely make him well aware that the gf is NOT welcome to come with him.

drunkenhandstand · March 2014

Nichole8787 said:

jojobean86 said:

I think it comes down to what you're comfortable with. Me, personally, would not allow him. Especially with a gf on the side. And all you need to do is let the hospital know when you're admitted. Hope it works out for you

My mother and DH have been at both my boys' births. However, in the last couple of years my mom has been diagnosed with advanced frontotemperal dementia and can no longer be in situations like that. It breaks my heart too. Up until this disease began taking over, my mom was my best friend - my rock. I shared everything with her. And I needed her by my side during birth. I've had to do a lot of adjusting since then, a lot of growing up and learning to let go of my mama. But, yeah thinking about her not being there makes me sad.

Jojo I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is heart breaking. Hugs**

Thank you @nichole8787. I don't talk about it much. But for some reason this thread made me start thinking about the people in the delivery room this time around

zellatrix · March 2014

Not only would I not let him in the room, I wouldn't let him be alone with the baby. I would be paranoid he would take off with her. He sounds like a toolbag and I am sorry you are going through this.

psychmajormom · March 2014

F-that! He says you and the kids are too much for him, so be it. He can't be in there!

SaranJonathan · March 2014

So sorry you are dealing with this. I would let security know he's not allowed to visit you, also you may want to let admissions know you want no info about you over the phone.

acciovino · March 2014

Big hugs @jojobean86

FTD is awful :-(

OP- You are a strong woman! I hope you have support from your family and can get this douche canoe out of your life as quickly as possible.

ahjahbaba · March 2014

Ugh that just pisses me off to read that. If he "can't handle you and the kids" then he cant handle, nor deserve, to be at the birth. Especially if you don't want him there. I would absolutely not have him there.

drunkenhandstand · March 2014

Caitlinrj said:
Big hugs @jojobean86
FTD is awful :-(
OP- You are a strong woman! I hope you have support from your family and can get this douche canoe out of your life as quickly as possible.

Douche canoe! Love it!

Kristen0705 · March 2014

Hell no!! It is completely unnecessary to cause you additional stress during labor, and he can deal with it.

BaTs89 · March 2014

Besides echoing everyone else's advice, I just wanted to include that you might want to look in to how many rights he as the father has. You wouldn't want to be in labor, and then have him walk in because the hospital couldn't deny him access as a father. Just make sure all your i's are dotted and t's crossed before July (and even before June!)

TurtleMonsters · March 2014

SuperKim13 said:

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. (((HUGS)))

Let me get this straight, your husband has been cheating on you, has a girlfriend, has chosen to leave his family so that he can party at will, and now wants to be in the room to see his estranged wife give birth to his child?

You are not wrong. There is 0 chance I would even call him to let him know I was in labor. If he shows up at the hospital somehow, as PPs said, the nurses will make sure he doesn't come to the room.

What a douche....

She read my mind (and knows how to add GIF's). Hell no.

Want a personalized experience?

advice!!!! Who will be in delivery room

Re: advice!!!! Who will be in delivery room

Choose Another Board

Search Boards