TTC after 35

How to stop trying, and thinking about and....

So DH & I stopped trying, this is my first month "not actively trying" I can't turn my brain off. How do I stop, it's been part of me for several years at this point....this is so hard.

yesterday it looked like a good ewcm day so I jumped hubby. hello???, I am not supposed to be trying. I am trying to rationalize that I am not doing the horizontal mambo every other day, so its' not a big deal that I decide we need sex on very specific days of the month?

I also still temp, I rationalized to DH that since I am not regular it's important to know that my body IS functioning the way it should, I should O every month....again I think this might be turning into a River in Egypt.

So Hello my name is Heather, I have a problem, I have been ttc for years and can't stop LOL.

image
My Ovulation Chart



Me: 41 DH: 46. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11,
3 cycles clomid with Ob,
1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob,
Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12
clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN
1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN.
2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid.
3/15/13 scheduled laparoscopy & on bcp.

May 10 IUI from injectibles - BFN 

May 22 done with interventions it will either happen or it won't. 

February 2014 No longer actively trying, but not preventing. 

SURPISE BFP 4/2/2015!!!!!!!!!!

Miscarriage 4/23/15

 

Re: How to stop trying, and thinking about and....

  • on42on42 member
    I totally relate. We took a break for a month or two over the summer, and I still OPK'd, checked for EWWCM, etc. This time, I've been so consumed with wedding stuff that I was relieved to not have to think about baby stuff. And BAM. Is there anything you can "consume" yourself with? A new class? A sewing project? Or... 

    Sarah, 38 | Nathan, 40 | Maxine b. 11/2014 | TTC #2


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  • Still sounds like you're kinda just NTNP... nothing wrong with that. :) 

    CD1 has had me pondering how I will make that transition... and have assumed I'll just focus on embracing a fabulously enviable DINK lifestyle.  :)  Redirecting my energy into some side-business projects, and plan an awesome vacation (over the holidays, because I'm dreading another CF Christmas). Maybe get back to volunteering more regularly. 
    I'm already praying about adoption, so maybe after a good break, DH will be on board and we'll pursue that path.
    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

  • I cmpletely understand Heather.  We've trained ourselves to be like this and I'm sure it will be a hard habit to break.  This month,well Feb, we were waitng for my next AF in order to start prepping for IVF.  Since we want to do PGD testing I really should avoid trying naturally this month because if I did get a BFP and it turned to another loss I would be that much further back from that 2nd IVF.  However, there I was using OPKs and all the other necessary things I could to try and time bding just right.  Now I am 10dpo and discovered I had no hpt's at home.  Went out at lunch to the store where they were having a sale so I bought two boxes.  Love to save $$ so I was happy. Once I got home I looked up the amount of hcg needed to show a bfp for this specfic test and found out I didn't buy an early read hpt, but a regular after missed period test. So, this one only detects over hcg of greater than 100 and in reality that would mean I have to wait until I miss my AF anyways.  Ugh, I was so upset and realize how psycho I am being over this "non-cycle." I will return one of the boxes, but sadly I opened up one up hastily to look at the instructions.

    And my final thought....remember the days prior to TTC when we just had sex when we wanted to and it wasn't tied to all this stuff?  Yeah, me neither :)

    **** siggy warning - bfp & loss ****   ---- All Welcome ---

    Me: 44 - Hashimoto's (under control), DH: 38 - (minor issues)


    IUIs: 2 in 2012 ... Both BFN
    IVF #1: 10/16/13 ... BFP, however it was not viable and ended in an early loss at 7weeks.

    IVF #2: Feb '14 ... Cancelled. Positive beta at baseline appt, became very early loss.
    IVF #2: Apr '
    14 ... Retrieval Only. 2 embryos made it to day 3 freeze & will be batched with IVF #3 for PGD testing.
    IVF #3: June '14
    ...
    Retrieval Only. 4 embryos growing, all arrested before day 5. Two from April thawed, but also arrested.
    Currently benched while determining how to proceed.

    "Keep going until you can't fail"

     

    image   image

     image  image


  • Oops, didn't realize you were prepping for IVF... In that case, I agree a temporary project or class would probably be a more appropriate distraction :) 
    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

  • mindaa said:
     NTNP... ... DINK lifestyle.  :)  
    I feel like a dork I don't know what those mean :( I am not prepping privateone is, I am trying to focus on my business and  learn the harp :)

    LOL I remember in my 20's having sex for fun ;)

    image
    My Ovulation Chart



    Me: 41 DH: 46. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11,
    3 cycles clomid with Ob,
    1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob,
    Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12
    clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN
    1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN.
    2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid.
    3/15/13 scheduled laparoscopy & on bcp.

    May 10 IUI from injectibles - BFN 

    May 22 done with interventions it will either happen or it won't. 

    February 2014 No longer actively trying, but not preventing. 

    SURPISE BFP 4/2/2015!!!!!!!!!!

    Miscarriage 4/23/15

     

  • Not trying, not preventing and double income, no kids?

    How's the harp coming along?
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

    image
    My Ovulation Chart


    image
  • It's the habit that you have been doing for so long and what your use to doing. No advice but agree with others to maybe focus on something else like the harp!!! How is that going? We need a video soon of you playing :)

    Hugs girlfriend....

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

         imageimage 
         image   imageimage



  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Yeah it's a habit and apparently it's not just us girls my h ...I swear knows more about my cycle and when to bd and not to then I do! Hahahaha...
    ***ticker warning*** DS 3/27/12 born 6 weeks early....my perfect boy !! Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers [url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb1f.lilypie.com/z5R8p1.png[/img][/url] image<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?
  • I know how you feel... now that we are moving on to DEIVF the pressure is off on my own eggs but It has been very difficult not being consumed with my body, tracking etc... This is all I have known for 2 years.  I don't know how to NOT do it. 

    Distractions are key for sure!  But I don't think you will ever completely be able to ignore your bidy and it's "talking" to you.
    ***siggy/ticker warning***

    Me:36 DH:38 TTC#1 since 4/2012
    Me DX: Hashimotos,Hypothyroid, DOR, MTHFR,  DH: normal

     IUI #1-#4 BFNs and a few cancelled cycles in the mix.
    - poor responder
    ***Suprise BFP on 6/13/13. Natural MC @6wks 3days
    IVF#1 and 2- Cancelled due to no response on max stimms
    FET 5/20- BFP
    1st Beta- 641
    2nd beta- 2166
    Sono- TWINS!!!!
    Two Boys! Born January 2015 @36 weeks.  Healthy and no NICU!  So blessed!



    image 

  • Yeah it's a habit and apparently it's not just us girls my h ...I swear knows more about my cycle and when to bd and not to then I do! Hahahaha…
    Hahahaha! Thats my H! 
    SIGGY WARNING
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away






    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
  • I agree with finding someone else to try and focus. Harp?? I just photographed a wedding where they had a harp…I was VERY impressed! 

    SIGGY WARNING
    Me 38   DH 34
    married 05-21-11 
    started TTC right away






    BFP- 10-16-14 EDD 6/13/15: MC 12-1-14 
  • Just giving you a hug cause I have no clue how to turn off my one track mind.

      Me:39, DH:40

    DD born 8/96, DS born 8/04

    TTC#3

    NTNP since 2006, active trying 1/13

    Natural M/C 3/13 at 7 weeks

    CP 2/14

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

             imageimage

    All welcome

  • @BeckyP005 is friends with me on FB so she has seen picture of my little lap harp, it's 19 strings and I just learned how to use all my fingers playing instead of just 1 finger LOL. she keeps asking for a video, I am waiting till I can play something more then London Bridge, or Twinkle Twinkle little star LOL.

    I also can't wait till I can afford a Ravenna Harp you can hear it there. So ai m focusing on that, I am also helping a friend plan her wedding at my parents house, so I can do all sorts of fun wonderful things, and planning a garden. I have lots of projects, but none take enough time to take my mind away from TTC, I guess if my cycles were more regular it wouldn't be so stressful.


    image
    My Ovulation Chart



    Me: 41 DH: 46. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11,
    3 cycles clomid with Ob,
    1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob,
    Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12
    clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN
    1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN.
    2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid.
    3/15/13 scheduled laparoscopy & on bcp.

    May 10 IUI from injectibles - BFN 

    May 22 done with interventions it will either happen or it won't. 

    February 2014 No longer actively trying, but not preventing. 

    SURPISE BFP 4/2/2015!!!!!!!!!!

    Miscarriage 4/23/15

     

  • annaliselannalisel member
    edited March 2014
    If you figure it out, let the rest of us know!

    I had put a cutoff of age 42 for timed intercourse, but months later, we still make sure we have reasonable timing. I've stopped temping, but my cycle is so obvious, it's impossible to ignore. My generic advice is try to to imagine a different, happy future for yourself. One thing that helped for me, is to say out loud to my husband, AF is coming soon. It helps to solidify in my psyche the finality of stopping TTC.

    ETA: It doesn't help that I know 2 43-44 year old women who are pregnant from NTNP. Aargh!
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