Girls with 3rd degree tears who have had sex.. Come on in.. — The Bump
December 2013 Moms

Girls with 3rd degree tears who have had sex.. Come on in..

So I tried it tonight.. I'm 8 weeks post partum. Lasted about 30 seconds. The scarring is really uncomfortable. We used a lot of lube but it still didn't feel very nice. (They did tell me my tear was quite high up inside but at my post partum appt she said I had healed nicely). So then I asked him to just use his hands. Maybe that would be better.. Nope. That was worse. He hit the scar and that was brutal. So my question is.. For those of you who have done it successfully how long post partum are you? And when did it start to feel ok? Is it just something that will get better with time? Or is it something that we need to keep slowly trying for it to start feeling better? I was so disappointed. Sorry for the long message.. It just sucked.. Here's a pic of my LO if you're still reading this lol

Re: Girls with 3rd degree tears who have had sex.. Come on in..

  • Third degree episiotomy/tear here. At my 6wk appt my doc told me that I could stand to go another month (!!) before sex because of how dry and tight my perineum was. She had previously prescribed an estrogen cream for me to rub on it, and told me to keep applying it a couple times a day, and that I needed to massage the scar area (lol) to help soften it. She did say we could attempt sex sooner, but that we would need a lot of lube, and to avoid missionary position because it puts pressure on the perineum. She suggested woman on top or on our sides.

    We attempted this past weekend (also 8wks PP). My scar actually didn't hurt that much, it was the sandpaper feeling on the walls of my vag that got uncomfortable and stopped us. :( Poor DH, he has been so desperate. Anyway, I would suggest some sort of lotion and massage....not sure what OTC stuff is safe for that area though (lubriderm??).
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    Danicali
  • I had 3rd degree tearing after delivering an 8 lb, 13.8 oz kiddo with a bowling ball head. I got cleared at 5.5 weeks and attempted sex at 6 weeks. It definitely was uncomfortable as hell the first time. Since then, it's only uncomfortable when he initially penetrates. We have to go verrrrrrry slow until I feel comfy. We use lots of astro glide, which has helped. I think you just need to try it a few times more and hopefully it will get better. If you still can't take it after trying a few more times, I'd call your Dr. GL!!
    Danicali
  • Mine wasn't as bad as 3rd degree, but had some issues with healing that made sex uncomfortable for a while after DD1. All I can say is that it does get better the more you do it. If it really hurts don't suffer thru...use lots of lube, go slow, and stop and try again another time if you have to. It will get back to a point where it feels good again. So sorry you're dealing with this...not fun at all!
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    DanicaliKrilolo
  • I had a 2d tearing and am 12 weeks pp the thought of sex makes me cringe. I feel like a virgin again, but then my MW also informed me at my last appt to check my Mirena that she threw in a few extra stitches to "tighten me up". I guess I'm thankful for this sorta since it has made DH happy that I'm not all loose but now if I could only have sex without complaints that would be great.

    FYI try olive oil for lube, it's really healing and feels better than regular lube.
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    Danicali
  • I had a partial 3rd degree tear. I was about 7 weeks PP when we finally DTD. We used a lot of lube and I was only able to enjoy certain positions. Now that I'm 11 weeks PP it only hurts when he goes in the first time and we don't need lube as often, because the tenderness has started to fade away. It does get better, OP! Good luck!

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    Danicali[Deleted User]clhathaway
  • We did try missionary. I didn't even think of that being a contributor to it being uncomfortable. I was just so excited that I didn't have a belly to get in the way of it. Is it sad that missionary position is exciting now? Lol. Ya maybe I'll try massaging the area too. And hopefully just continuing to try it will help! And going extremely slow! Thanks @BoothBaby @yty0205 @swirl25
  • DanicaliDanicali member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Photogenic
    edited February 2014
    @Eggerkr olive oil.. Interesting.. But is that ok to use with condoms? And a couple extra stitches, yikes!

    We all need some magic fun good pain free sex fairy dust! That's a thing right? Lol

    @shelbygirrrrl ya I think trying some other positions will help. I just instantly broke down. I was so disappointed that we ended up stopping. Here's to trying again! And maybe trying a glass of wine before to relax a bit more..

    Edited because at 3am I can't spell or think right..
    shelbygirrrrl
  • Eggerkr said:

    I feel like a virgin again, but then my MW also informed me at my last appt to check my Mirena that she threw in a few extra stitches to "tighten me up".

    Are you serious?? That's disgusting and can cause all kinds of problems. I am absolutely shocked you're okay with that. I would be finding a new doctor immediately after filing my law suit.

    Google "husband stitch" and read about the problems it can cause. I can't believe your husband is thankful...mine would be as disgusted as I am.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]lifesaverzclhathaway
  • yty0205 said:
    I had 3rd degree tearing after delivering an 8 lb, 13.8 oz kiddo with a bowling ball head. I got cleared at 5.5 weeks and attempted sex at 6 weeks. It definitely was uncomfortable as hell the first time. Since then, it's only uncomfortable when he initially penetrates. We have to go verrrrrrry slow until I feel comfy. We use lots of astro glide, which has helped. I think you just need to try it a few times more and hopefully it will get better. If you still can't take it after trying a few more times, I'd call your Dr. GL!!
    All of this exactly. Good luck! 
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  • Yeah ... I have mixed feelings about it. Mostly on the negative side. I just wish I could have sex without it being so painful 12 weeks pp
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  • Eggerkr said:

    I feel like a virgin again, but then my MW also informed me at my last appt to check my Mirena that she threw in a few extra stitches to "tighten me up".

    Are you serious?? That's disgusting and can cause all kinds of problems. I am absolutely shocked you're okay with that. I would be finding a new doctor immediately after filing my law suit.

    Google "husband stitch" and read about the problems it can cause. I can't believe your husband is thankful...mine would be as disgusted as I am.
    Like you were in my head.

    OP, I thought maybe you were joking. If not it's is absolutely horrible your MW would do that -- seems so out of character with what a MW stands for too. I'd be absolutely livid if that were me!
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  • swirl25 said:

    Eggerkr said:

    I feel like a virgin again, but then my MW also informed me at my last appt to check my Mirena that she threw in a few extra stitches to "tighten me up".

    Are you serious?? That's disgusting and can cause all kinds of problems. I am absolutely shocked you're okay with that. I would be finding a new doctor immediately after filing my law suit.

    Google "husband stitch" and read about the problems it can cause. I can't believe your husband is thankful...mine would be as disgusted as I am.
    Like you were in my head.

    OP, I thought maybe you were joking. If not it's is absolutely horrible your MW would do that -- seems so out of character with what a MW stands for too. I'd be absolutely livid if that were me!
    Ok, now I'm pissed after googling this. I had no idea this was such a thing? And it sounds like it happens way more than it should! I guess all I can do now is pray that things get better down there since it seems the only cure for it is to have another baby, which is going to be a while...
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  • The husband stitch thing seriously makes me mad. I remember reading about it on TB a long time ago & was shocked because I didn't know that kinda stuff happened. Sorry that happened to you, @Eggerkr, I'd be seriously angry at your MW if I was you, & prob trying to see what you can do about it (yeah maybe a lawsuit), this just isn't ok!!
  • I'm not touching the husband stitch thing, though, to give your husband the benefit of the doubt, if you didn't know about it, he probably didn't either. If he realized that something was done intentionally without your consent, I'm sure he'd be as upset as you.

    I had a 3rd degree tear and tore up both sides of my vageen. I wasn't released until 8 and 1/2 weeks. I agree with PPs, it's just going to take time. It hurt at first, but once you get going it will get better. Lots of lube and keep trying! ;) Good Luck!

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    Danicali
  • Well we tried again last night and I tried different positions like you suggested @shelbygirrrl and @cashingn2 @boothbaby and that turned out to be worse lol. Went back to missionary and that ended up actually feeling the best. Crazy. Anyways. It was better than last time so I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel! And yes it took me almost a week to try again lol oh! And I did have wine too! Only fail was I drank it during supper and by the time LO was sleeping my buzz had worn off.. Lol and i didn't want to risk wasting time drinking more before trying lol
  • bty19bty19 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
    Um mmmm soooo not ok Eggerkr. . Like beyond crossing a line. I'd be pissed.
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