Tonight I may earn a SS crown, or the 'ungrateful/bratty daughter-in-law award'...
Or perhaps some of you may agree with me?! I don't know, but here we go...
So, a few weeks ago, I believe I made a big mistake in asking my MIL if she had heard any chatter about my DH's aunts wanting to throw a baby shower or small celebration of some sort? I only did this to gauge if I'd need to plan on including a few women on my other shower guest list or not... BIG MISTAKE, HUGE! I haven't yet heard from said aunties (and that's fine), but now MIL has decided she'll throw me a shower at her house... I also have 3 girlfriends that wanted to host, so now there are 4 hostesses which is totally great... I'm truly touched that they want to do this for me. However, I'm afraid things are getting out of hand.
Here's a bit of background: We live 7 hours from my hometown and my oldest, dearest friends are hosting a shower for me down there. There are 35 invites on that list (since almost all of my aunties, best friends, and 'second moms' still live in my hometown). I've imagined a relatively intimate, wonderful celebration, with most everyone with whom I've been closest to all of my life. Sounds great, no?
Here's the 'out of hand' part: My list for the MIL/friend shower where DH and I live is a modest 15 women. My MIL decided that since it's now at her house, she can do whatever she wants... So much for the even smaller, more intimate little 'mellow' shower I had hoped for because her list is 35 people!!!!!! 50 people is crazy to me, especially since it will be my 2nd shower, AND nearly half of these women are her cousins and my DH's great aunts, along with family friends whom I've never even met! I'm totally uncomfortable with this and I told her so... Besides the fact that I'll be the hot and bursting center of attention in the middle of May with a million strange ladies "ooing and awing" over me and my belly (G-d help them if they start rubbing it!), my girlfriends are now 'on the hook' for a much larger event than I had thought. This means a bigger expense, and I really didn't want anyone to have to spend the big bucks! My MIL has thus far refused to budge on her list and I told her my thoughts and concerns. She said she'll take care of the food and that's the biggest expense (BTW, she's an expert microwaver, so I'm a little freaked out about that too!) She basically said it shouldn't be a problem for my 3 girlfriends to make 35 more invitations, favors, desserts, and decorations. I beg to differ... They were going to make/pay for 15-20 invites and favors and bake sweets for 15-20... now they're looking at hosting a circus of 50 women! Is this not crazy?
DH is somewhat understanding, but I know he feels caught in the middle... I'll agree, it's awkward... These people are his family, and this baby will be his mom's granddaughter, but come on?! I may have been a super hormonal brat tonight, but I just told DH that I don't have to have a shower and I'm ready to call the whole thing off... It just sounds SO UNAPPEALING. It's how I feel right now.
Hormones? Am I being a spoiled damn brat? OR is MIL out of her mind??!
Re: Yet Another Shower Dilemma (Hormonal or MIL Being... Well, MIL?!)
I hate to say it, but if I were one of your girlfriends and your mil was giving me a hard time, i would probably suggest 2 separate showers where you live. I'd do mine with the 15 people, and let your mil do her own if she wanted to be that over the top. But I have zero patience, so maybe not the best opinion.
I think your girlfirends need to suggest 2 seperate showers.
This keeps you off the hook for possibly looking ungreatful to MIL - which i don't think you are being at all. But it's crazy for her to think your friends can foot the bill for an extra 35 people.
If you would prefer a "meet the baby" party suggest that to your girlfriends - i'd rather have 15 of my besties over right after having little one, than having 35 people i've never meet wanting to hold my new baby.
As far as the size of the shower... if your friends are uncomfortable or unable to foot the bill for such a large shower (which is completely understandable) then THEY should approach your MIL and explain that to her. You should not have to play middle man.
I guess I don't think it's too weird that your MIL is inviting friends especially if they may know your DH? But, if it's at her house, she's one of the hosts, I sort of think its her call as the host to make?
I think you should probably stay out of it or you'll go nuts and one of your 3 friends needs to say something
And this may sound mean... but you need to probably get over not wanting to deal with all MILs people being there because it might be uncomfortable. It sounds like she is excited about the baby and she has the right to celebrate too. Sometimes we just have to grin and bear it for family.
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.