Intro. Living Child Mentioned

srcr2011 · February 2014

Hello everyone. I am 29 (I will be 30 in April) and MH will soon be 32. We have one son who is 3. We conceived him naturally after a MC. I am coming from TTCAL (many women there don't have a living child, so this might be a better place for me??) I'm not sure if there is a better board for me (if so, please tell me). I have done some lurking. My history is in my siggy. We were going to start TTC soon but decided to TTA until May/June. All my testing came back normal (so I don't know why I kept MC AND that is why I am not sure if I belong here since everything is normal).

ETA: Spelling

pettycrocker · February 2014

Welcome, good luck. You don't have to worry about putting a child warning in your posts here, everyone has kids on this board

Are you planning on starting treatment cycles in May, or will you continue trying on your own for a while?

We are also considered Unexplained Secondary IF, but I'm convinced my tilted uterus might be causing an issue (the REs won't say so :P )

How long have you been trying for #2?

KC1212 · February 2014

Welcome! I recognize you from TTCAL. I'm sorry you have to be here but, the ladies here are awesome and slightly crazy! 8-}

srcr2011 · February 2014

Thank you! We aren't planning any treatment as of now. To be honest, the specialist said nothing was wrong except a low Vit D level which I am taking vitamins for. We declined the genetic testing. Our Dr told us we could get tested, but our son is proof we can have a healthy pregnancy. So right now, we wont do that, but who knows, things may change later. We had been trying since late last summer. It seems like such a long time ago because of all the waiting due to my 2 recent losses. We decided to wait until May/June because I am school nurse and if all goes well, we will have a Feb/March baby and I can extend my mat leave due to having the summer off. I used to be a SAHM and miss it soooo much!

srcr2011 · February 2014

KC1212 said:

Welcome! I recognize you from TTCAL. I'm sorry you have to be here but, the ladies here are awesome and slightly crazy! 8-}

Thank you. I have read the blogs, and I was on TTCAL for about 4 months. I know not to announce a BFP and put up warnings, but I want to get a feel for this board a little more. I know on TTCAL its very hurtful to mention a living child, drive by BFP and stuff like that. I like awesome and slightly crazy! I may end up asking a dumb question from time to time...

KC1212 · February 2014

@srcr20111 as long as you don't graduate from this board next month, after having blown up the board with pee sticks and symptoms, and not given any support, you'll be fine.

We talk about our kids all the time here. Tomorrow is GTKY and your Kids checkin day.

And I think it's safe to say we're pretty patient with dumb questions. I just asked @jen071407 what E2 levels were the other day...lol.

srcr2011 · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@srcr20111 as long as you don't graduate from this board next month, after having blown up the board with pee sticks and symptoms, and not given any support, you'll be fine. We talk about our kids all the time here. Tomorrow is GTKY and your Kids checkin day. And I think it's safe to say we're pretty patient with dumb questions. I just asked @jen071407 what E2 levels were the other day...lol.

Oh that sounds great!!!! Thanks! I am so happy I found you guys!

freakyfast · February 2014

Welcome and good luck!

KC1212 said:

the ladies here are awesome and slightly crazy! 8-}

And this is ALL true

Jen071407 · February 2014

Welcome! Like @kc1212 said, we're awesome with a dose of cray-cray

srcr2011 · February 2014

Thank you for the warm welcomes!!

pettycrocker · February 2014

Ahh I see why you're not sure where to go. You've been trying for 6ish months, and you're not sure if there are any issues? You might feel like you don't quite fit in here, the majority of the people on this board have been DX with some sort of IF, or have been trying for years without success and have moved on to treatment cycles.

Have you tried TTGP? That might actually be a good fit for you, there is more of a variety on that board than any of the other forums.

srcr2011 · February 2014

Maybe, but I also have my son. I dont want to wave flags around and want to talk about him 100% percent of the time, but occasionally he comes up and we are trying for a sibling for him. I would like to find a place that is safe to bring him up and the struggles of TTC.

Beren+Luthien · February 2014

Welcome! I chose this board because I have a son, too. Good luck to you!

srcr2011 · February 2014

Beren+Luthien said:

Welcome! I chose this board because I have a son, too. Good luck to you!

Thank you!!

KC1212 · February 2014

@mrscastillo shit hit the fan the other day on TTCAL over a kid being mentioned and basically posters told the board if you wanna talk about your kids - to join 2IF- I think that might be why we have a sudden influx of intros from TTCAL members who have living child...

srcr2011 · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@mrscastillo shit hit the fan the other day on TTCAL over a kid being mentioned and basically posters told the board if you wanna talk about your kids - to join 2IF- I think that might be why we have a sudden influx of intros from TTCAL members who have living child...

Pretty much...

pettycrocker · February 2014

srcr2011 said:

Maybe, but I also have my son. I dont want to wave flags around and want to talk about him 100% percent of the time, but occasionally he comes up and we are trying for a sibling for him. I would like to find a place that is safe to bring him up and the struggles of TTC.

Sure! I totally get that, you don't want to be on any board where you feel like you have to pretend you don't have a child. I don't think you would have this problem at all on TTGP, there are lots of nice ladies over there with kids, and they even have a weekly "Trying for a sibling" thread. You should check it out and see how you like it.

TB is tough, because there are SO MANY boards, it's hard to know where you fit in. I'm not sure you would really feel comfortable on this particular board, only because there is a lot of focus on treatment cycles, and a strong tone of IF here. YKWIM? I don't think you really need an IF board at this time, and I hope you never do!

Good luck to you!

srcr2011 · February 2014

Mrs Castillo said:

srcr2011 said:

Maybe, but I also have my son. I dont want to wave flags around and want to talk about him 100% percent of the time, but occasionally he comes up and we are trying for a sibling for him. I would like to find a place that is safe to bring him up and the struggles of TTC.

Sure! I totally get that, you don't want to be on any board where you feel like you have to pretend you don't have a child. I don't think you would have this problem at all on TTGP, there are lots of nice ladies over there with kids, and they even have a weekly "Trying for a sibling" thread. You should check it out and see how you like it.

TB is tough, because there are SO MANY boards, it's hard to know where you fit in. I'm not sure you would really feel comfortable on this particular board, only because there is a lot of focus on treatment cycles, and a strong tone of IF here. YKWIM? I don't think you really need an IF board at this time, and I hope you never do!

Good luck to you!

Thank you, I will check it out!!!

pettycrocker · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@mrscastillo shit hit the fan the other day on TTCAL over a kid being mentioned and basically posters told the board if you wanna talk about your kids - to join 2IF- I think that might be why we have a sudden influx of intros from TTCAL members who have living child...

Wow. That is nuts, the thing is, 2IF is not just a board to talk about kids, this is a board for people dealing with infertility that happen to already have a child(ren) so this is really not the best place for everyone. It was very inconsiderate of TTCAL to shoo people away to an IF board because they happen to not want to hear about kids? A lot of people have kids, and then have subsequent losses, so what? We're not allowed to post on TTCAL (I say we because I'm currently going through a loss myself)

srcr2011 I am very sorry you had to deal with that, you should be welcomed on a LOSS board, when you are dealing with a loss, not matter what number pregnancy it is. I am sure you will not have this issue on TTGP, I've posted about my DD there many times, and have never been anything but welcomed on that board.

KC1212 · February 2014

@mrscastillo - they are very strict (I can understand) most are childless (again, I get it) but you have to put warnings for everything, even if you talk about pregnancies that are not yours... Some even put warnings if baby stuff is mentioned (I get it, I'm not damning them. I lived childless for 4 years thinking I would never have my own) but, it is also to the point where it almost feels like walking on eggshells. And when I saw the mention of our board, I (like you) thought it was kinda - off ( for lack of a better term) - if you post there, tread carefully.

If I was fancy and wasn't mobile I would find the drama for you. It's a thread called DH throat punch children allowed or something like that. Basically the poster was trying to create a safe zone where people could talk about their kids and all hell broke loose, the mod even stepped in (and please know I was not the one who mentioned this board) I stayed out of it ( I "loved" a few posts) but, for the most part it was a blood bath.

srcr2011 · February 2014

Mrs Castillo said:

KC1212 said:

@mrscastillo shit hit the fan the other day on TTCAL over a kid being mentioned and basically posters told the board if you wanna talk about your kids - to join 2IF- I think that might be why we have a sudden influx of intros from TTCAL members who have living child...

Wow. That is nuts, the thing is, 2IF is not just a board to talk about kids, this is a board for people dealing with infertility that happen to already have a child(ren) so this is really not the best place for everyone. It was very inconsiderate of TTCAL to shoo people away to an IF board because they happen to not want to hear about kids? A lot of people have kids, and then have subsequent losses, so what? We're not allowed to post on TTCAL (I say we because I'm currently going through a loss myself)

srcr2011 I am very sorry you had to deal with that, you should be welcomed on a LOSS board, when you are dealing with a loss, not matter what number pregnancy it is. I am sure you will not have this issue on TTGP, I've posted about my DD there many times, and have never been anything but welcomed on that board.

I am so sorry you are going through a loss now. Big ((hugs)) to you!!

pettycrocker · February 2014

I will most def check that shit out. I am FUMING that they are turning people away. Any loss is HORRIBLE, it's not less horrible if it's your 2nd, 3rd, 4th- whether you zero kids, 16 kids, a loss HURTS. I am really disgusted that anyone is being turned away from a support system because they have a child already. God forbid any of those girls pushing people away has a kid, and then has ANOTHER loss: Perspective is the key.

#-o

srcr2011 · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@mrscastillo - they are very strict (I can understand) most are childless (again, I get it) but you have to put warnings for everything, even if you talk about pregnancies that are not yours... Some even put warnings if baby stuff is mentioned (I get it, I'm not damning them. I lived childless for 4 years thinking I would never have my own) but, it is also to the point where it almost feels like walking on eggshells. And when I saw the mention of our board, I (like you) thought it was kinda - off ( for lack of a better term) - if you post there, tread carefully. If I was fancy and wasn't mobile I would find the drama for you. It's a thread called DH throat punch children allowed or something like that. Basically the poster was trying to create a safe zone where people could talk about their kids and all hell broke loose, the mod even stepped in (and please know I was not the one who mentioned this board) I stayed out of it ( I "loved" a few posts) but, for the most part it was a blood bath.

OMGosh, that was my post! I feel like slim because of it!! They didn't rip me a new one like they have some, but I did get many "lashings" for it. We have a PM TTCAL with living children. I think I may just do only that check-in. Anyone who knows me IRL knows I am the last person to start any kind of drama and I do not want that label on me which ever board I go to. I'm still a newbie and I made a mistake. I wasn't trying to vent about our children, it was intended to vent about our husbands and s/o and is children were brought up (the way mine did) I wanted them to know I was ok with it. I never ever wanted anyone to think it was a "lets vent about our children" post.

ETA: posted to soon

srcr2011 · February 2014

Again, that's why I wasn't sure if this was the board for me. I wouldn't have much to offer in terms of dx support. I didn't' want to sound like a SS on a IF board when I don't have IF problems per se but just a some MCs.

KC1212 · February 2014

@srcr2011 omg I'm sorry $:\$ "> I didn't realize it was your post!! I see both sides to that whole argument but, I fell outta my chair when you said something like "I'm sorry if this isn't X approved (I won't say the name but you know who I mean). I don't know, I agree with @mrscastillo on this one.
I've been on all ends of the spectrum childless, pregnant after infertility, and back to back losses and and it all hurts no matter if you have a living child or not. You're talking to a woman who was so emotionally shell-shocked from IF that I did not want to go to my OWN baby shower when I finally did get pregnant.

srcr2011 · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@srcr2011 omg I'm sorry $:\$ "> I didn't realize it was your post!! I see both sides to that whole argument but, I fell outta my chair when you said something like "I'm sorry if this isn't X approved (I won't say the name but you know who I mean). I don't know, I agree with @mrscastillo on this one. I've been on all ends of the spectrum childless, pregnant after infertility, and back to back losses and and it all hurts no matter if you have a living child or not. You're talking to a woman who was so emotionally shell-shocked from IF that I did not want to go to my OWN baby shower when I finally did get pregnant.

LOL, that's ok. It is what it is. I was upset and said things I shouldn't have. I can see their point of view as well. Thank you ladies. I will def check out the GP board.

Clagore · February 2014

@srcr2011 First, welcome and I'm sorry for your losses. I have lurked on TTCAL since my loss in 8/13 but missed your post until reading it just now. I did however read the TP when the girl was flamed for mentioning holding her child.

I'm sorry for hijacking the thread but since we are discussing this I'll toss this out there and you guys can steer me in the right direction also. After my loss, I assumed that TTCAL would be where I belonged because, well, I was TTC After A Loss. But it became obvious quickly that with 2 kids living at home I couldn't really be open about my life without stepping on toes or hurting other women and I would never want to do that to someone. So I kept lurking and only recently started posting sporadically on TTGP and then discovered this board. With my PCOS issues, clotting disorders, LPD, and loss history, I thought maybe I could go here. And you ladies seemed so friendly and welcoming and you talked about your kids! But you are much farther into treatment than I am and I'm not sure that it's right for me to be here either. Like @srcr2011, maybe my situation isn't the right fit for this thread since I'm not currently undergoing treatments.

freakyfast · February 2014

KC1212 leave it to you to call her out on accident. j/k

:-*

freakyfast · February 2014

srcr2011 - I am sorry you had a rough go at it on another board. Wherever you end up, I wish you all the luck!

srcr2011 · February 2014

freakyfast said:

srcr2011 - I am sorry you had a rough go at it on another board. Wherever you end up, I wish you all the luck!

Thank you!!! I wish you all the luck as well!!!

KC1212 · February 2014

Clagore said:
@srcr2011 First, welcome and I'm sorry for your losses. I have lurked on TTCAL since my loss in 8/13 but missed your post until reading it just now. I did however read the TP when the girl was flamed for mentioning holding her child.

I'm sorry for hijacking the thread but since we are discussing this I'll toss this out there and you guys can steer me in the right direction also. After my loss, I assumed that TTCAL would be where I belonged because, well, I was TTC After A Loss. But it became obvious quickly that with 2 kids living at home I couldn't really be open about my life without stepping on toes or hurting other women and I would never want to do that to someone. So I kept lurking and only recently started posting sporadically on TTGP and then discovered this board. With my PCOS issues, clotting disorders, LPD, and loss history, I thought maybe I could go here. And you ladies seemed so friendly and welcoming and you talked about your kids! But you are much farther into treatment than I am and I'm not sure that it's right for me to be here either. Like @srcr2011, maybe my situation isn't the right fit for this thread since I'm not currently undergoing treatments.

I'm not doing treatment cycles either. I did 3 rounds of clomid/TI and 2 clomid/IUI/trigger shot ttc my first and all failed.

This time around - we got pregnant twice fairly quickly and lost both. With one tube I'm not sure I'm a good candidate for clomid or IUI again and we may or may not have a sperm problem and IVF is OOP and therefore, not an option.

If treatment cycles are a requirement for this board, then, by that logic, should I leave too?

@freakyfast I really didn't know it was her! Lol!!!

GraceyandTroy · February 2014

Clagore, I am in a similar situation as you, but I still feel at home here. I dealt with primary infertility due to PCOS and after exploring my options and trying less invasive medical approaches, I decided to go holistic. DH and I were saving up for IVF while I simultaneously did my herbal infusions and weekly acupuncture. I conceived my son the cycle before we were going to move forward with an IUI cycle. Now, I have been ttc again since DS was 3 mos and because of BF'ing, I am stuck unable to do too much.

But, I really appreciate this board even though I'm not at the same place may other ladies are. I can still offer emotional support (and I still need it on occasion!) and I am really glad to be learning about other women's experiences as I may have to go down those paths in the coming months. I also believe I have something to offer with my experience with the holistic approach. I love the opportunity to chime in when people are talking about herbs and acupuncture and whatnot.

And, OP, welcome. I think you should continue at least lurking here to see if this is a good fit. There is a lot to learn. You may not be quite ready to treatments, but hearing of others' experiences may help you decide how to move forward. And as far as dumb questions go… I like them, they make me feel smart

freakyfast · February 2014

KC1212 said:

@freakyfast I really didn't know it was her! Lol!!!

I know but I thought oh no, leave it to KC to have read it and been there. I'm just giving you a hard time, its been awhile since I have. B-)

pettycrocker · February 2014

I just want to clarify for anyone who is not sure;

Secondary IF is a board for anyone that has a child(ren) and is struggling with INFERTILITY TTC a sibling. Anyone with any form of infertility DX is welcome on this board. This is not a board for anyone who has not been DX with a form on infertility.

Clagore · February 2014

@KC1212 I'd much rather go with the logic that I can stay here and not have ruined my welcome right when I was starting to really like it here. And I'm sincerely sorry if my post came off offensive in any way.

anitaflora · February 2014

Mrs Castillo said:

I will most def check that shit out. I am FUMING that they are turning people away. Any loss is HORRIBLE, it's not less horrible if it's your 2nd, 3rd, 4th- whether you zero kids, 16 kids, a loss HURTS. I am really disgusted that anyone is being turned away from a support system because they have a child already. God forbid any of those girls pushing people away has a kid, and then has ANOTHER loss: Perspective is the key.

#-o

FWIW, just to clarify, no one was being turned away. Sorry, I don't want to get into what I wrote on the thread there over here or anything, but really want to clarify that absolutely no one is turned away there. I am a long time poster over there with a child. However, since there are so many facets that I want to express that also relate to my having a living child I wanted to post more over here again too.

Also, I feel like I fit better in this board now that I am actually going forward with some sort of treatment. I can absolutely understand the ambiguity of trying to figure out where to fit when you are TTCAL *and* have a living child *and* are not doing any type of treatment. Even with a diagnosis, when I wasn't doing some type of medicated treatment I was feeling a little like I couldn't relate to a lot of aspects of this board.

That said, I still think this is a good place for those to come that are struggling with infertility that are not choosing - or not able - to do any medicated cycles yet. Those ladies need a place and I think this should be open to both. Just my two cents FWIW.

anitaflora · February 2014

srcr2011 said:

Hello everyone. I am 29 (I will be 30 in April) and MH will soon be 32. We have one son who is 3. We conceived him naturally after a MC. I am coming from TTCAL (many women there don't have a living child, so this might be a better place for me??) I'm not sure if there is a better board for me (if so, please tell me). I have done some lurking. My history is in my siggy. We were going to start TTC soon but decided to TTA until May/June. All my testing came back normal (so I don't know why I kept MC AND that is why I am not sure if I belong here since everything is normal).

ETA: Spelling

and much, much more importantly - welcome to the board over here

I hope you do find a connection with other ladies struggling with infertility that have a living child.

KC1212 · February 2014

Clagore said:
@KC1212 I'd much rather go with the logic that I can stay here and not have ruined my welcome right when I was starting to really like it here. And I'm sincerely sorry if my post came off offensive in any way.

No...I was questioning MY belonging here....It's not for me to decide about you...I've offered to leave before and I will if anyone ever says so, but I've grown attached to the ladies here

:x

srcr2011 · February 2014

GraceyandTroy said:

Clagore, I am in a similar situation as you, but I still feel at home here. I dealt with primary infertility due to PCOS and after exploring my options and trying less invasive medical approaches, I decided to go holistic. DH and I were saving up for IVF while I simultaneously did my herbal infusions and weekly acupuncture. I conceived my son the cycle before we were going to move forward with an IUI cycle. Now, I have been ttc again since DS was 3 mos and because of BF'ing, I am stuck unable to do too much.

But, I really appreciate this board even though I'm not at the same place may other ladies are. I can still offer emotional support (and I still need it on occasion!) and I am really glad to be learning about other women's experiences as I may have to go down those paths in the coming months. I also believe I have something to offer with my experience with the holistic approach. I love the opportunity to chime in when people are talking about herbs and acupuncture and whatnot.

And, OP, welcome. I think you should continue at least lurking here to see if this is a good fit. There is a lot to learn. You may not be quite ready to treatments, but hearing of others' experiences may help you decide how to move forward. And as far as dumb questions go… I like them, they make me feel smart

I would love to hear more of a holistic approach. I am a nurse, but I would rather do an eastern approach than western first. I saw a functional med/Ayurveda Dr (who I used to work with). I haven't made an Ayurveda appt yet, but I did see him as a functional med pt.

GraceyandTroy · February 2014

srcr2011 said:

I would love to hear more of a holistic approach. I am a nurse, but I would rather do an eastern approach than western first. I saw a functional med/Ayurveda Dr (who I used to work with). I haven't made an Ayurveda appt yet, but I did see him as a functional med pt.

I had never heard the term Ayurveda, but I just looked it up on Google and its' pretty much the same approach that I took by working with an acupuncturist and a midwife. In my case, I wasn't ovulating due to the hormonal imbalance of PCOS. So, I took metformin which addresses the insulin resistance aspect of PCOS. But I also drank my infusions daily and went to an acupuncturist weekly to help get my hormones and body as a whole back in balance. The drawback to this approach is that it takes longer. You have to wait for things to kick in. But, the benefit is that you're healthier in the processes.

My RE told me at one point that we could override my system and MAKE my body be pregnant. But then the same issues that are preventing me from getting pregnant would still be present and could cause complications during the pregnancy. In my case, infertility was being caused by a whole health issue and I need to address the root cause to insure a healthy pregnancy and baby. It was worth it for me to give it time. After I started ovulating regularly, we decided that would be a good time to move forward with some Western approaches. I felt like my clock was ticking and I didn't want to waste any more time. But right before we were going to take that next step, I found myself pregnant.

Everyone is different and the root cause of your issues will be a major factor in whether a holistic approach is an appropriate option. But considering the Dr's are telling you everything is fine, I think it would be worth it for you to see the functional med/Ayurveda Dr or find a midwife to work with. They will probably have some insight that your other Dr's are not seeing.

srcr2011 · February 2014

GraceyandTroy said:

srcr2011 said:

I would love to hear more of a holistic approach. I am a nurse, but I would rather do an eastern approach than western first. I saw a functional med/Ayurveda Dr (who I used to work with). I haven't made an Ayurveda appt yet, but I did see him as a functional med pt.

I had never heard the term Ayurveda, but I just looked it up on Google and its' pretty much the same approach that I took by working with an acupuncturist and a midwife. In my case, I wasn't ovulating due to the hormonal imbalance of PCOS. So, I took metformin which addresses the insulin resistance aspect of PCOS. But I also drank my infusions daily and went to an acupuncturist weekly to help get my hormones and body as a whole back in balance. The drawback to this approach is that it takes longer. You have to wait for things to kick in. But, the benefit is that you're healthier in the processes.

My RE told me at one point that we could override my system and MAKE my body be pregnant. But then the same issues that are preventing me from getting pregnant would still be present and could cause complications during the pregnancy. In my case, infertility was being caused by a whole health issue and I need to address the root cause to insure a healthy pregnancy and baby. It was worth it for me to give it time. After I started ovulating regularly, we decided that would be a good time to move forward with some Western approaches. I felt like my clock was ticking and I didn't want to waste any more time. But right before we were going to take that next step, I found myself pregnant.

Everyone is different and the root cause of your issues will be a major factor in whether a holistic approach is an appropriate option. But considering the Dr's are telling you everything is fine, I think it would be worth it for you to see the functional med/Ayurveda Dr or find a midwife to work with. They will probably have some insight that your other Dr's are not seeing.

Thank you!!!!

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