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June 2014 Moms
Taymiller
member
In the process of healing
Taymiller
member
Hi ladies, I am new here, well I have posted on a couple threads but mostly just read them. My name is Taylor, my husband and I are having our first child June 22. We are having a little boy and naming him Murphy.
We are so excited to that everything has gone well with the pregnancy but we suffered a huge lose in January and it has made me overwhelmingly sad. On January 12 my husbands mom died from pancreatic cancer. He seems to be handling everything ok but I just can't stop thinking about it day and night.
Everything happened so fast, it isn't fair and I hate it. She had some stomach issues over thanksgiving and my husband told her to see her doctor, they both decided it was an ulcer (my husband is a physician and worked closely with her docs throughout this whole process). The pain didn't go away. She had an ultrasound before Xmas and it showed some things on her liver. My husband made the comment that he has seen that before and it has been nothing and he has seen it be pancreatic cancer.
She had an MRI the day after Xmas and I got a call from my husband saying my mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I called him a liar and hung up. (I handle things sooo well). We drove up to Montana the next day to be with her (my family was visiting from out of town for the holidays so we just left them at our house). My husbands sister was on her honeymoon and we were waiting for her to come back before we told her so she came back three days after we go there and that was the worst phone call I have ever heard. My husband told her while his mom and I cried and listened to his sister go from telling us how amazing her honeymoon was to unable to communicate due to shock. She got in her car and drove 8 hours to see us.
We spent an amazing week together. Going through pictures and old movies and eating at all their favorite places. We still didn't have a confirmed diagnosis so we were waiting on test results to give us a firm time line. My husband estimated 3-6 months, which isn't a lot of time but at least so could come to my anatomy scan and see the baby. We do have a home Doppler so she got to hear the heartbeat which made her so happy but also so sad. We knew she probably wouldn't get to meet out baby but we had hope (we are the first in the fam to have kids so everyone is super excited).
She had a few issues that week, a blood clot in her lungs, so they put her on blood thinners and a cold sore in her throat that made it hard to eat but other than that she was ok. We decided to leave on Wednesday and planned to come back as needed in the future (we thought distant future). On Thursday she got her diagnosis, stage 4 untreatable pancreatic cancer. She was to start chemo on Friday to give her a little more time but was instead sent to the ICU with stomach pain. One of her many tumors had pushed through her stomach and she was bleeding internally.
My husband hoped on a plane on Friday and she died Sunday surrounded by family. My husband was holding her hand to the very end. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't be there for that part. I flew up for the funeral the next Friday. 2 and a half weeks and it was all over, so fast.
She was such an amazing person. There were over 250 people at her funeral, she was loved by so many. Some people have horrible mother in laws (my husband is one of them) but I was lucky and had one of the best.
My reason for posting all this....to
help me heal. This has been the worst time in our lives but also the best with the baby coming. My husband has been doing great but I just need to talk about it and I can't really to him.
Anyways sorry so long and depressing but just writing this has helped me feel a little better.
We are so excited to that everything has gone well with the pregnancy but we suffered a huge lose in January and it has made me overwhelmingly sad. On January 12 my husbands mom died from pancreatic cancer. He seems to be handling everything ok but I just can't stop thinking about it day and night.
Everything happened so fast, it isn't fair and I hate it. She had some stomach issues over thanksgiving and my husband told her to see her doctor, they both decided it was an ulcer (my husband is a physician and worked closely with her docs throughout this whole process). The pain didn't go away. She had an ultrasound before Xmas and it showed some things on her liver. My husband made the comment that he has seen that before and it has been nothing and he has seen it be pancreatic cancer.
She had an MRI the day after Xmas and I got a call from my husband saying my mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I called him a liar and hung up. (I handle things sooo well). We drove up to Montana the next day to be with her (my family was visiting from out of town for the holidays so we just left them at our house). My husbands sister was on her honeymoon and we were waiting for her to come back before we told her so she came back three days after we go there and that was the worst phone call I have ever heard. My husband told her while his mom and I cried and listened to his sister go from telling us how amazing her honeymoon was to unable to communicate due to shock. She got in her car and drove 8 hours to see us.
We spent an amazing week together. Going through pictures and old movies and eating at all their favorite places. We still didn't have a confirmed diagnosis so we were waiting on test results to give us a firm time line. My husband estimated 3-6 months, which isn't a lot of time but at least so could come to my anatomy scan and see the baby. We do have a home Doppler so she got to hear the heartbeat which made her so happy but also so sad. We knew she probably wouldn't get to meet out baby but we had hope (we are the first in the fam to have kids so everyone is super excited).
She had a few issues that week, a blood clot in her lungs, so they put her on blood thinners and a cold sore in her throat that made it hard to eat but other than that she was ok. We decided to leave on Wednesday and planned to come back as needed in the future (we thought distant future). On Thursday she got her diagnosis, stage 4 untreatable pancreatic cancer. She was to start chemo on Friday to give her a little more time but was instead sent to the ICU with stomach pain. One of her many tumors had pushed through her stomach and she was bleeding internally.
My husband hoped on a plane on Friday and she died Sunday surrounded by family. My husband was holding her hand to the very end. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't be there for that part. I flew up for the funeral the next Friday. 2 and a half weeks and it was all over, so fast.
She was such an amazing person. There were over 250 people at her funeral, she was loved by so many. Some people have horrible mother in laws (my husband is one of them) but I was lucky and had one of the best.
My reason for posting all this....to
help me heal. This has been the worst time in our lives but also the best with the baby coming. My husband has been doing great but I just need to talk about it and I can't really to him.
Anyways sorry so long and depressing but just writing this has helped me feel a little better.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In the process of healing
Married 6/28/08, TTC 7/10, BFP 11/30/11! Charlotte Rose born on 8/4/12! TFAS 8/13, BFP 10/14/13! Lori Anne Catherine born on 6/13/14!
If you wanna chat PM me. Welcome to the board & congratulations on your little one. I am sure your MIL is watching over you both.
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
I'm so very sorry for you loss. Not quite the same scenario, but I lost my mom to inflammatory breast cancer on March 24, so almost a year ago. It asbolutely helps to process your feelings in writing or any way that can help you come to terms and make peace with what has happened. It sounds like you are also doing the best you can for your husband by letting him process and come to you on his own terms. I know that for me, it took a few months before I ever really wanted to open up and talk about what had happened, or what I was feeling. It was just too hard to vocalize.
I completely understand the conflicting position of this being the happiest yet hardest and most difficult time of your life. I'm not necessarily a religious person, but I do believe that my mom is with me every day, and is watching over all of us, especially her precious grandson. Now that some time has passed, it does help to talk about her, to laugh about memories and most importantly, to cry when I feel like I need to. Even though it is nowhere near the same as having her physically here, it helps to think she is still with me.
The process of healing is a long one, and after a year I am nowhere near "healed" but, as cliche as it sounds, it does get a little easier. Just remember, there is no right or wrong way to process emotions and no straight-line time frame for healing. Don't rush the process and make sure, especially now while you're pregnant, that you take the time to acknowledge and understand your feelings, and know that it is ok to be sad, angry, or whatever else you're feeling. I am sending love and prayers to you and your family.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
Married 8.1.2010
DD #1: Arrived 10.7.2011
TTC #2 Since March 2013
BFP 5.20.2013, EDD 1.26.2014, natural mc @ 5 wks 5.25.2013
BFP 6.21.2013, EDD 3.14.2014, Twins - missed mc @ 7w6d, D&C 8.6.2013
BFP 10.7.2013, EDD June 20 2014 - It's a GIRL!
My Ovulation Chart
BFP #1 3.16.12. mmc 5.7.12 at 11 weeks ~Avery Cameron~
BFP #2 12.12.12. mmc 1.22.13 at 10 weeks ~Theodore Michael~
D&C #2 Chromosome analysis results: Translocation Trisomy 14
My RPL Testing: Homozygous MTHFR, normal karyotype
DH's karyotype results: Robertsonian Translocation 13:14
BFP #3 9.10.13 mc at 4 weeks~Our little May Flower~
BFP #4 10.13.13- Our Rainbow Baby, a little girl, arrived June 25, 2014!
Something we just did for my grandfather on the one year was write a letter and put it on a balloon and sent it up. I was able to tell my grandfather all about the baby and what was going on it was really nice.
Hang in there you will have your good days and you will have your rough days for sure.
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
My husband isn't religious but I believe in something and I believe she is watching over us. I also update her and let her know everything that is going on in our lives and I think that helps. I write to her on Facebook actually, I obviously know she isn't going to respond but it helps me.
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it!
DS 2 Aiden born November 29, 2011 9lbs 1 oz
DS 3 Lucas b/d February 26, 2013 at 18w6d Forever our angel
DS #4 due June 13, 2014