Mother taking over baby!

rwri10 · June 2011

I have been getting annoyed for a while now about how my mother is sort of "taking over" our DD. Last night she was saying "she" needs to find a coming home outfit still for the baby. Today I just got an email from the church that she had scheduled the baby's baptism!! Those are just two examples in the past day... I appreciate all that she has done and I know she is excited but it is getting a little on my nerves... I know if I say anything it will hurt her feelings... Just wondering if anyone else has been in the same position...or if I am overreacting...?

jennybeams · June 2011

You need to have a little talk now, because I can pretty much guarantee it won't get any better once the baby arrives.

4LittleDucks · June 2011

I think she has over stepped her bounds. I think it's great that you're being considerate of her feelings, because hopefully she IS just doing this because she is excited and not as a foreshadowing of things to come. I think I would gently try to tell her that you're glad she's excited but you're really excited too and would really like the opportunity to do these things yourself. Maybe she could go with you to pick out the coming home outfit, etc. You know your mom. Tread gently and hopefully she gets the hint. If not, you may have to be more firm and direct but hopefully you won't have to. GL.

panucci1314 · June 2011

I dont think you are over reacting at all and would have a talk before the baby comes. My H brother girlfriend had a baby last year and it was my MIL 1st grandbaby and she was so overwhelming. Everything they did she was involved and was so overbearing. Now they don't even talk because it got so bad without them saying anything. So I would have a talk before you snap:)

Good Luck

globetrotting7 · June 2011

Your mom is excited, let her be, it's her grandbaby. Trust me, you'll be the same way when your LO has babies and you'll remember this post. It's funny how the minute grandparents step back parents complain how uninvolved grandmas are. Really, who cares what the baby wears home from the hospital? What's a picture or two in the brand new outfit really worth? Isn't time and your family's happiness, your parent's involvement in the new life and generation worth to you more? Once this baby is here you'll appreciate your mom so much more and see how important a mother's role is.

Winkski15 · June 2011

I'm sorry, booking your childs baptism is overstepping her bounds as a grandmother, I don't care how excited she is. Have a talk with her now, and put an end to this kind of behavior before it gets worse.

globetrotting7 · June 2011

Yeah, the baptism thing is kind of odd... especially since she doesn't know when or even if you want to baptize the kid.

zhirsch · June 2011

I would nip this in the bud now. It's just going to get worse and if you don't say anything your mom is going to think you're ok with her being like this. Explain that you know she is excited, but it's your baby and you are even more excited. Even things that "don't matter" like picking out the coming home outfit are special and you only get to do them for the first time once. She needs to respect the fact that you're the mommy now and should back off a little. The baptism thing you should have certainly be consulted on.

abell77 · June 2011

I can understand your concerns. I would just have a little chat with her now so that she understands the boundaries. She probably has good intentions, but she got to plan her own kid's baptism, now it's your turn and she took part of the experience away from you, and I bet she's not looking at it from that perspective. I had a couple issues with my mom, things like her giving DS mylicon without letting me know first....while a little mylicon isn't a big deal, I needed her to understand that I was not ok with her putting things in my child's body without telling me first! I'm sure she thinks I'm nuts but she respects me. She still calls DS "my baby" but she is a wonderful grandma and he loves her dearly and that's something that I've just learned to let go of because 99% of the time she gets the boundary.

Tikat · June 2011

Winkski15:
I'm sorry, booking your childs baptism is overstepping her bounds as a grandmother, I don't care how excited she is. Have a talk with her now, and put an end to this kind of behavior before it gets worse.

This! Next thing you know she'll want to show you how to breastfeed your baby!

Bridgetkaryn · June 2011

jennybeams:
You need to have a little talk now, because I can pretty much guarantee it won't get any better once the baby arrives.

This completely... I have this issue with my in-laws ALL the time! It drives me nuts... At christmas when they had been here for 4 days, extended their trip an extra day (not to mention showed up a day early too!) then manipulated another family situation to come back 2 days later for another 3 days, I LOST it... They (unless special circumstances come up) are only allowed to visit us every 6-8 weeks...

One thing we discovered is that DH's parents didn't get to be parents to DH and SIL because their parents (who lived about a 1/2 mile away) took over all the time... This is how they think you are supposed to be as a grandparent... After a couple of big discussions, some hurt feelings on their part, they have now realized their role as a grandparent and not a second parent.

rachellaura86 · June 2011

Just wanted to tell you I can relate. My mother is driving me up the wall. She is very well intentioned, but she has always tried to smother me and take over things in my life that I'd like to do myself.

When I found out I was pregnant, one week later my mother had bought my whole layette and started shipping me presents almost every day. I am so glad she wants to be involved but she isnt letting me do much on my own. She also got extremely mad when I wasn't doing things on her schedule, and liked a different crib bedding set than her.

I have tried so many times to nicely tell her I want to do some things on my own, and we have gotten into blow up arguments, but nothing gets through her head!

plumag · June 2011

Coming home outfit - well she can buy what she wants - you don't have to use it. Scheduling the baptism? WAY over the top. As others have said, have a talk with your mom. Excitement is fine and a little overstepping is almost expected, but that was way too much. Set the boundaries now and stick with them.

BabyMimi · June 2011

plumag:
Coming home outfit - well she can buy what she wants - you don't have to use it. Scheduling the baptism? WAY over the top. As others have said, have a talk with your mom. Excitement is fine and a little overstepping is almost expected, but that was way too much. Set the boundaries now and stick with them.

This exactly. How does she know the baptism date is good for everyone involved? I think you have to talk her of the ledge now, in a nice way, before it becomes huge drama and blows up into a big fight.

Beckypooh09 · June 2011

jennybeams:
You need to have a little talk now, because I can pretty much guarantee it won't get any better once the baby arrives.

I agree.

chelwig89 · June 2011

Ugh... lie if you have to and tell her you already have an outfit!

Maybe she thinks she's being helpful though, so I would talk to her and tell her you don't know if that day would be good for the baptism because of ________________.

SarahLee&Joe · February 2014

I know how you feel. I'm dealing with the same thing with my mother. My mother even argued with me about the coming home outfit stating that she knows she's not going to like what I pick out. I responded by saying that she's had the opportunity to pick out coming home outfits twice already (for my brother and I). This is now my turn and since I'm mom the decisions I make will always trump hers Lol. ... It's a work in progress ;-)

hlm184 · February 2014

Don't lie, tell her straight up that these are things that you and your husband will be taking care of.

RebeccaY1 · February 2014

While I appreciate wanting to be involved, there is a point where a grandparent needs to realize that they aren't the parent. I picked out my child's going home outfit, and I booked my child's baptism. I also picked out the pediatrician. These are all things parents do.

I would talk to your mom about what grandparents do. These would be things like attending the baptism and taking tons of photos, baking cookies, and encouraging/helping their children in the parenting decisions that they make.

RondackHiker · February 2014

mjsansone said:
Well I am currently going through a very dramatic situation with my MIL because we had to discuss boundaries with her and though we thought we were being kind but direct it DID NOT go well. So coming from experience it probably is not worth bringing up with her...though I would highly doubt she is as nuts as my MIL.

I'd pick drama over having to deal with a mom or mil trying to run my life and interfere with my parenting any day.

WashingtonQueen · February 2014

ZOMBIE THREAD!! This thread is older than my toddler.

avidkeo · February 2014

WashingtonQueen said:

ZOMBIE THREAD!! This thread is older than my toddler.

OMG never even noticed!!!!

RondackHiker · February 2014

WashingtonQueen said:
ZOMBIE THREAD!! This thread is older than my toddler.

Dammit.

NerdyLucy · February 2014

Maybe start by gently reminding her, "Mom, WE are the parents and WE will be scheduling baby's baptism."

"Mom, WE are the parents and WE will choose the coming-home outfit."

Then proceed based on her reaction. She will either realize that she's overstepping because she's excited, and hopefully step back, or she will push even harder and become worse. Hopefully, it'll be the former, not the latter.

JuneMrs · February 2014

Wow! She needs to back off!

hlm184 · February 2014

WashingtonQueen said:

ZOMBIE THREAD!! This thread is older than my toddler.

Ugh!

NerdyLucy · February 2014

DAMN IT. I didn't notice either.

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