NBR: Bridal Shower Help

Kinipela7 · February 2014

The maid of honor and I are putting together a bridal shower for our friend. Her wedding is at a winery so we wanted to have a wine themed type shower. Maid of honor wants to put on the invite to bring a bottle of wine to the shower (basically guests buy a bottle of wine and write a note to the bride telling her when to drink that bottle). I think this is really weird - is it just me? She is pretty set on the idea, how can I get here to change her mind?

Also, besides cake/snacks/favors and presents - what else do we need to plan for? She wants to play a few games - are there any games that aren't entirely lame?

Thanks!

Unknown · February 2014

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nunzchucks · February 2014

shiggybop said:
I have no real advice but I think it's tacky to tell the guests what to bring. And the bride will have a bunch of wine she may not like at the end.

Yup, this. I'd feel like an a-hole bringing two buck chuck so I would pick a more expensive wine which means a less expensive gift.

I'm a Scrooge and hate shower games. The only one I can tolerate is the timer one where someone gets a prize of their gift is being opened when the timer goes off. Zero participation from me.

Kinipela7 · February 2014

That's what I thought - I will have to convince her somehow that its a dumb idea. She is really set on it though! I just think it's dumb being told what to bring!

AandJ28 · February 2014

Ditto what everyone has said about asking guests to bring bottles of wine.

I strongly dislike shower games. If they are a must then you could do something like "guess the wine" (giving descriptions of different wines and having guests complete a bingo-type card) and give a wine gift to the winner. If the couple has traveled and visited several wineries, you could use those locations as part of the game. Just a thought...

Are you doing favors? My bridesmaids bought 4 packs of wine (the mini bottles) and tied ribbon around each for guests to take home. It was cute and the majority of the guests took a bottle. The ones that were left came home with me.

Savvy122 · February 2014

Yeah, I don't like the idea of asking guests to spend money on a second gift. I don't usually get all judge-y about this stuff but I'd definitely give this request the side-eye. A decent bottle of wine is not cheap... plus, how many bottles of wine does the bride need to take home?

As far as games, I am also not a fan. Bridal shower bingo is one that I can tolerate, and it gives guests something to do while the bride-to-be is opening gifts (a part of the shower that otherwise can be pretty long and boring). Or maybe some sort of trivia regarding the bride and groom?

And I love @AandJ28 's suggestion about the mini wine favors. I'd be pumped to get that as a guest!

ElTrain5 · February 2014

I love wine, my friends love wine, my family loves wine, we all drink wine together....so I love this idea. As for being tacky to tell people what to bring, its optional. Like the bring a book to the baby shower (which I also love). If you don't want to do it, don't, it's that simple. If she is a big wine person I think she'll be really touched by the gesture.

ElTrain5 · February 2014

Savvy122 said:

Yeah, I don't like the idea of asking guests to spend money on a second gift. I don't usually get all judge-y about this stuff but I'd definitely give this request the side-eye. A decent bottle of wine is not cheap... plus, how many bottles of wine does the bride need to take home?

As far as games, I am also not a fan. Bridal shower bingo is one that I can tolerate, and it gives guests something to do while the bride-to-be is opening gifts (a part of the shower that otherwise can be pretty long and boring). Or maybe some sort of trivia regarding the bride and groom?

And I love @AandJ28 's suggestion about the mini wine favors. I'd be pumped to get that as a guest!

See, this is why I think it could get fun. Want to spend 6.99? Write "Drink this when your boss is an asshole at work", or "Drink this one when I call you to complain about my mother...again.". Want to get her something nicer? Write "Drink this when you first child gets into college" or something more significant. Don't want to spend any $$ but worried about feeling left out? Grab a $2.99 bottle of sparking juice and write "Drink this when you find out your having your first baby!"

Savvy122 · February 2014

ElTrain5 said:

Savvy122 said:

Yeah, I don't like the idea of asking guests to spend money on a second gift. I don't usually get all judge-y about this stuff but I'd definitely give this request the side-eye. A decent bottle of wine is not cheap... plus, how many bottles of wine does the bride need to take home?

As far as games, I am also not a fan. Bridal shower bingo is one that I can tolerate, and it gives guests something to do while the bride-to-be is opening gifts (a part of the shower that otherwise can be pretty long and boring). Or maybe some sort of trivia regarding the bride and groom?

And I love @AandJ28 's suggestion about the mini wine favors. I'd be pumped to get that as a guest!

See, this is why I think it could get fun. Want to spend 6.99? Write "Drink this when your boss is an asshole at work", or "Drink this one when I call you to complain about my mother...again.". Want to get her something nicer? Write "Drink this when you first child gets into college" or something more significant. Don't want to spend any $$ but worried about feeling left out? Grab a $2.99 bottle of sparking juice and write "Drink this when you find out your having your first baby!"

We did this for a friend for her shower... but this concept was our entire gift to her. We filled a basket with different bottles of wine/liquor and put little labels on them just as you described.

But as a guest, if I had a set budget, I'd want to spend my money on a gift of my choosing. I get that this is "optional" but I'd feel obligated to participate so as not to stand out. So if my budget is $50, the bride is now getting a cheaper gift off of her registry (stuff that she actually wants) so that I can purchase a $10 bottle of wine (that she may not even like).

Also, I would not want to have to cart home and store 20 (or more) bottles of wine. I like wine as much as the next bride, but that seems a little over the top to me.

Kinipela7 · February 2014

Rachel5130 said:

I can see both sides as well. It is a cute idea, so don't tell her it is "dumb." She is still maid of honor, so technically she had final say. Pick your battles. Talk logistics and not opinions. As for games, people love to talk about themselves. Will the groom be there at all? If so, do a funny quiz. If not, ask everyone to write her some real advice about being a bride. You will get some spicy ones and that will be sure to make everyone laugh. Even the conservatives. Promise.

Just to be clear, I would never tell her that her idea is "dumb". I agree that she is the maid of honor and gets to call the shots!

Savvy122 · February 2014

Kinipela7 said:

Rachel5130 said:

I can see both sides as well. It is a cute idea, so don't tell her it is "dumb." She is still maid of honor, so technically she had final say. Pick your battles. Talk logistics and not opinions. As for games, people love to talk about themselves. Will the groom be there at all? If so, do a funny quiz. If not, ask everyone to write her some real advice about being a bride. You will get some spicy ones and that will be sure to make everyone laugh. Even the conservatives. Promise.

Just to be clear, I would never tell her that her idea is "dumb". I agree that she is the maid of honor and gets to call the shots!

@Kinipela7

Maybe you could suggest that the bridesmaids each chip in for a bottle of wine and create a basket with different bottles of wine for different events in her married life? This is what we did for a shower I threw not too long ago and it was a huge hit. It would incorporate the wine theme without asking guests to contribute something extra. Might appease the maid of honor?

Cherylwang · February 2014

How many people are invited to the shower? Personally I don't know where i would store 40+ bottles of wine. Maybe it's something that just the bridal party can do with the special note of when to drink. I do like the mini bottles of wine as favors idea.
I'm going to a baby shower in a few weeks and they put on the invite to bring a bag of diapers any size and or wipes to be entered in a raffle and bring a book as a card. Which I do like the idea's but I do think it takes away from how much I would maybe like to spend on the actual gift.

Pepper6 · February 2014

Savvy122 said:

Kinipela7 said:

Rachel5130 said:

I can see both sides as well. It is a cute idea, so don't tell her it is "dumb." She is still maid of honor, so technically she had final say. Pick your battles. Talk logistics and not opinions. As for games, people love to talk about themselves. Will the groom be there at all? If so, do a funny quiz. If not, ask everyone to write her some real advice about being a bride. You will get some spicy ones and that will be sure to make everyone laugh. Even the conservatives. Promise.

Just to be clear, I would never tell her that her idea is "dumb". I agree that she is the maid of honor and gets to call the shots!

@Kinipela7

Maybe you could suggest that the bridesmaids each chip in for a bottle of wine and create a basket with different bottles of wine for different events in her married life? This is what we did for a shower I threw not too long ago and it was a huge hit. It would incorporate the wine theme without asking guests to contribute something extra. Might appease the maid of honor?

I love this idea! That way you get several bottles of GOOD wine, and you aren't asking guests to bring an additional gift.

I'd approach the MOH from the budget standpoint. If I'm going to a shower, I set a budget for a gift. So say I plan to spend $50, but then I see on the invite that I'm asked to buy a bottle of wine too. Well then I'll probably buy a $10 bottle of wine and a $40 gift. This means the bride gets a cheap bottle of wine that she may hate, and a cheaper gift instead of one she actually wanted. It sounds like a cute idea as a theory, but in practicality, it works out worse for the bride because she's not getting the full potential of what people would have gifted her for things that she actually registered for.

shakeweights · February 2014

They did this for me at my shower and I absolutely loved it. But I love wine...and I'm no expert so I love recommendations from others. I received a wine bar as a gift (off of our registry) and it is full of wine for me to indulge in after this baby is out of me

The fun part - we made little labels for people to write something on. Who it was from and then whatever they wanted. Some wrote congrats, some wrote advice and some wrote funny stuff like "Husband: When 'shakeweights' is angry - open this bottle, pour her a glass and just walk away for about an hour. Then come back and tell her how wrong you were".

My sister and mom ended up making a wine gift basket for us and filled it with a bunch of my favorites. Each tag was listed 'Wedding Night' - '1 Year Anniversary' - 'First Fight' etc. etc. We absolutely loved it.

I'd say, if the bride and/or bride and groom enjoy wine, it's a great idea!

bumpuser9343355 · February 2014

I don't think the idea is terrible. I went to a shower and was asked to bring a bottle of wine that had something to do with me/my personality. The bride then had to guess who brought what bottle based on the label/name of the wine. For example, I am obsessed with making cupcakes, so I brought Cupcake (the brand) wine. Other people picked bottles that reflected their favorite colors or style. There are tons of witty labels out there so everyone was able to find something that suited them.

I wouldn't necessarily mind being asked to bring wine, but I would definitely deduct the cost from my gift budget. Has anyone asked the bride for her opinion? She might not want the wine and would rather have gifts from her registry.

clee2009 · February 2014

I have been to a bridal shower where it was requested that I bring my favorite bottle of wine. I thought it was fun. Some brought it and some did not.

I have also been to a few baby showers where I was asked to bring a book for a baby. Again, I thought it was fun and didn't mind.

May-be make it optional to bring a bottle? Then there is no pressure.

nunzchucks · February 2014

I guess I just don't see how you can make the request come off as optional. If it was on the invite and I chose not to do it, but found that most people at the shower had participated, I would feel awkward. I think PP's suggestion of doing this as a bridal party gift is perfect.

AandJ28 · February 2014

All of this talk of wine really has me wanting some...

amackattack · February 2014

I personally love this idea. I wouldn't be offended at all, but maybe that's because no one I know would put too much emphasis on the cost of the bottle, but more on the thought behind it. There are some hilarious wine titles out there also that would make for some pretty funny suggestions for when to drink the wine. I also looked at it as a small side gift that someone wouldn't spend a ton of money on. Also, if people don't drink or don't like wine they could always substitute something, or just choose not to participate. But that's just me!

ETA: Even if the bride doesn't like all the types of wine she receives, there are always times when you're going over to someone's house and would like to bring a bottle of wine, and if she only likes whites for example, she could take a red to the hosts who may love red or love all types.

kimberly11511 · February 2014

Instead of having other guest bring wine, you guys could always go in together and create a wine basket as a hostess gift. You can even include other members of the wedding party in on it as well. With the one I was involved in we had the husband-to-be pick out a bottle for their first anniversary. The basket turned out really cute and the whole shower was wine themed, but no one was obligated to bring a bottle.

stephpaez · February 2014

I think it's a fun idea. I personally love wine and my bridal shower was a "stock the wine bar" theme. I don't see the problem if the bride really enjoys wine, it would be nice...if she doesn't then it's pointless to get her something she won't enjoy.

The only game that I enjoyed was one that was a "guess this about the bide" and the host asked several personal questions about the bride, the guests would write their answers and the person with the most correct won a prize.

Abenedict2011 · February 2014

My bridesmaids surprised me by asking people to bring a bottle of wine since H and I both enjoy wine. It was awesome in the end as we would pull out the specific bottle that someone gave us if we knew they were coming over.

Danischn · February 2014

I also like the idea. I recently went to a shower similar to this as well and it was a lot fun plus it was a great way for the bride to build her wine stock. It was optional on the invite to bring a bottle of wine for an occasion needed in married life, can't remember the wording on the invite. I participated because I love wine and she is a good friend. If her invite list is big though, could be out of hand especially if you are going to be sharing all the reasons for the wine as a group. I'm all for bridal showers with a new twist or game and this was fun for me.

babygabe614 · February 2014

I personally don't like being told what to bring, and like PPs have said, it would end up lowering my gift budget so I'm more in favor of doing this as a gift from the bridal party if the MOH won't let go of the idea. Good luck!

tbmadeamistake · February 2014

Give me all the wines! I don't think it's a bad idea. Another way to do it is to work the cost of a bottle per guest into the planning budget, and have each person fill out the tag for when to open it. That turns it into a game/something fun to do, and you can and the bridal party can be in charge of firsts so the others have to come up with something fun.

You could also just make the invites look like a bottle of wine, or have wine-y stuff on them, so people get the idea of the theme. I'll bet a lot of guests will end up bringing wine related gifts anyway if that's where the wedding is and they know the bride and groom like wine.

The only other thing I can think of as far as games is to get a bunch of scrap booking supplies and have each guest design a scrap book page with advice for marriage. I did it for my friend when I was the MOH and she loved it. Even her single friends had good advice and didn't feel like it was a married lady thing. It kept people busy for a while, they had fun with the different markers and stickers and styles of paper. At the end of the party I put them all into a book for her.

lest12 · February 2014

Danischn said:

I also like the idea. I recently went to a shower similar to this as well and it was a lot fun plus it was a great way for the bride to build her wine stock. It was optional on the invite to bring a bottle of wine for an occasion needed in married life, can't remember the wording on the invite. I participated because I love wine and she is a good friend. If her invite list is big though, could be out of hand especially if you are going to be sharing all the reasons for the wine as a group. I'm all for bridal showers with a new twist or game and this was fun for me.

I like this. I think keeping it optional and having fun with the wording makes it less annoying for the guest.

Kinipela7 · February 2014

Thanks all! It's just me and the MOH in the wedding! I think we have got it figured out so thanks for all the replies!

Now a bachelorette party question! We are going to be going to a wine tasting, dinner, then out to a bar to dance (requested by the bride). I will be 34 weeks pregnant and am going to feel super weird/wrong in a crowded hot bar/dance place where there aren't many seats. I pretty much have to go to all parts though right? Since I am one of the "hosts"?

nunzchucks · February 2014

My girlfriend had two pregnant BMs in her wedding party. Both girls went home after dinner and skipped the bars. Everyone understood and no one made a stink about it. I think they just told the bride their plan beforehand so she wouldn't be upset.

Savvy122 · February 2014

I would do what you feel up for but I can't imagine anyone would expect you to stand around a bar until late night. For my friend's bachelorette party, I did the dinner and rode the bus to the bar for a while, then had H pick me up when I'd had enough. No one minded.

shakeweights · February 2014

Ya, I mean my MOH was pregnant at my shower/bachelorette party (it was all in 1 day) but it was all in 1 place too. And I'm talking like 9 weeks pregnant. We went to my MILs house and stayed there the whole time and she was sort of rude about it all to me. I was sort of taken back by her attitude and she did end up leaving early - trust me, it's a wayyyy longer story than I care to tell, but it is what it is. We ended up sort of not being great friends after my wedding...we're still friends, just not that close. Anyway - I would talk to the bride and just give her the heads up that you might not stay too long. You'll be uber pregnant by then and probably really uncomfortable and hopefully she will understand that. Just be sensitive to her feelings as well since this is a big day for her too.

Kinipela7 · February 2014

Thanks! I'm just not sure what I would do when they are all out on the dance floor dancing. Sit there by myself and hope to find a chair? I will play it by ear and go with the flow!

diagonalley · February 2014

I agree with what I'm already seeing, that it is negatively going to affect what people buy her as shower presents. Not everybody who is going to the shower may necessarily like wine to begin with, so wouldn't necessarily know what to buy. Maybe present it in that way? You could do something with just the bridal party that you each buy her a wine and make it special for your particular group (maybe even throw in a little game as to having her try to guess who got her what type of wine)?

Here's a game I have played that was fun: famous couples (can be real or fictional) with one person's name on a nametag and then each guest gets a nametag put on their back and has to try and find their match (it's a great opening to the shower) you can only find out who is on your back by asking yes or no questions.

diagonalley · February 2014

Kinipela7 said:

Thanks all! It's just me and the MOH in the wedding! I think we have got it figured out so thanks for all the replies!

Now a bachelorette party question! We are going to be going to a wine tasting, dinner, then out to a bar to dance (requested by the bride). I will be 34 weeks pregnant and am going to feel super weird/wrong in a crowded hot bar/dance place where there aren't many seats. I pretty much have to go to all parts though right? Since I am one of the "hosts"?

Neither my maid of honor or matron of honor came to my bachelorette party. One was 6 months pregnant and the other didn't want to miss mother's day with her daughter. Personally, I was annoyed that neither of them made the effort to come, however, 34 weeks vs. like 26 is different, in my opinion. And ultimately I didn't hold it against them as I had a great time even without them there. So I really think you're justified in whatever decision you make.

Kinipela7 · February 2014

I mean I would be going to most of her bachelorette party, just no the last part of it. I think that's fair.

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NBR: Bridal Shower Help

Re: NBR: Bridal Shower Help

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