Ack!

trigirl79 · February 2014

RE consult today. I was super excited, then last night Alexa was up for 2 hours crying (?gas, nightmare?, stuck in a corner of the crib? who knows). I am grumpy on sub optimal sleep. And so then my mind starts wondering - can I really handle two kids? Am I sure I want to go through IF again? Yes, the outcome was totally worth it but am I pushing my luck? What if it doesn't work? I started thinking about the emotional, mental, physical, and financial strains. Not to mention I have to deal with going to a lot of this alone because we have a kid this time around. I absolutely want a second kid and I know I am just second guessing myself, but I think the reality of actually starting again is something else. No real question, just needed to get that out. So if you made it through, then thanks

JBDamonM · February 2014

First of all - I love the name Alexa

In all seriousness - I think these emotions are totally normal. I think a lot about #2. 95% of the time I think ahead with excitement. I can't wait to be pregnant again - feel movement, watch my belly grow and welcome a new baby and then in turn watch him/her grow. But occasionally the other 5% creeps in and I feel guilty that I am somehow abandoning my baby (LO#1).... and that I will never be able to handle two kids.... and willl my husband be willing to give up more things because I will need more help...

We are not currently TTC but hope to start the quest for #2 later this year, at which time I am sure that 5% will creep in more and more.

Good luck - but I agree, it will all be worth it

kmc84 · February 2014

I could have written this exact post!!! We will most likely be going for IVF #4 this summer to try for #2 and it's a lot to wrap my head around. We want another, but the 5% of doubt casts a big shadow sometimes. I think that if we could just have sex and get pregnant, it would be such a big decision. Having to put so much thought and effort into getting pregnant seems to give more time for doubt and second guessing to creep in. I hope that makes sense....

I think any big life changing decision makes you question your direction. I said to my husband and my BFF when we were talking, that I believe my doubt is a way to protect myself if we are unable to get pregnant again. I know that that really is a little silly, but that's the conclusion I came to.

trigirl79 · February 2014

Yes! @kmc84 - so true! I think if I don't allow myself to get too excited or hopeful, I can protect myself from the pain and disappointment. Not silly at all.

mcgeeva · February 2014

Ah boo that is tough. Nights like that make you wonder. When DS randomly sleeps till 7:30 -8 I wonder why would I mess this up?!!!! Then I think about how I really want him to grow up with someone to play with like I had. It's definitely going to be tough but worth it. Even when I wasn't ready to start treatments again what made me do it was knowing it could take any amount of time and I didn't want to have a huge gap in age with my kids. IT all works out for one reason or another and we all seem to make it work which is why people keep doing it

Ack!

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