"MIL-Go To Hell" Support Group

ElTrain5 · February 2014

Just wanted to send out big giant ((hugs)) to all of you dealing with such negativity in your lives. The group is here to support you! Keep venting!

hollygb22 · February 2014

this is fun...I'll share a few gems

we told MIL and FIL we were pregnant with DD#1. She then got up and said..does anyone want coffee? We just finished dinner and DH and I had TTC for 2.5 yrs and finally had success with IF treatments.

We had our parents and siblings over when we found out the sex...we tried to make it a fun little gtg and had everyone guess. MIL said it's a girl..even though she went on and on how it had to be a boy because she didn't know what she would do if it wasn't. So, we thought it was funny she guessed girl and asked why. I was 19 wks and barely showing..she said because you're carrying all your weight in the rear.

When my due date with #1 came along, she was calling daily (they ..thank god..live 5 hrs away). She kept asking and asking what was taking so long etc. Once I was in the hospital and DD was here, they drove down the next day. They were in the hospital room for 10 minutes and then told us that MIL had a cancerous lump that was found. Because I didn't have the baby on time, her surgery had to be moved twice. They had known for months but decided not to say anything because we were too busy talking about baby and getting ready for baby etc.

We had called the IL's to see what they were doing for thanksgiving. We drove up the day after (friday) to stay the weekend and split up the holiday. MIL made a big deal about how she was delaying thanksgiving until friday because of us even though we insisted they not. We had tons of leftovers since we cooked. DH called his mom and asked if we could bring some and she said she would not make some of the dishes etc. We leave for the 5 hour drive. We hit some traffic. Dinner was at 5. We told them we might be 10 minutes late. At 445 I get a text from my SIL that we should take our time because they were eating. We literally walked through their door at 510 and they were finished eating. My husband was so mad. He started to heat up the food we brought. My MIL made a comment like..oh the mashed potatoes finally arrived. DH puts them on the table and says would you like some..she said..I did..10 minutes ago but i'm all set now.

Mowill59 · February 2014

normally, i just tolerate my MIL. She has very different parenting styles than DH and I do and she lies a lot. Lately, I just don't even want to be around her. DH and I got into a big fight over a month ago. I was very upset with DH and things just weren't calming down so I took DS and myself to my parents house for a few days so that we could calm down.We have since worked everything out and are moving forward with our lives.

We hadnt seen my IL's since january and finally went over to their house on sunday. When we all walked in the door, my MIL gave DH a big hug and DS as well. DS would not let me put him down though (they have 6 dogs, and he is scared of them so he usually latches onto me the whole time we are there). My MIL basically acted like I wasnt even there. She wouldnt even look at me. I said hello to her and was ignored so I went outside with DS to go say hello to my FIL. I found out later that she was mad at me for staying at my parents house and that I never ask her for help with DS.

The rest of the time we were there my MIL asked me how my parents were and that was it. She completely ignored DS and would not get up out of her chair even when he asked her to come play with him.

My IL's are the laziest people I have ever met. My anxiety and stress level goes through the roof when we are around them. My MIL thinks that it is too much effort to put a carseat in her car and that it is easier for DS to just sit in someones lap. He is three years old. So, needless to say he is never left alone with them.

She tries to over ride my authority with DS constantly. When I tell him not to do something because it is too dangerous she tells him "it's okay, mommy is just being mean." Im just so fed up with her behavior. DH is frustrated by all of it and will talk to her about it but it just makes her act more rude to me. Thankfully, we are moving closer to my parents after this LO is born.

quinnlucas6118 · February 2014

Last week my hubby posted a cute picture of us from a year ago on fb from a wedding photo booth. I love the picture, he's wearing a clown wig, I'm wearing ridiculous star sunglasses and he's kissing me really obnoxiously on the cheek. It's adorable, so his mother comments, "nice love handles". Referring to his stomach which btw looks bigger in the picture because he's 6'5 and I'm 5'6 so he's scrunching down to kiss me. Who says that to their son? So then I start getting private messages on fb from people who can't believe she actually said that. Oh and on a cute 3d sono pic from 14 weeks where our girly bean looks like she's smiling she says "that just looks like an awful polaroid." Seriously.

Ashes92813 · February 2014

Sending happy and positive thoughts to everyone who posted.

My MIL is deceased but I do have a bat shit crazy sister who tried to plan her wedding the day before my due date and has now decided she wants her bachelorette party the same weekend as my baby shower. (FYI her second engagement in 2 years, she had a baby 3 weeks ago, her fiancé is aDbag and her first bachelorette party was 10k).

Now I'm sending hugs all around!

babygabe614 · February 2014

Wow, some of these stories seriously make me sick. I am so sorry for you girls dealing with such crazy ILs!!

My sMIL is a real piece of work but thankfully we only have to interact with her every couple of months. She and FIL live less than 3 miles away but they have a very strained relationship with DH (she was incredibly abusive to him his entire childhood but favored her two sons - his half brothers - so it has created a very difficult family dynamic) so every interaction is always tense and awkward. Here's a few gems:

1. I did not meet sMIL until DH and I were engaged, because they weren't speaking at all during the time we dated. When I first met her, she asked my DH if she should "only cook Mexican food" when I come over... apparently because I'm mixed she automatically assumed I'm Mexican? For the record, I'm not...

2. She later told me (same day as the Mexican comment to DH) that my DH had called her to ask her if it was okay for him to date a black girl. This was totally ridiculous and made up because 1) they weren't even on speaking terms for YEARS prior to the day I went to meet them and 2) pretty sure my DH isn't ignorant and racist and also knows I am not black, nor would he need to ask his stepmother for approval to date ANYONE...wtf?! She just makes up crazy lies like this all the time for no reason.

3. She always guilt trips DH about not spending time with his two younger brothers but we know for a fact that as soon as we aren't around she talks so much trash about him to the brother closest to him in age and pushes them farther apart. She loves to drive a wedge between them and act like she's the one trying to make them mend their relationship. Total BS!

4. She constantly undermines DH and I with my stepson and then complains that we don't ever leave him alone with her. Well, sorry if we're not exactly comfortable with leaving him in a house with two smokers who smoke and drink heavily inside the home with children around, shove a million sugary snacks and sodas down his throat and go out buying him video games he can't even use because we have discussed multiple times that we have strict rules about screen time in our house.

5. She cannot have a conversation that doesn't somehow revolve around her. DH's brothers are finally starting to see this as well but every time anyone brings up a topic that she can't directly relate to herself (which is often, since we live totally different lifestyles than they do) she will just cut you off mid sentence and change it to something about her. So annoying!

Mom&nurse · February 2014

Me next me next... Not technically MIL but my SO mother.

She always goes to those food hand out places and takes things she does not need. I know they are great for those who truly need the help. But she gets crap for us all the time that I have to toss out. She got 30 lbs of potatoes. WTF can u do with that many? Anyways my SO agreed to take some. I told him I was scared after what I had seen before. Yep there had been rats in them. I almost puked. It's always something weird.

When I met my SO he was living with his patents to support his kids more financially. After a while of dating I agreed to help him out so he could see his kids more. Plus his mother was always bitching about the kids. That ment I was there cooking and cleaning after them while he worked an extra job or went to a class. I bought food, clothes, toys and all the things they needed and some they wanted. I always offered his parents a meal I was cooking and they had no problem accepting it. Until I felt cramped and started taking them places to eat or go see dad at second jobs or to the movies or mall because it was 90 inside their house or they had frozen pipes. Then it was get out or pay me. So I agreed. I paid 200 a month to stay there 2-3 days a week to help him out with kids. What ever. I had my own place but not worth the fight. I got sick of travel and we ( kids him and I ) decided we needed our own space. We found an amazing place. 1390 sq ft condo with pools and all. They bitched and bitched how we could afford it. Then how they won't get to see the kids. Nothing made them happy. Then it was move out or pay 400. Next week we were gone.

Then his mom and mine have a mutual friend. Small town. MIL told my mom I was the reason her car got repossessed 6 months after we left. Because I was living off them. My mom knows better then that and brushed it off.

They waist their money on things they don't need. Not my fault. I went to college and busted my ass off without things to get where I am. And I am not well off. Paycheck to paycheck.

She stormed out of Christmas because my mom made her feel inadequate with her goodwill gifts. Yes My mom got goodwill gifts. Kids didn't know. They were nice but better then hers. WTF? I give up. My mom was devistated. His mom said my mom spent too much and got the baby a gift. Umm yes 2 books. FROM THE GOODWILL FOR $1. my mom didn't want to invite her to my shower cuz I'm the first only girl and first grandchild coming and my family is over excited. I get crap daily from family members. I can't help she looks at her grand kids as a burden.

EmbracingChange · February 2014

My MIL has a history of being with crazy women. The first partner I met she was with for 13 years. That woman was BSC. They fought all of the time and GF tried on more than one occasion to off my MIL. Grabbing the steering wheel and rolling their car while they were arguing... Putting a shovel through MIL's windshield over a disagreement on who was parking where, etc. She used to ask me along to the casino and talk smack about my SIL and tell me these awful things she said. Then after I'd respond, she would go back to SIL and make it sound like I was attacking her for no reason. It took us 2 years after they split up before SIL and I realized that all of our problems with one another started with MIL's GF.

Example: MIL and FIL had a 10 year custody battle. They hate each other. FIL's Mom volunteered to get the flowers for my wedding. MIL boycotted out wedding one week prior because she found out that they didn't buy a flower for her GF's daughter. Every fucking family member at my wedding had flowers, not just our one bridesmaid or one groomsman.

Last week MIL called to tell me that she had canceled our trip to SIL's house because her wife was feeling some anxiety after switching meds. No "hey,do you mind going next week?" Just "BTW I told her that none of us were coming"... SIL came to visit us instead.

Now, my own Mother. She calls me once a month or so. If I call her, she keeps convos brief. Now, when she's drinking the story is different. Then its a two hour conversation about my faults as a child, her reactions to that, her faults, how terribly she was raised, and a ton of excuses explaining her actions. When i push back and tell her my thoughts, we fight. Later she texts me to give me an excuse for her behavior and an excuse for my own.

Example... Keep in mind I'm putting myself out there and this is very personal. My mother was a drug addict. Mostly marijuana and LSD when I was little, but meth as I got older. She got pregnant with me in HS and told my brother's dad that he was my father though she was already 4 months along. He's not that smart so it worked. Fast forward 5 years. They're split and have "2" kids. He gets visitation every other weekend. He has a GF who is a scunt and she has 3 sons. Dad works a lot, GF takes my brother with her everywhere, and poor me is left to the mercy of her oldest son. Her younger son got brave, told GF what was happening, and I told my mother. GF told my mother that I was a liar and that if she broke the custody order, she would tell the judge that my mother was using. My mother continued to send me there for another few months until the younger son managed to avoid his mother and told "my dad". He went ape shit, attacked her and her oldest son(who ran off), and went to jail. My mother justifies basically throwing me to the wolves by reminding me that she would have lost us and we'd have all ended up in foster care... A place that I ended up in 7 years later anyway.

No one understands why I speak to her period, but I have a hard time turning my back on people. I love my brothers and for them, I've mostly forgiven her. However, that becomes difficult when she wants to rehash it each time she feels bad and is drunk. She got clean when my brother was 13. He died when he was 15. She began drinking to numb that pain. Addiction never ends.

rachel8078 · February 2014

Oh I'm so excited for this thread... My MIL isn't the worst, certainly not like some of yours, but the biggest issue I've had with her for the entire time I've been with my husband, is that she effectively abandoned him at age 11 for a string of "musicians" and truckers. She then waltzes back in as she sees fit throughout his teen years, on his dad's dime, and ever since. She constantly makes him feel bad for stupid things, whines about how much I don't like her, and complains how "tight" they are ( they went on a month-long cruise in November) and on and on.

My biggest issue is how she treats him like the 11 year old momma's boy she abandoned and expects him to cater to her emotional whims and proceeds to cry if he doesn't. End rant.

abastian00 · February 2014

EmbracingChange - sounds like you had a rough, turbulent childhood. It must be tough to speak about it - but thank you for sharing so honestly! I hope that, if nothing else, she was a good "negative" role model for the kind of mother and family to want to be and have!

EmbracingChange · February 2014

It was turbulent. Not always bad, but not always good. I lived with her until I was 10. I spent every summer before that with my grandparents. By the time I was in 4th grade I was so out of control I was spending 3 weeks at a time staying with friends and she was using so she barely cared. We had a good run there between Kindergarten and 3rd grade when she was with my stepfather. We had security then and they used, but were still pretty decent parents. I have pretty good memories of that time. Then she cheated on him when he went to rehab, I walked in on her, and she blamed me for having to tell him because she was afraid I would slip up and mention it. So he left us... It was downhill from there.

I missed 60 days of my 5th grade year, off running with my friends. When the truancy officer visited her I opted to move to my Grandpa's house. They adopted me, he had a heart attack, I was hard to "tame" and I went to foster care. My foster parents turned me around. I still have a ton of respect for them. My mother says I'm snotty like my foster mother and need to remember where I come from.

I stayed in FC until I was 21 to get the whole benefit of the experience. My mother blames my Grandma for shipping me off to foster parents and they still resent each other for it.

My mother got clean after she got hotlined after a parent teacher conference where she was clearly high and on the way home ran a red light and hit a brand new truck. She had no license, no insurance, and was of course high. So the judge ordered rehab and placed the boys with the youngest's Father (stepfather mentioned earlier). Losing them was what made her change, the fact that losing me wasn't enough has always been an issue between us.

My "inspiration" essay in college was about what steps I take and things I've changed to keep myself from being like her.

dragonfly711 · February 2014

Oh man. my MIL is so passive aggressive, we lived with her for a few years before we got our house. She would say I took her tupperware, didn't park right in the driveway, left lights on ect.

Always something with her. Now mind you now my MIL will be 81 in April. Right now she is in the hospital due to celulitis in her leg. She has an aid part time now and can't do anything for herself anymore.

I will make her dinner, was taking her to get her hair done but can't now due to her not walking well, fall risk and me being pregnant. Plus my hairdressers chair is up stairs.

I feel bad for hubby he has other siblings but none of them will help out so he has to do everything. Lately he has to take off work to go and get her ready in the AM since the aide would not come due to the weather. Now with that and all the snow we have been getting he has had no time to himself.

She went to the ER the other day he was there from 1-9, I was there 1-4 now tomorrow she is going to a rehab place since she is way to unsteady on her feet.

Hubby does not want to put her in a nursing home until she is real bad. I so understand but he is burning out and when we have the baby in June I am not sure what is going to happen. I feel bad for him.

Now if/when she does go to a nursing home we are going to take her dog. I so would not mind but with a newborn and already having 2 dogs, 3 cats. I just really dont want another dog especially one with so much hair. ( golden) I already have one golden and the hair is all over. Always vacuuming and I shave him in the summer. I feel bad, I am a total animal person and know we have to take her but it is just going to be more work for me. I feel bad for saying this but two dogs are enough for me. 3 is just way too much. There is no talking about it either she will be coming whenever his mom goes to the nursing home which will probably be by the end of the summer.

I feel so guilty for feeling this way. To top it off she complains about everything. She said that I took her magazines the other day which I don't they go to her place and I don't even read her magazines. She is a very depressed, miserable person and everything that happens is someone else's fault. She can never say she made a mistake.

For some reason I always feel guilty. Hubby was with her all day a few weeks ago to bring her to the Dr. She was driving him crazy. The next day was my bday. We were going out to dinner she was suppose to come. He said no. I of course felt bad. Go figure. LOL

Ok just had to vent. I feel so bad for hubby I know this is hard for him especially since he is about the only one in his family that does anything for his mom. She lives with the BIL in a studio downstairs but that is about as far as it gets.

KellyBelly5569 · February 2014

This is so awesome! I love this thread! My MIL isn't so bad. Actually I have two, a grandmother who raised my husband and the actual mom. But I love reading these posts!

jtaylor199 · February 2014

My mother and MIL can drive me crazy. I’m seriously concerned about leaving our child in the care of my MIL simply because I don’t think she will follow my directions. I think she will "Yes, yes, yes” me up and down then do whatever the heck she wants. My concerns have sadly been justified. I sent my MIL the links to our baby registries with specific instructions to not share them with anyone. We hadn’t finalized anything and were still adding and removing items. The only reason I gave them to her was because she wanted to be one of the first ones to see it, in order to pick out what she wanted, she I gave it to her so she could have an idea. Well, I just found out yesterday that she shared it with at least 4 people, none of whom can keep a secret! I’m not going to bother saying anything at this point because the shower invites are going out this week and everyone will have the registries (which are now complete). However, I did need to vent to my mother about the whole situation. I voiced my concern of my MIL not listening to our wishes and my mother actually told me that the MIL has flat out said she’s going to do whatever she wants when watching our son. I was furious, and still am. I don’t even know what to do about that whole situation.

Also, she is the most self-centered person I have ever met in my life. If it’s not all about her then she has no interest. She constantly acts like a child. She was upset about her flowers at our wedding (long story) and because of that she didn’t smile in one single picture, not one.

UGH! Sorry for the rant, but it feels good to vent to random internet strangers about it

courtneyjean1980 · February 2014

@dragonfly711: that sucks that you're dealing with this. All of my living grandparents recently went into assisted living, and I will say it is a much easier transition for them *before* they get to the point where things are really bad. In terms of making new friends, getting adjusted, it is way easier when they are not dealing with severe physical problems as well. Maybe something to point out to your DH. He may feel bad about it, but if it's only a difference of a few months, she may well be better off moving into assisted living sooner before things go way downhill. I'd emphasize the benefits to her, like being more social and having round the clock care so that she's never in a dangerous situation.

For your end, dealing with all this and a newborn (and dog) will be really hard. You will not be able to help out as much if she is still living independently. Better to get her acclimated to that sooner than to have to adjust with a newborn in the mix.

Good luck, I'm sorry you're going through this.

austinlyns · February 2014

My MIL is generally great, but here are the things that have bug me:

- she says words like fart, butt, booger, ain't, sucks, crap, snot in front of my toddler and of course the kid repeats it and it sounds so trashy and then when I tell them not to say it, I hear, "why? Mimi says it".

- she comes to visit and has no plan for how long she will stay. We live in a tiny house and I have to move the kids around to give her a place to sleep, so the open-ended visits kill me. I need an end date!

- she always comments on how "fancy" our life is and how "it must be nice" to have someone help clean twice a month or to be able to take a weekend vacation. Our life definitely isn't fancy so it equally annoys me and makes me laugh

- with every boy baby name we mentioned, she commented that it sounds like a gay person's name. She is super country, so if it isn't billy bob or Bo or something like that then surely it must be gay. She is going to HATE out name for this baby so we haven't told her yet!

quinnlucas6118 · February 2014

@dragonfly711, My nursing career is as a geriatric nurse and you are doing the right thing by talking about your feelings and they are all valid. Being a caregiver to a family member is such a difficult thing. It's stressful and then you feel guilty for your feelings. It might help your hubby to get those feelings out as well. It sounds like she may be ready for a nursing home because of her condition but that is usually the hardest decision for family to make and it takes a bad situation to usually get there. He needs to take care of himself emotionally as well for your families sake. I don't mean to sound like a lecture, I just see this everyday and I understand the heartache. My mother went through the same situation with her father when he no longer could be at home and of course the 6 other siblings gave her no help or support. She was so overwhelmed all the time. It broke my heart watching her struggle with decisions. Also please make sure if you do go the direction of placing her in a facility to do research about their credentials. Medicare.gov provides all the necessary information to find how a facility is ranked and their shortcomings and where they excel. Please private message me anytime with feelings about this if you need to and know it's completely normal. I'll be thinking of your family.

misscarter87 · February 2014

Feels so good to know that i am not the only one going thru this @ElTrain5 these MIL are just crazy

kbellizio3 · February 2014

My step-MIL created more drama the last week than I think she has our whole relationship (maybe not true but it comes close). She berated me via text over "doing something wrong" for the surprise party I was throwing for DH (which was the next day), when she came over my house to help paint the baby's room she just made everything about her (as always) and tried to tell me, again, what I can and can't eat and that I'm not allowed to buy anything for the baby and I shouldn't even be stocking up diapers because "I don't know what sizes ill need" (really? I'm buying a variety) and she just inputs her opinion where it's not wanted. I try to just let it go but sometimes it really bothers me. She will not get away with saying crap around her grandchild. That's when I'll make DH put his foot down. At least I know better than to take what she says at face value

I'm going baby clothes shopping with my friend next week and ill just have her hold on to them and give them to me at the shower so I don't have to deal with sMIL comments. My MIL however is a gem and always there to listen to my rants about sMIL and to make me feel better and offer constructive advice if I need it.

And I feel awful for the people who's MILs are really really horrible. Good thing you ladies have your DHs/BFs/SOs on your side!

misscarter87 · February 2014

I think we definitely should keep this thread going weekly since it seems like some of our MILs are giving us problems like this especially being pregnant right now i am to the point to where i dont want my MIL to come to the hospital when i give birth im having a scheduled c section. She has been doing all sorts of mean and rude things to me since before i got pregnant seems like since ive been pregnant it continues she calls me really mean names called my phone a week and a half ago and cursed me out..not explaining why she is upset with me. And its hurts me alot because my SO feels like he cant talk or say anything to his mom about her behavior and actions..so im really upset with him for not saying anything to her about this matter

meggiegray · February 2014

Is it bad that this thread actual makes me feel better? My MIL has always been a challenge and loves to guilt trip people. We got married in August and conceived on our honeymoon...surprise! When we called to tell her we were expecting she snorted and said "huh, well when is she due?!". I know without a doubt that she thought I was preg before the wedding. Anyway once hubs told her June she says "well y'all didn't waste anytime. You know if you're gonna play then you're gonna pay!" That was in November. She still has never hugged or congratulated either one of us. We actual found out we are having twins and they devolved a condition that required emergency surgery to save their lives with a specialist 12 hours away. Less than 4 days after surgery his mom was already calling hubs on the phone saying how she hopes to get to see her grandchildren but doesn't think she will be able to since she just feels like I don't like her and that I don't make efforts. I'm sorry but regardless of how you feel I feel that is completely inappropriate in a time like that. Not to mention its all in her head. I call her, text her and Facebook her all the time to keep her in the loop of things and she never answers, calls back or responds. Anyway I'm sure we could all go on all day...bottom line I'm glad I'm not alone with the cracra situation!

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