Personal question?

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

I don't mean to get personal but how long after LO was born did you feel like DTD? I don't know if it is an effect of my C-section, being a FTM or if its just me but I don't have the want or need and my poor husband, I think is feeling a little unloved. I try for him but I can't help waiting for it to be over. It does feel different since having my LO but I hope its something I can just get over. Anyone else having any issues? It would probably make me feel better if I wasn't alone haha.

mrsdahamm · February 2014

I was going to ask a similar question... How long pp are you? I'm 3w pp and DH is dying for some lovin. I offered a bj but he wants the real thing lol It seems like a lot of people dtd before the 6w we're told, but I'm just not comfortable with it. I feel like they tell us 6w for a reason.

Any thoughts or experiences?

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

I waited the 6 week pp but I am 9 months out now and I just don't have the drive to do it.

nosoup4u · February 2014

Oh, it was like a full year for me. BFing kills my sex drive, and that combined w not much sleep was a recipe for dry spells. Don't feel bad, it's just part of motherhood.

slwprincess · February 2014

I waited the recommended 6 weeks- any earlier and the risk of infection is too serious. But even then, it still hurt. I don't usually get my sex drive back until after I've weaned.

mrsdahamm · February 2014

slwprincess said:
I waited the recommended 6 weeks- any earlier and the risk of infection is too serious. But even then, it still hurt. I don't usually get my sex drive back until after I've weaned.

Thank you. I really feel like my husband thinks I'm making it up about the infection risk. He just thinks oh he didn't come out your vag so it's good to go. The giz has to go somewhere smart guy!

platypusbaby · February 2014

We waited until after the 6 weeks which was horrible cause seeing my man with that tiny baby was sooo sexy!! But since my drive has been zilch. I'm 5 mo pp. I've heard it takes till after breastfeeding is done to really get your mojo back.

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

I formula feed though I didn't really produce much and it only stayed for three days. I just don't know why 9month PP I still feel lack luster. I also don't know if anyone else was induced before their csection but I feel like since I didn't dilate with my induction it shrank a little anyways and now it feels tighter and hurts.... anyone else have something similar? There is just so much I don't know if its me or because I am PP.

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

MrsMuq said:

I wasn't cleared until I was 8w by my doctor (I had some surgery complications). I didn't feel back in the groove of things until probably 13-14 weeks PP.

I'll be honest, we didn't get back to a normal frequency of intimacy until recently - probably about the time DS was 18mo.

That makes me feel better, I mean we are intimate. I just feel like some how I am letting DH down a little because it isn't the same it is good to know it has taken some of you a little while to get back into truly enjoying it. Thanks.

HopeNotLost · February 2014

After having three kids, I'm quite honestly shocked that I even got pregnant with a 4th. I have no sex drive and basically pretend for my husband.

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

HopeNotLost said:

After having three kids, I'm quite honestly shocked that I even got pregnant with a 4th. I have no sex drive and basically pretend for my husband.

Haha I only one and I know how you feel. congrats on the 4th!

slwprincess · February 2014

mrsdahamm said:

slwprincess said:
I waited the recommended 6 weeks- any earlier and the risk of infection is too serious. But even then, it still hurt. I don't usually get my sex drive back until after I've weaned.
Thank you. I really feel like my husband thinks I'm making it up about the infection risk. He just thinks oh he didn't come out your vag so it's good to go. The giz has to go somewhere smart guy!

Oh no, my Ob looked straight at DH in the hospital and said "NOTHING in the vagina for 6 weeks." Don't get much clearer than that! Lol!

jaysears · February 2014

I find it really hard to find a balance between having someone hanging off my breast all day feeding and trying to get involved with my husband. I also had a lot of numbness on my scar for months after and it didn't feel right. I also was pretty shocked to become pregnant this time as my husband works 5x 12 hr shifts per week and we hardly have time for a private conversation without my daughter always interupting. So I feel ya, and good luck.

hollandmama · February 2014

I waited for 6 weeks pp, I didn't want but we tried. It was hell. After a few months (like 3) it started to be ok but still painful. Now it's still not as good as before baby (LO is 7 months) but my gyn said it's because of BF. I actually never feel like DTD but I try for DH and at the end I enjoy it. I think it will only get to normal when I stop BF.

It's normal that you don't fell like, you're not alone. I hope it goes better for you than for me, 7 months into this and it's starting to be an issue

aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

sandraynic said:

I waited for 6 weeks pp, I didn't want but we tried. It was hell. After a few months (like 3) it started to be ok but still painful. Now it's still not as good as before baby (LO is 7 months) but my gyn said it's because of BF. I actually never feel like DTD but I try for DH and at the end I enjoy it. I think it will only get to normal when I stop BF.

It's normal that you don't fell like, you're not alone. I hope it goes better for you than for me, 7 months into this and it's starting to be an issue

9 months later and it has became an issue...that's why I asked.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

JandACoffee Wow that is really great advice! I am not a BF though and a lot of you with this problem are but I wonder if my estrogen levels are low. Does that make you extremely tired to? I might schedule an apt, I have just been avoiding it because my regular OB up and retired suddenly and that kind of appt is something I really need to be comfortable in.

I might start talking to him about into a routing or schedule for april. right now his place of work is closing in April so he is getting a lot of hours now and has been really tired the last two weeks.

Thanks for all the information I will start looking in to it all! GL

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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aintnoyuppiemom · February 2014

JandACoffee That sounds like me. I definitely do not have any energy. Which I am assuming is part of the reason why I cannot loose the last 10-15 # of baby weight. Thank you that is great advice. I have a Dr's Appt at the end of the month I will have to see if we can get that checked.

LinnyAnne10 · March 2014

DH deployed two weeks after DS was born. So we didn't DTD until 10months after. But my sex drive came back about 6months pp. that's when BOB came into play

cerafina205 · March 2014

I am 18 weeks PP and sex drive is finally back. I had an episiotomy and was scared to even look down there. I had my husband look at it 3 weeks PP and he said it was healed. I checked it out and decided at 4 weeks PP to try sex. I made him check it out after sex to make sure everything was okay because I was so worried!

katroses3 · March 2014

Glad I found this board! I'm 4 wk PP and I feel the same as you ladies....

tig594 · March 2014

I couldn't BF and it took 6-7 months for my drive to come back and 12 months later it's still not what it used to be. Scheduling it a couple time a week is a good idea. Also, is there anything you or your SO can do to help jump start you? Favorite cologne/shirt/walking around in his underwear/whatever? Might help to find a trigger.

beaniousmaximus · August 2014

We waited the six weeks...by then we were both really wanting it lol. Our sex life was pretty good up until 6 months ago when I got pregnant again (and we moved in with my MIL for two months, that really killed the vibe too). Now, our oldest is almost 2 and I have no energy to DTD anymore. My boyfriend seems understanding though, and he admits he's usually too tired too. I just make sure to tell him how much I love him, cuddle when we can, hugs and kisses. It's something you guys are going to have to work through. Just let him know that it's nothing against him. Once you hit that six week mark and get the okay from your OB, try to make yourself do it. I know that sounds weird...But I find that I normally don't want to, but when I do it, I end up really enjoying myself

Oh, and I read the other comments regarding BF...I breastfed until my son was 7 months old and it didn't seem to affect anything.

NatureLovers · September 2014

For those that said sex was painful, could you elaborate why? Since you didn't have a vag delivery, shouldn't you be good to go after 6 weeks? Or is it dryness from hormones/BF'ing that makes it uncomfortable? I'm trying to understand if it was an anatomical issue from the c-sec, or a hormonal/dryness thing. TIA!

krazyinsane · September 2014

@NatureLovers‌ it's a bit of both. Dryness and additional pressure on my incision.

ashaw512 · September 2014

NatureLovers said:
For those that said sex was painful, could you elaborate why? Since you didn't have a vag delivery, shouldn't you be good to go after 6 weeks? Or is it dryness from hormones/BF'ing that makes it uncomfortable? I'm trying to understand if it was an anatomical issue from the c-sec, or a hormonal/dryness thing. TIA!

For me it was uncomfortable from the dryness of BFing and also the pressure of pushing on my incision and the nerves around it. It's both, but it's also different for everyone.

Justabean3 · September 2014

NatureLovers said:
For those that said sex was painful, could you elaborate why? Since you didn't have a vag delivery, shouldn't you be good to go after 6 weeks? Or is it dryness from hormones/BF'ing that makes it uncomfortable? I'm trying to understand if it was an anatomical issue from the c-sec, or a hormonal/dryness thing. TIA!

This to me is like... Shouldn't sex feel fine after a vaginal delivery. I mean geez your vagina was stretched out to 10 cm.

No in all reality just because you didn't have a vaginal delivery doesn't mean that all the same things basically can happen

1. Cervix still dilated for some wether you were dilated before birth or you partially labored

2. Your vagina can still swell a lot after a c-section because your body is still signaling a baby is being born

3. Hormones do the same thing regardless which method baby comes out

4. Added pressure from your scar

5. Just flat out nervousness

6. You still bleed the same amount of time and your uterus still has to go back into place the same

All these things contribute about the same. The only difference is there are no stitches that go in the vagina or outside it. The process is still the same for a lot

cranberrycove06 · September 2014

I second getting your thyroid checked. I was exhausted, felt terrible, gained weight, and had zero drive. Turns out it was my thyroid. Once I started medication, I bounced back really quick. That said, I'm having my first c very soon and was wondering how it would go afterwards. I guess after having a terrible vaginal birth the first time, anything else would be easier. Good to know.

SaltyDonut · September 2014

Like a lot of the PP between BF and being sleep deprived I'm like never in the mood. Or if I am in the mood its only in theory because when i think about the actual deed I get all "ehhh I'll pass". I do act Interested so my SO doesn't think I don't want him but now he's on a kick that I need to initiate. And I try to explain that that's just not going to happen.... I think he's beginning to get it, as yesterday he was extremely affectionate. LOL but who knows.

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