I have an embarrassing confession

sasky · February 2014

I feel really bad about this. But I'm finding myself very jealous of a few of my single, childless FB friends who are frequently posting pictures of their adventures. From going out, to traveling to exotic places, to moving to warm and fun locations (we live in New England). To the point where I've thought about de-friending so I don't have to feel this way.

I wanted this life. I love my little boy and I know I'll fall head over heels for these babies. I would never regret having them. But I can't help to think about the what-ifs. And second guessing my decisions. And wishing so hard that we could do those things, knowing we will probably never get the opportunity. I have these feelings more often than I'd like to admit.

Normal?

Ylvelill · February 2014

Totally normal

You can do lots of adventures with your kids though, if you are a little crafty with your money and inventive in what to do. As they get older you will get more and more freedom and one day it will be just you and your partner again.

LittleLady77 · February 2014

I was one of those friends for a long long time. I posted FB pictures of travel, events, fast cars, fun parties and I'll tell you... All I wanted was a family. Your friends look at your pictures and are just as jealous. FB sucks for that reason. Your feelings are totally normal just remember "the grass is always greener" goes both ways.

LegalLadyBug · February 2014

I've actually had people unfriend me because they don't want to see photos of DD. Most were trying unsuccessfully to have their own children. It's hard to tell what others are thinking but it's definitely not abnormal to feel that way, whether it's jealousy over travel or kids.

Rynleigh · February 2014

Definitely normal. Wait until you're able to start posting pictures of the adventures you get to have *with* your kids. The friends you have a strong bond with are going to love seeing those pictures, and they might be a little envious just as you are of their travels - but good friends will live vicariously through each other rather than in resentment and jealousy of each other. It may take time to stop feeling frustrated about all the things you "can't" do, but you will pull through it! In the mean time, remember that you can hide people from your newsfeed without actually defriending

24karat · February 2014

Very normal. Where in new England are you? There seem to be a bunch of us around here...

ballygirl · February 2014

I totally understand, especially after being cooped up during most of my pregnancy and now cooped up in this awful winter (I'm in MA) with infant twins - I feel very isolated and housebound. But - spring is coming and I look forward to a time when I can go our and have adventure with the girls. DH and I keep our spirits up thinking of all the fun family vacations we might take someday.

Kissimi21 · February 2014

I think it is a normal transition we all make at some point. When you are young, you have an idea of how your life is going to be. You might imagine travelling, adventures, parties, and such. At some point reality comes into play and turns you down another path. While you might love how your life is going, there is going to be a part of you that mourns the imagined life. Eventually you will stop feeling jealous and just think, "That's nice."

I felt the same way before my twins were born. I have friends who post about travelling to exotics places, other friends who are still performing (bands), modeling, and hanging out at amazing parties. It drove me crazy, especially when one friend was still sharing all the stuff we used to do with me on Facebook, she looked fabulous and I felt like a small whale. It hurt and I felt really jealous many times because while that WAS my life, it would never be that easy again. I don't regret leaving all the fun and freedom, my boys are so worth it, but it took some time to really accept it.

JoDoc · February 2014

Like everyone else, I say it's normal. I look at friends who are "free to do whatever" and parts of me are a bit jealous, but then I think of all I have and all of the adventures we'll have with our boys when they get bigger and it makes me feel better. I have a friend who has 2 kids and is always dropping them off at the babysitter to go out and party like she used to. My thought is, why did you want them if you are always leaving them? (they WERE planned, no surprise, she just didn't want to give up her party lifestyle) And, while some may never want kids, I feel sorry for some of them. They'll never know what it's like to have little arms wrapped around their neck, a sloppy wet kiss on their cheek, and an "I love you mom! (or dad)" from someone who loves them more than they ever thought possible.

At my brothers church they have a yearly "Ladies Retreat". I was invited once and have gone each year since. It is so much fun, we all get away, go to a B&B in some other town and just unwind. It helps us regroup and re-evaluate why we love our families and kids so dang much...because they are there for us. Consider finding a group of girlfriends who would be willing to do this with you. We usually go to a town at least 100 miles away, so it feels like a real vacation of sorts. We giggle, we watch movies, we play games, we go shopping, it's just a neat get-away. Their motto: "We cry until we laugh, and we laugh until we cry!' I don't want to be away from my boys, but my hubby said that I should go this year, especially since I'm now a SAHM. He said I come back happier and rejuvenated when I go, so I'll probably go.

SandraPB1220 · February 2014

Absolutely normal. I had a mini-freak out the other day when I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of my bachelorette party and I just thought, "What am I doing having kids?!? I'm not ready!" The feeling passed quickly, and I'm so excited to have these little girls. I had the same feeling after I got married, too, being jealous of my single friends. But then I heard them ranting and raving about not being able to find a good guy, and this guy doesn't call when he says he will, blah blah blah, and my husband and I just looked at each other and said "I'm so glad I met you!!" Sometimes we just need to be reminded of our blessings, but that doesn't mean we can't miss certain aspects of our "previous" lives.

SandraPB1220 · February 2014

Also, @JoDoc, I think that's a fantastic idea!! I might have to get some of my friends on board for something like that!!

hayleydeee · February 2014

Oh jeeze, don't feel bad at all! Facebook can be the surest way to feel bad about yourself. People only present their best selves on there, and you only get to see the good stuff. I bet they have their struggles too, but we just don't see it.

However, that doesn't mean you have to torture yourself by seeing all that they put out there. By all means, save yourself and block them! I wouldn't unfriend, because you wouldn't want them to notice and have their feelings hurt.

JoDoc · February 2014

SandraPB1220 A few words of advice about the Ladies Retreat. We did Friday morning to Sunday morning. Not everyone can do that so some show up on Friday night. The more people, the cheaper. We usually double up on the rooms, so the cost is cheap. We bring sandwich fixings and stuff for lunch, kind of a "potluck" sort of thing. We did usually go out at least one night for supper, but it wasn't necessary. Also, we had an important rule...unless there was a true emergency, the husbands are NOT allowed to call! It's OUR get away, our time to regroup. We could call to tell the kids good night, but dad's can't call to ask "where's this" or "where's that". They have to learn to deal, just like we do.

I hope it works for you, it's a great time and it is a much needed break.

bumpuser924057 · February 2014

Very normal, though I actually find myself far more jealous of my friends who somehow manage to do all sorts of international travel WITH their kids. Even when they get older, I just can't see us being able to afford things like annual European vacations, week-long trips to Disney World, etc. as a family of five. I need to make friends with more poor people, I think

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Burberry0421 · February 2014

Oh dear, don't be embarrassed. I totally get how you feel. I am feeling so overly hormonal and a little sad about the future. I miss the feeling of freedom. I didn't feel that way with my daughter, but the prospect of twins is more than slightly terrifying. My BFF has no children, and she & her hubby take vacations about every 2 months - I'm totally jealous. I wish I could go off & do something like that, but in reality I know I would miss the life I have. You're totally normal.

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