Very Frustrated tired mommy — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Very Frustrated tired mommy

Hi Ladies,

I don't know if any of you can offer some support or suggestions.  I am having a really hard time with my almost 2 year old DD.  We night weaned her about a month and a half ago.  She did beautifully for a few weeks but I feel like she has gone backwards.  For the past few weeks she has been waking up demanding and crying to nurse.  We cosleep for part of the night.  We just recently switched her to a toddler bed so I don't know if that could have something to do with it.  Anyway, I always have a sippy cup of water for her but she just doesn't want it.  I've not nursed her since we nightweaned so I don't know why she is thinking she is going to all of a sudden start nursing at night again.

I am tired and frustrated.  I don't know what we're doing wrong.  The thing is she has never been a great sleeper and the whole sleep stuff is starting to get really old.  She rarely gives us longer than 3 hour stretches, even when cosleeping.  I wouldn't mind one wake up but this is just getting ridiculous.  I feel like the older she gets the worse her sleep gets.  She did great for the first few weeks right after night weaning and now she is sleeping worse than ever.

 

[IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/152ox13.jpg[/IMG]

Re: Very Frustrated tired mommy

  • Hi, I don't usually post here but was lurking and saw your post. I have had a lot of sleep troubles with my DS so I feel like I have some experience/knowledge that might help.

    I wonder if she is confused by the multiple, changing sleeping arrangements. Up until recently, she could nurse at night and was in your bed. Now, she can't nurse at night (or do you sometimes give in and nurse her?), and she's sometimes in your bed and sometimes in her new bed. My DS personally really needs consistency - when we finally were successful at night-weaning (and STTN) it was cold-turkey, no nursing until morning. We had tried the gradual approach and I was still nursing him when he woke around 3:00am or so. He did great for several weeks and then started waking earlier and earlier wanting to nurse, until it was like we were back at square one. So we tried the cold-turkey approach and while we had a few rough nights, now he almost always STTN and when he does wake up, I know it's because he really needs something, whereas before it was like he was just testing his boundaries (let's see if I wake up now if I can nurse...).

    HTH and GL!

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  • Hi, I don't usually post here but was lurking and saw your post. I have had a lot of sleep troubles with my DS so I feel like I have some experience/knowledge that might help.

    I wonder if she is confused by the multiple, changing sleeping arrangements. Up until recently, she could nurse at night and was in your bed. Now, she can't nurse at night (or do you sometimes give in and nurse her?), and she's sometimes in your bed and sometimes in her new bed. My DS personally really needs consistency - when we finally were successful at night-weaning (and STTN) it was cold-turkey, no nursing until morning. We had tried the gradual approach and I was still nursing him when he woke around 3:00am or so. He did great for several weeks and then started waking earlier and earlier wanting to nurse, until it was like we were back at square one. So we tried the cold-turkey approach and while we had a few rough nights, now he almost always STTN and when he does wake up, I know it's because he really needs something, whereas before it was like he was just testing his boundaries (let's see if I wake up now if I can nurse...).

    HTH and GL!

    Hi.  I try to wait until 6:00AM to nurse her although sometimes I will give in and nurse her as long as it's after 5AM.  Other than that I have not given in at all.  I have not nursed her in the middle of the night since we nightweaned a month and a half ago.
    Also, she has never slept in our bed the entire night.  We have always put her down in her room first and then she usually joins us in our bed after midnight or so.  The only difference is now we put her down in her toddler bed rather than her crib.  We still bring her into our room around midnight when she wakes up.
    We had tried nightweaning back when she was 15 months or so and it was a nightmare.  At 21 months it worked and she seemed to accept it for a few weeks.  It was amazing, she was only waking up once.  Now all of a sudden it's like she's fighting it and she is not ok with not being able to nurse at night.  I'm just frustrated because we were so successful and now I don't know where we went wrong.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/152ox13.jpg[/IMG]
  • When my DS had his night nursing "regression" we tried to use the same tactics that had worked before, and we totally failed. It was so frustrating. Darn kids keep changing! I would suggest trying a different approach.
  • Are you co-sleeping after she wakes in the night, or co-sleeping some nights and not others? I think that you need to decide what you want in this department initially - either yes or no. Then stick with your decision. It's no good if she is waking thinking that she will get to go to your bed by waking up.

    As for the crying to be nursed, I think it's best for you to go into her quite quickly if you are sure it is a genuine cry. If you let her get hysterical, it makes it harder for you all to get back to sleep. Put her straight back down in her bed and stay by her. If she keeps crying, simply make 'shhh' sounds in a comforting tome of voice.
    Some experts say that if they get up again, you pat the mattress to indicate that you want her to lie down again.
    You stay with her without engaging in ANY conversation or eye contact - and don't pick her up for a cuddle. Always lie her straight back down again. But stay by her with the comforting sounds. You might have to do this a number of times in a night and for a number of nights even! But be patient and be consistent. It will pay off in the end.
    If she won't let you leave the room without crying, you might have to get a chair or (maybe easier on you) a mattress for yourself to sleep on her floor. Over a period of days - even up to two weeks, you gradually move the mattress further and further away from her bed so she knows you're there. Eventually you'll be outside the door and hopefully have rebuilt her trust that you will be there for her.
  • Are you co-sleeping after she wakes in the night, or co-sleeping some nights and not others? I think that you need to decide what you want in this department initially - either yes or no. Then stick with your decision. It's no good if she is waking thinking that she will get to go to your bed by waking up.

    As for the crying to be nursed, I think it's best for you to go into her quite quickly if you are sure it is a genuine cry. If you let her get hysterical, it makes it harder for you all to get back to sleep. Put her straight back down in her bed and stay by her. If she keeps crying, simply make 'shhh' sounds in a comforting tome of voice.
    Some experts say that if they get up again, you pat the mattress to indicate that you want her to lie down again.
    You stay with her without engaging in ANY conversation or eye contact - and don't pick her up for a cuddle. Always lie her straight back down again. But stay by her with the comforting sounds. You might have to do this a number of times in a night and for a number of nights even! But be patient and be consistent. It will pay off in the end.
    If she won't let you leave the room without crying, you might have to get a chair or (maybe easier on you) a mattress for yourself to sleep on her floor. Over a period of days - even up to two weeks, you gradually move the mattress further and further away from her bed so she knows you're there. Eventually you'll be outside the door and hopefully have rebuilt her trust that you will be there for her.
    We cosleep every single night.  We put her to bed initially in her own room and then bring her into our bed after she first wakes up (around midnight or so).  We have been doing this since she was a couple of months old.  I don't have a problem with the cosleeping at all.  I have a problem with the fact that we seemed to have nightweaned her successfully and everything was going great for a few weeks and now she is waking up again crying and demanding to nurse. 
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/152ox13.jpg[/IMG]
  • Is she hungry? A little snack before bed might help, bc she could be waking and needing food, i.e. nursing for a bit. My younger son has been waking insanely early, and I think its bc he's hungry. We've been giving him a glass a milk and a banana before bedtime, and he's been sleeping longer.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

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