Question...

callalilly323 · February 2014

I'm almost 13 weeks pregnant, and my MIL was at our house this weekend, and I expressed to her that while I'm content in having a RCS, I am nervous about having a rambunctious 2 and a half year old boy at home this time around. I feel like it's going to be difficult not to over exert myself as far as he is concerned with picking him up, etc. She told me that's true of all mothers, and that having a c-section is no different. I was a little bugged by her dismissal of my concern, but would you agree with that? I feel like the fact that having a c-section is major surgery would make picking up a 35 pound little boy a little more difficult (but I could be wrong).

InLovewSB · February 2014

IMO She's completely wrong. Both with #2 and this time with #3 I've arranged to have help (my MIL) for the first few weeks because it's impossible to pick up a toddler after a c-section. I'm also hesitant to hug and snuggle without a pillow covering my abdomen because it hurts. In no way do I have the energy to chase my toddler. I can barely make dinner and do laundry. It takes me a full minute to get down onto the floor and maybe more than that to get back up.

No, she's wrong. It's VERY different to have a c-section wound and chase a toddler than deliver vaginally and face the same thing.

callalilly323 · February 2014

Thank you for saying this! Of course, after I had my son this was also the person who made a comment that she was shocked I had changed so few diapers in the day after leaving the hospital (my mom, DH, and she took care of most of them as I had lost a lot of blood and was pretty weak).

My big concern is that she says these things in front of my husband. He is an extremely helpful person, but I can't help but wonder if he internalizes this and wonders if maybe I'm exaggerating. It's just frustrating.

slwprincess · February 2014

I totally overdid it with my second. My oldest got sick and I just refused to let others help take care of him and tried to take care of him + newborn + myself was just insane. Ended up with post partum anxiety and a much longer/harder recovery. Fast forward to this one (just had 3rd c/s last week). My mom came and stayed with the bigs while we were in the hospital. DD ended up with strep while she was here and they managed fine w/o me. Then before we came home, ILs came and picked them up and took them to their house for 5 days. So I had 8 full days of just me and DH and this baby. Don't get me wrong, I missed them terribly but this recovery has been the easiest so far ( other than a nasty case of post partum hives!). I am feeling so much better than I did at this point with my second. Moral of the story is line up more help than you think you'll need... You will recovery faster if you take that time to rest and heal.

LyndseylovesHugh · February 2014

I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I was coming here to ask a question that has to do with this, so instead of starting another thread that is almost the same...how long after your c/s did you need help with your toddler? We will have a 22 month old who obviously still needs to be picked up and such. My H gets 2 weeks off and both my mom and MIL have offered to come stay with me after he goes back to work to help but I am not sure how long to have each one there (they both live in other states and will come back to back).

Oh, and OP, your mom is crazy cakes! You are having major abdominal surgery. Totally different than a vaginal birth!

1017Shannon · February 2014

With my first, I had an awful vaginal delivery and terrible recovery, so with my first c section this time I wanted to do everything right so I could have an easy recovery. My son is 26 months and,33 lbs so I knew I would need help picking him up in and out of crib etc. I had help for three weeks, and part time help week 4. This is week 5 and I an home by myself and having DS1 climb and I just kind of heave him a little. That being said I felt completely normal like no surgery even happened after about 10 days, I was still nervous about overdoing it and still wouldn't pick up DS1, and still haven't dead lifted him. I just picked up baby in carseat the other day for the first time too.
I figured better safe then sorry right?? I refuse to do any heavy lifting until full six week okay from doc even though I feel awesome...and my mom and husband keep saying they can wait for the day I ask them to so something and they say"No you can do it yourself finally!!!"

1017Shannon · February 2014

With my first, I had an awful vaginal delivery and terrible recovery, so with my first c section this time I wanted to do everything right so I could have an easy recovery. My son is 26 months and,33 lbs so I knew I would need help picking him up in and out of crib etc. I had help for three weeks, and part time help week 4. This is week 5 and I an home by myself and having DS1 climb and I just kind of heave him a little. That being said I felt completely normal like no surgery even happened after about 10 days, I was still nervous about overdoing it and still wouldn't pick up DS1, and still haven't dead lifted him. I just picked up baby in carseat the other day for the first time too.
I figured better safe then sorry right?? I refuse to do any heavy lifting until full six week okay from doc even though I feel awesome...and my mom and husband keep saying they can't wait for the day I ask them to so something and they say"No you can do it yourself finally!!!"

InLovewSB · February 2014

@LyndseylovesHugh I 'needed help' with my toddler for about 3 weeks, and my MIL stayed for 4. My recovery was pretty good, and I have no complaints about it. But I could tell on the days I had overdone it - up and down the stairs a few times, on and off the floor a few times - because the left side of my incision would really ache. As the other poster said, I didn't lift my son for a loooong time, even after my MIL left. I would assist him in and out of his high chair, but not lift him. After a few weeks, I had my energy back to keep up with him (but was still sleep deprived and forgetful).

slwprincess · February 2014

Here's how we are handling it... My older kids are 6 and 3- so no lifting required. They are both very independent (thankfully!)

1st week was mostly in the hospital (stay the max allowed). DH was with me the whole time. Bigs were with my mom/ILs.

2nd week- DH working from home. Bigs have school/daycare all day. DH handles drop off/pick up.

3rd week+- DH back to work. I'm mostly going to be on my own (my mom and MIL are on standby if I need them). I will have to handle pick up/drop off but the bigs have daycare/school all day so it's manageable.

LyndseylovesHugh · February 2014

InLovewSB said:
@LyndseylovesHugh I 'needed help' with my toddler for about 3 weeks, and my MIL stayed for 4. My recovery was pretty good, and I have no complaints about it. But I could tell on the days I had overdone it - up and down the stairs a few times, on and off the floor a few times - because the left side of my incision would really ache. As the other poster said, I didn't lift my son for a loooong time, even after my MIL left. I would assist him in and out of his high chair, but not lift him. After a few weeks, I had my energy back to keep up with him (but was still sleep deprived and forgetful).

Thank you! I was thinking about having my mom and my mil each come for a week after h goes back to work (they are both able and willing to do this) so that would be 4 weeks total. Sounds like this may be a good plan given that everything goes smoothly.

MamaPiers · February 2014

She is wrong c sec is major surgery. You won't be able to pick up your toddler son for a while after and that will be hard for him to understand. I am having my 1st csec soon and it really irks me when my mother is dismissive about it. She's like oh it's fine plenty of people have them you'll be fine. Yea, I get that, and I will be fine, but it's still major surgery so I think I'm normal to be a little nervous! Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and ask for help when you need it.

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