How do you handle baby showers?

Buttercup509 · February 2014

Have any of you gone to a baby shower since your loss? A friend of mine just called to check on me. Well, it seemed that way at first. She's miscarried before so I thought she probably understands how I'm feeling, even though her pregnancies have always been unwanted. She's 29 weeks pregnant now and it seems her maternal instinct has finally kicked in.

Our conversation started with her trying to comfort me. It wasn't very effective though. Then she asked me about her tooth (I'm a dental hygienist). Then as we're about to hang up, she says don't forget about my baby shower.

I was a little surprised. Not that she's having a shower, but that she still expects me to go. Is that weird or insensitive of me?

I'm happy for her and I still like babies, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a baby shower. I just had my D&C on Friday.

We used to be really close, like she would have been my maid of honor close. Then she became a really bad drug addict and we drifted apart. This was about 6 years ago. She's clean now and we've tried to be friends again, but it just isn't the same.

I'm sorry that was so long. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

MCH77 · February 2014

After my first loss I skipped a few and went to a few, depended on the person. Just come down with an illness the day before if you don't want to tell her the truth.

I already know I have a baby shower in a month ill be skipping. Our EDD were a week apart. Oh well.

Maxsmommy123112 · February 2014

I agree with PP. I skipped a few and went to some. For me it was easier if I wasn't that close to the person to go because there was no pressure for me to act a certain way or help with any activities or stay for the entire party. It was more like I went, said hello, stayed for a game and dropped off a gift. Family parties were harder. Also I think because everyone knows my situation and no one is sympathetic.

I would say only go if you want to. It's not selfish. What's selfish is going and being mopey when the day is supposed to be about someone else and joyful. I had a baby shower with DS. There were people that didn't come for various reasons. I didn't notice that day at all.

The last shower I skipped was one for a girl whose EDD is a few weeks after my first miscarriage EDD. I was planning on faking illness but then I miscarried again and really actually wasn't feeling well. Double wammy. Was awful. Good luck with whatever you choose and do what's best for you.

ksimo6 · February 2014

After my first loss, I skipped them all but made sure to e-mail the mom and apologize... And explain why. Always shipped a gift as well.

Eveiii · February 2014

My best friend is actually going to have one this weekend. I was meant to be in charge of organising games and do some of the baking for it but I stepped down from that for obvious weekends and she was more then great about it and really understood why I couldn't do that.

I am actually going to go to her baby shower I know it's going to be painful for me but I'm so excited for her and want to be there for her and share in her happiness.

I think in the end though you need to do what's right for you and people will understand and if they don't stuff them.

Buttercup509 · February 2014

Thanks for the advice ladies. It's still a month away so I guess I'll just see how I feel.

veetveet · February 2014

I hated showers before my loss and would do everything in my power to avoid them.

My bff is pregnant with twins (IVF) I just lost my boy at 27 weeks (last week). This is her second pregnancy- I am sure there will be a sprinkle or something. At this point- I just can't do it. To be honest I don't want to be around anyone pregnant at the moment.

JCM285 · February 2014

You should definitely make this decision based on how you are feeling. (Although I do think the way she worded it, "Don't forget about my baby shower", was a bit brash). I remember when it was my high school graduation, my cousin came to it (she is ten years older than I am) and she started crying. My mom spoke with her and it turned out that she had a m/c that day. My mom told her she could go home, it was ok. I think it's nice to hear that once in a while (that it's ok to be sad). My cousin now has two beautiful children, which gives me hope that one day, I will have children too. Anyway, since my m/c I have not attended a single baby shower. The one party that I did miss was the 1st birthday party of the second child of that same cousin I described. It happened the day after my D&C. My mom and dad came to visit me that day and I sent them away with my gift to the baby. She completely understood. I think that anyone who is a true friend will understand if you are not ready for baby parties yet. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

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