Mom and Mom-in-law vents...

meck716 · February 2014

I really just need to vent here. Anyone have any crazy mother or MIL stories to make me feel like this isn't so bad?

Last night my mother and step-father in law came over to help paint the nursery. I am so very thankful for their help, but while they were here, my MIL decided to tell DH that she has a work trip scheduled out of the country three days after my due date. I have no problems with that. It happens. She also reminded him that they are leaving for vacation two weeks before my due date and it can't be cancelled. Okay... whatever once again. I kind of ignored her. DH knows how desperately I'm hoping that this little one stays on the inside at least until the weekend of my due date for many reasons. He also knows that I recognize that I have no control over any of it.

Back to my MIL... She then proceeds to sit at belly level and have a "conversation" with my unborn child about how he needs to make sure he comes between May 20 and May 30 so that "Grammy can go on her trips" and then proceeded to say that "Grammy is more important than mommy, so you need to listen to what Grammy says and not mommy." I was totally like WTF? But, I didn't say anything when she was there even though I wanted to BLOW UP at her. Seriously? The sad thing is, knowing my MIL - she actually believes that!!! I said something to DH this morning and his response was "Oh she's just kidding." Sorry, but no, your mom never kids about anything.

Then, this morning I get a text message from my mother saying that they baby's room looked nice (my MIL posted pics on facebook and tagged me in them). My mother does taxes, and is basically tied to her house/office from January to mid-April. Then, she writes in her text message she says "I don't usually log onto facebook because it always makes me feel like a bad person/mother/grandmother." SERIOUSLY? You are going to be 58 fracking years old and you are judging your life based on facebook? I just wrote back and said - "That is all in your head - no one here feels as though you are a bad anything." She hasn't responded. I mean, she is doing ALL the work for my shower. My MIL is doing nothing - so my MIL is helping to paint. I think that's fair...

whse13kittens · February 2014

that stinks. sorry you're dealing with it.

all i have in the way of vents is that apparently my MIL thinks fluoride causes autism. and asparagus can cure cancer. so....there's that.

mileswithmyles · February 2014

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I have posted about my MIL on here a bit. To recap, here are the highlights:

- DH and I were going to book a cruise as a baby moon. MIL offered to book it for us for Christmas. She didn't and by the time she told us she changed her mind, the cruise was sold out, so DH and I couldn't book it ourselves.

- She offered to buy any crib we picked out. DH sent her the one we picked out and she found a similar one that was a different brand and was less expensive. DH and I did research and discovered the brand of the crib she found had a lot of issues. After much debating, she went with us yesterday to pick out the original crib DH and I wanted.

- I graduated from my master's program a few weeks ago. I gave her the dates back in October to save for the ceremony and a dinner with my family. When I contacted her to confirm, she told me she was busy that day. I had a meltdown and DH had to call her and explain why it was so important to me that her and my FIL be there.

- Yesterday, while purchasing our crib, she informed me she won't be coming to my baby shower because she has plans again. I gave her the date back in November.

Basically, I wish she would just be there for me for things like graduation and stop offering to do things for us that she backs out of later.

ebox322 · February 2014

Ugh I would like to know who has a GOOD MiL cause I too feel your pain. Major bummer that DH is on the "defend her" train. The only thing good about my situation is that DH is totally in agreement with me.

My ILs did the same thing when I was close to having DS. My monster in law decided to book a 2 week trip to Mexico for the weekend that DS ended up being born....and she booked in the end of April (he was born May 25).

Before that, they planned a visit for March knowing I was due in May. Ok whatever. So my mom planned my baby shower for when they would be in town. Last minute she changes the trip so that they left the day before my shower, and then threw it back in my face that "I planned it with the intentions of making it difficult for her to attend." Bitch.

Lastly, for my sons first Christmas she "accidently" had a shipment of dog food sent to our house addressed to Andrew...and then claimed it was supposed to be a fisher price puppy. Plus it was sketchy cause there was no name or anything on the order and we had to do some digging to figure out it was even her.

You are not alone...hang in there and ignore!

mileswithmyles · February 2014

ebox322 said:

Ugh I would like to know who has a GOOD MiL cause I too feel your pain. Major bummer that DH is on the "defend her" train. The only thing good about my situation is that DH is totally in agreement with me.

My ILs did the same thing when I was close to having DS. My monster in law decided to book a 2 week trip to Mexico for the weekend that DS ended up being born....and she booked in the end of April (he was born May 25).

Before that, they planned a visit for March knowing I was due in May. Ok whatever. So my mom planned my baby shower for when they would be in town. Last minute she changes the trip so that they left the day before my shower, and then threw it back in my face that "I planned it with the intentions of making it difficult for her to attend." Bitch.

Lastly, for my sons first Christmas she "accidently" had a shipment of dog food sent to our house addressed to Andrew...and then claimed it was supposed to be a fisher price puppy. Plus it was sketchy cause there was no name or anything on the order and we had to do some digging to figure out it was even her.

You are not alone...hang in there and ignore!

Wow...just wow!

Katemr1146 · February 2014

Wow - I feel like my MIL issues are so minimal and stupid compared to some of yours, but I'm going to bitch anyways cause she pissed me off again today.

Last night the first thing my MIL says to me is that I have the fat pregnancy face. Then she makes some stupid comment about how my makeup looks.

Then today DH and I built the crib. He sent her a pic of me (in paint clothes, bellying hanging out, no makeup) & the crib to show her what it looks like. The photo was on Facebook less than two minutes later! Ugh! I already have told her twice now that I don't want anything baby related put on Facebook. And now not only is there a pic of our crib , I look like complete shit. DH immediately texted her to delete it. It's been 4 hours and it's still up. I'm trying not to make a huge deal out of it, but I'm sooooooo f-ing annoyed with her.

Mamazon2014 · February 2014

MIL is typically really awesome, but yesterday I was having a horrible "cry about everything" type of day, and while putting on shoes, split my old fat jeans along an inner leg seam (in retrospect, the pants are 4 years old and thin cheap jean material that I wore constantly, so it was bound to happen, but horrible timing).

Pouting to DH, I made the comment that I was depressed because I felt as wide as I am tall (I'm 6'3").

MIL chirped up from the kitchen with "you probably are!!" Thanks.

I know she was totally joking and normally I would be absolutely fine with it and sass back about her being 5-foot-nothing tall, but instead I just wanted to cry.

My body image is so in the toilet right now and MIL definitely didn't help.

mrspopsicle · February 2014

My MIL is great in many ways but she also drives me nuts. She came over last night (we were at DDs swimming lesson) so she let herself in and walked our dog and vacuumed which was super nice. It was all downhill from there.

The second we got home she launched in about how she's been thinking a lot and the only way she thinks we can ever get out of our house is to move in to my 85 year old grandmas basement (which has one bedroom that is in the utility room with the furnace,etc) to save for a down payment. I don't know why she thinks she is the expert on our finances, but for the record we have a decent amount of equity in our house (I put over 10% down when I bought it and I've lived here almost 5 years) and houses in our neighborhood sell fast for much more than we owe. I don't even know where the conversation came from. Our house is going to be a little tight we two kids, but I have no desire to live in or clean a bigger house. We aren't even going to be considering selling for another 2-3 years.

She's also on my case about filing for financial assistance at the hospital when I deliver. We make way too much to qualify and we don't need it. She doesn't get that not everyone wants or needs handouts. I've explained to her about 100 times that while my maternity leave is unpaid, we don't really rely on my income for anything important and we have been saving to cover anything we might need during that time - including our medical bills. That doesn't stop her from whispering to DH about it when I leave the room.

meck716 · February 2014

Thanks ladies! Your stories make me realize I'm not the only one with older female crazies in the family!

biscuitsgirl2007 · February 2014

My MIL still has attachment issues. She and FIL called to stop by Valentines evening to give her 30+yo son chocolate covered strawberries and a card specifically made out to "Son" and signed "Love you Bunches, Mommy and Daddy". That's just an example from the past week. I ate all the strawberries so I guess I can't complain too much about that one.

deanna1313 · February 2014

My MIL seems to have no interest in this baby at all. I wish she acted like she cared. It hurts my feelings and I know it makes DH a little sad even though he won't admit it. His Dad lives in Florida (we're in NJ) and his parents are divorced. His Dad is excited, bought something for the baby and plans to race up to be here when he's born. Suddenly his Mom brings up the baby for the first time in months to vent about him. Months ago she did mention how huge I was quite often!
I know everyone is different, but I find it strange that she doesn't talk about the baby or anything about the pregnancy.

sthomas1222 · February 2014

I like my MIL. A bit of a know it all but a sweet lady. My mom on the other hand...

Told my sister she wished she'd never had me (who then of course shared this with me. I was 17 at the time).

Chose her new husband over me. I spent the summer before my senior year of HIGH SCHOOL homeless. I slept on friends' couches. The main person I stayed with didn't have running water or a/c. So I showered at the rescue squad. He also had a horrible flea infestation that left my legs looking like I had chicken pox. About a month into my senior year the apartment complex my mom could afford for me had an opening. I had my own place at 17.

I could go on but it's depressing.

Arinias · February 2014

OP I am sorry you have to deal with all that! I hope your MIL gets a little better and does not actually believe she is more important! Reading all these stories reminds me I am lucky, I get along great with my MIL, and I love her. However, she can get on my nerves occasionally, which is fine, I know my Mom drives DH crazy sometimes. But the other day MIL hurt my feelings and DH didn't even get it. I was talking to her after my last appointment and telling her how my OB said I need to be careful about weight gain since it is a bit high. I know it is and it has been bugging me and I feel like a big cow right now. So when I tell MIL she tells me how she only gained 18lbs throughout her pregnancy, which makes me feel bad enough but I know that is pretty low. I post weekly photos in a private album on fb for family to follow my baby bump. DH told me she was looking at it while talking to him and after she sees the most recent, says "Yeah, she does not need to gain any more weight!" Really?? Like I don't know I am big? When I responded that his Mom called me fat, he was immediately denying it, like it was no big deal. But really, she couldn't even say it to my face, she just casually throws it in their conversation. I know this is pretty minor but it made me feel lousy and I can't even come up with a good way to resolve it.

Kddale13 · February 2014

Hang in there!

Kddale13 · February 2014

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RedInLove · February 2014

@katemr1146, I'm pretty sure you can report the picture she posted to FB, since it's a picture of you she shared without your permission. I would do it in a heartbeat if someone did that to me.

saramable · February 2014

My MIL got married for the 4th time back in September after the knowing the guy for only 1 month (because they "didn't feel right having sex before getting married"). She called us over the weekend to tell us she's moving out and divorcing him. This will be her 6th move in the past year (totally not joking), AND she still has 2 kids at home! *bangs head on keyboard* jifocaw;jig;eajerai

babyaotw · February 2014

Hang in there, MILs are crazy. Last week, my MIL asked me if I'd go on a no refined sugar and flour diet with her. Umm, no. I'm in my third trimester! I eat pretty healthy, but if I want a muffin or a cookie, damnit I'm going to have one. This is probably one of our better interactions.

Hallil · February 2014

I won't get into stories because I have way too many, but I'll just say my issues are 95% FIL, and MIL just goes along for the ride. There are no words for his behavior and for a while I just felt bad that she was married to him but I've seen her do a couple things on her own now that make me wonder if she just lets him do her dirty work. DH see's none of it. NONE. And I'm at my end point with it all.

You're not alone, that's for damn sure!!

mileswithmyles · February 2014

Update- My MIL isn't attend my shower because she booked a cruise. Yup, like the one she forgot to book for us.

Jdub489 · February 2014

I actually have a great MIL and should consider myself lucky. But for the majority of this pregnancy, she's considered it her pregnancy and I am just the vessel for which she gets her grandchild. Here are a few highlights:

- She had booked a trip to Hawaii for around the due date (before we knew we were pregnant). For this reason, we told her immediately after finding out so she could cancel and save her deposits. However, after explaining in depth as to how this would be a secret for the next few weeks while we told my family, she proceeded to immediately announce on FB that she was now going to be a Gam Gam and tagged both of us. This is the first Grandchild on my side as well, so it wasn't exactly how I wanted my parents to find out.
- Our sex reveal party was ruined because she threw a temper tantrum at the party when she found out a couple people knew the sex ahead of time (to help prepare for the party).
- She has named the baby. There is no way in Hell I'm naming our daughter Austina (a combo of DH and my name), but she insists that this will be her name. I thought she was joking until she got a few baby frames with the name etched in.

Again, we truly get along and she is awesome in all other things. But so far for all things baby related, she has been the worst. I wish she would just disappear until after Maci (our daughter's actual name) is here.

ho11yday · February 2014

My relationship with my MIL has gradually improved over the years. But there have been times I've gotten mad at her.

One of those times, the day after I gave birth, she was visiting usn the hospital. She was holding DS and said to him how much she wished he could have been a girl.

At least.SIL2 removed MIL before I could kill her.

CaitlinMC21 · February 2014

hcorcoran said:
Update- My MIL isn't attend my shower because she booked a cruise. Yup, like the one she forgot to book for us.

I think we have the same MIL or they have got to be related!!

She missed DS first bday because she didn't check the calendar when talking to her friend in Florida. Went on a cruise. I had just told her when his party was going to be twice that week!!

I have extreme MIL issues. Too many to list them all. But we were on vacation with them in Florida when DH proposed. On the Disney ferry ride back to parking lot, he says to her that he got another souvenir and shows her my hand. Her response: "oh, that's dinky!!" Then looks at her son (as if I don't even exist) and asks "are you sure?" I wanted to push her overboard into the lake!!!

Everything else that I have issues with her about stem from this. Everything new makes me think that if she doubted our relationship and questioned his decision then, how does she really feel now?!

Day my son was born, DH called her to tell them. She totally flamed the name we picked! To the point where I was telling DH that they aren't allowed to come to the hospital. Sure enough, they showed up the next morning.

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