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Letting your baby CIO without letting them ?

rcultronarcultrona member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
My LO is 5 weeks old and I am trying to find a proper balance between comforting and creating a baby that refuses to be left on his own. I know 5 weeks is way too young to really let him CIO but do any of you leave your LO's for a few minutes to see if they self soothe? I am trying to transition him into his crib for naps just to get him used to the nursery but when I lay him down he wakes up and cries :( I think my game plan will be let him cry for 5-10 minutes and if he doesn't stop on his own go back in and soothe...anyone have any tips or advice? I'm a FTM and learning as I go. 
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Re: Letting your baby CIO without letting them ?

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  • rcultronarcultrona member
    i should clarify that I don't let him cry for 5-10. Its more of the half-hearted fussing babies do when they are fighting sleep. If he actually starts crying I go in and get him.
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  • taylornewttaylornewt member
    I've found with my now 11-week old that if I wear her in the Moby for naps during the day, she can (%50 of the time) fall asleep totally by herself at night. But she wasn't able to do that until she was around 8 weeks old.
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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited February 2014
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  • megzjaxmegzjax member
    My baby girl doesn't like to be rocked to sleep but she does like to be bounced. We have a routine at night starting with bath, lotion, pajamas, and then reading books while I nurse her to sleep. She sometimes will eat on one side or both just depends how hungry she is. She has been sleeping through the night from about 10-6 for almost a month now. I'm still trying to transition her to take naps in her crib but she will wake up as soon as I lay her down. I read to just let them nap where they sleep at night and she is still in her pack n play so that's where I have been letting her nap and she's been taking two hour naps at a time. She is 11 weeks old today and I don't even let her fuss a little before naps or bed because she gets worked up and ends up being awake even longer than if I just pick her up and cuddle her. Good luck and a routine will happen soon! :)
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  • Jenten810Jenten810 member
    @rcultrona - I'm a FTM and I think letting your LO fuss/cry for 5-10 minutes is fine especially when it comes to creating healthy sleep habits. My LO always lets out a few cries, it's mostly fussy, grunting noises before he settles into sleep which sometimes takes 15 minutes. I would do what you think is best for your child.
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  • Annerenee7Annerenee7 member
    Don't get discouraged OP I asked the same question a few weeks ago. I found that a bedtime routine helped- bath, read story, nurse and rock her to sleep really helps. I still let her fuss a little- but don't let her "cry" cry. If she cries I go pick her up and keep her room dark.   Oh and white noise has helped tremendously! I put a humidifier on the dresser next to her crib.
     Everyone is suggesting that you read up more, but I read up and still felt confused as what to do, so dont get down on yourself. If you are on here obviously you are trying to find out info and what to do!!!  I understand people have strong opinions on things but there is a difference between giving people constructive advice and being nasty and trying to make people feel bad (ie haygurlhay has been personally nasty to me as well). Don't let people on here that are like that get to you!!!! We are all in the same boat 
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  • rcultronarcultrona member
    haygurlhay said:
    Wah wah @annerenee7. We are not all in the same boat. I am actually educated on how to take care of my child and people like you and OP think it's okay to let a 5 week old CIO. big difference there.
    Please show me where I said I thought t was OK to let him CIO...I must have deleted that part of my post.
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  • Annerenee7Annerenee7 member
    I appologize- we SHOULD all be in the same boat of trying to be supportive as mothers and help eachother out instead of just attacking and insulting one another. Just because you think you are so "well educated" doesn't make you smarter or a better mother than anyone else on here. I assure you that I am a wonderful mother and I don't need to read 100 books or attempt to belittle other moms on message boards to prove it. People are on here for advice and to vent- not to get into an "I'm a better mom than you" contest. Seems to me like you are just on here to cio because people in your life probably don't want to listen to you. 
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  • chevronsevenchevronseven member
    I agree with what many PP have said.  Fussing/complaining is different from crying.  If baby is just fussing then the book I've been reading (What to Expect in the First Year) says to wait a minute to see if they stop on their own, especially in the middle of the night because you picking them up might actually disturb their sleep unnecessarily.  It also says that with a colicky baby, it's ok to let them cry in their crib vs your arms for a little while to give yourself a break and keep yourself mentally healthy enough to care for them properly.  But actual crying in any other instance should definitely not be ignored even for a second at 5 weeks old, that's their only way of communicating with you!
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    Laura8388 said:

    I don't want to start a new thread, but am interested to hear others opinions on when it is ok to start letting LO CIO for a few minutes? (Like actually cry, not just fuss).

    I would guess around 6 months or so, but am a FTM so really have no idea and have read much conflicting advice.

    6 months. Have you read the book? If not, I suggest doing so before you attempt.
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  • Annerenee7Annerenee7 member
    Laura8388 I found this article helpful...
    https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/
    Good luck! 

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  • ReeChikuReeChiku member
    Wow. I can't believe you people. Most of you can't read and are rude as hell. Lucky for me, I know how to put you heifers on ignore.
    The OP clearly stated that she wasn't letting the baby cry just fuss. There is a difference and before you attack someone, why don't you read the thread. That's why I don't post on here. Let me go ahead and work my ignore function.
    I swear, this place needs a moderator.
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  • ReeChikuReeChiku member
    Hi Redhead.
    If you read, which apparently most of you don't, on page 1 the OP said she doesn't let him cry. She let's him fuss a little. She made a clarifying statement later on the page but most of you missed it since you were in a mad dash to tell her how much she sucks and needs to read a book or be a perfect mom like you all are.
    Secondly, I can post here or not at all. I don't have to explain it to you. Go have a seat. And take anyone else with something cute to say with you. Thanks :)
    RedheadBaker said:
    Wow. I can't believe you people. Most of you can't read and are rude as hell. Lucky for me, I know how to put you heifers on ignore.
    The OP clearly stated that she wasn't letting the baby cry just fuss. There is a difference and before you attack someone, why don't you read the thread. That's why I don't post on here. Let me go ahead and work my ignore function.
    I swear, this place needs a moderator.
    Um, no, the OP specifically mentioned letting the baby cry for 5 minutes before picking him/her up. You say this is why you don't post here, yet here you are ... posting here.

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  • CarmlvsjoseCarmlvsjose member
    I actually posted this question on another thread, but meant to post here.

    I completely understand that CIO is inappropriate when baby is young, but what do you do when you are driving and baby is crying in the back seat? Do you pull over to soothe each time he/she cries or do you keep going? I'm especially curious about what those of you who are adamant about not letting LO cry at all have to say about this.

    And I'm not asking to be a smart ass....I'm genuinely interested in your point of view.
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  • cagoldicagoldi member
    Laura8388 said:

    WashingtonQueen said:

    Laura8388 said:

    I don't want to start a new thread, but am interested to hear others opinions on when it is ok to start letting LO CIO for a few minutes? (Like actually cry, not just fuss).

    I would guess around 6 months or so, but am a FTM so really have no idea and have read much conflicting advice.

    Never. Babies should never be left to cry it out.
    Hi washingtonqueen,
    This is what I would like in theory! It breaks my heart to hear my little guy cry, but have heard many people use CIO method. I am a FTM and this is all new to me - hopefully I won't ever feel the need to use it :)
    I personally am not a fan of CIO, but my DS is too young anyway. We're reading No Cry Sleep Solution and will probably start with some of those methods. DH isn't amenable to CIO, either, so it helps that we're on the same page.

    Also, STTN is not some magical destination where all your sleep troubles are solved never to appear again.

    DS started STTN at 8 or 9 weeks. I was over the moon. Then he started rolling and we had to quit swaddling. We've been up at least 5 times a night since then. It's like the NB phase Part 2. Pretty sure we've also hit the 4 MW.

    I have some friends that have done Ferber, repeatedly, only to end up with a 4 1/2 year-old that still gets up 3-4 times each night.

    At a certain point, there is probably some value in helping your baby learn healthy sleep habits. But it's likely not in infancy and certainly not before 6 months, as mentioned by PP.

    They are going to have illnesses, cut teeth, reach developmental milestones, etc. that are going to interfere with their sleep for many months to come.

    Comfort your baby when they cry. You will be tired. You will likely never think to yourself that you should have let them continue to cry without any comfort measures.
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  • CarmlvsjoseCarmlvsjose member
    haygurlhay said:

    Carmlvsjose said:

    I actually posted this question on another thread, but meant to post here.

    I completely understand that CIO is inappropriate when baby is young, but what do you do when you are driving and baby is crying in the back seat? Do you pull over to soothe each time he/she cries or do you keep going? I'm especially curious about what those of you who are adamant about not letting LO cry at all have to say about this.

    And I'm not asking to be a smart ass....I'm genuinely interested in your point of view.

    @carmlvsjose: that is a completely different situation. In one instance (baby crying in the car) there is nothing you can do to stop the crying, you aren't just letting baby cry just to let them cry. In the other instance (CIO) you are letting baby cry to "train" them. It is intentional in that case.

    Do you see the difference?

    That totally makes sense. Thanks for the response.
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  • Littlemama01Littlemama01 member
    my experience (albeit limited) is that when my LO starts fussing in the night that is his precurser to crying..so usually I wait a minute or so, and if he doesn't stop I go in and stick his soother in..that settles him back down. Other times he's fussing cause he's farting, so I go in and rub his tummy and do infant massage to help with gas (YouTube it, it's a thing) until hes no longer farting, then nurse till he's drowsy (the farts wake him completely usually) and put back down.. To the PP who asked about when you are driving, no I don't pull over, I just hurry to get where I'm going then try and comfort him. I am against CIO when it comes to bed/nap time, but he cries sometimes in the car, in the bath, sometimes he'll start when I'm halfway through my shower and I don't hear it right away..sometimes he cries and I'm holding/comforting him..so I know he is safe in all those instances. I don't think being against CIO means your baby should never cry. ..honestly that's my interpretation but I'm a FTM too. I am not following a certain technique per say, just instinct. Sorry about the formatting, I'm on my iPad.
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  • umma4babesumma4babes member
    I think 5-10 minutes is too long to see if your LO can self-soothe at this age. I have a 3 year old as well, so there are times when I can't attend to my DD's crying for a couple minutes and even then she gets really really upset (she's normally easy going). Fussing is definitely different than crying though, and I let my DD fuss (she usually falls asleep after a few minutes) if I know her needs have been met.
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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited February 2014
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  • Angie2510Angie2510 member
    Thank you so much, rcultrona for having the guts to ask this question.  I also have been curious about how other mothers have personally dealt with their LO and your question got some great answers, and some not great ones...  :-/  My giant will be six weeks old tomorrow.  I was starting to feel bad that my little one started crying whenever I set him down.  I will give the Moby advice a try.  My LO is now over 8 lbs & I can finally put some good use to that shower gift!  But seriously, I am truly looking forward to him maturing!  I know he needs me to get there, and he needs me to be sane as well!  He did self-soothe himself to sleep in his crib once... between 3 and 4 weeks old... must have been a fluke.  He also rolled himself from tummy to back twice since birth... must have been a fluke as well.  I think that good parenting is all about balance and good judgement.  Lets all help each other find what is best for our individual situations.  No two children are alike, and no two families are alike.  We are each unique; and that is what makes humanity beautiful.  Okay, enough public diary & soap box.  "God bless us, everyone!" ~Little Tim, A Christmas Carol
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