How miserable before you reconsider your situation or seek professional help?

EgoCommaAlter · February 2014

I'm curious, though I would suspect most of you have better jobs (in terms of pay/level and suiting to your niche talents than I). I am feeling like I am on a hamster wheel with nothing to live for, and not a parent to my children. Can't figure out if it's just the commute (3 hrs a day in the car on average) or not. Financially, my going back to SAH isn't an option. I did it briefly, and it caused deep, irreparable damage with most of the people in my life.

Assume there is no support system, no friends ANYWHERE, and when I voice stress to ANYONE, the cost of my education is thrown back in my face. I'm still "new" to this area, which means I was lucky to get any job in the first place. Finding another can't happen.

mlee116 · February 2014

It sounds like you could use someone to talk to, so I would say you should definitely look into seeing a professional. Judging on your post, you are feeling somewhat hopeless in several areas of your life (work, financial, not being the type of parent you want to be). IMO, that merits some serious attention. I think at some point everyone feels miserable with certain aspects of their lives, but all of this at once could really take its toll on you, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Also, is there anything that you enjoy doing? Could you spend some time focusing on things that bring you happiness during your downtime?

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. There is almost nothing worse than being unhappy and feeling like there's no way to make it better!

EgoCommaAlter · February 2014

mlee116 said:
Also, is there anything that you enjoy doing? Could you spend some time focusing on things that bring you happiness during your downtime?

Of course. My dream is to have my own business doing it. It would take me a few years, longer than I have to bargain with, but I would be amazing at it. Sadly, "downtime" begins at midnight between work, home, and kids' demands (they're both in diapers). I'm an older mom with a chronic health issue, and that's not much time.

The bright part is of course, that unless I can get a therapist to lie and diagnose me with some severe mental illness (of the nature that would give someone grounds to try and take my kids, when I've been that X person would be better or Y person deserves them more) my insurance won't pay for therapy. And I can't afford out of pocket. God bless the USA.

emberlee3 · February 2014

Does your employer have any kind of assistance program? Do you belong to a church? Can you reach out to a mentor from a previous job or from school? It sounds like you really need a touchstone.

traveltheworld · February 2014

casey78 said:

I think the ladies above have given excellent advice. You don't have to weather this alone. If finances are a concern, consider seeking out services at a local non-profit or university-based counseling or psychology training clinic.

Yes, definitely try looking into that. I went through a time a few years back when I'd wake up and sit in bed and cry, first thing in the morning. That's when I knew I needed help. I took advantage of the fact that our law society pays for 6 free sessions and went. It definitely helped. Having that sympathetic ear really made a difference.

82Sonia · February 2014

Another poster mentioned an employee assistance program through work. I just called mine and they'll pay for 6 sessions with a therapist. See if that's an option for you. Otherwise, it's about $100 an hour where I live for a private practice MS. Sometimes they'll offer a cash discount if you don't have insurance to cover it.

You could also try a community mental health center (less expensive). I know they can seem sketchy but I guarantee the counselors are not. Not sure why you think you'd have to be diagnosed as completely crazy to get your insurance to cover it. Usually, you just need an actual diagnosis. Overshare here, but I was having some issues with anxiety (nothing major) but my counselor just needed a DSM diagnosis for billing and coding. I was diagnosed with panic disorder NOS (big whoop!) and it was completely covered.

Even if you have to pay some out of pocket, your sanity is worth a lot IMO.

Myaflowers · February 2014

I agree with the PP question about needing a 'serious' diagnosis in order to be covered by insurance. I'm not sure what type of insurance you have, but I am a mental health therapist in a doctors' office, and we just have to have an actual diagnosis code to use for billing purposes. It is usually no problem to come up with a diagnosis. If you are feeling helpless/hopeless and overwhelmed, a diagnosis shouldn't be a problem. Also, a lot of therapists in private practice are willing to see people for a reduced fee. Many would have a hard time turning someone away when they are suffering, even if they can't afford to pay much. It doesn't hurt to ask! Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

EgoCommaAlter · February 2014

82Sonia said:

. Not sure why you think you'd have to be diagnosed as completely crazy to get your insurance to cover it.

I came to that conclusion, because that's what two patient advocates and a customer service rep at my insurance company told me. Except I didn't say "completely crazy", but they won't pay unless there is a serious diagnosis like schizophrenia, bi-polar, suicide attempt, etc. I was warned that a social worker would be called in case of that diagnosis, which I can't afford. I don't mean to be snarky, but that isn't something I pulled out of my butt.

We don't have EAP at my company.

And see my other post - I'm earning in the 5 figures, with considerable room to grow and still be in the 5 figures. 2 kids in daycare. I'd have to put OOP treatment on a credit card.

82Sonia · February 2014

EgoCommaAlter said:

82Sonia said:

. Not sure why you think you'd have to be diagnosed as completely crazy to get your insurance to cover it.

I came to that conclusion, because that's what two patient advocates and a customer service rep at my insurance company told me. Except I didn't say "completely crazy", but they won't pay unless there is a serious diagnosis like schizophrenia, bi-polar, suicide attempt, etc. I was warned that a social worker would be called in case of that diagnosis, which I can't afford. I don't mean to be snarky, but that isn't something I pulled out of my butt.

We don't have EAP at my company.

And see my other post - I'm earning in the 5 figures, with considerable room to grow and still be in the 5 figures. 2 kids in daycare. I'd have to put OOP treatment on a credit card.

That seems so strange to me. It's like they are threatening you so they don't have to pay. So you have to have a very serious mental illness before they'll pay for treatment and if you do, they're going to call a social worker to monitor you? That's crap and I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Myaflowers · February 2014

What about seeing a psychiatrist (medical doctor) rather than a therapist? Your insurance may cover a psychiatrist just like any other specialist. Sometimes psychiatrists are able/willing to provide some brief supportive therapy to patients who aren't able to see a therapist. Also, there may be some very good therapists out there working for nonprofits where they accept 'donations' for services. There may also be counselors-in-training in a local Counselor Ed program where they see people for free and are typically well supervised by more experienced therapists.

emberlee3 · February 2014

To answer the title of your post, I would do both of those now. Your post itself and your replies emphasize the barriers you face in changing anything or getting help. You sound like you are suffering from major depression. Please talk to your doctor.

Myaflowers · February 2014

emberlee3 said:

To answer the title of your post, I would do both of those now. Your post itself and your replies emphasize the barriers you face in changing anything or getting help. You sound like you are suffering from major depression. Please talk to your doctor.

I agree that it sounds like Major Depression. If your insurance won't cover a psychiatrist, your regular doctor may be willing and able to write you a prescription for an antidepressant.

sweetsunnyc · February 2014

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. It sounds like your situation has lead you to feel very alone and hopeless. I have been there before and I am in no way judging, but there are two major indicators of depression. As PP's have mentioned, have you looked in to a church for free counseling? Are you close to a University where you live? The reason that I ask is because they may offer free counseling- The university that I work for offers a grad counseling program and the senior students see individuals for free to build practicum hours. These students are highly trained and offer a great service. Also, to say that a social worker would be called if you were diagnosed with bi-polar is completely false. Maybe a suicide attempt, but not bi-polar or depression. My BF has bi-polar, takes medication and works with a therapist and is the most wonderful mother and friend I have ever known. Unless you are a danger to your self or others, a psychologist would violate every law to report you to social services.

emberlee3 · February 2014

To clarify: I don't mean to imply that all your problems will be solved by seeing a doctor and taking medicine. What I mean is that depression clouds the brain and impairs your ability to cope and problem-solve in every day life. Treating depression will help you function and allow you to find creative solutions for your work and home life.

Primary care physicians diagnose and treat depression all the time. OBs diagnose and treat PPD. Do you have access to either of those?

Lilly&Co · February 2014

As far as seeing someone, if your husband or S/O came to you asking to help them get help, or your child? then why would you hesitate for your self. I am not going to even think of giving you a diagnosis via computer, but if your feel like you are stuck in a rut even, someone who is trained could be a good resource. You can look at a variety of possibilities. Life Coach, Counselors can be a social worker or psychologist.

Your first statement would lead me to believe you need to talk to someone. Please do not be self defeating by putting your self down and assume we have " our acts" together. I am sure many of us can relate that we are holding on by a thread a lot of the time and thats ok, but you need to let your self up for some air and let someone let you know its going to be ok. You can got to the APA for some recommendation, Magellan is the mental health insurance company associate to many insurances, look for sliding scale,. - Just wanted you to know your are not alone - we all struggle in one way or another …

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