Do you snoop though SO's phone?

flyingsaucer · February 2014

flyingsaucer · February 2014

*through*

Eleventy11 · February 2014

I sometimes go through his phone...not because I think he's doing something shady, I'm just nosey. He forgets to tell me stuff most of the time, and that's how I figure stuff out.
ETA: He usually knows when I'm doing it because I do it in front of him.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

People deserve basic privacy, even in marriage. If it's a trust thing, your issues are bigger than a phone or a FB profile.

flyingsaucer · February 2014

Had a debate with a friend. Her H keeps checking her phone. She feels it is a violation of their trust (like he is "checking up on her"). I was just curious as to the opinions of others...

WasNotWas · February 2014

@justAphase said:
Well if they tell you to do it, it's not snooping.

Can you urban define it for me love?

WasNotWas · February 2014

missyishere · February 2014

I keep reading snooped oggy doooog.

flyingsaucer · February 2014

Snoop = without knowledge or permission of phone owner

WasNotWas · February 2014

^^@kgopel, but sneeze pooping tho

flyingsaucer · February 2014

WasNotWas said:

^^@kgopel, but sneeze pooping tho

Better definition... lol and gross :P

flyingsaucer · February 2014

@thisisbrea I would be creeped out if I found out H was "regularly" checking my phone. I think your partner should be able to use/borrow your phone without an issue... But a man constantly checking his wife's phone is a sign of something bigger... IMHO (I also had an ex that was insanely jealous and ended up being a violent creepy stalker, so my opinions can be a bit biased)

Karadee1 · February 2014

Yes I snoop, though frequency has gone way down since we got married last year. That also coincides with when I started treatment for anxiety problems, I'm pretty sure my need to snoop is a risidual effect of my anxiety issues. I hate that I do it, I always feel so dirty after I do and own up to it.

Fwiw my husband and I have a great relationship and he has never given me a reason to not trust him. Its all my issues.

taggiecb · February 2014

kgopel said:

@thisisbrea I would be creeped out if I found out H was "regularly" checking my phone. I think your partner should be able to use/borrow your phone without an issue... But a man constantly checking his wife's phone is a sign of something bigger... IMHO (I also had an ex that was insanely jealous and ended up being a violent creepy stalker, so my opinions can be a bit biased)

I said yes, because we do this. I guess it was a reading/understanding fail on my part.

flyingsaucer · February 2014

She is upset but thinks "most people do it".

Unknown · February 2014

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casholmes · February 2014

Well we only have one phone so it's not really 'his'. But I will look through all the texts though. I don't know that he notices or cares.

Monkeybabe · February 2014

No. I don't ever really come in contact with his phone unless I'm answering it or checking a text message for him, because he's driving, or when I'm prying it out of our child's hands.

portentosa · February 2014

I'm a SS because DH has NEVER owned a cell phone.... ever, and he's very proud of this fact. It doesn't stop him from using my phone when we are out together though. *eyeroll*

I don't snoop his laptop at all, does that count?

jackson290721 · February 2014

No.
Although I did get scolded by one of his coworkers for "snooping"

Apparently texting for my husband while he is driving, makes me a nosey bitch. /:)

LinnyAnne10 · February 2014

Every once in a while I do.. before deployment I found out (by the girl's husband) that they were texting and sending sexual pictures to each other ( oh and said girl was H ex wife) So now that he is home from deployment I do look through his phone check messages and facebook. He knows I do. And I told him he's free to do the same to me. I feel that I have to because that whole texting thing went on for a year before I found out. We have worked through it. And agreed that no locking the phones and we can check whenever we feel like it.

SpaceGirlSpiff · February 2014

Nope.

BluepointToasted · February 2014

haygurlhay said:
I don't snoop but occasionally will ask to see it and he will hand it over. This was an agreed upon stipulation due to past breaches of trust.

Yeah, this. He knows I look sometimes. It's very rare nowadays, was much more frequent a year ago

Rach7170 · February 2014

No, Never. That is something I would NEVER do unless there was mounting evidence of infidelity and I needed to protect myself and use the info to get the fuck out of my marriage. Otherwise, it is wrong and terrible to snoop through anything. People deserve privacy even in a marriage.

taggiecb · February 2014

On the other side of it though, if I wanted to use DH's phone, and he got upset with me for invading his privacy, I would be suspicious that he had something to hide.

Giraffealaff · February 2014

Um, no. I don't understand why there would be a need to go through his phone, and I feel like if there *WAS* a reason, then instead of snooping, my time would be better spent in marriage counseling.

Unknown · February 2014

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NeneCakies · February 2014

DH set up his phone so my finger print can unlock it and I know the pass code (and vice versa). It's not an invitation to snoop but it's not exactly private property either.

If his phone is closer I might pick it up to use the calculator or do a google search. I may look for pics of DD I don't have while I'm in there.

Only once ages ago did I stumble upon an email from an ex on his laptop and read it. He told me she had made contact though and I didn't want the details (I mean I did, but I didn't KWIM) so I was more careful to avoid his email.

missymo · February 2014

I've looked through his phone before out of pure boredom. I don't think of it as snooping because he could care less.

thetheisens · February 2014

We would never have to "snoop" through each other's phones. I have nothing to hide from him and he has nothing from me. If he wanted to look then it would be NBD and same with him. I agree that there are more issues going on if you feel the need to snoop. We have an open phone, FB, email policy, but that's our thing. I never feel the need to check up on him though. The only time I look at stuff on his phone is when he asks me to.

secretsout · February 2014

I've never snooped on his phone, email, or anything. Sometimes I ask him what he's doing or who he's talking to, just to make conversation and because I'm nosy, but not for any real reason. He never looks on mine either. He apparently has no interest in what I do or who I talk to, lol.

I have friends who are a couple who are always checking each others messages and it never leads to anything good. First, they are looking because they don't trust each other and are trying to get information; second, they always find things they wish they hadn't and/or that they misinterpret.

I think phone snooping points to bigger issues.

Unknown · February 2014

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klondikebar · February 2014

DH has an ancient flip phone with what I assume are boring texts to me, DD and SIL. I have no reason to snoop in that relic;)

Unknown · February 2014

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kmm2150 · February 2014

DH and I regularly look at each other's texts and answer texts for each other in the sense of "hey I'm getting in the shower, if mom texts me tell her I'll be there in an hour," etc. We will scroll through each others facebooks because we both have random crazy people that are entertaining. I log in to his email to find confirmation numbers for things - I think these are all things that neither of us sees as off limits or private from the other. Around the holidays we will put out "don't read my texts/emails" warnings to prevent seeing gift-related messages.

I realize this is not snooping. I guess just saying it's something that's not private for us and I don't feel like we are "checking" on each other, that's just the way we use technology.

wiggyslilsis · February 2014

haygurlhay said:
I don't snoop but occasionally will ask to see it and he will hand it over. This was an agreed upon stipulation due to past breaches of trust.

This is us as well. I chose No, never because he gives me his phone to look through. I don't sneak a look when he leaves the room.

Maebb · February 2014

It would bother me if DH felt the need to regularly go through my phone. I have nothing to hide, but I would just feel like he has bigger trust or control issues if he needs to go through my phone. But I do understand if someone has been hurt before why they'd want to do that.

I picked SS because I don't snoop through DH's phone, but if he gets a text or email, I'll glance over (without unlocking his phone or picking it up) because I'm nosy and want to know who it is.

Neither one of us password protects our phone, and sometimes we'll get on the other person's phone if one of us is driving and needs the other person to respond to an email or look up something, so there's a lot of trust and transparency there. But we don't just pick up the other person's phone and start going through their texts and emails or something like that.

BluepointToasted · February 2014

SunnyDays26 said:

I look through DH's phone. I also have access to his email and FB. I don't consider it snooping since I know he's aware I do this. With everything that has happened I find it necessary to see for myself if he's living up to his word. It's hard when you've been lied to and had trust broken. It's not so easy to just ask him/ believe that someone has stopped certain behaviors. I have noticed that the more I've looked and found him to be truthful the less I feel like looking.

Well said. Especially last sentence (I would bold it if I wasn't so internet illiterate). This transparency has been key in re-building. That said, I never in a million years would have snooped before. Wish I would have.

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