Ferberizers

macncheese0712 · February 2014

I'm at the end of my rope. Every time I think DS' sleep can't get any worse, it does. Right now he's waking about 15 times per night. He will not go back to sleep without nursing and about half the time, he wakes immediately upon being put down and we start all over again. On a bad night (a few times a week,) I spend the entire night in the rocker with him re-latching every 15 minutes. It's been this bad for weeks now. Before he would wake every 1-2 hours which was hard, but more manageable. We tried co-sleeping, but he is unable to latch correctly in side lying position. I find myself praying for him to sleep just one consecutive hour. I have taken him to the pedi. He is healthy and not cutting teeth. We did unswaddle several weeks ago. We have since tried to go back to it with no luck.

I bought Ferber's book and have started reading. Wondering if anyone has used his methods for cutting out night feeds? Before I get flamed, I'm not trying to fully night wean. DH and I have agreed that ideally we would like to get down to 3 full feedings a night.

Does anyone have any advice? We have a quiet bedtime routine in place. At wake ups DH goes in first and tries to settle LO for 5-10 minutes before I come in. Aside from starting sleep training, I'm totally at a loss for what to do. I feel like I can't go on much longer with 30 minutes of sleep here and there.

TL;DR: I need some advice from those who used Ferber to help with excessive waking and feeding.

Altima80 · February 2014

How much does LO eat during the day?

When you soothe LO, do you pick him up or just run his tummy while still in crib? I found picking mine up was too much stimulation and he'd get even more mad.

Have you tried white noise?

jackson290721 · February 2014

I would keep trying the side lying position. I know I had a ton of difficulty with it at first, so did DD. But one night I just could not sit up, I was so freaking tired, and DD figured it out. Now she will wake up and ferociously move my boob around until she finds nipple.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

macncheese0712 · February 2014

LO nurses every 1.5-3 hours during the day in addition to 3 solid meals. My supply is good and he has gained 2.5 lbs in the last month.

When DH comes in, he puts his hand on the mattress and gently jiggles it. If LO is screaming, he picks him up.

Our problem with side lying is that he can get on okay, but his latch is super shallow. Last time we tried I completely passed out without paying attention to it, and I ended up in pain for days afterward. In the early days I nursed with a shield. I've thought about using it to obtain a better latch while lying down.

macncheese0712 · February 2014

We also run white noise constantly in LO's room. I've tried recording myself singing his favorite lullabies and playing it on loop to no avail.

martyn17 · February 2014

Can your husband soothe LO at all? If T wakes and she's eaten less than 3 hours ago, I send DH in to soothe her. If he tries for 30 minutes and is unsuccessful, then either I go in or we bring her to bed. What about a pacifier or a bottle that your husband can use so you get a break?

We haven't tried the Ferber method but your situation sounds so difficult! No flames from me at all.

dliz87 · February 2014

LO is no longer EBF, but I'll tell you what we did.

Bedtime routine of lotion, pjs, bedtime story, bottle (and or BF) song, crib. LO put in crib not fully asleep. We now use a paci (wubbanub) once in crib. Stand there and soothe, but not pick up unless really crying as opposed to fussing. Leave, back in every 5 minutes until LO falls asleep. This is only done during a time without milestones/ sickness. If she needs us, we meet her needs.
She still wakes up 2-5 times a night, depending. For the past few days, it has only been once or twice a night and we offer a bottle around the midnight wake up as well as BF. During her other wake ups I BF.

PM me if you have any questions since I bump on mobile and don't really receive notifications. GL momma no matter what you decide! Hugs.

UTQT09 · February 2014

We aren't sleeping well either so I don't really have advice, just wanted to say I feel for ya and send hugs/ sleepy dust your way

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grapeskittles4lyfe · February 2014

No real suggestions from me, either, just big hugs and also a suggestion to use the NCSS method. I've heard good things about it.

Is LO too big for a bassinet-type thing that attaches to the side of your bed? That way you won't have to get up when he's hungry.

Does he really eat at night, or is it more of a comfort suck? Maybe you can give him something to soothe himself with that's not attached to your body

What kind of night ritual do you have with him, and how are his naps during the day?

Karebear6978 · February 2014

My daughter Wes doing similar to this, waking up at least every hour and wouldn't go back to sleep unless she was fed (even though I know she wasn't hungry) dh and I talked about CIO because many moms suggested it but I just didn't know how to know if she was waking up just for company or if she was hungry so I couldn't bring myself to do it. One night we went to bed and i didn't get woken up till 7am! I thought omg this cant be real. My dh then told me she had woken up at 2am but since I didn't get out of bed he thought I had decided to CIO. He said she cried for less than 10min and passed back out. We decided that since it had started we should finish. So the next night we did it again. She cried for less than 5min. The next night 30sec and now she never wakes up and cries and we are getting 7-8hrs of sleep. I know it isn't for everyone but I'm so thankful for that night I was so tired I didn't hear her (even though I felt so guilty the whole next day). Good luck mamma and sleep WILL come one day

macncheese0712 · February 2014

Thank you all for your responses! I am super lucky to have a DH who is willing to get up for every wake up. Unfortunately DS basically screams until he gets nursed. We probably need to just let DH continue to rock or pat even if LO protests.

Man I wish babies were delivered with a trouble shooting guide!

Linzbut113083 · February 2014

Dd was waking about every hour for weeks - i would nurse each time, but it was ridiculous because half the time she wasnt hungry and i was too delirious to bounce her to sleep. And when i put her down she would wake right up. We needed sleep and sanity. Started on a friday morning with naps, no swaddle and in her crib, from the swing. Did the checks, and ended naps after 30 min if she was still up. Waited 45ish min and tried the nap again.
The first night was miserable but she was worn out from the day so it could have been worse. Its so hard listening to the crying. However, that one night of crying really minimized her overall crying. Surprisingly it has helped with car rides. I think some of her problems were separation anxiety.
For naps now she goes down awake and is sleeping in minutes. She is still only taking 30 min naps for the most part. At nighttime she is up 1-2 times where i change diaper and nurse.
If you do it, you have to stick with it. On day 3, dont give up. Dont throw in the towel too early or you will have to go back to page one and start over. Its not fair to you or your baby if you do that.

flkong · February 2014

I used Ferber and it was a sanity saver in my house. There was a thread last week about this. I'm going to find it for you when I'm not mobile (an hour).

PrimRoseMama · February 2014

We tried Ferber without success with DD. This sounds like a growth spurt. I know it doesn't help, but I would wait to sleep train.

macncheese0712 · February 2014

PrimRoseMama said:
We tried Ferber without success with DD. This sounds like a growth spurt. I know it doesn't help, but I would wait to sleep train.

Kelly Mom says most growth spurts last 2-3 days with some being up to a week. This has been going on for upwards of 3 weeks. Even before this he was waking to eat every 1-2 hours. The fact that he wakes so frequently even just a few minutes after eating makes me think that nursing has become a strong sleep association for him which was fine until he started to develop object permanence.

KateJuly2013 · February 2014

I second working on side lying latch. Work on it during the day when you are more alert and able to teach him better.

Also, lots and lots of hugs. And sleep fairy dust. And wine.

flkong · February 2014

Liz, have u ever tried Ferber?

NewbieMomie · February 2014

Gosh I feel for you. A few thoughts (just thoughts)

DD didn't respond well to our kind of ferberizing (let her cry for 5 minutes before we went in to soothe, then upped it to 8- we couldn't do any longer). She is a stubborn one.

I posted a few weeks ago about sleep issues bc I couldn't take it. Someone suggested NCSS which we took bits and pieces of to help us. Also Hilaboo and some numbers (sorry!) suggested using a fleece sleep sack instead of a cotton one and boy has that made a huge difference!

I know KellyMom says 2-3 days. I call Bs (and I love her site). L was in a sleep regression/growth spirt/ hell for 18 days. Yes I counted. It was awful.

All the sleep dust to you and it will get better. There's very few grown adults who still sleep with their mamas so there's hope for us!

Lelo2006 · February 2014

Do you have a consistent bedtime and bedtime routine? Are you putting him down too late/overtired? Is he napping during the day? All of these things contribute to a good night's sleep.

I liked the Sleepeasy solution. It was an easy read. I haven't night weaned yet, but he's waking between 1-2 times a night, so not bad.

flkong · February 2014

This is the thread from last week on Ferber. There's good info from both sides.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/79927582

macncheese0712 · February 2014

Lelo2006 said:
Do you have a consistent bedtime and bedtime routine? Are you putting him down too late/overtired? Is he napping during the day? All of these things contribute to a good night's sleep.

I liked the Sleepeasy solution. It was an easy read. I haven't night weaned yet, but he's waking between 1-2 times a night, so not bad.

I think the only thing that is slightly less than consistent is we bathe every other day. Perhaps we could start daily. Routine starts at 6:45. He falls asleep nursing between 7:15 and 7:30.

Naps are hard. He wakes basically as soon as I set him down. He will sleep if I hold him, which I usually do because I believe sleep begets sleep. I'm sure this is becoming a bad cycle, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. If I could get him to fall asleep in his crib, I think it would solve a lot of problems.

I will check out the Sleep Easy Solution.

Thank you!

macncheese0712 · February 2014

Thank you for all your responses!
Trying to answer all your questions- LO has never had any interest in a pacifier, but we did intro a lovie.

flkong · February 2014

@cnettles86 I know you asked for info from people who tried Ferber. I doubt if anyone flames you so don't worry. I think the board has gotten pass that and accept that some opt to use ST methods.

Read that link. Good luck, it's tough. You can PM me if you have questions.

@liz ygpm in 5 minutes.

mandyrator79 · February 2014

I agree that between 6-7 months was really, really hard sleep wise. my girl made me sleep sitting up until about three weeks ago. we now co-sleep, she still wakes up often but it's so amazing to be laying down in a bed again after 7 months of sleeping sitting up. before that every time I tried anything besides me sitting up she threw a fit. I do agree that you should work on getting him to learn to nurse while laying down next to you. Nadia could/would not do it until three weeks ago. I started with nap times and even sometimes when she was awake. after two days of working on it a little I was able to do it at night as well. Goodluck, I know how hard it is to be stuck sleeping sitting up.

Lelo2006 · February 2014

CNettles86 said:

Lelo2006 said:
Do you have a consistent bedtime and bedtime routine? Are you putting him down too late/overtired? Is he napping during the day? All of these things contribute to a good night's sleep.

I liked the Sleepeasy solution. It was an easy read. I haven't night weaned yet, but he's waking between 1-2 times a night, so not bad.
I think the only thing that is slightly less than consistent is we bathe every other day. Perhaps we could start daily. Routine starts at 6:45. He falls asleep nursing between 7:15 and 7:30.

Naps are hard. He wakes basically as soon as I set him down. He will sleep if I hold him, which I usually do because I believe sleep begets sleep. I'm sure this is becoming a bad cycle, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. If I could get him to fall asleep in his crib, I think it would solve a lot of problems.

I will check out the Sleep Easy Solution.

Thank you!

The problem might be that he can't get back to sleep without the boob. You should check out the No Cry Sleep Solution as well. My kid would scream whether or not I was holding him/wouldn't take a paci either, so Sleepeasy worked for us.

Good luck and so sorry you're dealing with this

.

Stina2012 · February 2014

Just chiming in that 6-7 months was brutal sleep wise for us as well. Hang in there! We had her in a Merlin suit, but now she's in a regular sleep sack. She goes down on her side and rolls to her tummy. Maybe it's the tummy sleeping, but she's up maybe 2 times a night lately. We also give Tylenol in the middle of the night if she won't settle because we know she's teething.

Big hug and lots of coffee!

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